A whole lot of isms, but mostly heterosexism.

[strange_tomato]

Given that this Sunday, May 17, is the International Day Against Homophobia, it's interesting that I was recently called out for being heterosexist. To my face, by a lesbian. I was pretty embarrassed. (Not that it would be any better to have this pointed out in another way, but I felt pretty careless.)

Comments

[wtsims]

Being respectful and aware is good, that's one thing. My objection is to the idea that anyone has to constantly double-check every single thing they do to make sure it's all-inclusive. Not possible, and ultimately, I maintain it's a poor goal because I do firmly believe it perpetuates the "us and them" mentality. There is no "us and them"; it's all "us".

Best bet for transfolk is just to ask what they prefer (assuming you're aware in the first place, natch). Maybe they're semi-closeted and in some situations want you to use the birth gender and the name that goes with it. Maybe they're fully embracing their real gender and living full-time that way, so don't want any references to their birth gender or name at all. Or maybe they're gender-fluid by choice.

I have a friend who falls into that category. Birth gender is male, and professionally and academically, he presents as male with his birth name or nickname. Socially, though, there are times when using "she" (and a different name) is right... though it's easy to switch, because when she's chosen to do that, you will be able to tell. She really is a very different person as a woman, not just in terms of dress and appearance but also in mannerisms. I don't know if I've ever seen her in jeans anyhow (unlike when he's male) but if she did show up in jeans I'd still know it was her and not him because they move differently.

Heh, and while I typed all the genders appropriately up there, reading back over it, I can see why some people get confused on the topic.