Missed opportunities
Back when I was still with Chicago Flame, I met a girl. It wasn't love at first sight - to be honest, when we first met, I actually found her to be rather plain. But after a few months of working together... Something happened. A little worm of an idea - she really has really beautiful eyes, doesn't she - made it's way into my brain and spread. She was dating someone else at the time, so I didn't say anything. I mean, if I did say something, it would just make things needlessly awkward. But, to be honest, part of me still wanted to impress her. Quite a few of my feature articles came into existence because I wanted to show her just how well I could write. But, like I said, she was dating someone, so that went absolutely nowhere.
Fast-forward about a year and a half. I joined Facebook (ironically enough, because of another girl (which seems to be a very odd trend when it comes to me and social networks)). We started talking again. By that point, I wasn't really sure how I felt about her. I haven't seen her in a while, and I wasn't sure if my feelings were real feelings or just memories. So I met with her. I wanted to see whether or not I would still feel the same way if I met her in person.
Well, it turned out that I did.
At the same time, I really enjoyed our discussion. I enjoyed hanging out with her in general. Much as I wanted to get together with her, I also wanted us to be friends. And I felt that if I ask her out and get rejected, we wouldn't be friends anymore and I wasn't sure I was ready for that.
So I wavered. I argued with myself back and forth over and over again, and ultimately did nothing.
Yet, as more time passed, the more I came to realize that if I wasn't going to ask her out, someone else will. Sure, I might get rejected and we wouldn't be able to stay friends, but at least I would have tried.
I wanted to ask her out in person, so I tried to meet with her again. Except, for one reason or another, it never seemed to work out.
And now, I found out that she was, in fact, dating someone else again.
When Lore told me she was dating someone else, it was a punch in the gut, but I knew her for less than a month by that point, so I didn't feel nearly as harsh this one.
Of course, Lore and I did eventually get together. I could hope that history would repeat itself. But thing about that I didn't hold out for her then. While I still had feelings for her, I tried my best not to dwell on them. I tried my best not to think of her in that way. I did not hold out for her. So, when she said that she developed feelings for me, I was genuinely caught off guard. And I did have second thoughts. Lots of them.
Bottom line is, no, I am not going to dwell on it. I am not going to wait for her relationship to fail. I am going to wish her the best, because, at the end, it's the only thing I can really do. The only decent thing I can do.
Still, I might just hide her Facebook messages for a while. To borrow a Russian expression, there is no need to pour salt on those wounds.
There. I feel a little better now. Facebook may be great at sending messages, but boy is writing in Livejournal cathartic.
Fast-forward about a year and a half. I joined Facebook (ironically enough, because of another girl (which seems to be a very odd trend when it comes to me and social networks)). We started talking again. By that point, I wasn't really sure how I felt about her. I haven't seen her in a while, and I wasn't sure if my feelings were real feelings or just memories. So I met with her. I wanted to see whether or not I would still feel the same way if I met her in person.
Well, it turned out that I did.
At the same time, I really enjoyed our discussion. I enjoyed hanging out with her in general. Much as I wanted to get together with her, I also wanted us to be friends. And I felt that if I ask her out and get rejected, we wouldn't be friends anymore and I wasn't sure I was ready for that.
So I wavered. I argued with myself back and forth over and over again, and ultimately did nothing.
Yet, as more time passed, the more I came to realize that if I wasn't going to ask her out, someone else will. Sure, I might get rejected and we wouldn't be able to stay friends, but at least I would have tried.
I wanted to ask her out in person, so I tried to meet with her again. Except, for one reason or another, it never seemed to work out.
And now, I found out that she was, in fact, dating someone else again.
When Lore told me she was dating someone else, it was a punch in the gut, but I knew her for less than a month by that point, so I didn't feel nearly as harsh this one.
Of course, Lore and I did eventually get together. I could hope that history would repeat itself. But thing about that I didn't hold out for her then. While I still had feelings for her, I tried my best not to dwell on them. I tried my best not to think of her in that way. I did not hold out for her. So, when she said that she developed feelings for me, I was genuinely caught off guard. And I did have second thoughts. Lots of them.
Bottom line is, no, I am not going to dwell on it. I am not going to wait for her relationship to fail. I am going to wish her the best, because, at the end, it's the only thing I can really do. The only decent thing I can do.
Still, I might just hide her Facebook messages for a while. To borrow a Russian expression, there is no need to pour salt on those wounds.
There. I feel a little better now. Facebook may be great at sending messages, but boy is writing in Livejournal cathartic.