Round 3 Strangers: The Lair
strangefandom was proud to introduce you to Dante's Cove back in round 1. Now we are just as delighted to introduce you to the DC spinoff...
The Lair
Vid Used
"The Boys of the Lair" by Universal131
stream: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIdeFHlT4NY
Grokker Synopsis
The Lair is a private gay club run by vampires, who use the club as a source for attractive young men to feed from. Thom, a local journalist in the small island town begins digging into the anonymous bodies turning up drained of blood, endangering his boyfriend and coming to the attention of the head vampire, Damian, who sees Thom as the reincarnation of his own dead lover. The Lair is an original series, from US specialty channel Here Tv, with a first season of six 27-minute episodes. The tagline on the dvd cover is "Welcome to the Fang Bang" (CLASSY, GUYS.)
The entire season one plotline, according to Wikipedia:
Thom, a reporter for the local paper is locked in a cell. He begins dictating the story into a tape recorder, stating that he has 12 hours before the sun goes down, 12 hours left to live. The remainder of the season is a flashback to the events leading up to the opening scene.
A young man named Eric visits the private sex club known as The Lair. He meets Colin, the club manager. They have sex in a back room and Colin, revealing himself to be a vampire, attacks and kills Eric. Damian, the leader of the vampire group, orders Frankie to dispose of Eric's body. The next day the sheriff finds the body, the latest in a string of "John Doe murders."
Thom meets Frankie, who gives him a necklace Eric had worn. Fellow reporter Laura recognizes the necklace as an amulet from a book detailing myths and legends of the coast. Later at home, Thom's jealous boyfriend Jonathan confronts him, then takes the necklace and goes to The Lair in search of Frankie. There Damian attacks him and leaves him for dead.
Jonathan survives the attack and is taken to the hospital, catatonic. Thom and Laura research the history of the coast further and discuss the possibility of vampires being responsible for the John Doe attacks. Damian works on a portrait of himself which, similar to The Picture of Dorian Gray, he says holds his curse. He and Colin agree to finish off Jonathan. Later, he mystically calls out to Eric, who rises from his table in the morgue.
Damian introduces the newly-risen Eric to the rest of the Lair's "inner circle." Thom tracks Frankie to the club seeking answers about the attack on Jonathan but a terrified Frankie refuses to help. Damien spies Thom's card and telepathically links to him, ordering him to hang himself. Laura intercedes just in time to save Thom. Damian goes to Jonathan's hospital room to kill him but is interrupted by Thom and Laura. A shaken Damian later confides in Colin that Thom is a double of Richard DeVere, the vampire who painted the portrait and who transformed Damian. Damian had driven a stake through DeVere's heart and stolen the painting, which now bore the evidence of his evil deed on its face.
Dr. Belmont and Sheriff Trout, having discovered a stamp on Eric's hand in ultraviolet ink, are startled to discover the same stamp on Jonathan and Thom's hands. The doctor injects Jonathan with an experimental drug which revives him, but Jonathan is stricken with amnesia. Back at The Lair, Damian mentally entrances Thom and commands him to his side. Meanwhile, Colin enlists Frankie in a plot against Damian. Damian, wavering in his belief that Thom is DeVere reincarnated, takes Thom to see the portrait, only to discover it missing.
As Damian worries, the sheriff arrives at the club and momentarily spots Eric. Trout warns Damian that he'll be watching. The doctors see that Jonathan's neck wound is almost completely healed and they discharge him to Laura. Laura, sporting a black eye from her abusive boyfriend Jimmy, takes him home. Damian gathers the family together and accuses one of them of betrayal, demanding the return of the portrait. Privately, Colin sows seeds of doubt about Eric in Damian's mind. Damian takes Thom to the cell and locks him in, then kills Eric by driving a spear through his heart. Eric's body is disposed of again and, when it's found again, a perplexed Sheriff Trout starts to work on getting a search warrant for The Lair. Back at Thom and Jonathan's place, Colin mystically entrances Laura and sets her off to kill Jonathan. Jonathan dodges the strike. As Laura pursues him, Jimmy enters looking for her and she stabs and kills Jimmy. Sheriff Trout arrives and arrests her.
Frankie lures Damian to a store room saying the portrait is there. Colin attacks Damian and seals him behind a brick wall. Colin goes to Thom in his cell and tells him he has twelve hours to live. Sheriff Trout obtains his warrant and he, Jonathan and Deputy Rogers go to search The Lair.
Thom concludes his recording and moments later his cell door mysteriously unlocks. He escapes, but not before encountering a vampire. Thom pulls off the vampire's amulet and the vampire disintegrates. Back home, Thom calls Dr. Belmont and learns of Laura's arrest.
At The Lair, Trout, Jonathan and Rogers split up. Rogers discovers several sleeping vampires, who awaken and attack him. At the jail, Laura tells Thom that Jonathan's gone to The Lair. Thom races over. Colin encounters Jonathan and moments later Trout confronts Colin. Frankie appears and opens fire on the sheriff, who returns fire. Frankie is killed and Trout is gravely wounded. Jonathan grabs a gun and fires on Colin, who, unaffected, vanishes. Thom arrives and spies Trout on the floor. As he tries to help him, Jonathan reveals himself as a vampire and attacks Thom.
Stranger Synopses
Stranger 1
All I knew about this fandom was:
Less than nothing.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Finally, a show that gives us the real scoop on vampires. This show BREAKS IT DOWN in ways that are easy to understand. These are very important things that everyone should know in case you're ever faced with a vampire in your own life. Think of this show as a Vampire Survival Guide.
1) There is a FUGLY blonde vampire that is in charge of EVERYTHING. He sort of looked like you took the too-blonde villain from a John Hughes movie and crossed him with a hockey player who'd gotten face-checked one too many times. Seriously. He's hideous. So be on the lookout for that.
2) All vampires are gay men. So if you think your girlfriend might be a vampire, rest easy, my friend.
3) It is, contrary to what the Twilight books would have you believe, SUPER EASY to fight off a vampire. You just have to push when they try and bite you, and they will fail. Really, they're wimps.
4) And, like any quality vampire lore, it's time to establish the specifics of the vampire recipe. First and foremost - you do NOT have to be a vampire to make one. You must simply look smashing with soapy water running down your chest, and then it will become clear that your blood has magical vampire-making qualities.
Now for the actual steps - TAKE NOTES.
