Archive
Tonight I'm looking through the LJ archive, thinking about things. This is the second entry I wrote on LJ, five years ago when I was 16. It was a stream of consciousness piece, which I was doing a lot of back then. Makes me think that people have only one idea, really, and that everything they say is a rearticulation of that one thing, in any number of contexts. Know what I mean?
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Room on fire blazing sun screaming populace help the dog’s burning horseback treehouse I’ve got to get out of here I can feel this room closing in and I can’t even seem to scream where has my voice gone? Did I even have one? Childhood memory dreaming screaming out through the back door leaning beaming I meet with myself in dark rooms huddled silence when I hear people speaking I look at my hands absently where am I going? Where am I going? Where am I? Oh the lovely lovely stars night sky look down absently I smell the scent of rain but I must cut everyone off before I can make a connection I’ve got to run I only want to run I can’t take this heat this starving heat It’s starving me and I can’t eat why run in circles? Why take the familiar vacant trails? They are safe and you know the way maybe too well but you can’t make a decision I don’t even believe in decisions free will is an illusion sun sets birds sing sweet smell of flowers fill the air she could feel lonely standing in a crowd I’m talking but I can’t hear what I’m saying where do words come from I think we just make it up as we go along severed therapy I don’t have the patience for this and I can’t keep up with myself I only neglect everything I must do because I don’t want to face challenges challenges are highly overrated I don’t care what your guidance councilor told you open road clogged arteries I see the star ship is nonexistent where do ideas come from I think we make them up as we go along I’ve got to get out of here this room is too small and it is me…………………
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Room on fire blazing sun screaming populace help the dog’s burning horseback treehouse I’ve got to get out of here I can feel this room closing in and I can’t even seem to scream where has my voice gone? Did I even have one? Childhood memory dreaming screaming out through the back door leaning beaming I meet with myself in dark rooms huddled silence when I hear people speaking I look at my hands absently where am I going? Where am I going? Where am I? Oh the lovely lovely stars night sky look down absently I smell the scent of rain but I must cut everyone off before I can make a connection I’ve got to run I only want to run I can’t take this heat this starving heat It’s starving me and I can’t eat why run in circles? Why take the familiar vacant trails? They are safe and you know the way maybe too well but you can’t make a decision I don’t even believe in decisions free will is an illusion sun sets birds sing sweet smell of flowers fill the air she could feel lonely standing in a crowd I’m talking but I can’t hear what I’m saying where do words come from I think we just make it up as we go along severed therapy I don’t have the patience for this and I can’t keep up with myself I only neglect everything I must do because I don’t want to face challenges challenges are highly overrated I don’t care what your guidance councilor told you open road clogged arteries I see the star ship is nonexistent where do ideas come from I think we make them up as we go along I’ve got to get out of here this room is too small and it is me…………………