Read Between the Lies : Chapter 4
DAIR. 14A
Blair's POV following her reading of Inside. She decides she can't handle not having Dan Humphrey anymore and the best way to get him is to text him while drunk, seduce him in his apartment, and of course, drag him to get his hair cut.
Chapters: 1, 2, 3
*****
Previously:
“There,” she doesn’t know why she’s bothering with talking, when her hands are filling all the words. She adjusts his collar, letting her fingers fold over the fabric, just glaze his bare skin. The movement is subtle, and she retreats from touching his skin, leading her hands back onto his shoulders. She wants to say something else, parting her lips to let the words come out, but really, just to invite him.
That’s when something within him snaps, she can see the change in his eyes. Suddenly in focus, a quick blink and he's overcome, he cannot resist. His hands move suddenly, on her hips to close the space between them. She doesn't have time to register that he’s moved, before his lips are against hers. She smiles against the frantic kiss, reveling in her win. She thinks of saying the wordfinally, but can’t manage to do anything but yank him towards her.
Chapter 4:
She's played the fantasy in her head a million times, but this exceeds her expectations. His mouth fits hers, his tongue parting her lips with such extreme urgency that her knees tremble. Her stomach flips, and his passion suddenly makes her fantasies seem PG. He kisses her with a sudden urgency as his hands slide along her waist, pulling her against him. She moans in encouragement, fingers winding in his hair and she loves that there’s so much of it, clutching the locks to eradicate any and all space between them. Victory has never tasted this sweet.
He’s so earnest and passionate that she can suddenly feel the ages of longing, and wants to scream for not seeing it all along. Somehow, she realizes, she's not even surprised, and it hurts her chest just thinking that she could have had him all this time. If she could think, she would revel in how fun it was watching him squirm, but her mind is clouded, with one single thought: how good it feels to have this finally happen.
She pulls away for air, grinning, she blinks her eyes slowly, not wanting to wait a second before they reconnect. He turns his head suddenly and her kiss lands on his cheek.
"Wait" he pushes her away, suddenly, hands still on her hips.
'Don't ruin this for me Humphrey," she warns. She shuts him up, grabbing his chin firmly, making her face him, to assure that their lips reconnect. She arches her body into his, pulling at the third button of his shirt, her fingers abandon all boundaries, and slip under the shirt, along his neck, along his collar bone, before she repeats the pattern with her lips. He groans, fingers digging into her waist as she gratifies his neck with kisses and can feel him twitch at each new kiss.
"Blair! ......WaitStopI- " his tone betrays him, filled with such wanting that she doesn't even consider stopping until he pushes her off forcefully. She wonders why he’s even bothering, she can feel from his unwillingness to stop touching her, or his kisses, that he is forcing himself to resist her.
"I can't.... Blair, what are you...” he takes a moment before his breath seems to come back to him, still haggard, he takes in gulps of air before he looks into her eyes.
“What are we doing?" he asks, holding her at arms reach, obviously afraid of her effect on him.
“A better question, is why are you stopping!” she replies, moving his arms to settle on her waist before she goes in for more kisses.
“This hurts,” he says suddenly, before their lips touch. Rejecting her, as his hands are still glued to her hips, his eyes battling between giving her lips or her eyes attention.
“Did I impale you on the coat hook?” she asks, glancing around the dressing room. Not even taking his nervousness seriously, or even paying attention to his blabbering about stopping.
She spots it on the opposite wall and suddenly realizes what he means. She hits him on the shoulder, and makes sure that it hurts.
“OW!” his scream alerts Nate, who passes outside of the dressing room, looking for a drink. He stops suddenly at the sound and his eyes narrow on the unlocked change room door. Unfortunately, it alerts other party guests too.
“HUMPHREY! When did you start liking me again?” She’s furious, crazy angry, thinking she could have had him all along. She’s going to torture him now, make sure he knows how much she wanted him. First, she needs his answer.
“Start-....Blair...I never stopped,” Dan explains, sighing, defeatist. It’s the best thing she’s heard in months. She leaves him no time to sulk, she grabs his hands onto her, guiding his fingers to her waist, moving her own hands onto the fourth button of his shirt. She presses her body against him, closing all the space between him, she kisses him harder, holds on longer, her hands exploring as much of him as she can touch, with no intention to stop. He sinks into the kiss, unable to keep his hands off of her when she initiates. It’s moments before he manages to pull away again. It’s obvious that he’s forcing himself to.
“Wait, Why would you think I..that...I....” he asks, shifting away from her, meeting her gaze. She wants to laugh at his inability even to form sentences around her. She revels in her affect on him and grins.
“Because of your book,” she mutters, in between kisses along his neck, she doesn’t know if he gets it or not, so she adds “Henry Miller,” but it’s muffled against the soft skin of his neck, his collarbone.
“Oh,” his jaw is set (she notices as she kisses it.) He pushes her away again and she sighs, thinking; God he is all talk.
“Well no, I tried, but I can’t get over you,”his words ramble on, and she can barely understand him when he adds,
“So you know why I can’t do this,” he doesn't mean it, she can tell, not really, said as if he’s dismissing the idea before it leaves his lips.
“Of course we can,” she responds, leaning in once more. He turns away, pulling away from her.
“No...just because you want someone, I can’t, I mean I’d never be able to go back after this-”
“Crossing the Rubicon, I know” she groans, rolling her eyes before she grabs at him, pulling him against her. It’s getting harder for him to fight against her, she can tell. He smiles against her lips at the use of the expression, before he sinks into her touch, moaning when her fingers slip under the fabric of his shirt, inches above his pants.
“Besides,” she adds, and this is the closest she’ll get to a confession now, “I could have anyone I wanted,” she purrs, before she starts to undo his buttons with fervor. She congratulates each area of the suddenly exposed skin with kisses.
Then, he stops fighting it. She can’t tell when it happens, but suddenly his hands are all over her, possessive, and his kisses are more passionate, stronger. With such a control that she feels dizzy. This what she’s been waiting for. His fingers caress her neck before his lips follow, as if he’s making sure that his tongue is acquainted with every inch of her bare skin. Perhaps catching up to all that she’s done to his neck and collarbone already.
She can tell by contrast, how much he has been resisting her. She doesn’t even want to control the moans that escape her, as her fingers wind into his hair and his hot kisses trail down her neck. He pulls her closer to him, kisses now on her shoulder as his fingers find the side zipper, ripping a clean break through the material before he touches her side, the lace of her black bra, her soft skin. The dress hangs loosely on her and his arm wraps around her bare skin, pulling her right against him. The other grabs at her hair, pulls her into the continuing hot kisses. All the while she is trying desperately to convince him that she wants him more, too distracted with how good this feels. Then his hands retreat from her skin and she wants to scream, but it's only temporary, in an attempt to hike up her long gown, one hand now pressing against her thigh, fabric in his clutches, and another back under her dress, where it belongs next to her skin.
