First, I echo everyone above- you are NOT a bad person. You are a person who (may) have made some mistakes, but that doesn't mean anything about the essential "goodness" or "badness" of you, and it's irrelevant to your situation right now, and fixating on it isn't going to help things or make the situation better. It's weirdly counter-intuitive, but this is the point where you have to pump yourself up and feel good about yourself!
First- don't worry about how to explain in an interview that you were fired. Most companies specifically avoid saying ANYTHING about the circumstances in which an employee left the company, because it leaves them open to lawsuits. Odds are if a prospective employer calls your old company they'll just confirm that you worked there on the dates you said and then that will be it. PLUS this economy has so many layoffs that you can easily say "they were downsizing" or something along those lines and leave it at that. No one will ask you for specifics and it's very unlikely it will come up. Don't lie- but you can be vague.
You've ALREADY started to make really good decisions by moving to a cheaper apartment and getting a roommate. I would really consider starting to call temp agencies and signing yourself up with them as well as looking for a full time job. If you have any admin skills at all you'll easily make more than you would doing retail or waiting tables, and you can sign up with MULTIPLE agencies to increase your chances of getting a job. Plus there are also profession-specific temp agencies- when I lived in NY I worked with an agency that did temp librarians. AND you're close to a big city, so you'll have more opportunities.
Can you call some of your creditors and tell them you lost your job? I think that with some of them you might be able to negotiate a lower payment for a period of time. Calling will help you out a LOT more than not contacting them- most places would rather work with you than send it to collections. And when you go to your PT appointment, ask the therapist what exercises you can do at home now the you won't be able to continue with therapy.
Finally- the sleeping thing. Depression can ABSOLUTELY fuck with your schedule, and it's definitely possible you have a sleep disorder. It's absolutely something to keep in mind. BUT- are you getting ENOUGH sleep? Are you going to bed early enough to get 8 hours before you have to wake up? There are people who can function on 5 or 6 hours, but I am not someone who can get by on less than 8-9 hours a night- I'm USELESS with less than that. I've had to put up with a lot of grief from people about going to bed so early, (I skipped a lot of parties at MJ!!) but it's worth it. And it might help you to have more than one alarm clock, and to put one far enough away from your bed that you have to get up to go turn it off. All of these are short term solutions that might help until you get to a place where you can talk to someone about the other underlying reasons.
Ultimately- YOU CAN DO THIS. It's fucking SCARY AS HELL right now, but you can buckle down, hustle, and get yourself through this. Focus on smaller tasks and don't think too much about the big picture, and you'll be surprised at how much you can do. Anything that's happened in the past- it's done. It's over. You can't go back and fix it and obsessing over it won't do anything either. Focus on the now! You can do it!!!
First- don't worry about how to explain in an interview that you were fired. Most companies specifically avoid saying ANYTHING about the circumstances in which an employee left the company, because it leaves them open to lawsuits. Odds are if a prospective employer calls your old company they'll just confirm that you worked there on the dates you said and then that will be it. PLUS this economy has so many layoffs that you can easily say "they were downsizing" or something along those lines and leave it at that. No one will ask you for specifics and it's very unlikely it will come up. Don't lie- but you can be vague.
You've ALREADY started to make really good decisions by moving to a cheaper apartment and getting a roommate. I would really consider starting to call temp agencies and signing yourself up with them as well as looking for a full time job. If you have any admin skills at all you'll easily make more than you would doing retail or waiting tables, and you can sign up with MULTIPLE agencies to increase your chances of getting a job. Plus there are also profession-specific temp agencies- when I lived in NY I worked with an agency that did temp librarians. AND you're close to a big city, so you'll have more opportunities.
Can you call some of your creditors and tell them you lost your job? I think that with some of them you might be able to negotiate a lower payment for a period of time. Calling will help you out a LOT more than not contacting them- most places would rather work with you than send it to collections. And when you go to your PT appointment, ask the therapist what exercises you can do at home now the you won't be able to continue with therapy.
Finally- the sleeping thing. Depression can ABSOLUTELY fuck with your schedule, and it's definitely possible you have a sleep disorder. It's absolutely something to keep in mind. BUT- are you getting ENOUGH sleep? Are you going to bed early enough to get 8 hours before you have to wake up? There are people who can function on 5 or 6 hours, but I am not someone who can get by on less than 8-9 hours a night- I'm USELESS with less than that. I've had to put up with a lot of grief from people about going to bed so early, (I skipped a lot of parties at MJ!!) but it's worth it. And it might help you to have more than one alarm clock, and to put one far enough away from your bed that you have to get up to go turn it off. All of these are short term solutions that might help until you get to a place where you can talk to someone about the other underlying reasons.
Ultimately- YOU CAN DO THIS. It's fucking SCARY AS HELL right now, but you can buckle down, hustle, and get yourself through this. Focus on smaller tasks and don't think too much about the big picture, and you'll be surprised at how much you can do. Anything that's happened in the past- it's done. It's over. You can't go back and fix it and obsessing over it won't do anything either. Focus on the now! You can do it!!!
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