Love from Last Night (2/2)
Kyungsoo doesn't hear from Jongin the following day, or two days after, or seven. By the time the next weekend rolls around, he's worried he might have said or done something to offend the movie star. Had he been too cold and dismissive when Jongin'd finally shown up? Was it that he'd asked Jongin to leave a party packed with his friends and cut his night short? Or that he'd been caught talking to friendly Wu Yifan, the apparent competition?
Maybe Jongin had simply realized that Kyungsoo was too uptight, too ordinary, too boring, to continue spending time with.
That last thought makes his surroundings dim a little, like a light bulb in the bookstore has burned out. Because it's only been a week, but that's all it takes for Kyungsoo to realize he's in love.
He can't believe it.
The photos from the party take social media by storm. Yes, Kyungsoo checks. He sees Jongin in over half the shots--candid in most, impossible to ignore in all. He finally puts a face to Lu Han, the famous not-quite-ex. The Chinese actor is tall and debonair, and quite frankly, stunning. Wikipedia reveals he's been voted China's Sexiest Man of the Year two years in a row, and that his latest film, Hong Kong, Wo Ai Ni, is already getting Hollywood buzz.
Kyungsoo looks around the bookstore. Mr. Jang is thumbing through The Catcher in the Rye by the shelf marked "S" and Mrs. Woo is wavering between two novels by Elizabeth Gaskell. Through the store window, he can see a plump dachshund on a red lead taking a crap on the sidewalk. He feels very, very small.
That's not where it ends, though. The utter surprise is that Kyungsoo actually shows up in two of the photos, both taken without his knowledge.
In the first, he sits with Jongin by the windows, the two of them smiling at each other. The caption reads, "Kai Kim and friend."
In the second, he is caught in the background of a girl group photo, his face in profile but unmistakeable. He is alone this time, and he looks nervous. There is no mention of him in the caption.
Jongdae and Baekhyun scream at him over the phone.
"Why the fuck are you in these celebrity party pics on Twitter--with Kai Kim?!" That's Baekhyun.
"Why didn't you tell us you were still sleeping with him?!" That's Jongdae.
"I'm not--we haven't done anything," Kyungsoo answers weakly. "We're just friends."
"Uh, yes, you have." That's Baekhyun. "Friends, my ass."
"Look at the way you're staring at each other. Three hundred percent undistilled sexual tension." That's Jongdae.
"What the hell is going on?" Baekhyun, again.
"Nothing's going on," Kyungsoo says, hardening his heart. "We're not even friends, really. I don't know why I said that. It's more like…I think he likes to feel normal once in a while. So he hangs out with me."
"Your face in this photo doesn't say this is a 'once in a while' thing," Jongdae retorts drily. "How long have you been seeing him?"
"I'm not seeing him."
"Semantics," Baekhyun shoots back. "How long?"
"You guys, I'm really not."
The screaming starts up again. "The fuck--just answer the question, Kyungsoo! We haven't seen you in centuries and all the while you've been doing Kai Kim and going to famous people's parties and keeping your budding sex god status from your best friends in the entire world--like, who does that?!" And it goes on.
So he tells them everything, over the line, if only to make the noise stop.
Now, Kyungsoo wishes he'd kept his mouth shut--just sucked it up and let them whine until they ran out of breath. But alas, it's already Thursday afternoon, and the ultimatum hangs over his head like a guillotine.
"We want to meet him," Jongdae had said.
"The fact that he's Kai Kim means nothing," Baekhyun had added. "We want to know if he's worthy of our little monk."
Exasperation pooled at Kyungsoo's temples. "For the last time. We're. Not. Dating,"
"That's what you think," his friends had declared in unison. "Dinner next Friday. Eight o'clock. Bring the movie star or else." The fact that they'd hung up on him immediately after meant that there would be hell to pay if Kyungsoo flaked.
That's how he finds himself pacing around the bookstore, smartphone in hand, trying to summon up the courage to give Jongin a call.
He's been putting it off every day since he's spoken with his friends--but truthfully, he's dying for an excuse to reach out. Two weeks of radio silence wouldn't seem so bad to the average working adult, but Kyungsoo has been conditioned to expect hourly text messages, calls every other day, and visits just as often.
Fuck. He steels himself. Fine. Fuck!