Then, she needs to prove that she wants him more, if she hasn’t already. She stays silent, but her fingers do all the talking, forcing the shirt off his broad shoulders, tracing patterns along his chest before her lips disconnect with his and move to his neck, down his body. She's momentarily distracted by his pants, stupid button she thinks before she grins in victory. Her kisses hover over spots on his chest, his collarbone as her hands explore the rest of his exposed skin. His repeating moans are too much for her to handle, and she swears she hear him groan Blair!
Her phone erupts and demands their attention. His follows suit right after and he groans, she does too, neither wanting to stop, neither thinking they are going to for one instant. She doesn’t bother turning around or rummaging in her bag, but instead, slips her hand into his front pocket to retrieve his phone. A temporary setback, she thinks, until she reads the text message.
Spotted at a Louis Vuitton:
Queen B settling for Serena’s hand me downs.
Looks like she’s lonely enough to try Lonely boy on for size.
Didn’t you know sloppy seconds aren’t your style, B?
Xoxo Gossip Girl.
The blast reads, accompanied with a photo of them kissing. A recent one, lip locked, her hands wrapped up in his hair ( god, she’ll never live that down!) and his shirt discarded moments before.
She swears, forcing the phone into his hands before she does her zipper up hurriedly. She can tell he’s read it, because his eyes are coming back in focus, not clouded over with lust anymore. He blinks and picks up his shirt off the floor, putting it on frantically. She helps him, picking up the tie as he does up the buttons. She laces the tie around his neck and folds it into a windsor knot quickly. He holds her gaze for a split second, but she can’t read him. Maybe, she hopes, he’s trying to remember this moment. He opens his mouth to say something, but abandons the idea and moves past her towards the door. She wants to hide out here from the crowds forever, from Serena, and Nate, and Chuck. But she has no idea of the drama to come. All she knows is that she doesn’t want this moment to end, she can’t have him leave, not like this, not after that.
He moves away inches, but it feels like miles and she misses the warm heat of his body suddenly, and she hates that they have to face this. He opens the door before she can say anything and then it dawns on her, she has to face this alone.
There’s a crowd, and she assumes Nate is at the front, because his voice carries into the change room suddenly.
“I had to make sure no one’s in the change rooms,” Nate explains, “But hey, I get it, if you and Blair want a minute", his intention all too clear in his tone.
“No, it’s fine, it’s nothing,” Dan replies.
Her heart sinks. She wants to hide in here, call Serena, or Dorota or someone and cry. She wants him to take her into his arms and never let go, but he’s already on his way out of the party. She decides she won’t let him go, not without explaining something. Doesn’t he usually love to talk? Doesn’t he usually tear apart events with thousands of questions. She always hated that, but now she yearns for it. Just so she could give up, shrug and stop fighting, so she can just admit the truth.
“You and Dan?” Nate asks her when she emerges, cocking an eyebrow.
She rolls her eyes, holding back the Shut up Archibald! “Where did he go!” she decides to say instead.
Before Nate can answer, she spots Dan retreating down the staircase and dodges after him, ignoring Nate's reaction, and that of the seemingly million party guests staring at her.
“Humphrey! Wait,” all eyes are on them as they descend down the stairs. “We have to you know.....talk about this,”
“You hate talking about things,” his response floats back to her.
“And you’re supposed to love it!” she whispers back.
“I’m a bit speechless,” he answers, monotone, almost hurt.
“Is that my effect on you?” she flirts. But he just sighs, exasperated.
“I’m going home,” he responds, turning away from her to lock eyes with Chuck, at the bottom of the stairs, with a drink in hand.
“Congratulations,” Chuck says, as dry as his martini.
Blair exhales, she hasn’t thought about Chuck in weeks. She doesn’t want to think about him now, she wants to focus on losing her best friend, or possibly gaining a very good kisser ( with silken soft yet evil muppet hair, and a surprisingly great body) as a lover.
She smiles, linking arms with Dan, the illusion of a perfect couple. Chuck snorts, because he can tell as much as she can, that Dan isn’t playing along. If anything, he’s just counting time until he can race out of this party and the whole dramatic affair.
“You don’t...seem upset by this,” Dan interjects suddenly, looking at Chuck.
“Why would I be jealous Humphrey?” Chuck asks, before he moistens his lips with the drink.
“We all have our Brooklyn phases. Nate and I slummed it with Vanessa, and as I recall, Serena entertained the notion of you for quite a while, until she tossed you back where you belong, nothing to worry about,” Chuck shrugs, before he disappears into the crowds. Dan groans at the insult, pulling his arm away from Blair’s, as he heads towards the bar. She trails after him, wanting to explain. Wishing everything could be mended, and preferably not in the public eye.
“Humphrey wait-” she finally catches up to him at the bar, but he doesn’t meet her gaze, adamant not to talk about it, or to embarrass himself further.
“What?” he asks, ordering a beer.
“Well I want to explain,”
“This is typical,” his words are full of a malice she hasn’t heard for ages. “Using me to make Chuck jealous,” he demands.
“No! It’s about about that, that’s not why-” she sighs, terrified.
“Then what? Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? You were all over me yesterday, and upstairs? Blair," he stops, with a short pause, mulling over his words. "You know how I feel about you! What is it, you just wanted to feel loved? Is this a game to you?” then she hears the absolute terror in his voice, the sadness, and she wonders if he’s about to cry, because his voice breaks in the middle of the line. Overtop of that, she can hear the absolute anger, and it fuels her own, but she bites down on it, resists. She's usually hot-headed, but perhaps she's still dizzy from his lips all over her.
“When I said we should talk about it, I didn’t mean here,” she snaps, trying to prolong the confession, trying to keep her budding anger in check. Jesus, can't he just see it already? If I had wanted Chuck, I would be with him right now, you amazingly skilled kisser! You ignorant, sexy man with disastrous hair! I go after what I want! Instead, silence overcomes her, and he trudges on with his pity party, with his anger.
“Why not? We already created a scene,” his voice is full of rage, perhaps misplaced hormones, she thinks.
“Well excuse me for not wanting to make things dramatic!” she responds, growing with anger. Wanting to scream, why can’t we just go somewhere private so I can explain everything, without words....or clothes!
“It’s not my friends who sent a photo of us into gossip girl,” he responds. She swears she’ll hit him again if he mentions being part of a different world, again. God, she never heard the end of that when he was dating Serena.
As if on cue, Serena approaches. Blair wants to shut her eyes and pretend none of this is happening. Once again, one of her plans has gone awry, and she cannot fix it here, not like this. She wants everyone to disappear so she can tell him. A part of her is terrified that she won’t even be able to say it.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Serena snaps, and for a second Blair thinks she’s really about to lose everything.
“S I’m sorry-” Blair starts, but granted it is hard to be genuine with Humphrey yelling at her seconds before.
“You don’t even have the decency to tell me? You’ve been hooking up for weeks” Serena continues.
“S, this is the first time we’ve even touched,” Blair responds, not realizing what is about to happen.
Serena scoffs, shaking her head. Blair expected her to be angry, but not this angry.
“Seriously? You’re still going to lie to me? I bet you’re going to pretend that this is the first time you’ve kissed too?”
“We haven’t done anything before!” Dan stutters, red.
“I expected this from you B, but now you’re turning Dan into a liar?” Serena attacks. There it is, Blair thinks, Serena’s about to claim him again, and all my hard work will vanish.
