(no subject)
last night nick took me to the beach. i didn't really take him for someone to be spontaneous but then out of no where he surprises me.
jumping around here, yesterday was also the worst day ever. i was volunteered to work in delran at 7 in the morning, delran is also really far from my house. i got there after being lost for a good half an hour to find, when i got there that they were completely dead. there was nothing to do. i sat around talking to one of the employees when it somehow came up that i was permanently at the mt laurel store. this is the third associate that has told me this. i got frustrated and txt my manager to ask whats going on and why am i the last to find out? to make a really long story short, im stuck there. i was told till june but now as of today i learned that it will indeed be longer than that. as lame as it sounds i can only compare it to having a child. cherry hill was the first store i opened as a managerand it was my child. i was told that i had to come to mt laurel only for a few weeks to help, i said it would be tough but for only a few weeks i could deal. now that i know there is no chance of me going back till june, its like im missing a part of the old store's evolution or something. idk im going to stop talking about this, i sound ridiculous. there is so much panera drama in the management. i complained about having to stay in my laurel and the manager above me took it very personally, and flipped. she yelled at me and said she would have me transfered back dont worry, she'll call the district manager and tell him.
she called back to tell me that he was pissed and said my choices are to stick it out, or step down as a manager. that perhaps that would be less stressful.i work 50 hours and am in school full time, and the company completely ignores this.
im going to quit.
its so weird leaving somewhere i have been for almost two years. i know everyone in the company, ive worked at almost every store, and god oh the free food! its going to suck. but fuck them.
++++++++++++++++++++++
yesterday was one of those days where something terrible kept happening one after the other. nick txt me in the morning and told me he only wanted to be friends, that he didnt think we should kiss or anything any more.
this is right after he told me he really liked me. then the whole thing with work, and then a slew of tiny problems seeming to mock my terrible day. angry customers, i spilled soy sauce all over my car seat, got lost again in delran, and also the chinese food place didnt accept credit.
thats when nick txt me asking to hang out that night as friends, i told him of my terrible day that i wasn't sure. thats when he called me and asked me to go to the beach. nick is the quiet kid from a few entries back for those of you that are still reading. i said yes, and he said he would drive.
we walked across the beach, not really talking but still saying a lot of things, we sat on a dock not talking, not kissing, not touching. i told him a bit about how i felt so busy with work and school that all i could feel was stressed and tired. i just wanted to sleep. i apologized for pushing him away. i told him that i do that when i don't want people to be affected...by whatever. the more we sat in silence doing not much of anything the more i thought, it was weird cause to be honest i cant remember a time before that where i had time to just sit quietly and let any and everything run through my mind in attempts of working things out. i told him i had so much to say but i was afraid of what happened after i said it. i whispered this into his ear, we came closer and rested our heads on each other. sometimes i swear he is so quiet that i can hear him thinking so loudly its as if he is screaming. i asked him what he was thinking and of course he lied. a persons eyes really are the windows to their minds, and his eyes were telling me that the inside was filled with thought.
I've always summarized myself as just fucked up. I'm really fucked up. people fucked me up, its not my fault i manipulate and purposefully let myself come out on the bottom.
I managed to tell him that I really do like him, but its scary knowing that even if one of us doesn't screw it up, he was going away to college in the long run. i thought more. he sat silent while the draft from the tide grew closer to the shore swallowing our dangling feet. the chill traveled up our legs and through our spines drawing us closer to each other. i don't want to be just friends, i told him, i kissed his cheek, i don't think i can not kiss you. his eyes soft as ever stared back at me as he pulled away briefly then kissed me. he told me he didn't want to just be friends either. he said he didn't want me to hurt him. i thought how i was supposed to talk all about how i him to hurt me, and that we would both promise to not hurt each other and then kiss and be a couple then two weeks later we barely know one another. i watched the moon and the stars and i watched the tide as i buried my bare feet in the sand. the more i thought about the boy next to me the more i began to smile. i turned to him and kissed him, i told him that missing out on something is just as bad as losing it in the long run. then i kissed him again,this time with length and sincerity. when our lips parted i told him "i mean it", because i meant it. he smiled and said it was cold, so we stood up and did whatever two boys do as they flirt on the beach. then finally walked back to his car arm in arm.
on the drive home little words were said, i spent the time staring out the moon roof watching the sky stare motionlessly back at me as we flew down the expressway. i watched the clouds and felt safe because nick was next to me holding my hand, watching me, watch the sky, watching back at me. i haven't felt safe like that in a while. i haven't appreciated like that in a while. eventually i fell asleep then we were home.
sometimes if you stare hard enough at the clouds and the sky in general you can almost see the curvature of the earth, it's as if we are all in a giant bio-dome, which makes me think of all the people there are under the same sky, which makes me somehow feel like we are all in this together, no matter what.