They don't tell you this in books, kiddies, but bathtubs and candles are an ESSENTIAL part of becoming a lesbian...erm..I mean vampire. You must get IN the bathtub in your underwear (it MUST be from American Apparel - no exceptions) and light all of the candles in the universe all the way around it. Then you must get out, walk into the bedroom where your already vampire-looking lover is waiting for you in a smoking-jacket-looking blazer casually leafing through a copy of Lance Bass's critically acclaimed memoirs: "Out of Sync." Make him put it down. Even if he's at a really good part. He will have an eternity to finish that shit once you're done with him. You must make them get INTO the bathtub. And, boys and girls, this is the most important part: when filling a chalice of blood for your...um...companion, it is VITAL that you do not cut yourself in any semi-normal place (your wrist, for example). NO, NO. You must cut a huge gash along your naked, oiled, muscled chest and squeeze the blood out in an awkward fashion in order to fill the only proper vessel for such an occasion: a silver goblet, or maybe a stainless steel prop glass from the clearance section at your local Halloween store. You know, the ones the pop up in September and close a week after Halloween? Yeah, one of those. And then, when your lover drinks presumably drinks said chalice, he will awake in a bathtub full of goo, fully clothed, as a vampire. But dude - do NOT let him go in there in that blazer, because that goo WILL ruin it. A Tide pen will not work on that shit.
4) You can kill vampires in the following ways: stabbing them through the sternum with any random object. Contrary to popular belief, it needn't be wood, and it needn't actually be ANYWHERE NEAR his heart. You can also make them completely go away just by showing them a cross. And, if all else fails, hit them in the head with a frying pan. It's not elegant, but it does work - and they don't want you to know it.
Go and be safe, friends. The Lair will show you the way.
Stranger 2
All I knew about this fandom was:
Absolutely nothing. Never heard of it in my life.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Clearly, all the homoerotic subtext that exists in vampire stories struck somebody as being far, far too subtle, so they decided to eliminate any possible confusion by turning it into overwhelmingly blatant text. The resulting Gayest Vampires Ever spend pretty much all of their time biting each other, which they seem to greatly enjoy despite the fact that they have stupid-looking fangs. I guess they must be sexy to other vampires. I'm trying not to judge. Occasionally, though, they fight each other instead, which, interestingly, they don't use their fangs for, preferring such traditional vampire combat techniques as stabbing each other with spears and hitting each other on the head with frying pans. Except that sometimes it's sexy fighting, and then they bite. This seems a little off to me, somehow, but it's not the only area in which they have somewhat perverse tendencies, as they also spend most of their days (um, nights?) with their shirts off, and yet occasionally take baths fully clothed. I think the moral is, "Gay vampires is the craziest peoples!"
Stranger 3
All I knew about this fandom was:
I'd never even heard of this before when I filled out the poll. Unfortunately, though, while reading old synopses in the community, I was spoilered in the comments about the fact that it contains gay vampires. So I did not get surprise!gay-biting. :(
Here's what this fandom is really about:
This show is about fucking.
Oh no wait, that's Queer As Folk. This show is about biting.
You know, biting, with the penetration, the spurting bodily fluids, the…
Oh, hey, look, there's some fucking! And biting during fucking!
Maybe there's a plot and characters somewhere. Maybe something about one nicer vampire falling in love with a guy and turning him vamp, and then they have to fight off this meaner vampire, and… Oh, whatever, who cares, who needs those things anyway?
Not us, not when we have all these gay playboy vampires, with their buff muscles and big, long, hard… teeth, on the prowl looking for other men's throbbing, pulsating… veins. There's some choking, and rubbing, and lots of sucking, and every once in a while they switch it around and use toys to penetrate each other, like knives and stakes and crucifixes. Or when they're really adventurous they'll experiment with rounded, feminine objects such as chalices and frying pans and bathtubs. But that often leaves them covered in less pleasant, possibly slightly fishy, fluids, and reduced to lighting candles to keep on flaming.
So in the end, they'll always go back for more of that rough, masculine biting.
But baby, they're always gone by sunrise.
Stranger 4
All I knew about this fandom was:
From the signup sheet, I knew that the fandom existed.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
The year: 2012. In a laboratory in the outskirts of Minneapolis, a scientist releases ZX-81, a secret virus designed to rid the world of straight people. But it has hidden consequences. And the world will never be the same.
Our story opens in a simple humble town - a place where people have similar haircuts and there's no shame in owning a baby blue blazer made out of handkerchiefs and wearing underpants that would get Superman roundly mocked. People are happy. There's not a vampire in sight.
And then a traveler comes to stay in the motel, moaning, "The sex - the sex! Oh, god, the anal sex," before he passes out cold. And the town begins to change.
Everywhere, men develop strange spiky haircuts and strange spiky teeth that don't fit in their mouths. And they also develop a taste for manflesh. (Either there weren't any women in this town to start with, or they, when they got infected with ZX-81, went on a quest to find Lucy Lawless and lick her thighs. Could be either, but I like the Lawless thing better, so we'll go with that.)
Men try everything to save themselves, mostly because those teeth are fucking uncomfortable and you can't even close your mouth after you've changed. (Blowjobs. How do any of these people give blowjobs, or do they just spend all their time crouching over each other erotically? If that's how vampires get off, I want my money and approximately eighteens months of my youth back, Anne Rice.)
One dude his bathtub with candles (apparently failing to notice that if he has to get out in a hurry, he's going to light his ass on fire) and lies in a puddle of holy water. He changes.
Another dude tries to kill everyone who is currently infected, but his only weapon is a frying pan (this is why stake control laws are bad, folks), so he just succeeds in giving some manflesh-loving vampires ugly contusions. After a few hours of that, he watches some Buffy and upgrades to pointy sticks, and he takes out a few vampires, but eventually ZX-81 takes him, too. (And then he is sad because there are fewer men left to conquer. Or crouch over. Whichever.)
A third dude puts some blood (that in no way looks like corn syrup dyed red, are you kidding?) in a goblet; he's not sure why, but there was this AD&D campaign he was in back in high school where that activated a protective artifact and why the hell not? (I did mention that it was a simple town full of simple folk, right?) He transforms.
Another dude is totally not at all worried about it, because, hey, cosmetic dentistry will take care of the teeth, and you can always shave your head if you don't like spiky hair, and who doesn't want to have a lot of sex? He takes a shower (and tragically mistakes his bottle of glycerin for body wash, but that happens to everyone sometimes) to get ready and is happily banging dudes by dusk.
Eventually everyone has come all over everyone else and no one has any clothes left. Which is just as well, given what they were wearing. And our little town lives happily ever after. The crypt market soars.
In a laboratory in the outskirts of Minneapolis, a scientist frantically researches the cure for ZX-81, but eventually succumbs to the urge to find Lucy Lawless and lick her thighs.
Stranger 5
All I knew about this fandom was:
I suspected it would be about vampires or supervillians... y'know people who refer to their space as a "lair." I guess that could also apply to a cougar or a lion, so maybe it's a nature documentary. YouTube told me this was "a tribute to the gay-themed vampire TV show," so there you go. Gay-themed vampire TV show. Unsurprising, I guess. Confusing, maybe. Hot, hopefully!