“Serena, I swear,” Blair tries again, now condescension comes through her tone, and that just enrages Serena more.
“Cut the act Blair!” Serena’s voice rises. “You think I can’t put two and two together?” she snaps, and when neither Blair nor Dan answer, she continues.
“What is it? You thought I couldn’t handle it? You thought I wouldn’t approve?” Serena snaps. “So instead you sneak around behind my back?”
“No, I didn’t tell you S, because nothing happened, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. Nothing happened, nothing to explain,” Blair points out, exasperated.
“Oh please,” Serena shakes her head, angrier, if possible. Blair has no idea what’s coming, and if she did, she would do anything to stop it.
“It’s obvious," Serena lets the word linger, before she continues. The following words come in rapid fire, and Blair can't hear anything but their resounding sound, like an echo of a pin dropping with each one, trying desperately not to turn red with each word.
"You sleep with his book under your pillow” at the first one, Blair shakes her head, closes her eyes, pretends this isn’t happening, because Serena’s noticed every single fucking painstakingly embarrassing detail, and she’s telling them all to him.
“You spend hours getting ready for parties, you complain about wanting desperately to seduce someone, even lying to me and saying it’s no one, when it’s obvious it's Dan. You think I don't notice that you can't even shut up about him for 5 minutes, and at every party, you have to know where he is, not to mention Dan texts me to make sure if you’re ok, is that enough, B? Do I need to go on?” Serena demands.
“No,” Blair shakes her head, her voice is quiet.
“You still can’t even admit it, God Blair, you try to hide all this by pretending you hate him, but ---”
“Serena stop,” Dan asks, his voice soft suddenly, the gentle side of him Blair has come to know and love.
“Are you going to admit it?”
“There isn’t anything going on Serena, I’m sorry you found out this way, but please believe me,” Dan’s voice comes to her as if through a dream, Blair is so distant. She opens her eyes and everything is cloudy, she wants to sit down, she wants to burst into the tears. In all her scheming, and plans to seduce him, a part of her had already thought about telling him she loves him. Maybe like that scene in Atonement, maybe after their passionate sex, a million possibilities had been on her mind, but this had not been one of them.
Serena scoffs.
“Serena...I didn’t know,” he whispers. Suddenly, Blair feels his fingers on her arm, trace around her forearm and squeeze, as if to say it’s ok.
It takes Serena a moment to click in. A moment Blair does not want to handle. She pulls her hand away from Dan’s touch ( ironically the only time she’s ever pulled away from touching him) and refuses to meet his gaze.
“Serena, stop,” she commands. “I’m not obsessed with Humphrey, we’re barely even friends, sure we exchange the occasional pleasantry, and I go to Brooklyn when you won’t shut up about shopping and I need some intellect. And the parties? You think I'm not bored of being perpetually hit on by dozens? I'll say it agin, I'd rather discuss Moby Dick, than mix with some of the society you call friends," she takes a breath, knowing that she'll have to crush both of them. She doesn't want to, god she just wants to pull him into her arms, but this is too embarrassing, this is too much for her, and her fight or flight is kicking in, and she can't stop the words that barrel out of her.
"But don’t make this out to be some dramatic revelation. It’s not a thought out scheme, or plan, or anything with more than 30 seconds thought to it,” she laughs at herself, really only to cover up the pain. “ I wanted to see what the big deal was about, you know, see if I could seduce him, it was so dreadfully easy, though I can see why you occasionally, accidentally love him, I’m not you S, I don’t fall for people from Brooklyn, especially ones who don’t even know how to kiss, it was nothing," she stresses it, but can't bear to look at him, "less than nothing, I was indulging Dan’s fantasies." she pauses, trying to muster air. " It's so obvious he's been fawning and dreaming about me, God you have seen him yesterday! But now we know for certain, that won’t ever be anything but his dreams, ” she insults, turning on her heels.
“Wait! B!” She can hear Serena calling after her, but she’s already started heading towards the door. She doesn’t bother picking up her coat, because she can’t stand turning back even for a fraction of a second to see the damage she’s caused. She only makes it into the back of a limo before she bursts into tears.
**
“DOROTA!” she calls for her the second she gets in, and after many drinks, and lots of denial (No, lonely boy doesn’t make me feel this way! He wishes!) She wakes up with a pounding headache, 9 missed calls ( 6 from Dan) and 3 from Serena. Her phone beeps, collecting messages, and the noise wakes her.
She's still in her dress, lying in her bed as she reaches for her phone and scrolls through her messages, groaning as memories of the previous night come back to her. She should be thankful, she supposes, she did finally kiss him, but if she doesn't play it right, she'll never be able to again...if he still wants her, she wonders.
Dan Humphrey 10: 15 Blair. Pick up your phone.
Dan Humphrey 10: 17 Pick up
Then she discards the phone, hides her face in her hands and ventures to the wash room to shower and cleanse herself of everything that happened last night, and hopefully to rid herself of her treacherous headache.
Dan Humphrey 10:33 We have to talk about this.
Dan Humphrey 10: 45 You can’t avoid me forever.
She barely leaves the house. When she bumps into Serena in the kitchen, or the dining room she says nothing.
“B, I’m sorry, we should talk about this-” but Blair always manages to escape before Serena even talks about anything at all.
Two mornings later, at breakfast, Serena just starts with it,
“You can’t avoid Dan, not after what happened,”
“Serena, it’s not about you, it’s not some giant betrayal, so mind your business,” she snaps, and disappears before Serena can even begin to say anything about Dan having been hers, or that, she’s her best friend and it is her business. After that, she stops going down for breakfast.
Then one morning, as she’s eating breakfast in bed, she hears Dan’s voice. She hasn’t taken his calls, and the text messages have piled up since the party exactly a week ago. 7 tortuous days of avoiding him, of staying cooped up in her apartment, shamed by gossip girl, because of a Humphrey. It’s almost as bad as the time everyone thought she was pregnant by Chuck. But to be locked up inside for fear of being in a gossip girl blast with lonely boy, that’s almost too much to bear. At least that’s what she tells Dorota.
She hears voices,and hopes Dorota remembers her instructions, that no one comes in or out. No one.
“She’s still in bed,” That’s Serena’s voice she hears, and she makes an effort to listen as she bites into her croissant.
“I’m sorry, I had no idea, I thought you knew. Have you talked to her yet?”
“No,” Dan’s voice. She hates how she can recognize it. She hates how she couldn’t spend the last week reliving their very hot moments in the change room, but instead dedicated her evenings to moping around and drinking.
“She’s dodging my calls,” comes a remark veiled in a dark tone.
“It’s Blair, she tends to avoid people when she likes them,” Serena explains. Blair wants to yell through the door Shut up S! You’re making it worse! I DO NOT! But then, she just really wants to hear Dan’s response. She puts away her food, in eagerness for his response. Yet, he cannot come in here, she still can’t face him after what’s happened. She would just die of embaressment.
Dan laughs at that, but she can hear the hurt in his voice.
“I’m not so sure she does, you heard her.”
