041.
Title: You're Keeping Secrets On Your Pillow
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: PG-13
Warning/Spoiler: Mild language.
Note: This was beta'd by lemniciate . Since I cannot title things to save my life, the title is from the song Crossfire by Brandon Flowers. Further notes at the end.
Summary: It starts with a brave gesture of someone slipping him a number and it ends with a brave gesture of accepting who he is. Where Merlin is a waiter, Arthur is in the closet, and the gang bets on the sexuality of strangers.
Disclaimer: BBC and Shine own Merlin. This has been written out of love and not for profit.
Word Count: 8500 words
"This is Arthur Pendragon. I'm currently unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number and a brief message, and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thank you."
Beep.
“Arthur, don’t forget about dinner tomorrow night. And Uther called again about the report on 2010’s accounts receivable on Harrison & Co. Please tell your father that Leon is your deputy, not me. Anyway, dinner, don’t forget.”
-
The thing about Arthur’s friends is that they constantly embarrass him. Not in a malicious kind of way. No, it’s more like, we’re-normally-like-this-but-you-love-us-anyway kind of way. They just can’t help it. So when his friends play their usual game of Guess the Sex, well, sometimes he can’t help but bury his face in pure mortification. Especially since his friends are hardly the most discreet group of people around.
They don’t do it out of spite, but more for their entertainment. Arthur doesn’t expect other people to completely understand it, or to accept it even. Just as some people like to go out to pubs and gossip over drinks with their friends, his like to sit down in a decent restaurant and speculate and debate over the sexuality of strangers. He is sure that it’s only for a couple of laughs (and maybe a bit of gambling and competition), no matter how juvenile and unkind it may seem to an outsider.
“We’ve got a good one tonight, people!” Gwaine comments loudly. He has a huge cheeky grin on his face.
They all sit at a long table in Hard Rock Café, that night’s restaurant of choice for their usual Friday dinners. Leon, Elyan, Percival and Gwaine sit on one side, while Lancelot, Gwen, Freya and Kay sit opposite them. Arthur and Morgana sit on either ends of the table.
Their waiter, a tall dark-haired guy who wears a grey beanie on his head and introduces himself as Merlin, just left their table with their orders. He is wearing a black Hard Rock Café collared shirt and black jeans that are tight enough to look sexy, but not too tight to look too much like those trendy skinny jeans a lot of the hipster guys don as their typical hipster uniform. He has a single black titanium eyebrow piercing which beautifully contrasts against his pale white skin and he wears black combat boots with the last two holes unlaced in each. The moment he turns around, half of the table already has shiny conspiratorial glints in their eyes. Arthur instantly knows that Merlin would be that night’s subject, even before it is officially declared.
“Okay, okay,” Leon says excitedly. “Gay or straight? Twenty quid says he’s into blokes. And another ten says he likes to bottom.”
The whole table murmurs in thought, Gwaine particularly guffaws at the last comment. Arthur keeps silent but he can’t deny his curiosity.
“I’m with Leon on this one,” Gwen says, blushing slightly. She takes Lance’s hand under the table and squeezes it, if only out of habit.
Lance makes a dubious humming noise next to her. “I’m not sure,” he finally says. “Seems pretty straight to me. Maybe he’s metro.” Both Elyan and Percy nod in agreement, thought lines forming on their foreheads.
“No way,” Morgana interjects. “He’s definitely gay. Thirty says he is.”
“Nah, he’s into girls.” It isn’t unusual for Freya to completely come out of left field and bet her money on a different horse. However, the confidence in her tone when she makes her statement makes everyone reconsider. She is fairly new to the group, brought in by Kay when they started dating. She is usually quiet and meek but they still enjoy her company immensely. When she speaks up this time, she seems pretty sure, as if she knows something they don’t. And maybe she does.
“Definitely a poof,” Gwaine shrugs. “He’s got a certain fairy swagger going on.”
Percy grins and asks, “Since when are you a homo expert?” Gwaine throws the wad of tissues he is playing with at Percy and glares at him. Percy just smirks back.
“Play nice, boys,” Morgana says with a smile. “What about you, Arthur? What do you think?”
The whole group turns their attention to Arthur who is projecting a schooled indifference on his face. But his friends know him better.
“Oh, oh. I know that look!” Gwaine exclaims. “King Arthur’s got a fancy.”
“Fuck off, Gwaine,”Arthur says. His friends only laugh.
“Well, how much would it be, your highness? We all know which team you wish he bats for.”
“Gwaine, stop with the inane American sports reference.”
At that moment, Merlin arrives back at the table again with their ordered drinks. He efficiently passes each glass to their owners.
“Your food will be ready shortly,” Merlin informs them politely, a smile plastered on his face. Arthur looks at him, studying him. Then Merlin catches his eye and his smile grows bigger and holds Arthur’s gaze until Arthur looks away, blushing. He turns to the group again, asking them if they need anything else. When they respond with a negative, he turns to leave.
Only, another waiter is walking towards Merlin hurriedly and accidentally bumps into him. Merlin only slightly loses his balance as he grabs onto one of the backs of the chairs. They all gasp, and Arthur instinctively jumps out of his seat, eyes wide in shock. After a few moments, Merlin straightens himself up and looks at them, a faint flush colouring his cheeks, and says he is all right.
The rest just chuckle in response.
Arthur can feel Morgana watching him and he makes the mistake of looking back. She has her eyebrow raised and a smug look on her face. Arthur scowls at her and quickly turns his attention back to what Lancelot is saying. Leon and Gwaine continues to make lewd comments, mostly about Merlin, but sometimes directed at other people too.