Here's what this fandom is really about:
GAY. VAMPIRES. GAY VAMPIRES. GAAAAAAAAAAAY VAMPIIIIIIIIIIIIRES. Abs. Painstakingly slow candle-lighting. Metaphorical and actual "staking." Hanging out. MAKING OUT!!!! Underpants. Bloody abs. CLAAAAAAAAAAW! Bad tattoos. Frying pans? Unbuttoned shirts. A dead girl (because this is a GAY vampire TV show, after all). Erotic breathplay. Getting nailed. Vindictive ex-boyfriends. In conclusion: GAY. VAMPIRES.
Okay, this is seriously just porn. Or pr0n. Or prawns. If this has a real plot, I will be sad. I'd rather believe that the entire show is just like this vid, full of fangs and abs and whatnot. I could use less slow candle-lighting and more unbuttoned shirts. If I had to guess, some of these guys like being vampires and others are all angsty about it. Because every vampire TV show, gay or otherwise, needs an angsty vampire. And heavily gelled hair.
This may be the fandom that broke my brain. It's a big gay vampire train wreck. And to tell the truth, I love gay vampires. My dad's a gay vampire! I should be all over this. But it just looks like bad softcore porn. I imagine there's some cheesy porn plot like, "Hi, I'm here to fix your refrigerator with my shirt half unbuttoned." And then a shirtless guy with GREAT ABS comes over and is all RAAAAWWWWWWWWR VAMPIRE##!@!#@!! And then they do it, because this vid shows me that The Lair is basically all about doing it. Or at least biting, which might just be how vampires have sex.
SO ANYWAY. Whaaaaaaaa?
Stranger 6
All I knew about this fandom was:
It was news to me that this fandom even existed.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
I will be honest with you. I have no fucking clue what this fandom is about. What I do know is that somewhere, a production company had the following meeting:
Head Producer: So, I called this meeting to talk about our budget.
Producer 1: Oh, god.
Producer 2: Oh, god.
Assistant Producer, under her breath: Oh my fucking god, not again.
Head Producer: So, it turns out cocaine is really expensive! And in college, I was a total poker king, but, like, I guess not in Vegas?
Producer 1: God damn it, Brad.
Head Producer: Yeah! I'm as shocked as you are. So, let's do good news, bad news. First, the bad news: that super-insightful, touching yet hilarious TV series that we all fell in love with? Yeah, we won't be doing it. Waaaaay too expensive. We've barely got enough left to cover catering for something like that.
[Pause.]
Head Producer: So, isn't anyone going to ask me what the good news is?
Producer 1, hollowly: No.
Producer 2, bitterly: No.
Assistant Producer, texting OMFG I HAAAAATE MY BOSS under the table: No.
Head Producer: Tanya, I'm officially making it part of your job duties to ask me what the good news is.
Assistant Producer: Fine. Fine. What is the good news, Brad? You're getting a brain implant?
Head Producer: Witty banter! God, I love this job. But no! The good news is: we're going to do a gay vampire show.
Producer 1: This is the good news?
Head Producer: Yeah! Gay vampires are awesome. And that Anne Rice chick, she's cashing in. Crazy, but cashing in. We can cash in, too!
Producer 2: I can hardly contain my joy.
Head Producer: I know! But here's the thing: it's gotta be, like, a cheap gay vampire show. Like, if we get a second season, maybe we can add some, I don't know, like special effects or whatever? But this season is going to have to be super cheap. Because blow sure isn't.
Assistant Producer: But vampire shows kind of require special effects. Say, transformation scenes?
Head Producer: We won't have any! Just have the eye candy do some snarling. Oh, hey, I almost forgot: I totally know where we can get eye candy super fucking cheap. Vegas, man. Wall to fucking wall eye candy, and most of them will fuck you on the blackjack table if you tell them you make movies and you're casting.
Producer 2: Brad, I hope your cock falls off.
Producer 1: So, teeth molds, special effects dentistry - that's expensive.
Head Producer: Wax vampire teeth. I bought about a bazillion of them at the dollar store on my way in today. If they don't fit, we can just have them kind of snarl some more. Come on! Ask me another one! I am so awesome today I can answer ANYTHING.
Producer 1: Sets? Scripts? Costumes? Crew?
Head Producer: Okay, here's why I am the fucking head of this company: I'm brilliant. And here's my brilliant idea for costumes: we don't need any. We'll just shoot them in what they show up in.
Producer 1: But what if their clothes suck? Like, maybe someone comes to work in a baby blue blazer his mom made him? Or the least sexy underwear ever sold? Or, like, a bondage harness?
Head Producer: Vampires probably don't have such good taste anyway. Plus, okay. We'll get them out of their clothes, like, as fast as possible. They're eye candy! No one wants to see them dressed!
Producer 2: Sets?
Head Producer: I've got a house. You've got an apartment. Tanya has an apartment. Jeanine has an apartment. I make that four sets!
Producer 1: *moans softly and bangs her head against the table*
Head Producer: Jeez, Jeanine. You're going to, like, fuck up your bangs.
Assistant Producer: What about crew?
Head Producer: We're going to have to have a cameraman, sure. But we can save all kinds of money on hairdressing - just get some beauty school student in. We don't need all fancy hair and shit. No one is going to notice if they all have the same haircut - they're eye candy.
Producer 1: Scripts?
Head Producer: We'll just have them bang each other a lot. No need for words when you've got moaning, am I right?
Producer 2: And for props?
Head Producer: You've heard of found art? This is going to be, like, found props. Like, I have a frying pan: we'll use that somehow! You've got that golf club that the handle came off of - we'll totally use that. And you know how Tanya's mom always gives her pillar candles for Christmas? We'll use them! They were like totally a fire hazard anyway at her apartment.
Producer 2, staring bleakly into oblivion: This is going to be worse than Dante's Cove.
Head Producer: What the fuck are you talking about? Dante's Cove was AWESOME. I fucked everyone on that set except Tracy Scoggins!
Assistant Producer: I hate you, Brad.
Head Producer: You're just jealous of my awesome. We start filming tomorrow. Bring your happy faces, people! And about four gallons of corn syrup. We're going to need it.
Stranger 7
All I knew about this fandom was:
Absolutely nothing. Not even the name.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Ooh, gay vampires! Shiny! They're all very pretty indeed. Eeeeexcellent...
This seems fairly straightforward. There are two pretty gay vampire factions - one that lives in a very lavish mansion, and another that lives in a grungy warehouse (though never so grungy that there are problems with vermin or rising damp - unless it's a plot device, of course). The pretty gay vampires from one faction have super-sekrit, but very regular, lusty hookups with pretty gay vampires from the other faction, 'Cause that's always good for creating drama. And there's a LOT of drama going on:
FauxHawk - who wears pink lined hoodies - wrestles with Guy-Wearing-A-Shirt-Made-From-My-Couch* who then needs to shower. He decides he's not quite clean enough, and has a bath with lots and lots of candles.
Chunky Jock - who wears entirely too much jewellery, is shagging Chinstrap. Tragically, Chinstrap gets stabbed with a giant spear by Neil Patrick Harris. Chunky Jock is kinda torn up about this, so he goes to the grungy warehouse to talk to his confidant, Probably-A-DJ.
