2020 in review - not much blogging this year
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This is about what I expected. One would think that a pandemic unlike any other in living memory would give me more to write about, but...
For the past eight years, I've often commented that when your work involves writing, it's not easy to do more writing in your spare time. With the pandemic, I've been working less, but my stress has skyrocketed. And, in times of stress, forcing oneself to do work that results in money is easier than forcing oneself to do any other writing. The fact that I've had to move just as the stay-at-home order was taking effect.
As I've commented before, I used to take a certain comfort in knowing that, as bad as things may get, at least it's not the collapse of the Soviet Union bad. The COVID-19 pandemic hasn't quite reached it yet. For thing, unlike the collapse, when it felt like things kept getting worse and worse with no end in site, there is an end in sight - it's just the question of when it will arrive. But this is the closest than I've ever expected to experience within my lifetime. It reawakened some fears and stirred memories that have long been buried. The spring was especially bad in that regard, but I would be lying if I said that those old childhood fears don't haunt me.
It feels like, as a defense mechanism, my psyche has numbed itself to shock. Things that would have freaked me out in any other circumstances feel more muted.
I didn't really get any creative writing done until May. And while I've had plenty of ideas for blog posts, it has been hard to muster up the will to actually do the hard work of typing it all out. Though, now that I am typing it, I'm reminded why I'm still using Livejournal in the final hours of 2020 - there is something uniquely cathartic about using this platform.
Thinking back on it, it seems that stress has loomed large over a lot of what I did. And yes, I know I'm hardly unique in that respect, but just from my own, personal perspective, I had to push myself a lot harder just to apply for work, to look for freelance gigs, to follow up on things. It is a battle, ladies and gentlefolks, and one that I don't have much choice but to keep fighting.
So I'm going to push myself harder. Even if I don't always succeed, I have to keep trying.
As mount_oregano pointed out in her LJ, the image LJ chose to use for this end of the year graphic is especially appropos.
Happy New Year, Livejournal and other social networks from whence you came. May we never have another year like this within our lifetimes.