Spain.
My homelife in spain is pretty odd. M'lady seems to trample on my ego more than any person I've ever met. I've never met anyone who so blatantly finds me physically offensive, and though she is incredibly kind 99.9% of the time, events such as those of the other night's lecture are absolute murder for my self-esteem. She made me fucking cry
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it's great to know yr being talk about overseas. it makes me feel important of sorts. giddy?
uuum also most importantly, i remember my senora doing the same to me tho i was 30 pounds more lisa then than i am now, what were minor body image issues wr heightened to a ridiculous extream. what helped me was actually that exact culture that make me feel like shit. since it's so crazy there.. the aesthetic self and always maintaining it, it kinda gives it's shallowness away. it's more than shallow it's down right fucked up. it helped to see the ads in the paper and biuldboards addressing anorexia problems because it made those same people saying shit about yr weight the "enemy" of women (largly anyway) and their. It helped seeing a tv host (older woman) being also such a drone of fashion that when her co-host asked her what fuck she was wearing (oh how the spanish are blunt) she said "no se, es la moda" as to deflect any fault she could have because she has no choice but to keep up with fashion.. even as an older woman. check out the older women btw.. they are all like.. glammed up on the streets. bizzare. anyway Gabriela.. the fact that they are so fixated on these things and have so many internal problems made it easier for me to be happy and "overweight" than skinny and fucked up. or if not happy then happier than if i were to conform to their cultures way of doing /seeing things...
i hope this helps..
i'm mad she made you cry..
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