Back at the mansion, Too-Much-Eyeliner is reading a book on a loveseat (presumably so as not to rumple his velour bedspread) when Ugly-Underwear comes in. Too-Much-Eyeliner is annoyed to be disturbed by someone wearing something that clashes so badly with the decor, and punishes Ugly-Underwear by making him change into some underwear that is just as ugly, but more colour coordinated, and bleed strawberry syrup into a cheap goblet. While Too-Much-Eyeliner takes a nap in a bathtub full of lube and dry ice, things are fraught with tension elsewhere in the mansion, where Pastel-Blazer wafts a frying pan at a defenseless twink, making him swoon.
In the local pub, Only-Straight-In-The-Village has found his girlfriend dead on the bar, and suspects Chunky Jock of the deed! He attempts to ward him off using a cardboard cross wrapped in foil, to limited effect. Luckily for him, the lovechild of Seth Green and Jensen Ackles comes to the rescue, clad in a fetching velour scarf. Chunky Jock and Seth Ackles wrestle for a while, until Only-Straight-In-The-Village impales Chunky Jock with a giant novelty nail (his prop budget sucks, but he does what he can).
Meanwhile, Lost-Boy - who is channelling Keifer Sutherland's hair from the 80's (and has to cut open the necks of his tshirts to accommodate it) - is very disappointed in the twink he was making out with earlier, and the twink is ashamed.
All is not lost for Chunky Jock! After making a swift recovery from his impaling, he triumphs in front of Russell Crowe and his leather buddies at an open mic night, proving that dreams can come true. *sniff*
Seth Ackles gets a gold star for trying, and gets to hook up with Guy-Wearing-A-Shirt-Made-From-My-Couch, and as the sun rises over VampireTown, everyone lives happily every after. The End.
*Seriously, my couch has exactly the same pattern.
Stranger 8
All I knew about this fandom was:
Not a sweet thing
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Gay vampires. I don’t know if it is supposed to be about gay vampires, but that’s definitely what it IS about. I do rather hope it was trying to be about gay vampires. Lord Bling Bling (the blond) is in a dysfunctional hatey relationship with a human he turned vampire, Kinda Generic Dude. However, the whole vampire thing gives Kinda Generic Dude the heebie jeebies, and he wishes he hadn’t been turned. Especially since he’s more interested in Manly Pink. Despite his reservations, Kinda Generic Dude can no longer grasp another way of doing things, so he ends up turning Manly Pink into a vampire in order to remove one of the major obstacles to their relationship. Kinda Generic Dude eventually shaves his head in an effort to not look so darn generic anymore. Unfortunately, it was a little late for that.
Kinda Generic Dude and Manly Pink often have heated conversations where Manly Pink tries to help Kinda Generic Dude remember his humanity. Kinda Generic Dude responds by biting Manly Pink again even though he’s already a vampire. Not sure what that’s supposed to accomplish, exactly. Must be some weird dominance thing. Kinda Generic Dude takes sexy showers, while Manly Pink prefers baths surrounded by candles. This is to illustrate the difference in their approaches to unlife. It’s very symbolic!
Even though Manly Pink would be a more healthy relationship, Kinda Generic Dude can’t seem to resist the calling of Lord Bling Bling. Even when Lord Bling Bling stakes him. This is not a healthy relationship, Kinda Generic Dude! You’re rivalling Bella Swan in lack of survival instinct! And then he runs from Lord Bling Bling’s chambers and continues the cycle of violence with Manly Pink. Not cool, Kinda Generic Dude, not cool.
Then Lord Bling Bling pulls the old “But baby, I can change!” line on Kinda Generic Dude, who foolishly believes him. There’s some tender kissing, and Lord Bling Bling buys Kinda Generic Dude some new clothes because he doesn’t want to be seen with someone so generic. Manly Pink waltzes in in his manly briefs and is horrified by how Kinda Generic Dude has changed. Kinda Generic Dude reads at him THUSLY! So Manly Pink cuts himself to offer Kinda Generic Dude a goblet of blood. Because they don’t drink... wine.
Then he runs off to take a goo bath and Kinda Generic Dude comes to join them. Progress? Kinda Generic Guy decides he needs to get serious about getting Lord Bling Bling out of his life for good this time. So he... knocks out the bartender who is quite possibly the only female character on the show. Then he pulls out a crucifix... while presumably closing his eyes or something. Yeah. And he tries to strangle Lord Bling Bling with his own bling. Unfortunately, Lord Bling Bling thinks this is all some sort of kinky foreplay. Manly Pink with a stake to the rescue though! Apparently gay vampires are really hard to kill though. But they ship Lord Bling Bling off to a fetish club and run off together.
Stranger 9
All I knew about this fandom was:
Thus far what I know about THE LAIR is that it is on the v. gay network (Logo = the gay network, here! = the v. gay network) and that as such it will be v. gay. Also good signs it will be v. gay: the vid title is “Boys of the Lair” and it’s set to dance music.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Apparently the titular boys are vampires. There is a lot of biting going on. Very gay biting. Also, sexytimes bathing. A vampire (one assumes) is sexytimes bathing with candles. Doesn’t he know fire is a bad idea? Dude, you are a vampire. Fire is not your friend, I should not have to be telling you this.
A bleached blonde one (I’ll call him Spike Lite) ogles the other vampires and assorted dudes. Men wander around in tight underwear. Occasionally there are pointy teeth. This is like Buffy fanfic if Andrew wrote it, only with more bloodplay and sexytimes cutting.
Some dude who cuffed his jeans gets whacked with a frying pan, which will surely teach him to buy true to size next time. Vampires fight with each other, some dude waves a cross around, and a guy stabs Spike Lite with the largest nail I have ever seen. Unfortunately it is not a wooden nail and thus Spike Lite lives to see another day. But he has learned his lesson, and is telling the other vampires not to bite people anymore. Shockingly, this does not take, and vampires continue to bite people. The end.
Stranger 10
All I knew about this fandom was:
(did not specify)
Here's what this fandom is really about:
"The Lair" is a reality show that follows a support group for men with epitheliosis, or overactive enamel development. These unfortunate men find that their long, sharp teeth cause problems in their everyday lives, and they meet in pairs to discuss their difficulties and share tips for eating, talking, and showing emotion. These men have developed coping mechanisms which they share with each other, including self-harm and blunting their overgrown teeth on each others' necks and mouths.
The show offers an intimate look at these fellows, who have been shunned by society. The group includes Martin, the pyromaniac hydromaniac, and Chaz, whose fondest wish is to be Milli Vanilli. Brothers Nigel and Levi are training for a mixed martial arts competition, though Nigel struggles with the rule that weapons are not allowed. I felt the most sympathy for Hank, the almost-but-never-nude who can wear nothing more or less than his brightly colored underwear. Along the way, the men share their hopes and dreams, their tears and laughter, and open their hearts in a safe space.