He taps the green call button next to Jongin's number.
The line rings.
Six times.
"Hello?"
Kyungsoo's free hand clenches into a fist. His fingernails dig into the smooth skin of his palm, pressing in deeper as the nerves take hold. "H-hello?"
"Kyungsoo?"
The bookstore owner exhales silently. "Hey, Jongin. How are you?"
"Hey," the actor says, clearly surprised. "I--I'm sorry I've been MIA. I've been busy. With work."
"Oh, no, I understand." Kyungsoo is already folding up, backing out. "I shouldn't have called without checking if you were free. I'll call back some other time."
"No, don't," Jongin cuts in quickly. "This is the first time you've--" He stops in mid-sentence. "I mean, I'm free right now. What's up?"
If this is the only opening Kyungsoo's going to get, he's going to take it. "Well, my friends and I are having dinner tomorrow. No big deal. We're going to our secret samgyeopsal place--it's this hole-in-the-wall, really quiet. I just wanted to ask if… you'd like to come? But if you're busy, it's fine, I know it's really short notice."
"I'd like to come," Jongin says.
The feeling that surges through Kyungsoo is halved by relief and anxiety. "Okay. Okay, great."
He gives Jongin the address of the restaurant and the time they're all meeting up, and Jongin murmurs in the affirmative--"Okay," and "Uh-huh," and "Got it."
Before they hang up, he says, "See you tomorrow." There's a lilt at the very end that makes it sound like a question.
"Yeah," Kyungsoo answers. "See you." He only mouths the rest once he's ended the call. Can't wait.
They arrive at the same time, bumping into each other at the entrance of the barbecue place. It's awkward. The expectant look on Jongin's face is seasoned with caution, and Kyungsoo has to blink a couple of times before making eye contact because he's so tense. They trade shy hellos.
Jongin licks the corner of his mouth, and it eases into a smile. "Long time no see."
Kyungsoo can feel himself melting from his knees to his ankles. He extends his fingers to touch Jongin on the arm. "Come meet my friends."
For all their previous bluster, Baekhyun and Jongdae are rendered completely starstruck. They bow several times when they are introduced to Jongin, as if they are greeting a work superior. When everybody sits down, they remain stiff and formal, backs straight and hands crossed over their laps. They take special pains not to slip into banmal.
"What the hell," Kyungsoo chides them. "Act like you always do. He's our age."
"This is just like the time I met Yoona's friends when we were dating," Jongin muses. Kyungsoo notes the two pairs of widening eyes and is grateful his friends latch onto the top actress' name, instead of that last part. But that means he alone bears the brunt of it, and it filters pink through the apples of his cheeks.
Baekhyun gushes, "Im Yoona? Shit, she's hot."
"So it was true all along!" Jongdae cries. "Your management put up such a front, saying you were just friends and all that jazz."
"That's because she was doing my management on the side," Jongin tells him cheerfully, and that completely breaks the ice.
Just an hour later, Jongdae and Baekhyun can't get enough of the movie star. They ply him with lettuce wraps they piece together with their own hands and offer close to his lips. He obliges them, opening wide. Kyungsoo admires the way he tells each of his stories, with confidence and an unstudied ease. He likes how Jongin manages to be open yet discreet, how he navigates around full-on kiss-and-tell mode while successfully humoring his friends.
They fall all over themselves to pour Jongin a drink, refilling the shot glass every time he downs its contents. Kyungsoo matches him for every one. He's not sure if it's just the soju playing tricks on him when he hears the "Jongin-ah."
Jongdae's the one who starts it, of course. "Jongin-ahhh," he croons. "What do you like most about our Kyungsoo?"
"Tell us everything," Baekhyun chimes in. He gestures to Kyungsoo scornfully. "Asking this one for intel is like drawing blood from a stone."
Kyungsoo stares him down into a puddle, but Jongin just laughs. He's enjoying himself. "Really? What were you guys asking about?"
"You two." Jongdae's eyes are twinkling. "He says you're just friends."
Kyungsoo panics. "They're drunk, ignore them."
"You're drunk," Jongdae teases.
Naturally, Jongin's answer is diplomatic. "We're very good friends," he says, casting a look of familiarity in the bookstore owner's direction. "Kyungsoo's the coolest person I know. That's why I stick to him all the time--I want it to rub off on me."