(“You know what, I think he’d be good on top, too,” Gwaine comments.
Arthur instantly chokes on the water he is sipping.
“Do you agree then, Arthur?” Gwaine cheekily asks him. Leon smirks. Arthur only rolls his eyes in response.
“Or do you want him to bottom for you, Arthur?” Percy jumps on the teasing bandwagon.
“Like how you bottom for everyone else?” Arthur asks. That earns him a few laughs and a very red Percival.
“Did you see that mouth of his? I bet it could do magic on your-” Leon is cut off with a very dangerous hiss and glare from Arthur. Gwen squirms in her seat, trying not to burst out in laughter whilst Lance looks away, hiding a grin.
After a few beats of silence, Arthur feigns interest and turns to Leon. “Say, should I and my sister be worried about the fact that you were just imagining another man sucking your cock?”
Leon splutters and Morgana glares at Arthur but he’s feeling very self-satisfied at the moment so he doesn’t care.)
Other than that, they all settle into comfortable conversations about their days and their jobs and Elyan, particularly, about the progress of the move to his new flat in the city.
When their food arrives, all talk is temporarily pushed to the wayside as they all dig into their meals. The boys chew happily on their burgers, Kay, especially, making appreciative noises that border on moans of pleasure. Freya kicks him once on the shin for him to desist, and he only grins at her sheepishly. The girls are just a tiny bit better with their table manners. To say they are starving would have been an understatement.
Once they are content and full their plates almost licked clean, Merlin comes back to clear the table and hands them the dessert menu.
“Arthur, you never really gave us your answer,” Kay says conversationally. Arthur looks up at him, his eyebrows raised in disbelief since Merlin is still in the vicinity. Kay gets another kick in the shin from his girlfriend for that.
Arthur can’t help but turn his gaze to Merlin who seems faintly interested and turns to look at Arthur, too, expectantly. Arthur opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to come up with a reply. Finally, he manages to blurt out,
“May I have some more tissues, please?” Merlin only looks at him, amused, and then smirks at Arthur.
“Certainly,” he says and leaves to get Arthur his tissues.
“You idiot,” Arthur hisses at Kay once Merlin is out of earshot.
“Sorry. I didn’t notice he was still there.”
“Didn’t-didn’t notice? He was right behind you, you moron.”
“Come on, Arthur. Enough of that. Let it not ruin the fun,” Morgana finally mediates.
“Fine,” Arthur huffs. Kay mutters another apology, which he purposely ignores, pretending he doesn’t hear it over Jared Leto singing loudly about being the kings and queens of a promise and being the children of a lesser god.
When Merlin comes back, he walks towards where Arthur is sitting and stops only a few inches from him. Merlin could have easily just placed the tissues on the table, yet he opts to give it directly to Arthur. Arthur looks up at the hand Merlin held out. He takes the bundle from Merlin, their fingers briefly making contact. Merlin grins down and asks,
“Anything else?” His smile is almost suggestive, as if there is an inside joke he is supposed to be in on.
“No.” Arthur smirks. “Nothing else, thanks.”
Merlin leaves again, this time with the promise of desserts.
-
When the others are suitably distracted by their own conversations, he slips the untouched bundle of tissue he had not needed in the first place on his lap and turns it over. When Merlin handed them to him, he immediately felt a different kind of texture on the bottom of the pile. Curious, but not foolish, he waits until the others aren’t looking before he takes a peek. True enough, there is a slip of paper at the bottom that looks like it is torn from a spiral bound notebook. Something is scribbled on it in, Arthur assumes, Merlin’s handwriting.
It says:
Men >>> Women
+44 74783290394
;)
Arthur can’t keep the smile from his face. He looks out to the general direction of the kitchen and chuckles quietly.
For the second time that night, Arthur notices Morgana looking at him. But this time, he knows better than to look back.
-
Arthur swivels in his office chair as he gazes distractedly outside. It’s been three days since Merlin gave him his number. Three days of Arthur composing one text message to another and promptly deleting each one before he can send them. It’s getting ridiculous.
He turns to grab his BlackBerry from his desk. He opens a blank message and scrolls through the list of names in his contact list until he finds the one he is looking for.
✓Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 10:43:05
Hey!
Arthur presses ‘send’ before he could delete the message again. He exhales loudly and thinks of all the ways this could go horribly wrong.
Hey? He berates himself for his sudden social awkwardness. Of all messages he could have sent, he chooses ‘hey’. He is on his way to physically face palming himself when Leon knocks on his open door.
“Your father wants you in his office.”
Arthur looks at him, eyes wide as if he has been caught doing something inappropriate. Leon only raises an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah, okay. I’m coming.”
Leon nods and leaves him.
-
Meetings with his father always leave Arthur just a little bit distraught and disappointed in himself despite having no reason for such feelings. It is a skill his father always uses on him. So naturally, he is already in a foul mood when he steps out of Uther’s office.
Leon greets him back in his office, face expectant and sympathetic. “How did it go?”
Arthur scowls at him, but before he could reply he feels vibrations in his pocket. He quickly fishes out his BlackBerry and almost drops it when he opens the message.
✉ Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:10:43
Hey? Who’s this?
“Who’s Merlin?” Asks Leon from behind him. Arthur is so distracted he doesn’t realise that Leon had moved behind him and peered over his shoulder to read the message.
“Do you mind?” Arthur asks.
“Wait,” Leon suddenly says, realisation dawning on him. “Merlin as in the waiter from last Friday?”
Leon looks expectantly at Arthur and Arthur only grimaces in reply.
Leons laughs. No, he howls in laughter. This only makes Arthur blush furiously.
“How did that even happen?”
