Hormones abound!
God damned hormones..
Lately I have been crying several times a day, I can just think of something and the tears will just flow. This is not normal for me AT ALL.. Today I started crying when I was driving home from school on the freeway and I couldnt see cause of the stupid tears, and almost hit someone. But I cant cry infront of people, its just something that I wont do, I run from the room or something when it happens so they wont see me. And today should of been a happy day, but I just came home in shambles. I cant help it, and nothing seems to cheer me up all the way, like I can be happy for a couple of hours and then the sadness will just set in hardcore. Is my body trying to tell me something? What I mean by that, Is there something that I am ignoring emotions wise that my body wants me to deal with? Or is this just my hormones going whacko from the chemo. Im soo confused. Maybe I am in mourning still, and I tried to get on with a normal life without dealing with some things from this sickness. And what made today worse was I found out why Kimi no longer talks to me anymore. Aparently she has been going around telling people that I'm some psycho because I told her that I wanted to be a therapist for a career, and I wanted to analyze her or something like that. And I was asking her too many personal questions. What the hell?? this makes no sense at all, but I can belive it. Ive gotten no clear answer from her, because she isnt a confrontation type of person, she likes to keep things in, and not talk about them. And me? Well I'm a debater, I love arguments, I think it brings people closer together because you get things out in the open, therefore you shouldnt have resentment for the person because you should be telling them things if they bother you. I'm sick of all these passive agressive people. Jesus, if something is bothering you just say it dammit!
But Im not going to leave this entry with negative thoughts, I must have something positive to talk about... And yes, I do.. Since I didnt get anything for my grandma for mothers day in the past years, I just didnt think it was apropritate. Like I was forgeting my mom or something. I had Gabe take some pictures of me in the park so she can hang them up at work. Hey, its the best I can do at this point, besides if I buy her anything she wont use it. Pictures last forever.. And I can feel a little crush brewing deep inside of me, tehe. But I wont say his name, screw that. Ill just say that he has never been mentioned in my lj for this reason. I dont want everyone to know, it takes the fun out of it. Because someone is inevitably going to read this and tell that person.
Lately I have been crying several times a day, I can just think of something and the tears will just flow. This is not normal for me AT ALL.. Today I started crying when I was driving home from school on the freeway and I couldnt see cause of the stupid tears, and almost hit someone. But I cant cry infront of people, its just something that I wont do, I run from the room or something when it happens so they wont see me. And today should of been a happy day, but I just came home in shambles. I cant help it, and nothing seems to cheer me up all the way, like I can be happy for a couple of hours and then the sadness will just set in hardcore. Is my body trying to tell me something? What I mean by that, Is there something that I am ignoring emotions wise that my body wants me to deal with? Or is this just my hormones going whacko from the chemo. Im soo confused. Maybe I am in mourning still, and I tried to get on with a normal life without dealing with some things from this sickness. And what made today worse was I found out why Kimi no longer talks to me anymore. Aparently she has been going around telling people that I'm some psycho because I told her that I wanted to be a therapist for a career, and I wanted to analyze her or something like that. And I was asking her too many personal questions. What the hell?? this makes no sense at all, but I can belive it. Ive gotten no clear answer from her, because she isnt a confrontation type of person, she likes to keep things in, and not talk about them. And me? Well I'm a debater, I love arguments, I think it brings people closer together because you get things out in the open, therefore you shouldnt have resentment for the person because you should be telling them things if they bother you. I'm sick of all these passive agressive people. Jesus, if something is bothering you just say it dammit!
But Im not going to leave this entry with negative thoughts, I must have something positive to talk about... And yes, I do.. Since I didnt get anything for my grandma for mothers day in the past years, I just didnt think it was apropritate. Like I was forgeting my mom or something. I had Gabe take some pictures of me in the park so she can hang them up at work. Hey, its the best I can do at this point, besides if I buy her anything she wont use it. Pictures last forever.. And I can feel a little crush brewing deep inside of me, tehe. But I wont say his name, screw that. Ill just say that he has never been mentioned in my lj for this reason. I dont want everyone to know, it takes the fun out of it. Because someone is inevitably going to read this and tell that person.