following up on an comment conversation...
Why do I hate my body so much and suffer from so much appearance related insecurity? It is extremely irrational. I am literally under 5 pounds overweight and have respectable body fat/muscle mass ratios even if they're not athlete rock star proportions. The fact that I exercise a respectable amount doesn't ever mitigate my crazy, psycho insecurities; it's good that I do things that are healthy for my body's functioning, but I eat like a pig, so I rarely have a calorie deficit. Moreover, the insecurity is totally unrelated to how attractive and vain I may be at any given moment: no matter what, there is always an undercurrent of criticism and self-hate. I wish I'd be more rational about this thing and spend less time on it; it's really stupid.