"What the fuck is a rashishdas?!"-Cory
Well, this four-day weekend has proved to not be the big party weekend my friends and I were hoping for.
Emily and Courtney are grounded. I have no man. I can't drive. I still haven't seen Ty Fucking Pennington, who, dare I say it, is still insanely attractive even though he's old enough to be my dad. I haven't gone cruising. I haven't partied at all. It's just...ugh.
Nothing's going to way it's supposed to. I still haven't gone to the Scaregrounds, I still haven't gone to Yellowduck Park and I'm not going to Geagua Lake anymore. I was supposed to go today, but that didn't exactly work out because we couldn't find one more person to go.
Collin and I were going to have a huge night out last night. We were SUPPOSED to go meet Carly at Applebee's, then go to Yellowduck and then to the Scaregrounds. Ha. We only made it to the Scaregrounds and then we didn't even go because they spent all their money at Yellowduck. So we all went to Starbuck's and then over Carly's and I must say, that was fun, but I much rather would have gone to the Scaregrounds.
Then today since we didn't get to go to everything last night, Collin and I were SUPPOSED to go do the Yellowduck/Scaregrounds thing after he was done at a party he went to, but he made up some lame excuse and I think I know why.
I just went to the mall to visit Emily at work with Cory, Gian, Johnny, Amanda, Allison and Alex. I got Trevor's gift and I'm pretty sure I saw Scary Joe, but I'm not sure if that was him. I got yelled at in by an employee for flinging a thong across the store...oops. Then we all went over to Alex's and watched Eurotrip, but we got in trouble and had to leave.
I had a dream last night. It made me realize that she's really never coming back. Even if she did I know we'd never be as close as we were. It's really sad...I look at pictures of us and neither of us are now who we were then. We're two totally different people. It doesn't even seem like we were friends at all, let alone that close. It doesn't seem like she was #1 on my speed-dial or that we shared clothes or that we stayed up until 2 in the morning talking about everyone and everything. It doesn't seem like that at all. In the dream she was sitting on the floor and gave me a smile and said, "I hope you know I'm still here for you." I'm not so sure she is. I almost called her today, but I just couldn't. I didn't want it to be like last time where I just called and she said, "What, Katie? What do you want?" because I know I'd just be bothering her and that once she saw me on the caller ID she'd never pick up. It just hurts. It really just hurts.
And then there's him. Shit. I know he's going to call me tomorrow and tell me all his drama that went on tonight and once he's done telling me about it and I'm done being the best friend, I think I'm going to tell him everything. How can he not know after last night? Heh, how can he not know after every other obvious thing I've ever done? I know it's not going to work out, I know he's going to say, "Sorry, I don't feel the same way," and I don't even care. I'm not even scared to tell him like I was earlier today. I'm going to bring it up. I'm going to spill. I don't care anymore. I just want us to still be friends, that's all I really want. I knew I'd put our friendship in jeprody and that fucking sucks because he's honestly one of my closest friends. I can just hope things go back to the way they were before.
But it's so hard to turn back once you've gone so far.
Emily and Courtney are grounded. I have no man. I can't drive. I still haven't seen Ty Fucking Pennington, who, dare I say it, is still insanely attractive even though he's old enough to be my dad. I haven't gone cruising. I haven't partied at all. It's just...ugh.
Nothing's going to way it's supposed to. I still haven't gone to the Scaregrounds, I still haven't gone to Yellowduck Park and I'm not going to Geagua Lake anymore. I was supposed to go today, but that didn't exactly work out because we couldn't find one more person to go.
Collin and I were going to have a huge night out last night. We were SUPPOSED to go meet Carly at Applebee's, then go to Yellowduck and then to the Scaregrounds. Ha. We only made it to the Scaregrounds and then we didn't even go because they spent all their money at Yellowduck. So we all went to Starbuck's and then over Carly's and I must say, that was fun, but I much rather would have gone to the Scaregrounds.
Then today since we didn't get to go to everything last night, Collin and I were SUPPOSED to go do the Yellowduck/Scaregrounds thing after he was done at a party he went to, but he made up some lame excuse and I think I know why.
I just went to the mall to visit Emily at work with Cory, Gian, Johnny, Amanda, Allison and Alex. I got Trevor's gift and I'm pretty sure I saw Scary Joe, but I'm not sure if that was him. I got yelled at in by an employee for flinging a thong across the store...oops. Then we all went over to Alex's and watched Eurotrip, but we got in trouble and had to leave.
I had a dream last night. It made me realize that she's really never coming back. Even if she did I know we'd never be as close as we were. It's really sad...I look at pictures of us and neither of us are now who we were then. We're two totally different people. It doesn't even seem like we were friends at all, let alone that close. It doesn't seem like she was #1 on my speed-dial or that we shared clothes or that we stayed up until 2 in the morning talking about everyone and everything. It doesn't seem like that at all. In the dream she was sitting on the floor and gave me a smile and said, "I hope you know I'm still here for you." I'm not so sure she is. I almost called her today, but I just couldn't. I didn't want it to be like last time where I just called and she said, "What, Katie? What do you want?" because I know I'd just be bothering her and that once she saw me on the caller ID she'd never pick up. It just hurts. It really just hurts.
And then there's him. Shit. I know he's going to call me tomorrow and tell me all his drama that went on tonight and once he's done telling me about it and I'm done being the best friend, I think I'm going to tell him everything. How can he not know after last night? Heh, how can he not know after every other obvious thing I've ever done? I know it's not going to work out, I know he's going to say, "Sorry, I don't feel the same way," and I don't even care. I'm not even scared to tell him like I was earlier today. I'm going to bring it up. I'm going to spill. I don't care anymore. I just want us to still be friends, that's all I really want. I knew I'd put our friendship in jeprody and that fucking sucks because he's honestly one of my closest friends. I can just hope things go back to the way they were before.
But it's so hard to turn back once you've gone so far.