pre-dawn running
So, usually I update if there is something in particular I wish to write about, but there isn't this time. Nothing specific to bitch about, although I always find something don't I? Nothing exceptionally good happened yet, I just felt like updating, felt like writing just for the sake of doing so. And so I don't get tired. For the last, I think, 2 or 2 and a half days I've been functioning on about 4 hours of sleep. Which I think is great, I don't know why, but I like it. I can't say I'm no a morning person, I enjoy mornings quite thoroughly, I just happen to like the night more, so I stay up late and thus, sleep through the morning. But the morning is very different from the rest of the day, maybe just because I'm not used to it. It's a different kind of quite from night, it's not tense, if your up early, you get to watch and hear the world wake up, and thats a very comforting feeling. Probably the most peaceful moment I've had in quite a long time, my only regret being as I had no one to share it with but my dog, which I don't really mind that much at all. The crisp morning air and mist and slight chill I feel and see and smell while sitting on a swing-seat in my backyard is...relaxing. Nothing is wrong in the world during those moments, even if its only 15 minutes. It's beautiful, all solutions are only temporary right? Yeah. My legs hurt, I was running. It got to be about 4:30-ish this morning and I wasn't getting tired so I decided I would go for a run. It was very nice. Very pleasant. I'm out of shape, but the burn in my calves from running on the balls of my feet forthe fist time in however long is a welcome pain. I think I might like mornings and the burn in my legs because it makes it very easy for me to realize and to see how alive I am. Which is of course a good thing for me to realize. I would remain alive if for no other reason than to sit up some mornings and listen to things begin there day. I am currently very aware of my being alive. I like it, I don't know if I feel less alive other times, I don't think I do, I think its just a different part of me being a live at night in particular. That part of me gets to feel alive all the time, and I like it, but it nice to change pace every now and then ya know? I'm also feeling surprisingly optimistic. It doens't matter to me at all right now that things might not work out how I want them to because I am aware that it is just as possible for things to end up exactly how I want them to. I guess I'm just either being very realistic right now or looking on the bright side or something. Truth be told I don't care what I'm being, I feel pretty good. All the people I like, I like them more right now. All the people I don't like right now, I feel no bitterness or hostility towards them. All throughout my life there has been a list of people, short or long, that I felt I could live a good deal of my life with. And lately, I have been more happy and more pleased about that list than I ever have before. It's very encouraging, even if these people would not spend any more time with me than they had to, it wouldn't matter. Right now I want everyone on the planet to know exactly how I feel about them, and I mean that in a good way. I of course want the people I don't like to know exactly how I feel about them too, but that can wait. If someone I cared about called me right now and asked me how I really felt about them, I would be extatic to tell them the devil's honest truth and be very happy and feel releived about it and I'm sure they would be surprised as well, in a good way I hope, I also get the feeling some people would be freaked out and never want to talk to me again, but they'd know, and I'd know they know, so there wouldn't be anything left for it, and it seems like it would be a great weight off my soul. I don't know why I don't feel this way more often. Maybe I should sleep less. I can only hope it lasts. Hold that pose, earth, *click*. There. So someday I can tell myself, "See? there are times like that, that stuff really happens." and I'll actually beleive me.