*deep sigh* V-day is over already?
Amazing. I have still never actually had a REASON to celebrate V-day. But, I really don't mind. Isn't that crazy? lol I DID buy someone something though. Actually, it was a couple of things. Like a kinda big-ish PINK teddy bear, and cute card from work with a kitten resting its paw on a basset hound puppy's nose. And inside it said "Some relationships are just difficult to explain" LOL It was PERFECT!!! Because just the day before, Josh asked me what was going on between us. I just shrugged, and told Jack about it. Jack got all.. whiney about it in a curiously funny way. He mumbled a why didn't you say something... is that what you think? and then... the rest I couldnt hear through his pillow. hehehe He's so cute when he does that. But... yesterday morning.... when we were all cuddled up together under the blanket for warmth, I got the nerve to quit wasting time and finally ask him... what I DID mean to him. I asked him what I was to him. And if he was pulling a 'Josh' on me. After all, we were unofficially together now for 2 weeks, and I know he isn't with anyone else. His answer eventually came out as a "I'm not sure... I'm kind of confused right now, but I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry." I kept reassuring him that it was okay, and that I understand confusion, very well in fact. I asked him if he was trying to get together with someone else at the moment, and that was why he was confused, but he quickly said a straightfoward "no." So, at least I know that's not it. He ended up staring at the ceiling with a rather serious look on his face, which always gets me on-guard that something's wrong, since thats just not the Jack I know. I apologized for making HIM feel bad, since that just wasn't what I wanted to happen. He insisted that he was okay, but I just turned over, feeling bad for hurting him like that, or at least making him think I felt that. It resulted in him cuddling up with me again and picking on me even more. hehehe (For those that don't know, 'picking on me' either means that he is calling me mean names with the cutest look on his face, which just makes me laugh while flicking him off, or poking my flub, which he knows gets a reaction out of me, and I end up laughing all the while. What can I say? He can make me laugh very easily. ^__^;;; ) And then, as he got up, he .. whined? "Maannn, now I'm going to be thinking about your question all day! Hehehe" I half-assed apologized. And I also told him somewhere that.. I just want to be given a chance, y'know? So.... he knows that much I suppose. But I did keep the information that I have like him for more than a year now, away from him for now. I have actually secretly like him since the first time I met him, but he was SOOOO mean to me, from day one. I mean, he would call me nasty names everytime I said something, and comment on how nobody really like me, and no one wanted to hear anything that I had to say. (Kinda reminded me of Joe Fleschner in middle school, except I still despise Joe. Always have and always will.) So, I was mean back to him, even though I was REALLY attracted to him. Not just becasue of looks either, but he was funny as shit! lol But yeah, I always snapped back at him, and insisted that I HATED him too. But I finally realizd WHY I supposedly hated him. Because even through how mean he was to me, I still had an attraction to him, and I hated for that. I know I'm not the only who has ever felt that way too.
I suppose... that all thats going on right now. Oh, and my dad... is moving on, job-wise. And currently taking on a small project with his brother up in Conneticut. So, I get the whole house to myself for 6-8 weeks!!! Crazy, huh? lol Of course, I'm planning on mostly just... keeping up with my personal health (cooking real food, working out, and the such.) and redoing the guest room into the hangout lounge. lol Maybe I can finish ir before Daddy gets home? I doubt it, but its worth a shot. Not to mention, that work has cut my hours like crazy, cuz the DM sucks ass. But that means I get 3 days off a week now.... more time to work on that stuff at home... I hope. The problem is actually getting to sleep at night, so that I WANT to wake up the next day.
