How To Justify Your Show to the General Masses
In a moment of pure panic, I tried to describe my new fandom addiction to the GBFF the other day. Of course, with him being the GBFF, he completely understood when I said "shirtless, fighting, occasionally hug groping" and accepted it without second thought. But in haste, before I managed to utter that phrase, I came up with a new one.
"Um, it's basically like CW porn."
Then I started thinking about it. Then I expanded on the idea in a conversation with vval:
Meg says:
anyway
Meg says:
so i was thinking about this "cw porn" thing
Meg says:
and how it could be used
Meg says:
i think you basically can say "fill in the random network porn"
Meg says:
like, you know that GA spin off?
Meg says:
with piz?
Val says:
yeah?
Meg says:
he's basically there for eye candy
Val says:
bad choice
Meghan says:
so you'd call him "abc porn"
Meghan says:
like naked winchesters?
Meg says:
"cw porn"
Val says:
theres also a lot of shirtless TW
Meghan says:
"cw porn"
Meg says:
any time that a character is hot and shirtless
Meg says:
or there's ungraphic sex
Val says:
and half naked ED is cheap CW porn?
Meg says:
you can call that um... "cw hardcore"
Val says:
or "cw tries too hard"?
Meg says:
yeah, but that's too long to fit on a t-shirt
Val says:
if you have big boobs it will stretch and fit
Meghan says:
yeah but then you're begging to advertise for durance
Meghan says:
no, dude, i think i'm on to something
Chloe says:
you are?
Meghan says:
or on something, either or
Meghan says:
i really, truly believe that if you have a scene where a charatcer is scantily clad, shirtless, naked (network naked) or they're having ungraphic sex, you can technically call it "that network's porn"
Meghan says:
because that's what they're doing in a nutshell.
*later*
Val says:
and i remembered Chloe's bday on the witches episode?
Val says:
I mean you have an orgy
Val says:
and you have S&M
Meg says:
that's like, "cw gonzo flick"
Val says:
gonzo flick?
Meg says:
gonzo
While going through my admittedly limited knowledge of porn, I have come up with the following handy phrases you may use to the general mass to explain/justify your love for your show. Maybe you like the Wincest, maybe you dig the SV Mexark, maybe you're itching to see T-Bag finally show Michael just who's boss, maybe you're dying to see a Lostie Island gang bang or for the love of god, will Meredith and Cristina ever finally just get over it and throw down?
Maybe you're one of those people with a pairing/ship so dark and disgusting, you don't want anyone to know why you watch Futurama (or whatever) on repeat. For those of you, I have come up with the following handy phrases to explain your obsession (and just why you accidently sent that fic you wrote to your co-workers when you meant it to send it home) without really having to explain:
1. Name the network (FOX, ABC, NBC, CBS, The CW, FX, etc.)
2. Choose the correct type of porn.
3. Admit you're shallow when someone confronts you about it (but secretly laugh at them).
4. Say it proudly and with a one-sided shoulder shrug (very important).
4. Remember that the following terms are subject to your own interpretation of the fandom.
*Porn: Porn is the basic phrase you use for a show using boy!shirtlessness, inoffensive!girl!sluttery, non-graphic!consensual!sex and the light ho!yay:
*Hardcore: Hardcore should only be used when one sees panting, thrusting, moaning or sex more graphic than "it was our first time, we're in L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E", naked!boy or offensive!girl!sluttery (or boy!sluttery for that matter), a little rough/kinky or anytime you believe there is partner swapping.
*Gonzo: Gonzo is a little harder and few will understand the term. Basically? It's dirty, people. We're talking hinted at threesomes, foursomes, group orgies, sex with animals anything that involves making your naughty bits tingle in that way that makes one seek your bunk or hints of incest*. We'd refer to it as "squicky".
*Erotica: Erotica is the teasing. The slowly drawn out of season after season in which you wait, hoping and praying that some day, your ship will end up together. They're MTB, people! MTB! Can also be called cock/clit teasing.
*Gay Porn: Gay porn is the ho!yay people. The hardcore ho!yay that you know in your heart of hearts is not hinted at. Because it's so obvious to you, and occasionally your mother, you must define it outside of just the "porn" box. We've all seen it, most can acknowledge it and if you have the love, embrace it.
Examples:
"Private Practice? Yeah, I watch it. Basically because Chris Lowell is there to bring the ABC porn."
"God, I cannot believe the level of CW hardcore that I'm having to watch to get my Lionel fix. Did you see the g-string that Durance had sticking out of her Daisy Dukes?"
"I'm pretty sure that the shower scene with all the boys was basically Fox gonzo. Especially when Sucre intentionally dropped the soap."
"I will never, ever get to see my Kate/Hurley. The ABC erotica gods are denying me."
"Is there a reason I watch Scrubs? Three words: NBC gay porn. JD totally wants to do every dude on that show."
Note: If incest is your thang (Wincest, Luthorcest, Michael/Lincoln-cest, Sullilanecest, Kanecest, etc) call it porn (or erotica because damn, they ain't ever getting together). If it's something you notice and intrigues you but you're not so into it, it's gonzo.