Arthur sighs in defeat. He reckons it’s better talking about it rather than just keeping it to himself.
“He slipped me his number. I messaged him this morning but I shouldn’t have. This is a horrible idea.” Arthur pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling the first symptoms of a headache.
“Well, that settles the question of whether or not he’s gay.”
Arthur glares. “You are not helping at all.”
“Sorry,” Leon says, though it is clear he isn’t. “What are you going to say now?”
“None of your business! Now go before I accidentally let slip to my sister about that one time in Greece.”
Leon narrows his eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would if you don’t leave me in peace.”
Leon leaves whilst muttering obscenities under his breath.
✓Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:18:10
It’s Arthur from last Friday. At Hard Rock?
✉ Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:22:09
Blonde? Fit? Nice arse?
Arthur blushes.
✓Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:25:10
Guilty.
✉ Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:26:59
So you agree?
✓Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:27:30
What?
✉ Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:29:29
That you’ve got a nice arse. You agree?
Arthur is stunned. Who is this guy and what is he doing? Arthur is already bright red down to his neck.
✓Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:37:00
:|
✉ Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:40:18
;) I was kidding. So what took you so long to message me?
✓Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:44:20
I don’t know.
✉ Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 11:56:18
So… are you going to ask me out or should I buy more credit?
✓Merlin (+44 74783290394)
January 11, 2011 12:00:00
How about I buy you a drink Friday night?
-
It is a flurry of text messages after that. Merlin would text Arthur the most random things such as: ‘I swear my manager is a fire-breathing dragon in his past life’ and ‘Just bumped into the creepiest little boy. I swear his stare was boring into my soul.’ To which Arthur would reply with: ‘Does that make you the damsel that needs saving and/or get bbq’d in the end?’ and ‘Ew Merlin. Stop perving on little boys’ respectively.
It’s Arthur’s most unproductive day work-wise, but he’s still smiling as he turns off his bedside lamp and goes to sleep.
-
The week seems to pass by slowly for Arthur. He finds himself counting the hours until Friday and when it finally comes, he is reduced to a bundle of nerves. He leaves the office early and spends two hours rummaging through his closet, trying to find something to wear.
Arthur is in the middle of choosing between a blue and white striped button down shirt and a plain white one when Morgana comes in his flat.
“It looks like a hurricane passed by in here,” she comments as she casually leans against the doorframe of Arthur’s room.
Arthur merely looks up at her and asks, “What are you doing here?”
“Friday night dinners?”
Arthur snaps to attention, eyes wide in realisation. “Shit.”
“But it seems you already have other plans.”
“I’m really sorry.”
Morgana regards him silently. “Wow, you must really like him then.”
“What?” Arthur knows better than to play stupid with Morgana. She knows. She always does. But Arthur is still in the middle of deciding which shirt to wear that he hardly cares about Morgana at that point.
“You never miss Friday dinners.”
“That’s not true.”
“You cancelled on Sophia that one time she got you two tickets for the theatre. You made her go with her cousin.”
“What’s your point?”
“You were already dating for five months, Arthur. But God forbid she makes other plans on a Friday night.”
Arthur concedes with a huff. “Leon told you then?”
“He didn’t have to. I saw you last week. I saw the paper he slipped with the tissues.”
“Of course you did, you meddling harridan,” he glowers. Morgana glowers back and for a moment, the two Pendragons engage in an intense staring contest, neither willing to back down.
“The blue and white one and wear a black jumper over it. And those leather Italians I got you for Christmas. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Morgana says dismissively, the clacking of her heels fading as she walks away.
-
Arthur’s breath catches in his throat.
-
“You’re late,” Arthur says as a form of greeting.
“Hello to you too,” Merlin laughs. “And I know, I’m sorry. The girl who is supposed to cover my shift came in late. Sorry.”
They meet at Merlin’s local pub and he arrives wearing a black button down shirt with a pair of black jeans. He trades his combat boots in favour of Chuck Taylor’s and his hair is tousled. Though Arthur doubts it’s the kind of messy that takes thirty minutes to achieve, but rather, it’s as if Merlin ran his hands through it a hundred times.
Arthur smiles at him. “It’s okay. How about I get you something?”
“Yeah, sure,” Merlin says, settling in the booth Arthur secured for them. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
Arthur stands up and walks to the bar, ordering two pints of lager.
-
They talk about everything. From Arthur’s friends to Merlin’s exploits with his best friend Will. Arthur learns that Merlin works at Hard Rock part-time. He has a degree in English and Philosophy from Royal Holloway and only has two living relatives left, his mother and an eccentric uncle who is a chemist and lives in the city as well. When Arthur asks about his father, Merlin gets a sad look in his eyes before shrugging and telling Arthur that he has never met him.
“I’m sorry,” Arthur says. “I didn’t mean to pry so much.”
“Nah, it’s okay.” Merlin gives him a smile. “How about you? What do you do?”
“Well, I work in finance for my father’s company. It’s just him and me. Mum died while giving birth. Then there’s my sister Morgana. Well, she’s adopted but it really doesn’t feel like it. Her parents were close family friends and they passed away when she was five years old. We took her in. She’s only really adopted on paper.” Arthur laughs a little. “But she can be a real bitch if she wants to.”
“I hope this isn’t one of those The Parent Trap type situations,” Merlin says, a cheeky grin fighting to break out.
“Parent what?”
“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen The Parent Trap. Come on!” Merlin laughs but he wriggles excitedly in his seat. “It’s a movie about these two girls, yeah? They meet at summer camp and there is intense rivalry between them. They get into trouble so they were sent to the isolation cabin and then they find out they’re twins ‘cos one of them has never met their dad and the other has never met their mum.”
