2019 End of the Year Round-Up - the year of near burn-out
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#2019
I didn't need the end of the year infographic to tell me that I haven't really been livejournaling a whole lot in 2019. I've been very conscious of it, especially in the last few months.
If there is any way to sum up the past year, it's the Year of Running Dangerously Close to burning out. Last March, I lost my regular gig with Cook County Chronicle. Since then, in June, they reached out to me asking me to do some writing for them again, and they invited me to pitch - but it's less of a regular thing. So a lot of the time has been spent trying to figure out way to fill in what used to be a fairly steady piece of the jigsaw puzzle of paychecks that is my income. Lots of living from paycheck from paycheck, borrowing money from my mom to tide me over until the paychecks come in far more times than I would have liked... All while I became increasingly conscious of the fact that my rent and, to lesser extent, some other costs of living keep going up, while my earnings have actually gone down since the thing with the Tribune happened. All while I kept thinking how some better-paying assignments (Streetsblog Chicago, Cook County Chronicle and, to the lesser extent, Gazette Chicago) take around the same time and effort to finish as my lower-paying assignments (Austin Weekly News, Wednesday Journal, Village Free Press, Palatine Journal). It says something about how City Bureau Documenters' program, which basically pays you to take notes, pays more than feature articles I'd done for Austin Weekly News.
Over the last two months, I got more work on Wednesday Journal side, temporarily filling in for a stringer who is recovering from surgery. But even there, I found that I can't take too much more work - as I've discovered before, there are only so many articles I can do on any given week before it starts taking a mental toll. Staggering them reduces the problem, but doesn't entirely eliminates it. On the second week of December, I tried to take as many articles as possible (because Christmas and New Years weeks tend to be slow weeks, and many freelancers try to load up on stuff during busier periods to compensate for that), and that nearly killed me.
Even on the more regular weeks, I wind up cutting dangerously close to my limit. And the more I do it, the more I feel like this is hurting the quality of my work. The more articles I have to do, the less time I have to give articles the attention they deserve. I have less time to call people, follow up on leads, interview people. When my editor at Austin Weekly News complained that I don't use that many sources, I was so badly wanted to say "you don't pay me enough for that kind of quality work."
And this does spill into my other areas of life. I have less energy to blog. I feel like, a lot of times, the only reason why I got any creative writing done is because writing groups and open mics impose deadlines. And while there is something to be said about just using Livejournal to vent, writing takes mental effort, too, and when you feel nearly burned out writing work stuff, it's sometimes hard to muster any energy to blog. Even when there are things I would like to say. Boy oh boy were there things I would like to say. I just don't have time and mental energy to say them.
For the past few months, I have been trying to find not just more freelance opportunities, but better-paying freelance opportunities. And staff positions. It's something that is made more complicated by the fact that, when I am busy and tired, I can't always reach out to try to get some freelance opportunities. Or apply for jobs.
Hopefully, I will be able to do more work for Block Club Chicago (which pays even better than Cook County Chronicle and Streetsblog Chicago) and find some of the other opportunities. Because, much as I like the work I do for Austin Weekly News (and other Wednesday Journal Inc work has its moments), I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep doing this. And I would like to be able to give the stories more attention. And I would like to be able to blog here more. And actually finish my novel.
(Ideally, I would like a staff position, but, at this point, I'm not holding my breath. And trying to set my goal realistic-ish)
I suppose w'll see how that works out.