"What," Kyungsoo mutters, the embarrassment a pox upon his pale face. "You make huge movies for a living. People keel over when they see you on the sidewalk."
"And you're still cooler than me." Jongin smiles at him. His face is so, so soft. "How do you do it?"
"Aww," Jongdae and Baekhyun crow in unison. "Is this the mutual admiration club?" quips the first. "Can we join?" adds the second.
The movie star chuckles, taking the soju bottle between his hands to pour them each another shot. Kyungsoo uses the interlude to still the charm of hummingbirds in his chest.
By the time dinner wraps up, there are two people swaying on their feet. Not Baekhyun and Jongdae, though--they've stayed impressively sober all evening. They smirk at each other knowingly, pushing Kyungsoo into the first taxi that stops in front of the samgyeopsal joint and nudging Jongin in after him with merry farewells.
They've been slinging back shots at breakneck speed. Jongin, out of politeness; Kyungsoo, for liquid courage.
Kyungsoo gives the cabbie his address to punch into the GPS. He leans into the seat, dizzy, and turns completely on his side to face Jongin. "You didn't drive?"
"No," Jongin susurrates. "My manager dropped me off."
"Do you want to drop by my place?" Kyungsoo asks out of nowhere. He keeps count of the seconds it takes for Jongin to answer: a slow and agonizing seven. Jongin hasn't brought up Lu Han all night, and Kyungsoo doesn't have the heart to ask.
"Okay," Jongin says. The remembering prickles over Kyungsoo's skin. All the details of their first meeting are vaguely in order, except everything is the other way around.
Kyungsoo tells the cabbie, "Just one stop, ahjusshi."
It starts the moment Kyungsoo shuts his front door behind him. Jongin doesn't even bother toeing off his shoes, much less leaving the foyer where Kyungsoo's footwear is arranged in neat rows. He just grabs the bookstore owner by the front of his sweater, pushes him firmly against the door, and locks their open mouths together.
Kyungsoo is startled, but he reciprocates instantly. His fingers press into the small of Jongin's back, between his jacket and his T-shirt.
Kyungsoo hasn't kissed a lot of people, not by any standard. But when Jongin captures his lips with luxurious pressure and licks into his mouth on an exhale, Kyungsoo knows he's never had better. Jongin tastes like soju and sugar, strong and sweet. His palm is pressed possessively over Kyungsoo's abdomen, and everything feels delicious.
"Are we going to do this again?" Jongin manages to get out through an endless kiss.
"If you like," Kyungsoo answers, even as their tongues dance. The liquor has stripped him of his natural reserve.
"I want you."
"I want you, too."
"So you're okay with this?"
A smile threatens at the corner of Kyungsoo's mouth. It amuses him, how the actor treats him like fine china right after manhandling him into a doorframe. At the same time, he's breathless with anticipation--and something more. "It's sex, Jongin," he replies, purposely light so he doesn't give himself away. "It's okay."
Before he knows what's happening, things come to a screeching halt.
Jongin's lips freeze over the hinge of Kyungsoo's jaw. He draws back abruptly, eyes drilling into the other's.
It dawns on Kyungsoo that the expression he could never quite make out is this one, right here. It's with a sense of alarm that he is able to distinguish it, finally. Torn--Jongin looks painfully torn.
"What is it?" Kyungsoo asks carefully.
"It's nothing." Jongin is still staring at him, but it's almost like he's talking to himself. "This. It's nothing. Right?"
Dread raises its hackles along Kyungsoo's spine. "I don't understand…"
Jongin uncurls his fingers from the material of Kyungsoo's clothing and shifts his gaze away. Kyungsoo remains under his hands, but they're not touching anymore.
Then, the movie star steps out of his space completely. "Yeah…I think I'm gonna go."
"Right now?"
Jongin nods, just once. "I don't think we should do this anymore."
The silence is brief, but it already stings when Kyungsoo next speaks. "Is it Lu Han?"
The half-laugh rings with bitterness in his ears. "You remember his name?"
"I remember everything you tell me," Kyungsoo says quietly.
Something flits across Jongin's face. "I can't read you," he mutters. "I don't know what goes on inside your head."
Tell him, Kyungsoo wills himself. Just tell him everything!