"The Lair" airs weekly on TLC, following "(Jon Visits) Kate Plus 8 (on the Weekends)."
The Lair
Vid Used
"The Boys of the Lair" by Universal131
stream: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIdeFHlT4NY
Grokker Synopsis
The Lair is a private gay club run by vampires, who use the club as a source for attractive young men to feed from. Thom, a local journalist in the small island town begins digging into the anonymous bodies turning up drained of blood, endangering his boyfriend and coming to the attention of the head vampire, Damian, who sees Thom as the reincarnation of his own dead lover. The Lair is an original series, from US specialty channel Here Tv, with a first season of six 27-minute episodes. The tagline on the dvd cover is "Welcome to the Fang Bang" (CLASSY, GUYS.)
The entire season one plotline, according to Wikipedia:
Thom, a reporter for the local paper is locked in a cell. He begins dictating the story into a tape recorder, stating that he has 12 hours before the sun goes down, 12 hours left to live. The remainder of the season is a flashback to the events leading up to the opening scene.
A young man named Eric visits the private sex club known as The Lair. He meets Colin, the club manager. They have sex in a back room and Colin, revealing himself to be a vampire, attacks and kills Eric. Damian, the leader of the vampire group, orders Frankie to dispose of Eric's body. The next day the sheriff finds the body, the latest in a string of "John Doe murders."
Thom meets Frankie, who gives him a necklace Eric had worn. Fellow reporter Laura recognizes the necklace as an amulet from a book detailing myths and legends of the coast. Later at home, Thom's jealous boyfriend Jonathan confronts him, then takes the necklace and goes to The Lair in search of Frankie. There Damian attacks him and leaves him for dead.
Jonathan survives the attack and is taken to the hospital, catatonic. Thom and Laura research the history of the coast further and discuss the possibility of vampires being responsible for the John Doe attacks. Damian works on a portrait of himself which, similar to The Picture of Dorian Gray, he says holds his curse. He and Colin agree to finish off Jonathan. Later, he mystically calls out to Eric, who rises from his table in the morgue.
Damian introduces the newly-risen Eric to the rest of the Lair's "inner circle." Thom tracks Frankie to the club seeking answers about the attack on Jonathan but a terrified Frankie refuses to help. Damien spies Thom's card and telepathically links to him, ordering him to hang himself. Laura intercedes just in time to save Thom. Damian goes to Jonathan's hospital room to kill him but is interrupted by Thom and Laura. A shaken Damian later confides in Colin that Thom is a double of Richard DeVere, the vampire who painted the portrait and who transformed Damian. Damian had driven a stake through DeVere's heart and stolen the painting, which now bore the evidence of his evil deed on its face.
Dr. Belmont and Sheriff Trout, having discovered a stamp on Eric's hand in ultraviolet ink, are startled to discover the same stamp on Jonathan and Thom's hands. The doctor injects Jonathan with an experimental drug which revives him, but Jonathan is stricken with amnesia. Back at The Lair, Damian mentally entrances Thom and commands him to his side. Meanwhile, Colin enlists Frankie in a plot against Damian. Damian, wavering in his belief that Thom is DeVere reincarnated, takes Thom to see the portrait, only to discover it missing.
As Damian worries, the sheriff arrives at the club and momentarily spots Eric. Trout warns Damian that he'll be watching. The doctors see that Jonathan's neck wound is almost completely healed and they discharge him to Laura. Laura, sporting a black eye from her abusive boyfriend Jimmy, takes him home. Damian gathers the family together and accuses one of them of betrayal, demanding the return of the portrait. Privately, Colin sows seeds of doubt about Eric in Damian's mind. Damian takes Thom to the cell and locks him in, then kills Eric by driving a spear through his heart. Eric's body is disposed of again and, when it's found again, a perplexed Sheriff Trout starts to work on getting a search warrant for The Lair. Back at Thom and Jonathan's place, Colin mystically entrances Laura and sets her off to kill Jonathan. Jonathan dodges the strike. As Laura pursues him, Jimmy enters looking for her and she stabs and kills Jimmy. Sheriff Trout arrives and arrests her.
Frankie lures Damian to a store room saying the portrait is there. Colin attacks Damian and seals him behind a brick wall. Colin goes to Thom in his cell and tells him he has twelve hours to live. Sheriff Trout obtains his warrant and he, Jonathan and Deputy Rogers go to search The Lair.
Thom concludes his recording and moments later his cell door mysteriously unlocks. He escapes, but not before encountering a vampire. Thom pulls off the vampire's amulet and the vampire disintegrates. Back home, Thom calls Dr. Belmont and learns of Laura's arrest.
At The Lair, Trout, Jonathan and Rogers split up. Rogers discovers several sleeping vampires, who awaken and attack him. At the jail, Laura tells Thom that Jonathan's gone to The Lair. Thom races over. Colin encounters Jonathan and moments later Trout confronts Colin. Frankie appears and opens fire on the sheriff, who returns fire. Frankie is killed and Trout is gravely wounded. Jonathan grabs a gun and fires on Colin, who, unaffected, vanishes. Thom arrives and spies Trout on the floor. As he tries to help him, Jonathan reveals himself as a vampire and attacks Thom.
Stranger Synopses
Stranger 1
All I knew about this fandom was:
Less than nothing.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Finally, a show that gives us the real scoop on vampires. This show BREAKS IT DOWN in ways that are easy to understand. These are very important things that everyone should know in case you're ever faced with a vampire in your own life. Think of this show as a Vampire Survival Guide.
1) There is a FUGLY blonde vampire that is in charge of EVERYTHING. He sort of looked like you took the too-blonde villain from a John Hughes movie and crossed him with a hockey player who'd gotten face-checked one too many times. Seriously. He's hideous. So be on the lookout for that.
2) All vampires are gay men. So if you think your girlfriend might be a vampire, rest easy, my friend.
3) It is, contrary to what the Twilight books would have you believe, SUPER EASY to fight off a vampire. You just have to push when they try and bite you, and they will fail. Really, they're wimps.
4) And, like any quality vampire lore, it's time to establish the specifics of the vampire recipe. First and foremost - you do NOT have to be a vampire to make one. You must simply look smashing with soapy water running down your chest, and then it will become clear that your blood has magical vampire-making qualities.
Now for the actual steps - TAKE NOTES.
They don't tell you this in books, kiddies, but bathtubs and candles are an ESSENTIAL part of becoming a lesbian...erm..I mean vampire. You must get IN the bathtub in your underwear (it MUST be from American Apparel - no exceptions) and light all of the candles in the universe all the way around it. Then you must get out, walk into the bedroom where your already vampire-looking lover is waiting for you in a smoking-jacket-looking blazer casually leafing through a copy of Lance Bass's critically acclaimed memoirs: "Out of Sync." Make him put it down. Even if he's at a really good part. He will have an eternity to finish that shit once you're done with him. You must make them get INTO the bathtub. And, boys and girls, this is the most important part: when filling a chalice of blood for your...um...companion, it is VITAL that you do not cut yourself in any semi-normal place (your wrist, for example). NO, NO. You must cut a huge gash along your naked, oiled, muscled chest and squeeze the blood out in an awkward fashion in order to fill the only proper vessel for such an occasion: a silver goblet, or maybe a stainless steel prop glass from the clearance section at your local Halloween store. You know, the ones the pop up in September and close a week after Halloween? Yeah, one of those. And then, when your lover drinks presumably drinks said chalice, he will awake in a bathtub full of goo, fully clothed, as a vampire. But dude - do NOT let him go in there in that blazer, because that goo WILL ruin it. A Tide pen will not work on that shit.