Arthur stares at him, dumbfounded. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
Merlin shrugs, his face erupting in a grin and Arthur laughs at that.
“You’re such an idiot, Merlin.”
“And you’re a bit of a prat. So I guess we’re even.” Arthur feels Merlin nudge his leg with his.
“I guess we are,” he says smiling.
-
They go through the normal first date questions after that; learning about hobbies, favourite colour, dream holiday location, coffee or tea, Harry Potter vs Lord of the Rings, and the like. When they have finished Arthur offers to walk Merlin home.
“You know I’m actually not a girl, right?” Merlin asks.
“Sure. You just act like one. Now come on. I don’t plan to freeze to death before we get on our second date, yeah?”
This is nice, Arthur thinks as they walk the through the streets of London, continuing their conversation from the pub. Somehow it goes from autobiography-style questions to who would win in a fight between a shark and a bear. Arthur is having a good time with a person he is actually attracted to; he hasn’t felt like that in a while.
“Well, this is me,” Merlin says as he stops in front of an old red brick building with graffiti on the wall.
“Right, well, I had a good time. Thank you.” Arthur leans for a kiss or a hug but Merlin backs away.
“I don’t kiss on the first date, mate,” he says, the cheeky grin is back on his face.
Arthur is shocked for a second before smiling smugly. “Looks like I’m just going to have to take you out again.”
“Looks like it.”
They exchange goodbyes and Arthur walks away, a big smile breaking out on his face.
-
“Honestly, Arthur. You’re worrying me.” Leon stares at him from across the small table. They are in a café a few streets down from their office for their lunch break and Arthur has hardly touched his food. He cannot go for five minutes without thinking about Merlin and his lips are already swollen from biting to keep him from smiling so much.
Arthur snaps out of it and looks back at his friend.
“Do you need me to cancel all your appointments so you can call in sick?” Leon asks in a convincingly sincere tone. Arthur just scoffs at him. “So I take it that the date went well. Did you get laid?”
“No. But I have a good feeling about this.”
“With just one date?”
“Well, two and a half. We met up again Saturday night and then had lunch together on Sunday,” Arthur recounts with a smile.
“Wow.” Leon looks at him in surprise. “Just. Wow.”
“I know,”Arthur agrees, a fleeting uncertainty surfacing in his mind before he resumes with his barely touched food.
-
They have already been seeing each other for a month and a half before Morgana decides to step
in.
“Invite Merlin for Friday dinner,” she suggests as she makes herself comfortable in the seat opposite Arthur’s office desk.
“And have you people scare him away for good? No,” Arthur says.
“We won’t. It’s been a month and it’s high time you introduce your boyfriend to your friends.”
Arthur studies her before turning to look out his window.
“Is something wrong?” Morgana asks, sounding genuinely concerned.
Arthur contemplates opening up to his sister; debates over whether it’s wise for him to reveal an insecurity or uncertainty especially one that concerns his relationship with Merlin. He really wants it to work. His gut feeling is telling him that this is good, that it will last and he doesn’t want to screw it up.
“No, nothing’s wrong,” Arthur finally replies, turning back to Morgana. She doesn’t look convinced but she leaves it anyway, knowing full well that Arthur will tell her eventually.
That night when both Arthur and Merlin are coming down from their post-coital high, when their breaths are not as ragged and laboured, Merlin curls next to Arthur, his arm securely wrapped around his torso and their legs tangled comfortably.
Arthur strokes Merlin’s hair, enjoying the quiet that will soon lead him to sleep. But a thought keeps nagging at him. He is hardly the type to back down from a problem and prefers to tackle it head-on. But this is new for him- the doubt that keeps niggling at him day and night, wanting to ask but being afraid of the answer.
“So,” he starts, continuing to stroke Merlin’s hair hoping that it will somehow make it easier. Merlin hums, eyes closed. “My friends have been harassing me to introduce to them my boyfriend.” He rolls the word ‘boyfriend’ on his tongue, liking the way it sound and feels, especially in reference to Merlin. He closes his eyes, somehow more afraid now that it’s out in the open and waiting for Merlin’s reaction. His fears may be unjustified for most parts. Merlin wouldn’t push him away now, right?
Merlin only slightly stiffens before he inhales deeply and props himself up on his elbow to face Arthur.
“Boyfriend?” Merlin asks. “Boyfriend,” he repeats, a little louder. Arthur still has his eyes closed shut and his heart starts hammering against his chest. He wants to disappear. “Hey,” Merlin nudges at him so he reluctantly opens his eyes to look at Merlin. The other man has a goofy grin on his face, his eyes forming crescent moons as they crinkle in delight.
Merlin leans down and catches Arthur’s lips with his. It’s a small kiss, ending before it even begins, but it makes Arthur feel so much better.
“I would love to,” Merlin finally says, smiling down at Arthur.
-
They decide to meet up for that Friday dinner. Again, Arthur is anxious the days prior to that and it only seems to worsen as the date grows nearer.
“We won’t drive him away,” Morgan assures him as they all wait around for Merlin to arrive.
“We’ll be in our best behaviour,” Gwaine chimes in, his cheeky smile betraying his statement. Arthur fidgets as he checks his phone every once in a while. They arranged to meet at 8 that evening and it’s only 7.30 (Morgana and Arthur usually turn up early anyway, for reasons unknown to everyone. Gwaine just assumes it’s so that they can secure the seats on either end of the table; it’s something about being a Pendragon). It’s just the three of them still and the others are bound to arrive one by one in the next few minutes.
Just then, he gets a text message.
