"Maybe I'm being presumptuous" - the not-quite-family bonds
This is a conversation I meant to write about months ago, but somehow never found the time and the right headspace to finish it, so I am backdating this post closer to when it actually happened.
For the past few years, Grandpa Gena P. and I have Skyped, almost without fail, every Sunday morning Chicago time (Sunday evening St. Petersburg time).
Grandpa Gena is my dad's father, so annanov and vladiatorr aren't related to him at all. But, unlike many other relatives on my dad's side, he has always taken interest in their well-being. I think the big part of it is that he simply saw them more, and he has fond memories of little kids he used to see when he visited me. Without fail, he always asks how they are doing, and how my nieces are doing.
A few weeks ago, we ended up talking about Anna, and my childhood, and Grandpa Gena just point-blank asked:
"She doesn't remember me at all, does she?"
And, since, a week earlier, we had a conversation about being honest with each other and not hiding upleasant truths (but that's a whole other tangent), I answered honestly:
"Not really. Sorry, Grandpa."
"That's okay," he responded. "Anna and Vlad were so little back then." then he looked on thoughtfully. "You know, it may be presumptuous of me... but I've been thinking. You are my grandson, and Anna is your sister. That means something, you know. There is a connection. Even though we're not related by blood or anything like that, I'd like to think that means something."
I felt a whole storm of emotions. I thought back to the time Grandma Tanya told me, in her typical blunt way "you realize that I don't care less about [your siblings] at all, right?" and how much that stung. Sure, they weren't related to her at all, and her feelings about my mom and my parents' divorce has enough material for multiple posts, but I just remember thinking that Anna and Vlad were my siblings, and they mattered to me, and didn't that mean anything? Or how my great-grandparents on my dad's side barely acknowledged I had any siblings on my mom's side. And, how, while my family tree has multiple splitting branches and too many grudges, as a little kid, part of me just wished that everybody would get along.
"But, like I said," Grandpa Gena's words interrupted that stream of thoughts, "maybe I'm being presumptuous."
"I don't think you're being presumptuous at all," I replied. "I like to think it means something, too."
I don't know how Anna - or, for that matter, Vlad - would take that. What they know about Grandpa Gena comes from my stories, and that's no substitute for knowing him in person.
But however they may feel... It meant a lot to me.
For the past few years, Grandpa Gena P. and I have Skyped, almost without fail, every Sunday morning Chicago time (Sunday evening St. Petersburg time).
Grandpa Gena is my dad's father, so annanov and vladiatorr aren't related to him at all. But, unlike many other relatives on my dad's side, he has always taken interest in their well-being. I think the big part of it is that he simply saw them more, and he has fond memories of little kids he used to see when he visited me. Without fail, he always asks how they are doing, and how my nieces are doing.
A few weeks ago, we ended up talking about Anna, and my childhood, and Grandpa Gena just point-blank asked:
"She doesn't remember me at all, does she?"
And, since, a week earlier, we had a conversation about being honest with each other and not hiding upleasant truths (but that's a whole other tangent), I answered honestly:
"Not really. Sorry, Grandpa."
"That's okay," he responded. "Anna and Vlad were so little back then." then he looked on thoughtfully. "You know, it may be presumptuous of me... but I've been thinking. You are my grandson, and Anna is your sister. That means something, you know. There is a connection. Even though we're not related by blood or anything like that, I'd like to think that means something."
I felt a whole storm of emotions. I thought back to the time Grandma Tanya told me, in her typical blunt way "you realize that I don't care less about [your siblings] at all, right?" and how much that stung. Sure, they weren't related to her at all, and her feelings about my mom and my parents' divorce has enough material for multiple posts, but I just remember thinking that Anna and Vlad were my siblings, and they mattered to me, and didn't that mean anything? Or how my great-grandparents on my dad's side barely acknowledged I had any siblings on my mom's side. And, how, while my family tree has multiple splitting branches and too many grudges, as a little kid, part of me just wished that everybody would get along.
"But, like I said," Grandpa Gena's words interrupted that stream of thoughts, "maybe I'm being presumptuous."
"I don't think you're being presumptuous at all," I replied. "I like to think it means something, too."
I don't know how Anna - or, for that matter, Vlad - would take that. What they know about Grandpa Gena comes from my stories, and that's no substitute for knowing him in person.
But however they may feel... It meant a lot to me.