And I have started to go out every morning before school, and either skateboarding down the road, or rollerblading. I've always wanted to get rather decent at skateboarding, and it IS a good workout. lol But, all the same, I dont want to look like a COMPLETE weirdo every morning in front of the neighbors. lol I can rollerblade decently already.... so, we'll see. And Jack was right about something he said to me... I DO eat out all the time, and its really NOT good for me, and it wastes money. So, I'm trying to cook decent food at home, learn a few new recipes, and stop eating after 10pm. I know I CAN do it... Since I DO like cooking anyways (Jack is an avid cook too. kekekeke), and I need to lose weight bad!!! >.< My habits need correcting, man in my life or not. I want to look good either way! I won't get depressed if he does reject me. Since, I'm sure I can still hang out with him and the other guys, just no staying over anymore. No problem in that. And I will have a little tiny bit more time to myself then. Maybe I will actually get some decent sleep, and possibly pick up Yoga again.... (I got lazy, and kept forgetting to just DO it for the last month or so. >.<) But my point was, he wont be disappearing out of my life... I just wont be able to enjoy the more personal side of him anymore. Then, I can improve myself. What if he gets to know me better in that time, and changes his mind? Or what if someone else comes along, and that works out even better? Who knows? All I know, is that it wouldn't have lasted for the rest of my life anyways, so there's no reason to treat it like it's the end of the world. I have a lifetime full of other chances. Thats my new view. Life is short, so just ENJOY yourslef, and quit freaking out if some of the little things don't work out the way you wanted them to. Other people have feelings and lives too. We all have to compromise. And it's worth it, trust me. ^.^
Okay, enough confucious-me for one night. I'm hungry, but not allowd to eat, and I DID want to go out in the morning to blade a bit... so I had better TRY to get some sleep... I've been missing a lot of school lately because of accidentally sleeping in... >.< It needs to stop, NOW.
But, as a parting favor:
Gaze... *girly giggle* isnt he seshy? *blush* I took this piccy. ^^
Jack
I suppose... that all thats going on right now. Oh, and my dad... is moving on, job-wise. And currently taking on a small project with his brother up in Conneticut. So, I get the whole house to myself for 6-8 weeks!!! Crazy, huh? lol Of course, I'm planning on mostly just... keeping up with my personal health (cooking real food, working out, and the such.) and redoing the guest room into the hangout lounge. lol Maybe I can finish ir before Daddy gets home? I doubt it, but its worth a shot. Not to mention, that work has cut my hours like crazy, cuz the DM sucks ass. But that means I get 3 days off a week now.... more time to work on that stuff at home... I hope. The problem is actually getting to sleep at night, so that I WANT to wake up the next day.
And I have started to go out every morning before school, and either skateboarding down the road, or rollerblading. I've always wanted to get rather decent at skateboarding, and it IS a good workout. lol But, all the same, I dont want to look like a COMPLETE weirdo every morning in front of the neighbors. lol I can rollerblade decently already.... so, we'll see. And Jack was right about something he said to me... I DO eat out all the time, and its really NOT good for me, and it wastes money. So, I'm trying to cook decent food at home, learn a few new recipes, and stop eating after 10pm. I know I CAN do it... Since I DO like cooking anyways (Jack is an avid cook too. kekekeke), and I need to lose weight bad!!! >.< My habits need correcting, man in my life or not. I want to look good either way! I won't get depressed if he does reject me. Since, I'm sure I can still hang out with him and the other guys, just no staying over anymore. No problem in that. And I will have a little tiny bit more time to myself then. Maybe I will actually get some decent sleep, and possibly pick up Yoga again.... (I got lazy, and kept forgetting to just DO it for the last month or so. >.<) But my point was, he wont be disappearing out of my life... I just wont be able to enjoy the more personal side of him anymore. Then, I can improve myself. What if he gets to know me better in that time, and changes his mind? Or what if someone else comes along, and that works out even better? Who knows? All I know, is that it wouldn't have lasted for the rest of my life anyways, so there's no reason to treat it like it's the end of the world. I have a lifetime full of other chances. Thats my new view. Life is short, so just ENJOY yourslef, and quit freaking out if some of the little things don't work out the way you wanted them to. Other people have feelings and lives too. We all have to compromise. And it's worth it, trust me. ^.^
Okay, enough confucious-me for one night. I'm hungry, but not allowd to eat, and I DID want to go out in the morning to blade a bit... so I had better TRY to get some sleep... I've been missing a lot of school lately because of accidentally sleeping in... >.< It needs to stop, NOW.
But, as a parting favor:
Gaze... *girly giggle* isnt he seshy? *blush* I took this piccy. ^^
Jack