4) You can kill vampires in the following ways: stabbing them through the sternum with any random object. Contrary to popular belief, it needn't be wood, and it needn't actually be ANYWHERE NEAR his heart. You can also make them completely go away just by showing them a cross. And, if all else fails, hit them in the head with a frying pan. It's not elegant, but it does work - and they don't want you to know it.
Go and be safe, friends. The Lair will show you the way.
Stranger 2
All I knew about this fandom was:
Absolutely nothing. Never heard of it in my life.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Clearly, all the homoerotic subtext that exists in vampire stories struck somebody as being far, far too subtle, so they decided to eliminate any possible confusion by turning it into overwhelmingly blatant text. The resulting Gayest Vampires Ever spend pretty much all of their time biting each other, which they seem to greatly enjoy despite the fact that they have stupid-looking fangs. I guess they must be sexy to other vampires. I'm trying not to judge. Occasionally, though, they fight each other instead, which, interestingly, they don't use their fangs for, preferring such traditional vampire combat techniques as stabbing each other with spears and hitting each other on the head with frying pans. Except that sometimes it's sexy fighting, and then they bite. This seems a little off to me, somehow, but it's not the only area in which they have somewhat perverse tendencies, as they also spend most of their days (um, nights?) with their shirts off, and yet occasionally take baths fully clothed. I think the moral is, "Gay vampires is the craziest peoples!"
Stranger 3
All I knew about this fandom was:
I'd never even heard of this before when I filled out the poll. Unfortunately, though, while reading old synopses in the community, I was spoilered in the comments about the fact that it contains gay vampires. So I did not get surprise!gay-biting. :(
Here's what this fandom is really about:
This show is about fucking.
Oh no wait, that's Queer As Folk. This show is about biting.
You know, biting, with the penetration, the spurting bodily fluids, the…
Oh, hey, look, there's some fucking! And biting during fucking!
Maybe there's a plot and characters somewhere. Maybe something about one nicer vampire falling in love with a guy and turning him vamp, and then they have to fight off this meaner vampire, and… Oh, whatever, who cares, who needs those things anyway?
Not us, not when we have all these gay playboy vampires, with their buff muscles and big, long, hard… teeth, on the prowl looking for other men's throbbing, pulsating… veins. There's some choking, and rubbing, and lots of sucking, and every once in a while they switch it around and use toys to penetrate each other, like knives and stakes and crucifixes. Or when they're really adventurous they'll experiment with rounded, feminine objects such as chalices and frying pans and bathtubs. But that often leaves them covered in less pleasant, possibly slightly fishy, fluids, and reduced to lighting candles to keep on flaming.
So in the end, they'll always go back for more of that rough, masculine biting.
But baby, they're always gone by sunrise.
Stranger 4
All I knew about this fandom was:
From the signup sheet, I knew that the fandom existed.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
The year: 2012. In a laboratory in the outskirts of Minneapolis, a scientist releases ZX-81, a secret virus designed to rid the world of straight people. But it has hidden consequences. And the world will never be the same.
Our story opens in a simple humble town - a place where people have similar haircuts and there's no shame in owning a baby blue blazer made out of handkerchiefs and wearing underpants that would get Superman roundly mocked. People are happy. There's not a vampire in sight.
And then a traveler comes to stay in the motel, moaning, "The sex - the sex! Oh, god, the anal sex," before he passes out cold. And the town begins to change.
Everywhere, men develop strange spiky haircuts and strange spiky teeth that don't fit in their mouths. And they also develop a taste for manflesh. (Either there weren't any women in this town to start with, or they, when they got infected with ZX-81, went on a quest to find Lucy Lawless and lick her thighs. Could be either, but I like the Lawless thing better, so we'll go with that.)
Men try everything to save themselves, mostly because those teeth are fucking uncomfortable and you can't even close your mouth after you've changed. (Blowjobs. How do any of these people give blowjobs, or do they just spend all their time crouching over each other erotically? If that's how vampires get off, I want my money and approximately eighteens months of my youth back, Anne Rice.)
One dude his bathtub with candles (apparently failing to notice that if he has to get out in a hurry, he's going to light his ass on fire) and lies in a puddle of holy water. He changes.
Another dude tries to kill everyone who is currently infected, but his only weapon is a frying pan (this is why stake control laws are bad, folks), so he just succeeds in giving some manflesh-loving vampires ugly contusions. After a few hours of that, he watches some Buffy and upgrades to pointy sticks, and he takes out a few vampires, but eventually ZX-81 takes him, too. (And then he is sad because there are fewer men left to conquer. Or crouch over. Whichever.)
A third dude puts some blood (that in no way looks like corn syrup dyed red, are you kidding?) in a goblet; he's not sure why, but there was this AD&D campaign he was in back in high school where that activated a protective artifact and why the hell not? (I did mention that it was a simple town full of simple folk, right?) He transforms.
Another dude is totally not at all worried about it, because, hey, cosmetic dentistry will take care of the teeth, and you can always shave your head if you don't like spiky hair, and who doesn't want to have a lot of sex? He takes a shower (and tragically mistakes his bottle of glycerin for body wash, but that happens to everyone sometimes) to get ready and is happily banging dudes by dusk.
Eventually everyone has come all over everyone else and no one has any clothes left. Which is just as well, given what they were wearing. And our little town lives happily ever after. The crypt market soars.
In a laboratory in the outskirts of Minneapolis, a scientist frantically researches the cure for ZX-81, but eventually succumbs to the urge to find Lucy Lawless and lick her thighs.
Stranger 5
All I knew about this fandom was:
I suspected it would be about vampires or supervillians... y'know people who refer to their space as a "lair." I guess that could also apply to a cougar or a lion, so maybe it's a nature documentary. YouTube told me this was "a tribute to the gay-themed vampire TV show," so there you go. Gay-themed vampire TV show. Unsurprising, I guess. Confusing, maybe. Hot, hopefully!
Here's what this fandom is really about:
GAY. VAMPIRES. GAY VAMPIRES. GAAAAAAAAAAAY VAMPIIIIIIIIIIIIRES. Abs. Painstakingly slow candle-lighting. Metaphorical and actual "staking." Hanging out. MAKING OUT!!!! Underpants. Bloody abs. CLAAAAAAAAAAW! Bad tattoos. Frying pans? Unbuttoned shirts. A dead girl (because this is a GAY vampire TV show, after all). Erotic breathplay. Getting nailed. Vindictive ex-boyfriends. In conclusion: GAY. VAMPIRES.
