how it is
so just a little life recap for myself.
going to school in Florida. Happy making friends. i fell in love with a girl in Massachusetts, whom i went to high school with. we had a long distance relationship for a year and a half before i moved up here. i was in complete love to the point i moved schools, lost friends and some happiness. i spent that summer in the town where my family is and where i went to high school. it was a slow long summer. the girl and i had our bits of rocky moments but it was still good. i even went to ireland with her and her family and had for the most part an amazing time. summer ended and i moved to Boston. school was horrible but it was better than working full time. the roomates are great but there was tension witnin me. i broke up with the girl because i knew i she and i had to go out and experience more. i never stopped loving her, but despite her pleas i knew i had to. this made living in the same apartment interesting. i thought i had moved on and pursued various girls. all failed probably due to the fact i hadnt really delt with my own issues. i cooled out for a bit and thought i had caught a break. i met a new girl who i really enjoyed and kicked it off well. the further i went down the road with her the more i realized i still wasnt well and the girl wanted other things than i. i struggled with this for a while feeling used and depressed. around the same time i was experiencing a small fling with the girl who i had moved for in the first place. it was wrong and bad but felt so right. in the end one of us got hurt. she used me to show herself she didnt love me, meanwhile i fell back in love with her. she fought these notions and shot me down, even bringing a boy to the house on valentines day after i told her it would crush me. she did say sorry but the verdict didnt change. she told me today that she didnt love me after i told her i did. i think it finally hit. now i sit here and realize that everything ive worked so hard for these last years mean utterly nothing in the end. sure i know what love is which is more than some people will ever know, yet what now. i live in a physically and mentally cold city. i have no trustworthy friends. im alone once again. i feel the same way i did when i was a small child. there was never anyone home and i was alone for most of the day. i can only hope that i find something to live for because well what the fuck else is there to do.
going to school in Florida. Happy making friends. i fell in love with a girl in Massachusetts, whom i went to high school with. we had a long distance relationship for a year and a half before i moved up here. i was in complete love to the point i moved schools, lost friends and some happiness. i spent that summer in the town where my family is and where i went to high school. it was a slow long summer. the girl and i had our bits of rocky moments but it was still good. i even went to ireland with her and her family and had for the most part an amazing time. summer ended and i moved to Boston. school was horrible but it was better than working full time. the roomates are great but there was tension witnin me. i broke up with the girl because i knew i she and i had to go out and experience more. i never stopped loving her, but despite her pleas i knew i had to. this made living in the same apartment interesting. i thought i had moved on and pursued various girls. all failed probably due to the fact i hadnt really delt with my own issues. i cooled out for a bit and thought i had caught a break. i met a new girl who i really enjoyed and kicked it off well. the further i went down the road with her the more i realized i still wasnt well and the girl wanted other things than i. i struggled with this for a while feeling used and depressed. around the same time i was experiencing a small fling with the girl who i had moved for in the first place. it was wrong and bad but felt so right. in the end one of us got hurt. she used me to show herself she didnt love me, meanwhile i fell back in love with her. she fought these notions and shot me down, even bringing a boy to the house on valentines day after i told her it would crush me. she did say sorry but the verdict didnt change. she told me today that she didnt love me after i told her i did. i think it finally hit. now i sit here and realize that everything ive worked so hard for these last years mean utterly nothing in the end. sure i know what love is which is more than some people will ever know, yet what now. i live in a physically and mentally cold city. i have no trustworthy friends. im alone once again. i feel the same way i did when i was a small child. there was never anyone home and i was alone for most of the day. i can only hope that i find something to live for because well what the fuck else is there to do.