“Dan, she’s crazy about you, more crazy that usual, you just have to talk to her, we could go in,” Serena offers.
“NO! MISS BLAIR IS RESTING!!” Dorota to the rescue.
“I came here to see her,” Dan responds. She wells at the idea, but hides in her covers, half hoping he'll break the door down, and more hoping he'll just disappear. Maybe she wishes she had the strength to face him, but this, unlike her previous times with love, is not a game.
“I don’t care lonely boy. No visitors. Not even Dorota allowed,” she stresses. A shadow of a smile lingers on Blair’s features, at Dorota’s loyalty.
Then she hears retreating footsteps.
“You’re ok with......i mean...i know this is weird for you,” Dan starts, and at that Blair wants to race out of the room and claim him. Scream, no, S, you had your chance! It’s my turn! But instead, she just bunches up the covers in her fist and listens.
“Yeah it’s weird, but if you care about Blair, and,” Serena sighs. “It’s better than what I thought it was, I was ready to hate both of you for hiding some affair behind my back, but you and I have been over for a long time, and it’s obvious that you have some sort of effect on Blair,”
“Yeah,” he laughs, not believing it himself.
“Look Blair and I can get through anything, but just because I’m ok with it, doesn’t mean I want to talk about it,”
“Yeah”
She hears Serena’s definite departure, the clicking of her heels as she leaves. Then there’s a knock on her door.
“Blair,” she ignores him, as much as she hates to, she does.
“Blair, please,” he’s begging her now, and she’s close to giving in. But then she remembers the shame, her harsh insults, everything she said. He can’t forgive her, she thinks, he shouldn’t. She wouldn’t deserve it.
“AWAY! MISS BLAIR RESTING,” God bless Dorota, she thinks.
“Dorota, I appreciate your loyalty,” Blair almost laughs into her pillow, at the audacity of it, is he honestly trying to make a deal with Dorota? He really does know nothing of her world.
“Serena gone, means Lonely Boy gone too!” Dorota continues.
“Fine, ok!” She hears Dan eventually give up. She hates how she can hear his footsteps retreat. She can't stop thinking about him once he's left, now the memories of their heated tryst in the change room cloud her mind, his moan of her name on repeat. She can't control how much she wants him again. She’s missing him terribly and wants the feeling of his lips on hers.
“What happen with lonely boy?” Dorota asks when she takes breakfast away 20 minutes later.
“Nothing, he’s got some ridiculous notion that we should be together,” Blair lies. Dorota eyes her distrustfully.
“He didn’t...did he say anything else?” Blair asks, innocently. Trying, of course, not too sound as eager as she is.
“Miss Blair not telling me what’s going on! No one allowed to visit, not Serena, not lonely boy, and now you ask if Lonely boy talk about you! What is going on?”
“Clearly I’m delusional, sick! Why do you think I’m resting!” Blair snaps, “But I’m not so delusional that I can’t see your shortcomings, one more word about this and you’ll be teaching Polish in an ESL school in the Bronx!” Blair shouts.
“Ok, Miss Blair resting, always resting,” Dorota promises, throwing her hands up in surrender as she retreats.
It’s getting harder to dodge his calls, to avoid the texts that beg for her attention. Lately, even her erotic fantasies are tainted now, with the drama of gossip girl, with Serena offering what should have been a romantic confession. She still hasn’t let Serena around her long enough to apologize. Because then, Blair knows, she would have to see Dan. She would have to face the truth she’s known for ages, she’s in love with him, but what’s worse is that she would have to verbalize it. Part of her wants desperately to give in and call him and tell him you’re an idiot, but I’m in love with you, so what does that make me? The other part, the one that doesn’t want to get hurt again, is stronger and screams to still avoid him. She's going out of her mind missing him, but her warped logic is superior, even now. He can't last two days before he shows up again.
Dan Humphrey 11: 15 Blair, it’s been more than a week
Dan Humphrey 11:24 How much longer are we going to keep doing this?
Dan Humphrey 11:25 BLAIR! Answer me.
Dan Humphrey 11: 40 You know how I feel.
Dan Humphrey 11: 45 You cannot avoid me forever
Dan Humphrey 11:50 I’m coming over.
“Mister Lonely Boy to see you,” Dorota sticks her head into the room, where she lies on her bed reading Pale Fire.
“I’m not home,” Blair responds. Dorota nods dutifully. First, she hears the shouting.
“Miss Blair not here,” she hears Dorota lie.
“I have to see her,” God, she loves and hates Dan’s determination. She hates also, how it makes her think of his stamina, and she curses the sudden erotic thoughts.
“She not home,”
“Fine, then I can just leave this in her room,”
“NO!”
Then the distinct sound of Dan’s footsteps coming up the stairs, with Dorota’s footsteps after. She can tell, from the thud against her door, that Dorota beats Dan in the race to her room.
“Miss Blair leave instructions, no visitors,”
“I know she’s here, it’s on gossip girl,” Dan responds, his voice so strong it makes Blair tremble. She’s surprised he’s even checked gossip girl. She wishes he would just break down the door, shut up for once and kiss her. Prove to her that he’s in love with her, without the stupid words and neurosis. But of course, as she knows it will be, his follow through isn’t as strong as his initial confidence. She knows that he’s faltering, but too that neither can win against her warped logic.
“Miss Blair not here,” Dorota repeats.
“Then I’ll wait,” he responds. “There’s no one in her room, right?” the handle shakes and Blair drops the book, her eyes suddenly wide.
“NO! Miss Blair not here, Lonely Boy leave!” Dorota snaps, and then a few Polish swear words follow, along with Dan muttering ow. She can’t believe Dorota is actually swatting Dan out of her apartment.
“OK! What if I wait downstairs?” he asks. “Please Dorota. She’s not talking to me, she’s avoiding me, I’m going crazy,”
“You think you try sympathy with Dorota,” Dorota speculates, practically laughing at his effort. Blair has to admire it, she muses.
“No, I just...she won’t talk to me since we kissed,” he responds. Blair’s eyes widen and she swears under her breath. She’ll never hear the end of this from Dorota. She wants to scream at him, yell his last name in fury a billion times. How dare people tell her secrets before she has a chance to. First Serena at the party, and now Dan is buddying up with Dorota and sharing their intimate details. How dare he! ( She temporarily forgets that Dorota knows of the kiss, via the dreadful gossip girl. She threatened Dorota with a pink slip, if she dared mention the kiss or Dan.)
“Lonely boy leave now,” comes Dorota's angry response.
“Please, just give her this?” he asks and Blair burns with curiosity suddenly, fully attentive and listening to the conversation behind the door.
“Leave!”
“Ok,” Dan promises, then he shouts to her, “Blair! You can’t do this forever!”
“OK YOU LEAVE NOW!” then Blair listens to sounds of Dorota shooing him out.
She can't wait to find out what he's left for her, and she evaluates her look, her recent behaviour. This is no way for her to behave, she's confident, and Dan Humphrey is not going to take that away from her. She decides, that once she evaluates his gift, she'll confess it all. Every painful detail. Or perhaps just a few until he's propelled to kiss her again, and all words with hopefully be forgotten.