The pictures used were a basic idea of the descriptors in my head, no offense intended.
Thank you and good night.
"Um, it's basically like CW porn."
Then I started thinking about it. Then I expanded on the idea in a conversation with vval:
Meg says:
anyway
Meg says:
so i was thinking about this "cw porn" thing
Meg says:
and how it could be used
Meg says:
i think you basically can say "fill in the random network porn"
Meg says:
like, you know that GA spin off?
Meg says:
with piz?
Val says:
yeah?
Meg says:
he's basically there for eye candy
Val says:
bad choice
Meghan says:
so you'd call him "abc porn"
Meghan says:
like naked winchesters?
Meg says:
"cw porn"
Val says:
theres also a lot of shirtless TW
Meghan says:
"cw porn"
Meg says:
any time that a character is hot and shirtless
Meg says:
or there's ungraphic sex
Val says:
and half naked ED is cheap CW porn?
Meg says:
you can call that um... "cw hardcore"
Val says:
or "cw tries too hard"?
Meg says:
yeah, but that's too long to fit on a t-shirt
Val says:
if you have big boobs it will stretch and fit
Meghan says:
yeah but then you're begging to advertise for durance
Meghan says:
no, dude, i think i'm on to something
Chloe says:
you are?
Meghan says:
or on something, either or
Meghan says:
i really, truly believe that if you have a scene where a charatcer is scantily clad, shirtless, naked (network naked) or they're having ungraphic sex, you can technically call it "that network's porn"
Meghan says:
because that's what they're doing in a nutshell.
*later*
Val says:
and i remembered Chloe's bday on the witches episode?
Val says:
I mean you have an orgy
Val says:
and you have S&M
Meg says:
that's like, "cw gonzo flick"
Val says:
gonzo flick?
Meg says:
gonzo
While going through my admittedly limited knowledge of porn, I have come up with the following handy phrases you may use to the general mass to explain/justify your love for your show. Maybe you like the Wincest, maybe you dig the SV Mexark, maybe you're itching to see T-Bag finally show Michael just who's boss, maybe you're dying to see a Lostie Island gang bang or for the love of god, will Meredith and Cristina ever finally just get over it and throw down?
Maybe you're one of those people with a pairing/ship so dark and disgusting, you don't want anyone to know why you watch Futurama (or whatever) on repeat. For those of you, I have come up with the following handy phrases to explain your obsession (and just why you accidently sent that fic you wrote to your co-workers when you meant it to send it home) without really having to explain:
1. Name the network (FOX, ABC, NBC, CBS, The CW, FX, etc.)
2. Choose the correct type of porn.
3. Admit you're shallow when someone confronts you about it (but secretly laugh at them).
4. Say it proudly and with a one-sided shoulder shrug (very important).
4. Remember that the following terms are subject to your own interpretation of the fandom.
*Porn: Porn is the basic phrase you use for a show using boy!shirtlessness, inoffensive!girl!sluttery, non-graphic!consensual!sex and the light ho!yay:
*Hardcore: Hardcore should only be used when one sees panting, thrusting, moaning or sex more graphic than "it was our first time, we're in L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E", naked!boy or offensive!girl!sluttery (or boy!sluttery for that matter), a little rough/kinky or anytime you believe there is partner swapping.
*Gonzo: Gonzo is a little harder and few will understand the term. Basically? It's dirty, people. We're talking hinted at threesomes, foursomes, group orgies, sex with animals anything that involves making your naughty bits tingle in that way that makes one seek your bunk or hints of incest*. We'd refer to it as "squicky".
*Erotica: Erotica is the teasing. The slowly drawn out of season after season in which you wait, hoping and praying that some day, your ship will end up together. They're MTB, people! MTB! Can also be called cock/clit teasing.
*Gay Porn: Gay porn is the ho!yay people. The hardcore ho!yay that you know in your heart of hearts is not hinted at. Because it's so obvious to you, and occasionally your mother, you must define it outside of just the "porn" box. We've all seen it, most can acknowledge it and if you have the love, embrace it.
Examples:
"Private Practice? Yeah, I watch it. Basically because Chris Lowell is there to bring the ABC porn."
"God, I cannot believe the level of CW hardcore that I'm having to watch to get my Lionel fix. Did you see the g-string that Durance had sticking out of her Daisy Dukes?"
"I'm pretty sure that the shower scene with all the boys was basically Fox gonzo. Especially when Sucre intentionally dropped the soap."
"I will never, ever get to see my Kate/Hurley. The ABC erotica gods are denying me."
"Is there a reason I watch Scrubs? Three words: NBC gay porn. JD totally wants to do every dude on that show."
Note: If incest is your thang (Wincest, Luthorcest, Michael/Lincoln-cest, Sullilanecest, Kanecest, etc) call it porn (or erotica because damn, they ain't ever getting together). If it's something you notice and intrigues you but you're not so into it, it's gonzo.
The pictures used were a basic idea of the descriptors in my head, no offense intended.
Thank you and good night.