Jongin's hand is already turning the handle on the door. "Bye," he says. "Thanks for letting me meet your friends."
He's leaving! Kyungsoo's subconscious screams at him. Say it now!
But the old Kyungsoo is creeping back, and the flash of boldness from before has cooled into a timid ember.
So he doesn't say it.
Instead, he cops out. "Goodnight." He grimaces the moment the word leaves his lips. "When will I…are you free any time soon?"
"I don't know." Jongin studies the ground, the door cracked halfway open. "I've got my hands full with the movie."
Kyungsoo deflates. "Right. Right. Of course you do." He gives Jongin more space, tries to smile when Jongin offers him a second bye, and watches Jongin exit in one seamless movement.
The apartment has never felt so empty.
On Saturday, Kyungsoo stays in bed, combs over every little detail, regrets his cowardice, and tugs the covers over his head.
On Sunday, Baekhyun and Jongdae put him in clean clothes and take him to the diner.
"What happened?" Jongdae asks, concerned. "It was going so well."
"I choked," Kyungsoo mumbles. "But before that, I don't know what went wrong."
Baekhyun is baffled. "Do you really think he and Lu Han are back together?" He twists his mouth. "I just can't believe that, considering the way he looks at you."
Kyungsoo decides to embrace his masochistic side. "How does he look at me?"
"I dunno, like you're something rare, or something."
It hurts.
"It's different from the way you look at him," Jongdae shares, wrapping an arm over Kyungsoo's shoulder. "With you, there's this fear--like you're really, really into it, but you're afraid of it, too."
"It?"
"The possibility," Jongdae explains, "that he might actually like you back."
"He doesn't. I don't think he does. I don't know," Kyungsoo groans. He is brimming with questions and unresolved feelings, and his heart's a little broken. "I don't think he wants to see me anymore."
He puts his forehead on the table, and Baekhyun strokes his hair comfortingly.
"Don't give up, dude," Baekhyun clucks. "Just wait it out and see." His voice is so uncharacteristically tender that Kyungsoo replaces his forehead with his cheek, staring up at his friend.
Baekhyun rewards him with a look that's equally sage and comical. "Patience," he whispers. "That's how I get all the honeys."
But it seems Baekhyun has also gotten all the luck. Six months later, Kyungsoo is still waiting.
He'd had taken things into his own hands early on, sending a text message to the movie star.
Hey, Jongin, are you busy this week? Let's have dinner at Gianni's? My treat.
That was Week Two. He still hasn't gotten an answer when Week Twenty rolls around.
On Week Four, he plucks up the nerve to call. The line rings and rings and rings and rings and rings. He tries again on Week Five, and makes a last-ditch effort on Week Twelve. The busy tone always takes over, rude in its rejection.
Kyungsoo imagines this is the way famous people give you the brush-off. They drop off the map, and you're left to find your own way back to the life you had before you met them. Except the Kyungsoo of today watches television, flipping through the entertainment channels to catch even a snippet of Jongin. His movie is buzzy, so the actor turns up everywhere--heartbreakingly handsome, distant, unavailable.
It's not that Kyungsoo deteriorates. Not at all. He still gets to work on the dot, still trawls the online market for titles to carry at Do Specialty Books. He takes his meals at all the right times, pays his bills, combs his hair.
But anyone who's known him long enough can tell something is wrong.
Mr. Jang asks if he would like to go out with his daughter sometime. Mrs. Woo asks if he would like to go out with her son. Kyungsoo declines as sweetly as he can, and gives them both a discount.
Accents wonky, the foreign girls put up cute fists and whisper, "Kyungsoo-sshi, fighting!" The redhead pecks him on the forehead when he's wrapping up her purchases and runs out with her cheeks flaming between her hands.
The elderly couple that comes in every Wednesday starts to ply him with food: fresh fruit and warm bread in brown paper bags, homemade side dishes in Tupperware. "Cheer up, boy," the grandpa grunts out. The grandma tut-tuts. "You poor thing. Who was it?"
Jongdae and Baekhyun are embarrassingly gentle with him. They quit tricking him into their weekend bar crawls and buy DVDs to watch instead. When they pile into his apartment, they bring fried chicken and icy beer. Nobody mentions the name Jongin.
One day, Kyungsoo gets a message from an unregistered number.
