It's been a while....
but since I came back and found that the banner adds had been removed from my journal, I guess I will move back to LJ...until they make me mad again. I'll get to moving all of my stuff from gj here eventually...maybe...we'll see how lazy I'm feeling.
so here's the Update that I'm sure I owe all of you that still read this:
Recently:
Went to Boston for a week, which was amazing as usual. Everytime I'm there it gets harder and harder to come home and really wish that I could have just stayed and fallen back into the comfortable niche that I built with my friends years ago. They'll never know how much I miss those days of causing trouble for Rice and Safer and wreaking general havoc on the entire town. There are things that I will never forget, that I know I will never find here. I just need to go home, I need to go there and STAY there. This has been on my mind heavily lately. And my mind wanders....to the days that were and how they would be had I never left, how much different my life would be...I would be in a different position entirely.
Aside from my visit, my life has been much more chaotic than ever before, I don't know where my relationship is really going, and try as I might, I'm not sure what I should do, it seems that every attempt I make to try to figure things out or pry for information is dismissed or ignored. What do I do? When is enough really enough? Do I call it quits, or try to make it work? Perhaps the fact that I'm even questioning this is answer enough. Then as I read back to when we got together 2 years ago, when we moved in together and things were so amazing and I wonder...where did we go wrong...what happened to us? I honestly want that back, but I don't know that he wants it as badly as I do, and I refuse to be with someone who isn't willing to put as much effort into our relationship as I am.
On the other hand, however, I have a mighty conflict. This talk of love reminds me only of the love that I left behind when I came here, and how much I truly miss him and need him in my life. It makes me wonder if this is some sort of cosmic sign that I'm refusing to take seriously. I will always love him, like the moon loves the stars, but now, just isn't the right time. I need to make my way home before I can even consider that.
...and I'm torn...
Do I fight for everything that I've come to know and love in the past 2 years that has suddenly become cold? Or do I give it all up and run back to everything that has always been a constant in my life? It's a tough decision that I'm not sure that I am ready to make. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes you need to just take a leap of faith and let the fates guide you in the direction you were meant to fly. So I'll close my eyes and walk blindly into whatever lies down the road, knowing that if disaster finds me, it will only make me stronger.
so here's the Update that I'm sure I owe all of you that still read this:
Recently:
Went to Boston for a week, which was amazing as usual. Everytime I'm there it gets harder and harder to come home and really wish that I could have just stayed and fallen back into the comfortable niche that I built with my friends years ago. They'll never know how much I miss those days of causing trouble for Rice and Safer and wreaking general havoc on the entire town. There are things that I will never forget, that I know I will never find here. I just need to go home, I need to go there and STAY there. This has been on my mind heavily lately. And my mind wanders....to the days that were and how they would be had I never left, how much different my life would be...I would be in a different position entirely.
Aside from my visit, my life has been much more chaotic than ever before, I don't know where my relationship is really going, and try as I might, I'm not sure what I should do, it seems that every attempt I make to try to figure things out or pry for information is dismissed or ignored. What do I do? When is enough really enough? Do I call it quits, or try to make it work? Perhaps the fact that I'm even questioning this is answer enough. Then as I read back to when we got together 2 years ago, when we moved in together and things were so amazing and I wonder...where did we go wrong...what happened to us? I honestly want that back, but I don't know that he wants it as badly as I do, and I refuse to be with someone who isn't willing to put as much effort into our relationship as I am.
On the other hand, however, I have a mighty conflict. This talk of love reminds me only of the love that I left behind when I came here, and how much I truly miss him and need him in my life. It makes me wonder if this is some sort of cosmic sign that I'm refusing to take seriously. I will always love him, like the moon loves the stars, but now, just isn't the right time. I need to make my way home before I can even consider that.
...and I'm torn...
Do I fight for everything that I've come to know and love in the past 2 years that has suddenly become cold? Or do I give it all up and run back to everything that has always been a constant in my life? It's a tough decision that I'm not sure that I am ready to make. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes you need to just take a leap of faith and let the fates guide you in the direction you were meant to fly. So I'll close my eyes and walk blindly into whatever lies down the road, knowing that if disaster finds me, it will only make me stronger.