✉ Merlin Emrys
March 05, 2011 07:32:18
Rain check? I’ve gone done down with a fever. I’m so sorry. :( xx
Arthur frowns as he reads the message. He instantly stands up and leaves the table. He dials Merlin’s number. It gets to the fourth ring before someone on the other end answers.
“Hello?” Arthur hears a hoarse voice say. God, Merlin does sound sick.
“Hey,” Arthur says to him in the most comforting tone he could muster. “What happened?”
Merlin coughs on the other end before answering, “I’ve suddenly gone down with a sore throat and I would’ve come, Arthur, I’m so sorry. But my fever has been weighing me down all day. I meant to message you sooner but I’ve been in and out of it. I’m so sorry.” Merlin sounds miserable and something in Arthur clenches and melts.
“I’ll be right over. I’ll bring some food, too.”
“No,” Merlin protests. “Stay with your friends. I’ll be fine.”
“Merlin?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
Merlin chuckles weakly. “I guess food would be nice. I’m starved.”
“I’ll be right over.” Arthur hangs up and rejoins the group where Freya, Kay, Lance, and Gwen have all just arrived.
“I have to go,” he simply says, gathering his coat and scarf.
“Where are you going?” Morgana asks, sounding a little bit peeved that Arthur is leaving without even offering an explanation.
“Merlin’s sick.” Arthur looks at his friends. There might have been something on his face that made them just nod and offer their well wishes and Get Well Soons.
-
Arthur arrives in Merlin’s flat with cartons of soup and different kinds of bread and pastry from the bakery down the street. When Merlin lets him in, he is still in his pajamas and has a blanket over his shoulders to give extra warmth. He walks over to his lumpy couch where he collapses.
Arthur has only been in Merlin’s flat twice and both times he has barely seen it since they would most usually be frantically making their way to his bedroom. But now without the promise of sex to distract him, he looks around. It is small, much smaller than his. The ceiling paint is peeling in some areas and the kitchen is in a sad state, he realises, when he brings the food there. It’s far from being organised, with books piled high on the floor, and shoes making their home in bookshelves. But it’s not dirty, either. It just looks cosy and more lived in than he’s used to.
He rummages through Merlin’s cupboards, looking for bowls and spoons for the two of them. Once he has found them, he quickly transfers the vegetable and chicken soup to two different bowls and places pieces of sliced bread and pastry on another plate. He finds an old tray with pictures of two fluffy cats printed on it and places everything on it before bringing it back to the living room where Merlin is curled in a foetal position, the blanket hugging his body while watching the telly uninterestedly.
“Move over,” Arthur orders as he puts the tray of food down on the coffee table. He sits next to Merlin who only cuddles closer, eyeing the bowls of soup.
“Good God, Merlin. What are you watching?”
“The X Factor.”
“It’s shit TV is what it is.”
Merlin pouts at him. “What would you know? You don’t even watch the telly.”
“I do too!”
“News does not count as telly, Arthur. You’re such a bore. I can’t believe I’m in love with a boring prat like you.”
Arthur stiffens and so does Merlin once he realises what he just let slip.
“So what did you get?” Merlin asks, changing the subject. Arthur is only too happy to oblige, but his heart did major back flips that would impress Olympic gymnasts when he processes what Merlin said.
“I got you vegetable soup and bread. I also bought your favourite chocolate croissant but it’s not warm anymore. I can heat it up for you, if you want.”
“No, it’s okay. Soup?” Merlin makes grabby hands at the bowl. Arthur hands it to him and he devours it with a few spoonfuls. In his enthusiasm the blanket slides down his back And Arthur pulls it back up for him. Merlin looks up at him sheepishly and asks, “Why aren’t you eating? Did you have dinner already?”
“No, I left before we could order.” Merlin suddenly frowns and puts down the bowl. He stands up and reaches for the other bowl of soup and gives it Arthur.
“I’m sorry,” Merlin says. “Here, eat with me.”
Arthur’s heart melts at the smile Merlin offers him. Alarm bells start ringing in his head but he promptly ignores them for the bowl of soup.
-
Arthur wakes up with a stiff neck on Merlin’s couch.
-
He stays for the rest of the weekend, wearing Merlin’s shirts and pajama bottoms. He almost feels empty when he goes back to his own flat on Sunday night once Merlin has recovered.
-
In their second month together, Merlin finally meets Arthur’s friends.
To say that they love him is an understatement. He gets along with all of them, and Morgana, of all people, approves. She never approved of his previous relationships. Neither Sophia nor Vivian. Not even his brief fling with Lancelot, and everybody loves Lancelot.
-
In their third month together, they say their mutual I love you’s.
-
In their fifth month together, Merlin finally meets Uther.
It’s a Saturday night and they are lounging on Arthur’s couch, having a film marathon. Pieces of popcorn scatter the floor from Arthur and Merlin’s mockery of some of the scenes from the film. They are just starting their third film when the doorbell buzzes. Arthur quickly looks up at the wall clock and groans before he lightly shoves at Merlin to get off him so he can get the door. Merlin whines a little but he lets Arthur get up.
Arthur goes to the door, wondering who it could be. He stiffens once he has opened it and sees who is on the other side.
“Father!”
“Son,” Uther replies.
“Arthur!” A woman steps from behind Uther and smiles at him widely. She steps up to Arthur and gives him a hug. “It’s been so long since I’ve last seen you. You promised to visit me in Paris but you never did!”
Arthur chuckles sheepishly before inviting them to go in. He notices Merlin is already in the foyer looking confused.
“Oh, you have a guest,” she says.
Everyone turns their attentions to Merlin. Uther, having just realised that Merlin is in the room, gives him an appraising look. His brows furrow and his mouth dips even lower into a frown.
