another rough draft fic - HP
A/N- rough draft, meds started kicking in 3/4 of the way down and it went a lil wonky, will adjust/fix later just wanted to get it out while the idea was fresh!!!
Albus Dumbledore was the best Headmaster that the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had ever had.
He was also the most peculiar.
All of his staff (and some of the more adventurous students) knew that he always used Muggle sweets or snacks as the password to his office. And they'd all been practically force-fed some form of Muggle candy (usually lemon drops) at least once.
But this.. this was too much.
This stretched the term 'Muggle Studies' far too thin. Not everything in Muggle society needed to be studied; there were far too many things that those of the Wizarding world were unfamliar with, yes, but priority should be given to things that were very important in understanding Muggle culture and behavior. Like computers, and stamps, and treadmills.
Dumbledore had created a 'panel' (Hogwarts staff and Order members were "encouraged" to participate) to help him in his quest for knowledge. He'd also enlisted the help of the castle's Room of Requirement along with a few house elves. The Room provided a separate cubicle complete with chair, desk, and dicto-quill and parchment for each panel member. Sound could come into each cubicle so that they may hear instructions, but no sound could come out. Dumbledore wanted honest opinions and reactions, not a bunch of lemmings.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention, please, I will give you your instructions. This should be a relatively quick and painless process, and for those of you about to enter the job world 'member of Dumbledore's Muggle Studies Panel' will look very good on your credentials list. In a moment, a common Muggle object will appear on the small table before you. Your only job is to react to that object, honestly and wholly. A dicto-quill will take down your comments." He snapped his fingers, and a Sneak-o-Scope materialized on each desk. "This should prevent any lying or tomfoolery. Do not worry about what it said in particular; your personal comments will only be revealed to me. I will generalise the information if it is to be made public. You may now begin."
Dicto-quills scratched silently over parchment as the panelists saw their mystery object. Dumbledore peaked in on several of them, touching the side of his modified sheild-spell with his want to see and hear their reactiions in real time.
Harry Potter was laughing - a real laugh, laughing so hard he was nearly crying. He took his glasses off and wiped his face, chuckling to himself.
Nearly Headless Nick stared down his nose at the object. "I believe I have seen one of these before. I saw some a less cultured guest bring some to a recent Deathday party I attended."
Ron Weasley's object was gone. He licked his lips. "Do you have any more?"
"I can't believe you brought this into the castle, Albus!" Professor McGonagall screeched, "Of all the nerve! I certainly hope I'm the only one who got one of these - there are children here, Albus! What if it had gone to the wrong cubicle? Can you imagine some young mind like Hermione Granger's being scarred by this.. this.. phallic, this obscene... "
"Oh I love these. I used to sneak them past Mum and Dad a lot, even though I knew they'd never approve," Hermione Granger admitted.
Severus Snape glared. He'd already gotten some odd sort of orange residue on his usually pristine robes from handling the object. He was done. Finished. "I cannot believe that you are wasting my valuable time with this, Albus. It would be better spent watching Longbottom melt another one of my cauldrons."
"I's never seen one of these afore, but I's sure it's not right," Winky the house elf said in a worried (but slightly slurred) tone.
Dumbledore appreciated the variety of interactions, and deemed his project a success. Molly Weasely was appalled. Fred and George wanted to start production right away. Tonks liked the color, and Remus thought it could perhaps be used to improve the Wolfsbane potion. Alastor would only stare at his, swearing on all the things he held dear that it had moved and that he once thought it would attack him; he eventuallly blasted it.
Dumbledore held out the remainder of the bag of Cheetos to one of the house elves. "Do you think it's possible to serve these in the Great Hall? The look on Minerva's face..."
Albus Dumbledore was the best Headmaster that the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had ever had.
He was also the most peculiar.
All of his staff (and some of the more adventurous students) knew that he always used Muggle sweets or snacks as the password to his office. And they'd all been practically force-fed some form of Muggle candy (usually lemon drops) at least once.
But this.. this was too much.
This stretched the term 'Muggle Studies' far too thin. Not everything in Muggle society needed to be studied; there were far too many things that those of the Wizarding world were unfamliar with, yes, but priority should be given to things that were very important in understanding Muggle culture and behavior. Like computers, and stamps, and treadmills.
Dumbledore had created a 'panel' (Hogwarts staff and Order members were "encouraged" to participate) to help him in his quest for knowledge. He'd also enlisted the help of the castle's Room of Requirement along with a few house elves. The Room provided a separate cubicle complete with chair, desk, and dicto-quill and parchment for each panel member. Sound could come into each cubicle so that they may hear instructions, but no sound could come out. Dumbledore wanted honest opinions and reactions, not a bunch of lemmings.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention, please, I will give you your instructions. This should be a relatively quick and painless process, and for those of you about to enter the job world 'member of Dumbledore's Muggle Studies Panel' will look very good on your credentials list. In a moment, a common Muggle object will appear on the small table before you. Your only job is to react to that object, honestly and wholly. A dicto-quill will take down your comments." He snapped his fingers, and a Sneak-o-Scope materialized on each desk. "This should prevent any lying or tomfoolery. Do not worry about what it said in particular; your personal comments will only be revealed to me. I will generalise the information if it is to be made public. You may now begin."
Dicto-quills scratched silently over parchment as the panelists saw their mystery object. Dumbledore peaked in on several of them, touching the side of his modified sheild-spell with his want to see and hear their reactiions in real time.
Harry Potter was laughing - a real laugh, laughing so hard he was nearly crying. He took his glasses off and wiped his face, chuckling to himself.
Nearly Headless Nick stared down his nose at the object. "I believe I have seen one of these before. I saw some a less cultured guest bring some to a recent Deathday party I attended."
Ron Weasley's object was gone. He licked his lips. "Do you have any more?"
"I can't believe you brought this into the castle, Albus!" Professor McGonagall screeched, "Of all the nerve! I certainly hope I'm the only one who got one of these - there are children here, Albus! What if it had gone to the wrong cubicle? Can you imagine some young mind like Hermione Granger's being scarred by this.. this.. phallic, this obscene... "
"Oh I love these. I used to sneak them past Mum and Dad a lot, even though I knew they'd never approve," Hermione Granger admitted.
Severus Snape glared. He'd already gotten some odd sort of orange residue on his usually pristine robes from handling the object. He was done. Finished. "I cannot believe that you are wasting my valuable time with this, Albus. It would be better spent watching Longbottom melt another one of my cauldrons."
"I's never seen one of these afore, but I's sure it's not right," Winky the house elf said in a worried (but slightly slurred) tone.
Dumbledore appreciated the variety of interactions, and deemed his project a success. Molly Weasely was appalled. Fred and George wanted to start production right away. Tonks liked the color, and Remus thought it could perhaps be used to improve the Wolfsbane potion. Alastor would only stare at his, swearing on all the things he held dear that it had moved and that he once thought it would attack him; he eventuallly blasted it.
Dumbledore held out the remainder of the bag of Cheetos to one of the house elves. "Do you think it's possible to serve these in the Great Hall? The look on Minerva's face..."