Hi Kyungsoo! It's Wu Yifan. Remember the awkward tall guy from Wang PD's party? :P
Kyungsoo texts back: Hey, Yifan. I remember. How'd you get my number?
Another message pings not long after.
Kai Kim :P He was your missing friend? Saw a photo of you two on Twitter a few months ago.
Kyungsoo almost drops his phone as he frantically types: You're with him right now?
The reply can't come fast enough.
Nah, that was yesterday :P We shot a CF together. He said you hung out a lot when he was filming in Changdeokgung? And you own a bookstore! That's awesome.
Kyungsoo types: Yeah, I do, thanks. He finished the movie?
I think so. He didn't tell you? Yifan texts back. Which reminds me, what are you doing tomorrow? I'll be in your area :D
The excuse Kyungsoo comes up with is a blatant lie. Work is crazy right now...sorry, Yifan.
It's cool, the guy replies. But he doesn't let Kyungsoo off the hook. Maybe next time? I promise to make it a fun date.
It's light and sweet, absolutely no pressure. Still, Kyungsoo can't find it in him to respond. He turns off his phone for the rest of the day, unable to get the soft, soft expressions of Jongin's face out of his head.
When the premiere of top star Kai Kim's new film is announced, Kyungsoo doesn't have to think twice. He's going. He'll be one of those wide-eyed red carpet bystanders, ogling for a glimpse of Korea's most famous. He'll stand behind the barriers and wait for Jongin to come. He's been waiting half a year--what's a few more hours?
He knows he's being ambitious, but maybe, just maybe, he'll catch Jongin alone, and Kyungsoo will finally get to explain himself.
Third time's the charm, right?
(He's never believed in that saying, but it's all he's got.)
On the day, Kyungsoo locks up Do Specialty Books at half past five so he can get to the venue early. But it's not early enough, apparently, because the place is already crawling with people. Paparazzi and fans crowd in front of the glamorous theater, fiddling with Pinocchio-nosed DSLRs. The red carpet is just that, a red carpet, without the celebrities gliding over it, and the sectioned-off areas are filled with a restless din.
Kyungsoo swallows down his unease and clutches the simple bouquet in his hands even tighter.
The first star to arrive is Yoona, regal in a shimmering cascade of a gown. She looks exactly the way she does in her advertisements--perfect. Kyungsoo tries not to think about her kissing Jongin with her pretty pink mouth.
Next is the dashing Kim Minseok, the older actor who plays Yoona's jilted husband in the film. The crowd adores him, and their screams say just how much.
Kyungsoo doesn't think it's possible for this place to get any louder. He's already nursing a migraine from the sheer force of sound. But it does get louder--it practically erupts--when Kai Kim steps onto the carpet.
He's in a dark blue suit. His hair is swooped and tousled. His skin glows in the light, and his smile is devastating.
It's been so long, and Kyungsoo falls in love all over again, the sensation bittersweet.
"Kai!" The screams of the fans envelop him, dense and deafening. "Kai!"
There's someone else on the carpet, right behind Jongin--someone tall and lean, with broad shoulders and black hair.
"Oh, my God," wails the teenage girl next to Kyungsoo. "Lu Han-oppa!"
The girl's cry sends an electrified ripple through the rest of crowd. Soon, Kyungsoo can't distinguish the Kais from the Lu Hans, especially when the two actors begin to make their way to the fan section. A PR girl shoves a pair of Sharpies into Jongin's hand. He dips his head in thanks, handing one of the markers to Lu Han.
Autographs. Kyungsoo forgot about the autographs.
For several minutes, the movie star stands directly in front of him, scribbling "Kai Kim" into the notepads and DVDs thrust forth by the crowd.
Their eyes meet briefly. Jongin blinks away--and back again. Recognition blends with disbelief in the slight parting of his lips.
Kyungsoo tries to smile, but finds he cannot. Not with Lu Han standing so close by.
"You're here," Jongin says, his tone flat and celebrity-polite. Kyungsoo winces.
Lu Han glances up from a poster he's just signed and regards Kyungsoo with curiosity. "Who's this, Jongin-ah?"
Kyungsoo thinks he sees Jongin flinch, but that just might be a trick of the light. Of course they're on a real-name basis, he tells himself. Why wouldn't they be.
"Friend of yours?" Lu Han presses. He grins at the girl next to Kyungsoo as he hands back her poster. She swoons.