“I’m Merlin-”
“He’s my mate-”
Arthur and Merlin speak at the same time. Merlin turns to look at Arthur.
“Right,” he says. “I’m Merlin. Arthur’s friend.” Uther nods at that.
“I’m Elena,” the blonde woman offers. She holds out her hand for Merlin to shake. Merlin takes it. “I’ve been friends with Arthur since we were kids.”
There was a moment of quiet before Uther speaks. “I came to tell you that you are to escort Mademoiselle Fournier to the company gala. Elena here is in town for a few weeks and her father has entrusted me with her. Take her out and reintroduce her to London.”
Arthur looks between his father and Elena, purposely avoiding Merlin’s gaze. “Yes, father.”
“That’s settled then. I am going to leave now. I’ll see you in the office.” Arthur watches as his father kiss Elena on each cheek and gives Merlin a complete once-over and a nod before heading out.
Once Uther is gone, Elena turns to the two of them. “I’m so sorry about that. My father and Uther have been talking and I think if it were not for the fact that it’s not practised in this century anymore and my mother would have a fit at the actual thought of it, they would have had our marriage arranged already.” She laughs loudly and may have even snorted in between.
Arthur laughs nervously next to her. Merlin pales.
“I’m really sorry. If I had known you had company, I would have told Uther to visit another day. I’ll leave now, if you want.”
Just as Arthur was about to speak, Merlin beats him to it. “No, it’s okay. I was just leaving.” Merlin forces a smile at the two of them before turning.
“Wha--? Merlin, wait,” Arthur calls out.
Merlin quickly grabs his bag from the floor and his jacket from the couch. He silently thanks the Gods they were still decently dressed. He blushes at the thought of Arthur’s father and Elena seeing them in any state of undress.
“Merlin, where are you going?”
“Home,” he says simply. Arthur follows Merlin back to the foyer and Elena just watches the two of them.
“Please don’t leave on my behalf,” she tells Merlin. Merlin smiles at her. A genuine smile.
“No, it’s okay. I’m tired anyway. You two can catch up in the mean time. It was nice meeting you,” he says. He turns to Arthur. “I’ll call you.” Then he was out the door.
-
Arthur walks back to his living room and Elena follows him.
“That was awkward,” she comments.
He laughs weakly. “You can stay if you want. We were just starting Sin City.” Arthur sits back down on the couch. Elena settles on the coffee table, sitting directly in front of him. She puts her hand on his knees and asks,
“He’s not just your friend, is he?”
Arthur doesn’t look at her but he shakes his head.
“I feel so bad now,” she says.
“It’s not your fault.” Arthur gives her a reassuring smile.
“All right,” she says, clapping her hands and stands up. “How about a dinner? As friends?”
Arthur looks up, lips already forming a pout but she just smiles.
He nods. “As friends.”
“Jeez, Pendragon. I didn’t know going on a date with me is that vile.”
He knew she was teasing but he couldn’t help grimacing. “I’m sorry.”
She rolls her eyes at him and bids her good bye.
-
Merlin doesn’t call.
-
“Hey, you’ve reached me. Uhm, Merlin. I’m currently unavailable right now. You know what to do after the beep.”
Beep.
“Hey, you didn’t call. Are you okay? I miss you. Talk to you soon.”
-
Elena, Merlin finds out, is a Parisian socialite who comes from old money. Her father is a world-renowned pastry chef whose penchant for the oddest of flavours of Macarons and cakes puts Pierre Hermé to shame. Though unlike many socialites, Elena has a degree from La Sorbonne in Archaeology and Art History and is a competent equestrian. There are a lot of photos of her in galas and social events; he even finds a few of her and Arthur. Merlin feels a swell of jealousy rise in his chest.
“Who are you stalking?” Merlin jumps up from the couch and manages to nearly knock his laptop off the table. Will stares at him like he’s stupid.
“Holy-! Jesus Will, you scared me.” Merlin clutches his chest as he wills his heart to return back to its normal pace.
“It’s like that time I caught you wanking to ABBA. What are you up to?” Will sits down and opens Merlin’s computer. Merlin follows him.
“That was one time,” he says, ignoring Will’s question.
“Who’s the blonde bird?”
“Arthur’s future wife,” Merlin mumbles.
“Arthur? As in your boyfriend Arthur? I thought he likes cock? Your cock in particular,” Will asks. He lazily browses through the pages Merlin has open which include Wikipedia, La Boulangerie-Pâtisserie du Seigneur Godwyn, and Facebook.
“Yeah, but his father doesn’t know that,” He rubs his eyes with his hands. “He’s in the bloody closet, Will. He told his father I’m just his mate.”
“Tell me you didn’t break up with him.”
“I haven’t, yet,” Merlin mumbles. He doesn’t expect much sympathy from Will but he doesn’t expect the slap on the back of his head either.
“Ow, you prick! What did you do that for?”
“Are you actually daft, Merlin? Why would you do that?”
“Because I don’t want to be his secret while he buggers off with blonde Parisian socialites to please his bloody father!”
“Did he actually sleep with the girl? Or even went out with her? Did you at least talk him?”
“No. But Will, I’m done waiting for these guys to figure themselves out and then have my heart broken when they decide that they don’t actually want me.”
“He’s not Val, Merlin,” Will says after some time in a low voice. “Listen, I don’t know Arthur but I know you and he seems to make you happy. The least you could do is be with him while he figures it all out. The way I see it, you have to fight for what you want and what you think you deserve because no one else will.”
