(no subject)
i am so tired and i still have so much to do before i head to missouri city tonight. part of me wants to have the energy to do it all but part of me wants to say "fuck it," curl into a little ball and deal with the fact that i'm just a tad bit scared i might die tomorrow. it's silly. it was an isolated incident and a freak thing, but if they were correct then in saying that it was probably the anesthesia that caused the edema then i guess i'm scared that i'll wake up tomorrow choking on the fluid in my lungs again.
maybe i'm just nervous because everything has had such a ridiculous sense of finality to it lately. in the last month, i've re-met just about everyone from every major stage in my life despite running hard to keep all of them separate. it seems like everything is moving, pushing toward some end i can't quite make out, like some crappy movie nearing the end with the writers rushing to resolve all of the storylines...
what if they fuck up my knee? he asked me if the pain was something i could live with and i said no, but maybe i should have thought about it more. the thing that sucks is that i have no idea what i'm really in for. unlike dr. hall, who did my ovaries, this guy keeps it all very close to the vest and explains nothing. i checked his rep so i'm pretty sure he's good, but is knee surgery so unpredictable that he can't tell me anything?
dear lord, i need to get back to work...
maybe i'm just nervous because everything has had such a ridiculous sense of finality to it lately. in the last month, i've re-met just about everyone from every major stage in my life despite running hard to keep all of them separate. it seems like everything is moving, pushing toward some end i can't quite make out, like some crappy movie nearing the end with the writers rushing to resolve all of the storylines...
what if they fuck up my knee? he asked me if the pain was something i could live with and i said no, but maybe i should have thought about it more. the thing that sucks is that i have no idea what i'm really in for. unlike dr. hall, who did my ovaries, this guy keeps it all very close to the vest and explains nothing. i checked his rep so i'm pretty sure he's good, but is knee surgery so unpredictable that he can't tell me anything?
dear lord, i need to get back to work...