[Continue]
Blair's POV following her reading of Inside. She decides she can't handle not having Dan Humphrey anymore and the best way to get him is to text him while drunk, seduce him in his apartment, and of course, drag him to get his hair cut.
Chapters: 1, 2, 3
*****
Previously:
“There,” she doesn’t know why she’s bothering with talking, when her hands are filling all the words. She adjusts his collar, letting her fingers fold over the fabric, just glaze his bare skin. The movement is subtle, and she retreats from touching his skin, leading her hands back onto his shoulders. She wants to say something else, parting her lips to let the words come out, but really, just to invite him.
That’s when something within him snaps, she can see the change in his eyes. Suddenly in focus, a quick blink and he's overcome, he cannot resist. His hands move suddenly, on her hips to close the space between them. She doesn't have time to register that he’s moved, before his lips are against hers. She smiles against the frantic kiss, reveling in her win. She thinks of saying the wordfinally, but can’t manage to do anything but yank him towards her.
Chapter 4:
She's played the fantasy in her head a million times, but this exceeds her expectations. His mouth fits hers, his tongue parting her lips with such extreme urgency that her knees tremble. Her stomach flips, and his passion suddenly makes her fantasies seem PG. He kisses her with a sudden urgency as his hands slide along her waist, pulling her against him. She moans in encouragement, fingers winding in his hair and she loves that there’s so much of it, clutching the locks to eradicate any and all space between them. Victory has never tasted this sweet.
He’s so earnest and passionate that she can suddenly feel the ages of longing, and wants to scream for not seeing it all along. Somehow, she realizes, she's not even surprised, and it hurts her chest just thinking that she could have had him all this time. If she could think, she would revel in how fun it was watching him squirm, but her mind is clouded, with one single thought: how good it feels to have this finally happen.
She pulls away for air, grinning, she blinks her eyes slowly, not wanting to wait a second before they reconnect. He turns his head suddenly and her kiss lands on his cheek.
"Wait" he pushes her away, suddenly, hands still on her hips.
'Don't ruin this for me Humphrey," she warns. She shuts him up, grabbing his chin firmly, making her face him, to assure that their lips reconnect. She arches her body into his, pulling at the third button of his shirt, her fingers abandon all boundaries, and slip under the shirt, along his neck, along his collar bone, before she repeats the pattern with her lips. He groans, fingers digging into her waist as she gratifies his neck with kisses and can feel him twitch at each new kiss.
"Blair! ......WaitStopI- " his tone betrays him, filled with such wanting that she doesn't even consider stopping until he pushes her off forcefully. She wonders why he’s even bothering, she can feel from his unwillingness to stop touching her, or his kisses, that he is forcing himself to resist her.
"I can't.... Blair, what are you...” he takes a moment before his breath seems to come back to him, still haggard, he takes in gulps of air before he looks into her eyes.
“What are we doing?" he asks, holding her at arms reach, obviously afraid of her effect on him.
“A better question, is why are you stopping!” she replies, moving his arms to settle on her waist before she goes in for more kisses.
“This hurts,” he says suddenly, before their lips touch. Rejecting her, as his hands are still glued to her hips, his eyes battling between giving her lips or her eyes attention.
“Did I impale you on the coat hook?” she asks, glancing around the dressing room. Not even taking his nervousness seriously, or even paying attention to his blabbering about stopping.
She spots it on the opposite wall and suddenly realizes what he means. She hits him on the shoulder, and makes sure that it hurts.
“OW!” his scream alerts Nate, who passes outside of the dressing room, looking for a drink. He stops suddenly at the sound and his eyes narrow on the unlocked change room door. Unfortunately, it alerts other party guests too.
“HUMPHREY! When did you start liking me again?” She’s furious, crazy angry, thinking she could have had him all along. She’s going to torture him now, make sure he knows how much she wanted him. First, she needs his answer.
“Start-....Blair...I never stopped,” Dan explains, sighing, defeatist. It’s the best thing she’s heard in months. She leaves him no time to sulk, she grabs his hands onto her, guiding his fingers to her waist, moving her own hands onto the fourth button of his shirt. She presses her body against him, closing all the space between him, she kisses him harder, holds on longer, her hands exploring as much of him as she can touch, with no intention to stop. He sinks into the kiss, unable to keep his hands off of her when she initiates. It’s moments before he manages to pull away again. It’s obvious that he’s forcing himself to.
“Wait, Why would you think I..that...I....” he asks, shifting away from her, meeting her gaze. She wants to laugh at his inability even to form sentences around her. She revels in her affect on him and grins.
“Because of your book,” she mutters, in between kisses along his neck, she doesn’t know if he gets it or not, so she adds “Henry Miller,” but it’s muffled against the soft skin of his neck, his collarbone.
“Oh,” his jaw is set (she notices as she kisses it.) He pushes her away again and she sighs, thinking; God he is all talk.
“Well no, I tried, but I can’t get over you,”his words ramble on, and she can barely understand him when he adds,
“So you know why I can’t do this,” he doesn't mean it, she can tell, not really, said as if he’s dismissing the idea before it leaves his lips.
“Of course we can,” she responds, leaning in once more. He turns away, pulling away from her.
“No...just because you want someone, I can’t, I mean I’d never be able to go back after this-”
“Crossing the Rubicon, I know” she groans, rolling her eyes before she grabs at him, pulling him against her. It’s getting harder for him to fight against her, she can tell. He smiles against her lips at the use of the expression, before he sinks into her touch, moaning when her fingers slip under the fabric of his shirt, inches above his pants.
“Besides,” she adds, and this is the closest she’ll get to a confession now, “I could have anyone I wanted,” she purrs, before she starts to undo his buttons with fervor. She congratulates each area of the suddenly exposed skin with kisses.
Then, he stops fighting it. She can’t tell when it happens, but suddenly his hands are all over her, possessive, and his kisses are more passionate, stronger. With such a control that she feels dizzy. This what she’s been waiting for. His fingers caress her neck before his lips follow, as if he’s making sure that his tongue is acquainted with every inch of her bare skin. Perhaps catching up to all that she’s done to his neck and collarbone already.
She can tell by contrast, how much he has been resisting her. She doesn’t even want to control the moans that escape her, as her fingers wind into his hair and his hot kisses trail down her neck. He pulls her closer to him, kisses now on her shoulder as his fingers find the side zipper, ripping a clean break through the material before he touches her side, the lace of her black bra, her soft skin. The dress hangs loosely on her and his arm wraps around her bare skin, pulling her right against him. The other grabs at her hair, pulls her into the continuing hot kisses. All the while she is trying desperately to convince him that she wants him more, too distracted with how good this feels. Then his hands retreat from her skin and she wants to scream, but it's only temporary, in an attempt to hike up her long gown, one hand now pressing against her thigh, fabric in his clutches, and another back under her dress, where it belongs next to her skin.
Then, she needs to prove that she wants him more, if she hasn’t already. She stays silent, but her fingers do all the talking, forcing the shirt off his broad shoulders, tracing patterns along his chest before her lips disconnect with his and move to his neck, down his body. She's momentarily distracted by his pants, stupid button she thinks before she grins in victory. Her kisses hover over spots on his chest, his collarbone as her hands explore the rest of his exposed skin. His repeating moans are too much for her to handle, and she swears she hear him groan Blair!