Jongin still doesn't reply. He only presses his lips together in a tight crescent and drops his eyes, reaching for other things to sign.
"I'm," Kyungsoo stammers. "I'm just a fan."
Jongin definitely flinches this time. What semblance of a smile he had on his face is completely gone. When he raises his eyes, they communicate distress.
The fangirl from before has recouped her senses. She picks up on the strange atmosphere, judging Kyungsoo with suspicion. "You're not a sasaeng are you, ahjusshi? Please don't make Jonginnie-oppa uncomfortable."
Lu Han's gorgeous face loses a bit of its candor. Kyungsoo doesn't miss the way he angles himself ever-so-slightly in front of Jongin.
"No--" Jongin starts to say, holding up a hand.
"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo ekes out. He pushes back into the crowd--back, back, back--until there's a good number of people between him and Jongin. Then he turns and hightails it out of there, the bouquet tattered in his grip.
He vaguely hears a "Wait," but doesn't stop walking.
When Kyungsoo gets to the trash bins outside his apartment building, he takes the bouquet apart. He puts the flowers in the perishable pile, the plastic sheath in the non-perishable pile, and the silk ribbon in the recycle bin.
He ignores the insistent buzzing of his phone, because he's not ready to tell Baekhyun and Jongdae that it's really, really over now. He just climbs into bed in his smart new clothes and shuts his eyes.
The next day is a Wednesday, so he can't sleep in like he wants to.
"Get up," he says aloud. His body obliges. "Thanks," he tells his body.
He chucks the clothes he slept in into the laundry basket and takes a shower. He swallows down some cereal and a coffee and brushes the debris from his teeth. He climbs into old jeans and a black shirt that says "Keep Calm and Read On." He tells himself that's exactly how he's going to get through the rest of the day. Week. Year.
When he takes the train, the day is radiant and oblivious through the windows, and Kyungsoo wishes he had sunglasses to protect his heart.
He hops out four stops later, and from there it's only a few minutes' walk to Do Specialty Books. Kyungsoo drags it out, loitering by shops that have yet to open, perusing the items on display without any real interest. It's almost eight o'clock, and the elderly couple will be shuffling in before nine, but he really doesn't feel like going to work today.
When he rounds the corner of the pottery studio, he isn't expecting to see the suave bronze sedan parked illegally in front of his bookstore.
Jongin steps out of the driver's seat. His long strides cover the distance between them easily. When he gets to the spot where Kyungsoo has stalled, Jongin reaches for his hand.
On instinct, Kyungsoo jerks away. But it doesn't seem to bother the movie star--he just locks his fingers over Kyungsoo's thin wrist and pulls him to the car.
"Get in," Jongin says, gently but resolutely.
Kyungsoo doesn't budge.
"Please, Kyungsoo." The expression on Jongin's face is the softest it's ever been.
The bookstore owner can't help the way he buckles, the way he opens the door and slides into the passenger seat without a fuss.
Jongin's beside him in a hot minute. "Let's go someplace we can talk," he says, before putting the car into drive.
They don't speak on the way. There is only a meaningful silence that swells palpably inside the vehicle, wedging them apart.
Someplace turns out to be Jongin's residence--the penthouse suite in an elegant Gangnam high-rise. The floor-to-ceiling windows and arty, modern furniture would intimidate Kyungsoo if he wasn't so preoccupied with whatever is going to happen next.
They kick off their shoes and Jongin leads the way to the living room, where Kyungsoo does not sit down. He stops next to a chair upholstered in gray suede, twisting his fingers together.
Jongin doesn't sit down, either. He trains his gaze on Kyungsoo and wets his chapped lips with his tongue. He looks terrified.
Slowly, he asks, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Kyungsoo balks. "Huh?"
Jongin repeats, with more conviction this time, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Neither do I." Hope and apprehension halve Jongin's countenance. "Did you think I did?"
"Y-yes."
"Well, I don't." Jongin licks his lips again. "Why did you come to the premiere yesterday?"
But Kyungsoo has his own questions to ask. "What about Lu Han?"
"What about Lu Han?" Jongin snaps out of turn. He lowers his voice, looking contrite. "I told you we broke up. We were already broken up before I met you. You know that."