Will puts his arm around Merlin’s shoulder and pulls him in a cuddle. They have been friends for years but they could count with just one hand the times they actually cuddled in the past. One was when Will’s father died while serving in the Irish Defence Forces and another when Merlin’s ex-boyfriend Val cheated on him after a year of keeping their relationship secret. It’s a rare occurrence but they stay like that for a little while before Merlin asks, “Did you get that from a fortune cookie?”
Will pushes him away and manages to smack Merlin with a throw pillow nearby. Merlin goes after him but he runs away just in time.
“You are such a wanker!” Will shouts.
“Since when are you the sensible one?” Merlin shouts back then hurls a pillow at Will. He misses.
The boys laugh as they launch into a pillow fight, magically transforming Merlin’s flat in a state of disarray in a moment. But after Will leaves and Merlin is left to ponder that day’s happenings, Will’s words of wisdom ring in Merlin’s head well into the night.
-
Merlin drops by Arthur’s flat on Tuesday night. Arthur pulls him into a tight hug and mumbles a million and one apologies. Merlin only holds on tighter.
“Do you want something to eat?” Arthur asks. “I’m just preparing dinner.”
“No, I’m good, thanks. Hey, can we talk?”
Arthur stops in his tracks and turns to face Merlin again. He watches him for a few seconds before replying with a suddenly nervous “Yeah, sure.”
Arthur sits down on one of the barstools by his kitchen island. The black marble material feels cold to the touch. Merlin stays standing but he walks nearer to Arthur.
“Last weekend-” Merlin starts but Arthur cuts him off.
“Yeah, I know. I’m really sorry about that.”
Merlin regards him for a few seconds then asks, “When were you going to tell your father about us?”
Arthur doesn’t say anything. He racks his brains for excuses and explanations but nothing really makes the situation better. Merlin sighs and says, “Okay. I think I’m just going to go now.”
“Stop running away!” Arthur says loudly, making Merlin stop.
“I’m running away? I came here to talk to you, Arthur. But you don’t seem to want to.”
“I panicked, okay? My father,” he stops. Merlin looks at him expectantly. “My father doesn’t know about me being gay.”
“I got that much with you telling him we’re just mates.”
Arthur scowls at him.
“Are you even planning on telling him about me? Us?”
“It’s not that easy, Merlin. I can’t just tell him I’m gay.”
“Why not?” Merlin is almost shouting now and Arthur can see him shaking slightly.
“Merlin, you need to give me time. I’m really sorry.” He looks away.
“Yeah, okay,” Merlin says after a while.
“Okay what?”
“Okay I’ll give you time. But I can’t be your secret, Arthur.” He looks at Merlin and he feels his throat constrict. He loves this man. He’s worth it.
“You won’t be,” he promises.
-
“Okay, spill.”
Morgana marches into Arthur’s flat one morning, her Christian Louboutin heels clacking noisily against the cold marble floor. The room is dark with the curtains drawn and Arthur is sitting on his couch, dark circles under his eyes and his face unshaven.
“Arthur Pendragon, what is wrong with you? You haven’t gone to work in two days and we haven’t seen you in a week.”
“I needed some time to think,” he replies. He looks up at Morgana from where he sits then returns his attention to mindlessly staring at nothing.
“So you’re a hermit now.”
“No, but you’re still a harpy.”
“I just came to check if you’re still breathing,” Morgana informs him coldly.
“Now that you have, you can leave the same way you unwelcomingly came in.” He makes a theatrical gesture with his hand, pointing to the door and glares at her. She glares back before sighing.
“What happened, Arthur?” She sits down next to him on the couch, glancing sideways to look at him. “Leon says you haven’t been yourself these days. Is something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Arthur replies, indignant. He’s avoids making eye contact with her at all costs.
“Is it about Merlin?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Only, it is, Arthur.” Her voice rises just a decibel higher. “We may argue constantly, we may put up a façade that we dislike each other, but you’re still my brother and I care about you. Believe it or not, we all care about you. So you can stop being stubborn and just accept the fact that people do give a damn.”
Maybe it’s the honesty in Morgana’s tone or the fact that he’s feeling really confused and desperate right now, but Arthur ends up telling her everything.
Morgana is quiet for the most part (thankfully), only asking questions when she really thought it necessary. She nods and listens attentively. When Arthur finishes, she looks at him for a long time then asks,
“Do you love him?”
“Yes, Morgana, I think we’ve already established that.”
“Do you think he’s worth facing the wrath of Uther?” She lets her words sink in before continuing. “Sometimes you’ve got to do what you think is right, and damn the consequences.”
Arthur regards Morgana. “You think I should tell him.”
“Doesn’t matter what I think.”
“He’s my father, Morgana. I can’t just throw everything away and disappoint him like that. It’s not just mine or Merlin’s heart at stake here.”
“Remember when you first came out to me?” She asks him gently, reminiscing at the memory of a teenage Arthur confessing that he’s bi-sexual to his stepsister. “You were so scared at the thought that I would condemn you and turn you away. Sometimes you just have to have faith that people will love and accept you for who you truly are. And if they don’t, they are not worth having in our life.”
-
The day Arthur walks in his father’s office and declares that he’s gay is the day he is crossed off of his father’s last will and testament.
-
Uther cannot fire Arthur without the union suing him for unlawful termination. But Arthur knows his father desperately wants to. He hasn’t spoken directly to him since and all communications are made through a middleman. He thinks it’s petty even for Uther but he knows it’s a price to pay. Merlin, however, seems more relaxed now that Arthur is out. He feels the same way. Like a huge weight has just been lifted off of his shoulders.
-
“Merlin,” Arthur calls out, “have you seen report I left here from payroll?”
Arthur has been spending a lot more time in Merlin’s flat. It’s not as big as his, given, but he feels more comfortable in it. And Merlin makes tea and orders fattening take-away for them.