Her phone erupts and demands their attention. His follows suit right after and he groans, she does too, neither wanting to stop, neither thinking they are going to for one instant. She doesn’t bother turning around or rummaging in her bag, but instead, slips her hand into his front pocket to retrieve his phone. A temporary setback, she thinks, until she reads the text message.
Spotted at a Louis Vuitton:
Queen B settling for Serena’s hand me downs.
Looks like she’s lonely enough to try Lonely boy on for size.
Didn’t you know sloppy seconds aren’t your style, B?
Xoxo Gossip Girl.
The blast reads, accompanied with a photo of them kissing. A recent one, lip locked, her hands wrapped up in his hair ( god, she’ll never live that down!) and his shirt discarded moments before.
She swears, forcing the phone into his hands before she does her zipper up hurriedly. She can tell he’s read it, because his eyes are coming back in focus, not clouded over with lust anymore. He blinks and picks up his shirt off the floor, putting it on frantically. She helps him, picking up the tie as he does up the buttons. She laces the tie around his neck and folds it into a windsor knot quickly. He holds her gaze for a split second, but she can’t read him. Maybe, she hopes, he’s trying to remember this moment. He opens his mouth to say something, but abandons the idea and moves past her towards the door. She wants to hide out here from the crowds forever, from Serena, and Nate, and Chuck. But she has no idea of the drama to come. All she knows is that she doesn’t want this moment to end, she can’t have him leave, not like this, not after that.
He moves away inches, but it feels like miles and she misses the warm heat of his body suddenly, and she hates that they have to face this. He opens the door before she can say anything and then it dawns on her, she has to face this alone.
There’s a crowd, and she assumes Nate is at the front, because his voice carries into the change room suddenly.
“I had to make sure no one’s in the change rooms,” Nate explains, “But hey, I get it, if you and Blair want a minute", his intention all too clear in his tone.
“No, it’s fine, it’s nothing,” Dan replies.
Her heart sinks. She wants to hide in here, call Serena, or Dorota or someone and cry. She wants him to take her into his arms and never let go, but he’s already on his way out of the party. She decides she won’t let him go, not without explaining something. Doesn’t he usually love to talk? Doesn’t he usually tear apart events with thousands of questions. She always hated that, but now she yearns for it. Just so she could give up, shrug and stop fighting, so she can just admit the truth.
“You and Dan?” Nate asks her when she emerges, cocking an eyebrow.
She rolls her eyes, holding back the Shut up Archibald! “Where did he go!” she decides to say instead.
Before Nate can answer, she spots Dan retreating down the staircase and dodges after him, ignoring Nate's reaction, and that of the seemingly million party guests staring at her.
“Humphrey! Wait,” all eyes are on them as they descend down the stairs. “We have to you know.....talk about this,”
“You hate talking about things,” his response floats back to her.
“And you’re supposed to love it!” she whispers back.
“I’m a bit speechless,” he answers, monotone, almost hurt.
“Is that my effect on you?” she flirts. But he just sighs, exasperated.
“I’m going home,” he responds, turning away from her to lock eyes with Chuck, at the bottom of the stairs, with a drink in hand.
“Congratulations,” Chuck says, as dry as his martini.
Blair exhales, she hasn’t thought about Chuck in weeks. She doesn’t want to think about him now, she wants to focus on losing her best friend, or possibly gaining a very good kisser ( with silken soft yet evil muppet hair, and a surprisingly great body) as a lover.
She smiles, linking arms with Dan, the illusion of a perfect couple. Chuck snorts, because he can tell as much as she can, that Dan isn’t playing along. If anything, he’s just counting time until he can race out of this party and the whole dramatic affair.
“You don’t...seem upset by this,” Dan interjects suddenly, looking at Chuck.
“Why would I be jealous Humphrey?” Chuck asks, before he moistens his lips with the drink.
“We all have our Brooklyn phases. Nate and I slummed it with Vanessa, and as I recall, Serena entertained the notion of you for quite a while, until she tossed you back where you belong, nothing to worry about,” Chuck shrugs, before he disappears into the crowds. Dan groans at the insult, pulling his arm away from Blair’s, as he heads towards the bar. She trails after him, wanting to explain. Wishing everything could be mended, and preferably not in the public eye.
“Humphrey wait-” she finally catches up to him at the bar, but he doesn’t meet her gaze, adamant not to talk about it, or to embarrass himself further.
“What?” he asks, ordering a beer.
“Well I want to explain,”
“This is typical,” his words are full of a malice she hasn’t heard for ages. “Using me to make Chuck jealous,” he demands.
“No! It’s about about that, that’s not why-” she sighs, terrified.
“Then what? Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? You were all over me yesterday, and upstairs? Blair," he stops, with a short pause, mulling over his words. "You know how I feel about you! What is it, you just wanted to feel loved? Is this a game to you?” then she hears the absolute terror in his voice, the sadness, and she wonders if he’s about to cry, because his voice breaks in the middle of the line. Overtop of that, she can hear the absolute anger, and it fuels her own, but she bites down on it, resists. She's usually hot-headed, but perhaps she's still dizzy from his lips all over her.
“When I said we should talk about it, I didn’t mean here,” she snaps, trying to prolong the confession, trying to keep her budding anger in check. Jesus, can't he just see it already? If I had wanted Chuck, I would be with him right now, you amazingly skilled kisser! You ignorant, sexy man with disastrous hair! I go after what I want! Instead, silence overcomes her, and he trudges on with his pity party, with his anger.
“Why not? We already created a scene,” his voice is full of rage, perhaps misplaced hormones, she thinks.
“Well excuse me for not wanting to make things dramatic!” she responds, growing with anger. Wanting to scream, why can’t we just go somewhere private so I can explain everything, without words....or clothes!
“It’s not my friends who sent a photo of us into gossip girl,” he responds. She swears she’ll hit him again if he mentions being part of a different world, again. God, she never heard the end of that when he was dating Serena.
As if on cue, Serena approaches. Blair wants to shut her eyes and pretend none of this is happening. Once again, one of her plans has gone awry, and she cannot fix it here, not like this. She wants everyone to disappear so she can tell him. A part of her is terrified that she won’t even be able to say it.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Serena snaps, and for a second Blair thinks she’s really about to lose everything.
“S I’m sorry-” Blair starts, but granted it is hard to be genuine with Humphrey yelling at her seconds before.
“You don’t even have the decency to tell me? You’ve been hooking up for weeks” Serena continues.
“S, this is the first time we’ve even touched,” Blair responds, not realizing what is about to happen.
Serena scoffs, shaking her head. Blair expected her to be angry, but not this angry.
“Seriously? You’re still going to lie to me? I bet you’re going to pretend that this is the first time you’ve kissed too?”
“We haven’t done anything before!” Dan stutters, red.
“I expected this from you B, but now you’re turning Dan into a liar?” Serena attacks. There it is, Blair thinks, Serena’s about to claim him again, and all my hard work will vanish.