"But you patched things up at that party," Kyungsoo insists quietly. "You told me."
"God, is that why--" Jongin exclaims, but a frustrated sound leaves his throat before he can finish. "We patched things up as friends. No more hard feelings, no more avoiding each other at events. But we didn't get back together or start dating again or fooling around or whatever it is you thought I was doing with him." Here, Jongin's voice shakes. "If you were thinking about me at all."
"Jongin," Kyungsoo ventures, his emotions in a jumble, "you said things were complicated. I didn't know what to think."
"Kyungsoo," Jongin sighs, "I know. I know I did. But that was about you."
The ground practically shudders. "What?"
"I just, I don't know how to read you."
That sounds so familiar, especially since Kyungsoo could say the same.
"Most of the time, I was sure you only wanted something casual. Just talk. Just sex. Just a friend." Jongin swallows. "But there were always these other times, these moments, and they really made me hope that wasn't the case."
Kyungsoo stops twisting his fingers together.
"You used to get this look sometimes, and I'd catch it, and you'd say these little things," Jongin continues, not quite coherent. "It messed me up so bad. I didn't know if you meant anything by it or if I was just feeding a fantasy."
"What are you saying?"
"Why did you come to the premiere yesterday?" the movie star asks again. He takes a step closer. "Why did you come? Don't lie."
Kyungsoo pushes down the knot in his throat as deep as it can go. "I came to see you."
"Why?"
"I missed you." Kyungsoo bites his lip. "You disappeared on me."
Jongin's face flickers. "I didn't think you'd notice."
"How could I not?" Kyungsoo contradicts him. His face is bathed in heat. "I'm…really…into you."
It's not just Jongin's expression that softens now. His shoulders sag, and his neck curves forward, and his mouth falls open on an exhale--the telltale signs of relief.
Kyungsoo gazes at him, reproachful and lovesick. "I called you," he whispers. "But you wouldn't pick up."
"I'm so sorry," Jongin says, and Kyungsoo's chest squeezes. "I was trying to sort out my feelings." He takes another step in Kyungsoo's direction, hands fidgeting at his sides. "That hasn't really worked out for me."
Before Jongin gets to him and completely addles his senses, Kyungsoo needs to ask one more thing. It skims just above the hush. "So why did you take Lu Han to the premiere?"
And Jongin can't resist--he breaks into a smile, and he's so, so beautiful that Kyungsoo trembles with longing.
"I didn't 'take' him," the actor assures him. "We just carpooled! He lives in the building next door." He takes one final step towards Kyungsoo. They're so close, Kyungsoo can feel the delicate wisps of Jongin's breath on his eyelashes.
"He had a cameo, you know, in the movie," Jongin discloses. "That's why he was there. Well, that and Minseok-hyung. They're pretty much inseparable now." Jongin searches his face. "You would have known that if you'd stayed to let me explain."
Kyungsoo nods and fingers the sleeve of Jongin's T-shirt. It's his own step forward, in a way.
"Six months, Jongin," he murmurs, knowing full well how poignant it is.
"Won't you forgive me?" the other pleads, neck bowing in a measured descent. He's being so careful, so achingly slow. "You don't know how much I've missed you."
"You should've answered my calls," Kyungsoo chides. He is hyperaware of Jongin's plush lips, clearing a path through the air to get to his. "You can't shut me out like that."
"It won't happen again," Jongin says. "I promise."
"And you gave Wu Yifan my number."
"I was testing myself. To see if I would get jealous."
Kyungsoo is leaning towards him now. "And did you?"
"Yeah." Jongin glues his eyes to the bow of Kyungsoo's lips. His throat works silently. "I don't want you texting him, if that's okay."
"Okay," Kyungsoo whispers back.
Their mouths part and just barely graze.
Jongin actually gulps.
"Come on," Kyungsoo urges. "You can kiss me."
When Jongin splays his fingers underneath his jaw, Kyungsoo holds fast to the dip of his waist, and they pull each other in.
The sign on the door of Do Specialty Books reads "Closed" all day.
This time, when Kyungsoo sleeps with the famous Kai Kim, he remembers every single second of it.