jumping around here, yesterday was also the worst day ever. i was volunteered to work in delran at 7 in the morning, delran is also really far from my house. i got there after being lost for a good half an hour to find, when i got there that they were completely dead. there was nothing to do. i sat around talking to one of the employees when it somehow came up that i was permanently at the mt laurel store. this is the third associate that has told me this. i got frustrated and txt my manager to ask whats going on and why am i the last to find out? to make a really long story short, im stuck there. i was told till june but now as of today i learned that it will indeed be longer than that. as lame as it sounds i can only compare it to having a child. cherry hill was the first store i opened as a managerand it was my child. i was told that i had to come to mt laurel only for a few weeks to help, i said it would be tough but for only a few weeks i could deal. now that i know there is no chance of me going back till june, its like im missing a part of the old store's evolution or something. idk im going to stop talking about this, i sound ridiculous. there is so much panera drama in the management. i complained about having to stay in my laurel and the manager above me took it very personally, and flipped. she yelled at me and said she would have me transfered back dont worry, she'll call the district manager and tell him.
she called back to tell me that he was pissed and said my choices are to stick it out, or step down as a manager. that perhaps that would be less stressful.i work 50 hours and am in school full time, and the company completely ignores this.
im going to quit.
its so weird leaving somewhere i have been for almost two years. i know everyone in the company, ive worked at almost every store, and god oh the free food! its going to suck. but fuck them.
++++++++++++++++++++++
yesterday was one of those days where something terrible kept happening one after the other. nick txt me in the morning and told me he only wanted to be friends, that he didnt think we should kiss or anything any more.
this is right after he told me he really liked me. then the whole thing with work, and then a slew of tiny problems seeming to mock my terrible day. angry customers, i spilled soy sauce all over my car seat, got lost again in delran, and also the chinese food place didnt accept credit.
thats when nick txt me asking to hang out that night as friends, i told him of my terrible day that i wasn't sure. thats when he called me and asked me to go to the beach. nick is the quiet kid from a few entries back for those of you that are still reading. i said yes, and he said he would drive.
we walked across the beach, not really talking but still saying a lot of things, we sat on a dock not talking, not kissing, not touching. i told him a bit about how i felt so busy with work and school that all i could feel was stressed and tired. i just wanted to sleep. i apologized for pushing him away. i told him that i do that when i don't want people to be affected...by whatever. the more we sat in silence doing not much of anything the more i thought, it was weird cause to be honest i cant remember a time before that where i had time to just sit quietly and let any and everything run through my mind in attempts of working things out. i told him i had so much to say but i was afraid of what happened after i said it. i whispered this into his ear, we came closer and rested our heads on each other. sometimes i swear he is so quiet that i can hear him thinking so loudly its as if he is screaming. i asked him what he was thinking and of course he lied. a persons eyes really are the windows to their minds, and his eyes were telling me that the inside was filled with thought.
I've always summarized myself as just fucked up. I'm really fucked up. people fucked me up, its not my fault i manipulate and purposefully let myself come out on the bottom.
I managed to tell him that I really do like him, but its scary knowing that even if one of us doesn't screw it up, he was going away to college in the long run. i thought more. he sat silent while the draft from the tide grew closer to the shore swallowing our dangling feet. the chill traveled up our legs and through our spines drawing us closer to each other. i don't want to be just friends, i told him, i kissed his cheek, i don't think i can not kiss you. his eyes soft as ever stared back at me as he pulled away briefly then kissed me. he told me he didn't want to just be friends either. he said he didn't want me to hurt him. i thought how i was supposed to talk all about how i him to hurt me, and that we would both promise to not hurt each other and then kiss and be a couple then two weeks later we barely know one another. i watched the moon and the stars and i watched the tide as i buried my bare feet in the sand. the more i thought about the boy next to me the more i began to smile. i turned to him and kissed him, i told him that missing out on something is just as bad as losing it in the long run. then i kissed him again,this time with length and sincerity. when our lips parted i told him "i mean it", because i meant it. he smiled and said it was cold, so we stood up and did whatever two boys do as they flirt on the beach. then finally walked back to his car arm in arm.
on the drive home little words were said, i spent the time staring out the moon roof watching the sky stare motionlessly back at me as we flew down the expressway. i watched the clouds and felt safe because nick was next to me holding my hand, watching me, watch the sky, watching back at me. i haven't felt safe like that in a while. i haven't appreciated like that in a while. eventually i fell asleep then we were home.
sometimes if you stare hard enough at the clouds and the sky in general you can almost see the curvature of the earth, it's as if we are all in a giant bio-dome, which makes me think of all the people there are under the same sky, which makes me somehow feel like we are all in this together, no matter what.