*breathes in*
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why have i been so afraid for so long? my god. this is the year of change. i can feel it in my bones.
all this is thanks to the past year. this past year has been so incredibly good for me.
it bums me out if i focus on what could have been. what could have happened if i lit that fire under my ass 5, 4, 3..2 years ago.
but i can't focus on that.
in order to not focus on that i focus on the wonderful things that have happened the past 5 years(although, really there aren't very many at all)that wouldn't be in existance today if i had started with all this sooner. and i love those wonderful things in my life that have happened...because although they aren't many, they're huge things and major parts of the person i am now..and, damn it. i love meeeeeee. most of the time anyways. ha...
the thing that sucks is that once i'm done with these few things that will greatly start to advance my current situation, the sense of pride won't really be there. cause they're thingsi should've have done a long time ago.
i'll have my own little private celebration though...and maybe also with the few people that understand the major fucked upness that has been my life.
boopidy boop.