Okay, this is seriously just porn. Or pr0n. Or prawns. If this has a real plot, I will be sad. I'd rather believe that the entire show is just like this vid, full of fangs and abs and whatnot. I could use less slow candle-lighting and more unbuttoned shirts. If I had to guess, some of these guys like being vampires and others are all angsty about it. Because every vampire TV show, gay or otherwise, needs an angsty vampire. And heavily gelled hair.
This may be the fandom that broke my brain. It's a big gay vampire train wreck. And to tell the truth, I love gay vampires. My dad's a gay vampire! I should be all over this. But it just looks like bad softcore porn. I imagine there's some cheesy porn plot like, "Hi, I'm here to fix your refrigerator with my shirt half unbuttoned." And then a shirtless guy with GREAT ABS comes over and is all RAAAAWWWWWWWWR VAMPIRE##!@!#@!! And then they do it, because this vid shows me that The Lair is basically all about doing it. Or at least biting, which might just be how vampires have sex.
SO ANYWAY. Whaaaaaaaa?
Stranger 6
All I knew about this fandom was:
It was news to me that this fandom even existed.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
I will be honest with you. I have no fucking clue what this fandom is about. What I do know is that somewhere, a production company had the following meeting:
Head Producer: So, I called this meeting to talk about our budget.
Producer 1: Oh, god.
Producer 2: Oh, god.
Assistant Producer, under her breath: Oh my fucking god, not again.
Head Producer: So, it turns out cocaine is really expensive! And in college, I was a total poker king, but, like, I guess not in Vegas?
Producer 1: God damn it, Brad.
Head Producer: Yeah! I'm as shocked as you are. So, let's do good news, bad news. First, the bad news: that super-insightful, touching yet hilarious TV series that we all fell in love with? Yeah, we won't be doing it. Waaaaay too expensive. We've barely got enough left to cover catering for something like that.
[Pause.]
Head Producer: So, isn't anyone going to ask me what the good news is?
Producer 1, hollowly: No.
Producer 2, bitterly: No.
Assistant Producer, texting OMFG I HAAAAATE MY BOSS under the table: No.
Head Producer: Tanya, I'm officially making it part of your job duties to ask me what the good news is.
Assistant Producer: Fine. Fine. What is the good news, Brad? You're getting a brain implant?
Head Producer: Witty banter! God, I love this job. But no! The good news is: we're going to do a gay vampire show.
Producer 1: This is the good news?
Head Producer: Yeah! Gay vampires are awesome. And that Anne Rice chick, she's cashing in. Crazy, but cashing in. We can cash in, too!
Producer 2: I can hardly contain my joy.
Head Producer: I know! But here's the thing: it's gotta be, like, a cheap gay vampire show. Like, if we get a second season, maybe we can add some, I don't know, like special effects or whatever? But this season is going to have to be super cheap. Because blow sure isn't.
Assistant Producer: But vampire shows kind of require special effects. Say, transformation scenes?
Head Producer: We won't have any! Just have the eye candy do some snarling. Oh, hey, I almost forgot: I totally know where we can get eye candy super fucking cheap. Vegas, man. Wall to fucking wall eye candy, and most of them will fuck you on the blackjack table if you tell them you make movies and you're casting.
Producer 2: Brad, I hope your cock falls off.
Producer 1: So, teeth molds, special effects dentistry - that's expensive.
Head Producer: Wax vampire teeth. I bought about a bazillion of them at the dollar store on my way in today. If they don't fit, we can just have them kind of snarl some more. Come on! Ask me another one! I am so awesome today I can answer ANYTHING.
Producer 1: Sets? Scripts? Costumes? Crew?
Head Producer: Okay, here's why I am the fucking head of this company: I'm brilliant. And here's my brilliant idea for costumes: we don't need any. We'll just shoot them in what they show up in.
Producer 1: But what if their clothes suck? Like, maybe someone comes to work in a baby blue blazer his mom made him? Or the least sexy underwear ever sold? Or, like, a bondage harness?
Head Producer: Vampires probably don't have such good taste anyway. Plus, okay. We'll get them out of their clothes, like, as fast as possible. They're eye candy! No one wants to see them dressed!
Producer 2: Sets?
Head Producer: I've got a house. You've got an apartment. Tanya has an apartment. Jeanine has an apartment. I make that four sets!
Producer 1: *moans softly and bangs her head against the table*
Head Producer: Jeez, Jeanine. You're going to, like, fuck up your bangs.
Assistant Producer: What about crew?
Head Producer: We're going to have to have a cameraman, sure. But we can save all kinds of money on hairdressing - just get some beauty school student in. We don't need all fancy hair and shit. No one is going to notice if they all have the same haircut - they're eye candy.
Producer 1: Scripts?
Head Producer: We'll just have them bang each other a lot. No need for words when you've got moaning, am I right?
Producer 2: And for props?
Head Producer: You've heard of found art? This is going to be, like, found props. Like, I have a frying pan: we'll use that somehow! You've got that golf club that the handle came off of - we'll totally use that. And you know how Tanya's mom always gives her pillar candles for Christmas? We'll use them! They were like totally a fire hazard anyway at her apartment.
Producer 2, staring bleakly into oblivion: This is going to be worse than Dante's Cove.
Head Producer: What the fuck are you talking about? Dante's Cove was AWESOME. I fucked everyone on that set except Tracy Scoggins!
Assistant Producer: I hate you, Brad.
Head Producer: You're just jealous of my awesome. We start filming tomorrow. Bring your happy faces, people! And about four gallons of corn syrup. We're going to need it.
Stranger 7
All I knew about this fandom was:
Absolutely nothing. Not even the name.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Ooh, gay vampires! Shiny! They're all very pretty indeed. Eeeeexcellent...
This seems fairly straightforward. There are two pretty gay vampire factions - one that lives in a very lavish mansion, and another that lives in a grungy warehouse (though never so grungy that there are problems with vermin or rising damp - unless it's a plot device, of course). The pretty gay vampires from one faction have super-sekrit, but very regular, lusty hookups with pretty gay vampires from the other faction, 'Cause that's always good for creating drama. And there's a LOT of drama going on:
FauxHawk - who wears pink lined hoodies - wrestles with Guy-Wearing-A-Shirt-Made-From-My-Couch* who then needs to shower. He decides he's not quite clean enough, and has a bath with lots and lots of candles.
Chunky Jock - who wears entirely too much jewellery, is shagging Chinstrap. Tragically, Chinstrap gets stabbed with a giant spear by Neil Patrick Harris. Chunky Jock is kinda torn up about this, so he goes to the grungy warehouse to talk to his confidant, Probably-A-DJ.