“Serena, I swear,” Blair tries again, now condescension comes through her tone, and that just enrages Serena more.
“Cut the act Blair!” Serena’s voice rises. “You think I can’t put two and two together?” she snaps, and when neither Blair nor Dan answer, she continues.
“What is it? You thought I couldn’t handle it? You thought I wouldn’t approve?” Serena snaps. “So instead you sneak around behind my back?”
“No, I didn’t tell you S, because nothing happened, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. Nothing happened, nothing to explain,” Blair points out, exasperated.
“Oh please,” Serena shakes her head, angrier, if possible. Blair has no idea what’s coming, and if she did, she would do anything to stop it.
“It’s obvious," Serena lets the word linger, before she continues. The following words come in rapid fire, and Blair can't hear anything but their resounding sound, like an echo of a pin dropping with each one, trying desperately not to turn red with each word.
"You sleep with his book under your pillow” at the first one, Blair shakes her head, closes her eyes, pretends this isn’t happening, because Serena’s noticed every single fucking painstakingly embarrassing detail, and she’s telling them all to him.
“You spend hours getting ready for parties, you complain about wanting desperately to seduce someone, even lying to me and saying it’s no one, when it’s obvious it's Dan. You think I don't notice that you can't even shut up about him for 5 minutes, and at every party, you have to know where he is, not to mention Dan texts me to make sure if you’re ok, is that enough, B? Do I need to go on?” Serena demands.
“No,” Blair shakes her head, her voice is quiet.
“You still can’t even admit it, God Blair, you try to hide all this by pretending you hate him, but ---”
“Serena stop,” Dan asks, his voice soft suddenly, the gentle side of him Blair has come to know and love.
“Are you going to admit it?”
“There isn’t anything going on Serena, I’m sorry you found out this way, but please believe me,” Dan’s voice comes to her as if through a dream, Blair is so distant. She opens her eyes and everything is cloudy, she wants to sit down, she wants to burst into the tears. In all her scheming, and plans to seduce him, a part of her had already thought about telling him she loves him. Maybe like that scene in Atonement, maybe after their passionate sex, a million possibilities had been on her mind, but this had not been one of them.
Serena scoffs.
“Serena...I didn’t know,” he whispers. Suddenly, Blair feels his fingers on her arm, trace around her forearm and squeeze, as if to say it’s ok.
It takes Serena a moment to click in. A moment Blair does not want to handle. She pulls her hand away from Dan’s touch ( ironically the only time she’s ever pulled away from touching him) and refuses to meet his gaze.
“Serena, stop,” she commands. “I’m not obsessed with Humphrey, we’re barely even friends, sure we exchange the occasional pleasantry, and I go to Brooklyn when you won’t shut up about shopping and I need some intellect. And the parties? You think I'm not bored of being perpetually hit on by dozens? I'll say it agin, I'd rather discuss Moby Dick, than mix with some of the society you call friends," she takes a breath, knowing that she'll have to crush both of them. She doesn't want to, god she just wants to pull him into her arms, but this is too embarrassing, this is too much for her, and her fight or flight is kicking in, and she can't stop the words that barrel out of her.
"But don’t make this out to be some dramatic revelation. It’s not a thought out scheme, or plan, or anything with more than 30 seconds thought to it,” she laughs at herself, really only to cover up the pain. “ I wanted to see what the big deal was about, you know, see if I could seduce him, it was so dreadfully easy, though I can see why you occasionally, accidentally love him, I’m not you S, I don’t fall for people from Brooklyn, especially ones who don’t even know how to kiss, it was nothing," she stresses it, but can't bear to look at him, "less than nothing, I was indulging Dan’s fantasies." she pauses, trying to muster air. " It's so obvious he's been fawning and dreaming about me, God you have seen him yesterday! But now we know for certain, that won’t ever be anything but his dreams, ” she insults, turning on her heels.
“Wait! B!” She can hear Serena calling after her, but she’s already started heading towards the door. She doesn’t bother picking up her coat, because she can’t stand turning back even for a fraction of a second to see the damage she’s caused. She only makes it into the back of a limo before she bursts into tears.
**
“DOROTA!” she calls for her the second she gets in, and after many drinks, and lots of denial (No, lonely boy doesn’t make me feel this way! He wishes!) She wakes up with a pounding headache, 9 missed calls ( 6 from Dan) and 3 from Serena. Her phone beeps, collecting messages, and the noise wakes her.
She's still in her dress, lying in her bed as she reaches for her phone and scrolls through her messages, groaning as memories of the previous night come back to her. She should be thankful, she supposes, she did finally kiss him, but if she doesn't play it right, she'll never be able to again...if he still wants her, she wonders.
Dan Humphrey 10: 15 Blair. Pick up your phone.
Dan Humphrey 10: 17 Pick up
Then she discards the phone, hides her face in her hands and ventures to the wash room to shower and cleanse herself of everything that happened last night, and hopefully to rid herself of her treacherous headache.
Dan Humphrey 10:33 We have to talk about this.
Dan Humphrey 10: 45 You can’t avoid me forever.
She barely leaves the house. When she bumps into Serena in the kitchen, or the dining room she says nothing.
“B, I’m sorry, we should talk about this-” but Blair always manages to escape before Serena even talks about anything at all.
Two mornings later, at breakfast, Serena just starts with it,
“You can’t avoid Dan, not after what happened,”
“Serena, it’s not about you, it’s not some giant betrayal, so mind your business,” she snaps, and disappears before Serena can even begin to say anything about Dan having been hers, or that, she’s her best friend and it is her business. After that, she stops going down for breakfast.
Then one morning, as she’s eating breakfast in bed, she hears Dan’s voice. She hasn’t taken his calls, and the text messages have piled up since the party exactly a week ago. 7 tortuous days of avoiding him, of staying cooped up in her apartment, shamed by gossip girl, because of a Humphrey. It’s almost as bad as the time everyone thought she was pregnant by Chuck. But to be locked up inside for fear of being in a gossip girl blast with lonely boy, that’s almost too much to bear. At least that’s what she tells Dorota.
She hears voices,and hopes Dorota remembers her instructions, that no one comes in or out. No one.
“She’s still in bed,” That’s Serena’s voice she hears, and she makes an effort to listen as she bites into her croissant.
“I’m sorry, I had no idea, I thought you knew. Have you talked to her yet?”
“No,” Dan’s voice. She hates how she can recognize it. She hates how she couldn’t spend the last week reliving their very hot moments in the change room, but instead dedicated her evenings to moping around and drinking.
“She’s dodging my calls,” comes a remark veiled in a dark tone.
“It’s Blair, she tends to avoid people when she likes them,” Serena explains. Blair wants to yell through the door Shut up S! You’re making it worse! I DO NOT! But then, she just really wants to hear Dan’s response. She puts away her food, in eagerness for his response. Yet, he cannot come in here, she still can’t face him after what’s happened. She would just die of embaressment.
Dan laughs at that, but she can hear the hurt in his voice.
“I’m not so sure she does, you heard her.”