They undress each other in broad daylight. They take their time, because they're both a little nervous. Jongin's mouth is damp and tender against his skin. Kyungsoo pays back every kiss by pressing his lips to the same place on Jongin's body. He relishes the scent of Jongin's neck, the smooth curve of his back, the way Jongin whispers, "You're the only one I want." Their mouths never separate for long. Kyungsoo wants to keep Jongin's lovely, lovely taste to himself--a mystery, a secret.
Each time Jongin moves their hips together, and Kyungsoo sighs underneath him, spellbound, Jongin tells him he loves him.
It's the movie star himself who outs them, two months later.
He's doing publicity for the new drama he's working on--a pensive romance set in present-day. Kyungsoo has read through the script. It's basically the Korean reimagining of Jane Austen's Persuasion.
"You should do this," he'd mentioned in passing.
"All right," Jongin had said, reaching over to play with his hair. "As long as you watch it."
Kyungsoo will watch Jongin in anything nowadays.
So, two months later, when Jongin texts him from the set and reminds him to watch Guerrilla Date, Kyungsoo is only happy to oblige.
The interview is already underway when he gets to the right channel. "Tell us about your drama, Kai-sshi," the male host is saying.
"It's based on a novel by Austen, the British author," Jongin informs him. "It's about two young people who love each other but are separated for a long time. And then they meet again, years later."
"Why do they separate?" the host asks, voice pitched to absolute curiosity.
"The family of the girl, who's played by Jung Eun-ji, persuades her to let go of the guy, and she listens," Jongin explains.
"And the guy is your character," the host supplies.
"Yes, exactly."
The host gets a mischievous glint in his eye. "Has that ever happened to you in real life, Kai-sshi?" He nudges Jongin like an old chum. "You can tell us!"
Jongin laughs, and Kyungsoo is pleased to see that he is amused, rather than annoyed. Even when Jongin is in Kai Kim mode, Kyungsoo can always tell the difference.
"Nope," Jongin chirps, nudging the host right back. "None of my exes' families have tried to persuade them against me, hyung." The crowd around them hums in approval, some tittering.
The host picks his answer apart. "If their families didn't, perhaps their friends did?" He's a cheeky one. "We know you've dated your fair share of Hallyu stars."
Jongin takes it all in stride. "I know you know!" The crowd laughs appreciatively at his directness. "But to answer your question, the only kind of persuasion I've had a problem with in my relationships is the kind I inflicted on myself."
The host is intrigued. "Can you elaborate on that?
Casually, like he's discussing the weather, Jongin drops the bomb. "Well, you see, I'm in love with someone right now."
The crowd issues a sharp, collective gasp. Someone sobs.
Jongin plows straight through it. "But a few months ago, I was trying to convince myself not to feel that way."
"Omo!" the host exclaims, clearly overwhelmed by this huge scoop. "You, uh, never fail to surprise us, Kai-sshi!"
Jongin smirks, and Kyungsoo just wants to kiss it right off his face. He feels like he's dissolving into bubbles, because Jongin is talking about him.
"Uh, well, then," the host hesitates. "Is it too much to ask who you're in love with?"
"Sorry, hyung." Jongin's tone is perfectly rueful. "I'd like to keep that private."
The host backpedals, not wanting to push his luck. "I see, I see. We'll respect your wishes, Kai-sshi." Then he asks, "Will you at least tell us why you were second-guessing your feelings?" He peeks at Jongin uncertainly. "You did bring it up yourself…"
"Sure," Jongin says, and the host is instantly reassured.
Jongin stares straight into the camera, like he's locking eyes with Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo alone. "I didn't think they could love me as much as I loved them," he says. "But then I found out they loved me a little more than I thought. And that's enough for me."
The women in the crowd swoon, and a few of the men exchange tiny, begrudging looks. The host congratulates him heartily and proceeds to the business of plugging the drama. All the while, Jongin steals glances at the camera, and he grins like he knows Kyungsoo is tuned in. It's all been pre-taped, of course, but that doesn't really matter.
As soon as the segment is over, Kyungsoo makes a call.
Jongin picks up on the first ring. "Hey, you."
"I love you," Kyungsoo tells him without preamble.
"I love you, too." There's a smile in Jongin's voice. "I really like it when you tell me."
When Kyungsoo replies, it's with more happiness, more contentment, and more bright and shining affection than he's ever experienced in his life thus far.
"I'll tell you every day," he says simply. "If that's enough for you."
Back to Part 1