Back at the mansion, Too-Much-Eyeliner is reading a book on a loveseat (presumably so as not to rumple his velour bedspread) when Ugly-Underwear comes in. Too-Much-Eyeliner is annoyed to be disturbed by someone wearing something that clashes so badly with the decor, and punishes Ugly-Underwear by making him change into some underwear that is just as ugly, but more colour coordinated, and bleed strawberry syrup into a cheap goblet. While Too-Much-Eyeliner takes a nap in a bathtub full of lube and dry ice, things are fraught with tension elsewhere in the mansion, where Pastel-Blazer wafts a frying pan at a defenseless twink, making him swoon.
In the local pub, Only-Straight-In-The-Village has found his girlfriend dead on the bar, and suspects Chunky Jock of the deed! He attempts to ward him off using a cardboard cross wrapped in foil, to limited effect. Luckily for him, the lovechild of Seth Green and Jensen Ackles comes to the rescue, clad in a fetching velour scarf. Chunky Jock and Seth Ackles wrestle for a while, until Only-Straight-In-The-Village impales Chunky Jock with a giant novelty nail (his prop budget sucks, but he does what he can).
Meanwhile, Lost-Boy - who is channelling Keifer Sutherland's hair from the 80's (and has to cut open the necks of his tshirts to accommodate it) - is very disappointed in the twink he was making out with earlier, and the twink is ashamed.
All is not lost for Chunky Jock! After making a swift recovery from his impaling, he triumphs in front of Russell Crowe and his leather buddies at an open mic night, proving that dreams can come true. *sniff*
Seth Ackles gets a gold star for trying, and gets to hook up with Guy-Wearing-A-Shirt-Made-From-My-Couch, and as the sun rises over VampireTown, everyone lives happily every after. The End.
*Seriously, my couch has exactly the same pattern.
Stranger 8
All I knew about this fandom was:
Not a sweet thing
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Gay vampires. I don’t know if it is supposed to be about gay vampires, but that’s definitely what it IS about. I do rather hope it was trying to be about gay vampires. Lord Bling Bling (the blond) is in a dysfunctional hatey relationship with a human he turned vampire, Kinda Generic Dude. However, the whole vampire thing gives Kinda Generic Dude the heebie jeebies, and he wishes he hadn’t been turned. Especially since he’s more interested in Manly Pink. Despite his reservations, Kinda Generic Dude can no longer grasp another way of doing things, so he ends up turning Manly Pink into a vampire in order to remove one of the major obstacles to their relationship. Kinda Generic Dude eventually shaves his head in an effort to not look so darn generic anymore. Unfortunately, it was a little late for that.
Kinda Generic Dude and Manly Pink often have heated conversations where Manly Pink tries to help Kinda Generic Dude remember his humanity. Kinda Generic Dude responds by biting Manly Pink again even though he’s already a vampire. Not sure what that’s supposed to accomplish, exactly. Must be some weird dominance thing. Kinda Generic Dude takes sexy showers, while Manly Pink prefers baths surrounded by candles. This is to illustrate the difference in their approaches to unlife. It’s very symbolic!
Even though Manly Pink would be a more healthy relationship, Kinda Generic Dude can’t seem to resist the calling of Lord Bling Bling. Even when Lord Bling Bling stakes him. This is not a healthy relationship, Kinda Generic Dude! You’re rivalling Bella Swan in lack of survival instinct! And then he runs from Lord Bling Bling’s chambers and continues the cycle of violence with Manly Pink. Not cool, Kinda Generic Dude, not cool.
Then Lord Bling Bling pulls the old “But baby, I can change!” line on Kinda Generic Dude, who foolishly believes him. There’s some tender kissing, and Lord Bling Bling buys Kinda Generic Dude some new clothes because he doesn’t want to be seen with someone so generic. Manly Pink waltzes in in his manly briefs and is horrified by how Kinda Generic Dude has changed. Kinda Generic Dude reads at him THUSLY! So Manly Pink cuts himself to offer Kinda Generic Dude a goblet of blood. Because they don’t drink... wine.
Then he runs off to take a goo bath and Kinda Generic Dude comes to join them. Progress? Kinda Generic Guy decides he needs to get serious about getting Lord Bling Bling out of his life for good this time. So he... knocks out the bartender who is quite possibly the only female character on the show. Then he pulls out a crucifix... while presumably closing his eyes or something. Yeah. And he tries to strangle Lord Bling Bling with his own bling. Unfortunately, Lord Bling Bling thinks this is all some sort of kinky foreplay. Manly Pink with a stake to the rescue though! Apparently gay vampires are really hard to kill though. But they ship Lord Bling Bling off to a fetish club and run off together.
Stranger 9
All I knew about this fandom was:
Thus far what I know about THE LAIR is that it is on the v. gay network (Logo = the gay network, here! = the v. gay network) and that as such it will be v. gay. Also good signs it will be v. gay: the vid title is “Boys of the Lair” and it’s set to dance music.
Here's what this fandom is really about:
Apparently the titular boys are vampires. There is a lot of biting going on. Very gay biting. Also, sexytimes bathing. A vampire (one assumes) is sexytimes bathing with candles. Doesn’t he know fire is a bad idea? Dude, you are a vampire. Fire is not your friend, I should not have to be telling you this.
A bleached blonde one (I’ll call him Spike Lite) ogles the other vampires and assorted dudes. Men wander around in tight underwear. Occasionally there are pointy teeth. This is like Buffy fanfic if Andrew wrote it, only with more bloodplay and sexytimes cutting.
Some dude who cuffed his jeans gets whacked with a frying pan, which will surely teach him to buy true to size next time. Vampires fight with each other, some dude waves a cross around, and a guy stabs Spike Lite with the largest nail I have ever seen. Unfortunately it is not a wooden nail and thus Spike Lite lives to see another day. But he has learned his lesson, and is telling the other vampires not to bite people anymore. Shockingly, this does not take, and vampires continue to bite people. The end.
Stranger 10
All I knew about this fandom was:
(did not specify)
Here's what this fandom is really about:
"The Lair" is a reality show that follows a support group for men with epitheliosis, or overactive enamel development. These unfortunate men find that their long, sharp teeth cause problems in their everyday lives, and they meet in pairs to discuss their difficulties and share tips for eating, talking, and showing emotion. These men have developed coping mechanisms which they share with each other, including self-harm and blunting their overgrown teeth on each others' necks and mouths.
The show offers an intimate look at these fellows, who have been shunned by society. The group includes Martin, the pyromaniac hydromaniac, and Chaz, whose fondest wish is to be Milli Vanilli. Brothers Nigel and Levi are training for a mixed martial arts competition, though Nigel struggles with the rule that weapons are not allowed. I felt the most sympathy for Hank, the almost-but-never-nude who can wear nothing more or less than his brightly colored underwear. Along the way, the men share their hopes and dreams, their tears and laughter, and open their hearts in a safe space.
"The Lair" airs weekly on TLC, following "(Jon Visits) Kate Plus 8 (on the Weekends)."