“Check the pile of paper on the dining table,” Merlin shouts back from the kitchen. Arthur stands up from the couch and walks to the dining table where a bunch of papers, magazines, mail, books, and shopping that has yet to be put away are scattered. He finds his report and thinks about organising the pile when something falls on the floor. He picks it up and his grip tightens.
“Hey, did you find-Arthur?” Merlin comes out of the kitchen, two mugs in hand, and looks at Arthur.
“Merlin, why is there a cheque for a hundred thousand pounds with your name on it and my father’s signature?”
Merlin looks between the object in question and Arthur. He puts down the mugs and walks over to Arthur.
“He-he came in the other day.” Merlin tries to catch Arthur's eye but Arthur avoids him. “You were at work. He said that he’d pay me to leave you. He’s somehow convinced I turned you gay and that I’m only after your money. He’s willing to give me ‘compensation’ if I leave you.”
Merlin sounds resentful and angry. “I told him I’m not going to do it. I wasn’t-Arthur, you have to believe me. I wasn’t going to cash it in.”
“Then why didn’t you throw it away?”
“I didn’t even realise it was still there,” Merlin is getting desperate. Arthur wants to believe him but he's too angry. “You have to believe me. I would never do that to you.” Merlin reaches out to him and Arthur lets him.
-
“Where is he?” Arthur shouts at Uther’s assistant. She looks scared and surprised when he storms in.
“Sir, Mr. Pendragon is busy at the moment, you should come back later,” she says whilst standing between Arthur and the door. Arthur only pushes past her as she protests and walks in.
“You!” he says. His father is sitting at his desk and he looks up at Arthur when he enters. “You heartless bastard. You think you can just buy off people, don’t you? You think you can just throw your money at someone and they will do as you please?”
“Arthur! I am your father and I will not have you speaking to me this way.” Uther is already standing up, his face red in anger.
“I am done with you. I don’t want you anywhere near me or Merlin. I quit!”
“You cannot throw away everything for that lowly homosexual. He is clearly only after your money. He’s just playing you. He’ll take your money and then leave.”
Arthur stares at him angrily. “Then why didn’t he accept your offer in the first place?”
“Because he’s after a bigger price.”
“Your bigotry and readiness to see only the worst in people is sickening.”
“Don’t be naïve, Arthur,” Uther replies in a condescending tone. “He doesn’t love you.”
“You wouldn’t know anything about love,” Arthur says quietly. “I’ll hand in my resignation letter first thing tomorrow.”
Arthur gives his father a last look before walking away.
-
Arthur sits on the front steps of Merlin’s flat until Merlin finds him there after coming back from his shift at work.
“What happened?” Merlin asks. Arthur retells the story of him storming in his father's office, of their row, of him quitting his job. He feels so exhausted and drained after.
“I’m really sorry about your father. I know how much you love him.” Merlin rubs at Arthur’s back. “But it will be fine. Not now, and maybe not even in the near future. But I know you and you’ll make it right again. For now, you have me and Morgana and your friends. We’re all here for you.”
Arthur rests his head on Merlin’s shoulder and sighs. “You’re right.”
They stay there on the steps until the sun sinks low and darkness covers the skies, until the stars twinkle and the moon shines bright. They watch as people walk past them, some looking their way with a smile or a scowl or a look of indifference. They stay like that and Arthur thinks, yeah, it’ll be all right.
-
“Hey, you’ve reached Arthur and Merlin. We’re currently unavailable at this time but we’ll get back to you as soon as we can. You know what to do after the beep.”
Beep.
“Arthur, you and Merlin should come over for Friday dinner. Leon’s roasting. And bring Penny with you. No excuses.”
fin.
I feel like I have a lot of people to thank for this fic. Seriously. Longest fic I've ever written and that is a feat since my normal wordcount is usually between 1000 - 2000 words haha. I whinged a lot a bit this story and it earned the #neverenedingWIP Twitter hash tag. But this wouldn’t be possible without:
lemniciate for being the amazing beta that she is. For making me see the error of my ways that are excessive epithets and POV slippages among other things. For brit-picking and telling me that English people don't actually say "Holy Mother, Queen of England". She patiently corrected mistakes and made suggestions despite her busy schedule. Idk how she did it since I was ready to jump off of a cliff when I was editing it myself. bb, you are amazing. Thank you. Without you, this would be a mess. <3
redjumper for being my number one cheerleader for this. I have bothered her on Twitter far too many times than acceptable and complained to her a lot more than usual. She was there to stop me from completely just binning the document when I was getting desperate and provided Colin in a beanie picture just because she can. Haha. She and renrenren3 were the first people to hear about the plot when it first came to me after a dinner at Hard Rock Café one December evening. They were the ones to first suffer from flailing via email and bouncing off of ideas even on Christmas day hahaha. They encouraged and cheered and I love them.
mishaphappens for hosting the Hunt All the Words challenge. Without her and it, I wouldn't have picked this up again and finished it. Thank you for the people who cheered me on and for providing a place to feel accomplished at our progresses.
This fic is also for gomusing who I have promised a M/A fic some time ago. Who thought I should just make Arthur and Merlin drink orange juice on their first date in a pub. Trolololol. <3
My twitter followers because they had to endure my tweets, generally speaking.
To Luke, for being the main inspiration of this fic. For wearing his grey beanie and sexy skinny jeans. For serving us on that lovely night (December 21, 2010 haha) and giving us a topic of conversation. (Jsyk, my bet was he is gay.)
Lastly, to you. Because you are reading this and I really appreciate it. Thank you. ♥