“Dan, she’s crazy about you, more crazy that usual, you just have to talk to her, we could go in,” Serena offers.
“NO! MISS BLAIR IS RESTING!!” Dorota to the rescue.
“I came here to see her,” Dan responds. She wells at the idea, but hides in her covers, half hoping he'll break the door down, and more hoping he'll just disappear. Maybe she wishes she had the strength to face him, but this, unlike her previous times with love, is not a game.
“I don’t care lonely boy. No visitors. Not even Dorota allowed,” she stresses. A shadow of a smile lingers on Blair’s features, at Dorota’s loyalty.
Then she hears retreating footsteps.
“You’re ok with......i mean...i know this is weird for you,” Dan starts, and at that Blair wants to race out of the room and claim him. Scream, no, S, you had your chance! It’s my turn! But instead, she just bunches up the covers in her fist and listens.
“Yeah it’s weird, but if you care about Blair, and,” Serena sighs. “It’s better than what I thought it was, I was ready to hate both of you for hiding some affair behind my back, but you and I have been over for a long time, and it’s obvious that you have some sort of effect on Blair,”
“Yeah,” he laughs, not believing it himself.
“Look Blair and I can get through anything, but just because I’m ok with it, doesn’t mean I want to talk about it,”
“Yeah”
She hears Serena’s definite departure, the clicking of her heels as she leaves. Then there’s a knock on her door.
“Blair,” she ignores him, as much as she hates to, she does.
“Blair, please,” he’s begging her now, and she’s close to giving in. But then she remembers the shame, her harsh insults, everything she said. He can’t forgive her, she thinks, he shouldn’t. She wouldn’t deserve it.
“AWAY! MISS BLAIR RESTING,” God bless Dorota, she thinks.
“Dorota, I appreciate your loyalty,” Blair almost laughs into her pillow, at the audacity of it, is he honestly trying to make a deal with Dorota? He really does know nothing of her world.
“Serena gone, means Lonely Boy gone too!” Dorota continues.
“Fine, ok!” She hears Dan eventually give up. She hates how she can hear his footsteps retreat. She can't stop thinking about him once he's left, now the memories of their heated tryst in the change room cloud her mind, his moan of her name on repeat. She can't control how much she wants him again. She’s missing him terribly and wants the feeling of his lips on hers.
“What happen with lonely boy?” Dorota asks when she takes breakfast away 20 minutes later.
“Nothing, he’s got some ridiculous notion that we should be together,” Blair lies. Dorota eyes her distrustfully.
“He didn’t...did he say anything else?” Blair asks, innocently. Trying, of course, not too sound as eager as she is.
“Miss Blair not telling me what’s going on! No one allowed to visit, not Serena, not lonely boy, and now you ask if Lonely boy talk about you! What is going on?”
“Clearly I’m delusional, sick! Why do you think I’m resting!” Blair snaps, “But I’m not so delusional that I can’t see your shortcomings, one more word about this and you’ll be teaching Polish in an ESL school in the Bronx!” Blair shouts.
“Ok, Miss Blair resting, always resting,” Dorota promises, throwing her hands up in surrender as she retreats.
It’s getting harder to dodge his calls, to avoid the texts that beg for her attention. Lately, even her erotic fantasies are tainted now, with the drama of gossip girl, with Serena offering what should have been a romantic confession. She still hasn’t let Serena around her long enough to apologize. Because then, Blair knows, she would have to see Dan. She would have to face the truth she’s known for ages, she’s in love with him, but what’s worse is that she would have to verbalize it. Part of her wants desperately to give in and call him and tell him you’re an idiot, but I’m in love with you, so what does that make me? The other part, the one that doesn’t want to get hurt again, is stronger and screams to still avoid him. She's going out of her mind missing him, but her warped logic is superior, even now. He can't last two days before he shows up again.
Dan Humphrey 11: 15 Blair, it’s been more than a week
Dan Humphrey 11:24 How much longer are we going to keep doing this?
Dan Humphrey 11:25 BLAIR! Answer me.
Dan Humphrey 11: 40 You know how I feel.
Dan Humphrey 11: 45 You cannot avoid me forever
Dan Humphrey 11:50 I’m coming over.
“Mister Lonely Boy to see you,” Dorota sticks her head into the room, where she lies on her bed reading Pale Fire.
“I’m not home,” Blair responds. Dorota nods dutifully. First, she hears the shouting.
“Miss Blair not here,” she hears Dorota lie.
“I have to see her,” God, she loves and hates Dan’s determination. She hates also, how it makes her think of his stamina, and she curses the sudden erotic thoughts.
“She not home,”
“Fine, then I can just leave this in her room,”
“NO!”
Then the distinct sound of Dan’s footsteps coming up the stairs, with Dorota’s footsteps after. She can tell, from the thud against her door, that Dorota beats Dan in the race to her room.
“Miss Blair leave instructions, no visitors,”
“I know she’s here, it’s on gossip girl,” Dan responds, his voice so strong it makes Blair tremble. She’s surprised he’s even checked gossip girl. She wishes he would just break down the door, shut up for once and kiss her. Prove to her that he’s in love with her, without the stupid words and neurosis. But of course, as she knows it will be, his follow through isn’t as strong as his initial confidence. She knows that he’s faltering, but too that neither can win against her warped logic.
“Miss Blair not here,” Dorota repeats.
“Then I’ll wait,” he responds. “There’s no one in her room, right?” the handle shakes and Blair drops the book, her eyes suddenly wide.
“NO! Miss Blair not here, Lonely Boy leave!” Dorota snaps, and then a few Polish swear words follow, along with Dan muttering ow. She can’t believe Dorota is actually swatting Dan out of her apartment.
“OK! What if I wait downstairs?” he asks. “Please Dorota. She’s not talking to me, she’s avoiding me, I’m going crazy,”
“You think you try sympathy with Dorota,” Dorota speculates, practically laughing at his effort. Blair has to admire it, she muses.
“No, I just...she won’t talk to me since we kissed,” he responds. Blair’s eyes widen and she swears under her breath. She’ll never hear the end of this from Dorota. She wants to scream at him, yell his last name in fury a billion times. How dare people tell her secrets before she has a chance to. First Serena at the party, and now Dan is buddying up with Dorota and sharing their intimate details. How dare he! ( She temporarily forgets that Dorota knows of the kiss, via the dreadful gossip girl. She threatened Dorota with a pink slip, if she dared mention the kiss or Dan.)
“Lonely boy leave now,” comes Dorota's angry response.
“Please, just give her this?” he asks and Blair burns with curiosity suddenly, fully attentive and listening to the conversation behind the door.
“Leave!”
“Ok,” Dan promises, then he shouts to her, “Blair! You can’t do this forever!”
“OK YOU LEAVE NOW!” then Blair listens to sounds of Dorota shooing him out.
She can't wait to find out what he's left for her, and she evaluates her look, her recent behaviour. This is no way for her to behave, she's confident, and Dan Humphrey is not going to take that away from her. She decides, that once she evaluates his gift, she'll confess it all. Every painful detail. Or perhaps just a few until he's propelled to kiss her again, and all words with hopefully be forgotten.
[Continue]