musesandlyrics | 1.26 Stand By Me lyrics
1.26. When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won't be afraid
No I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
'Stand By Me' - John Lennon
Co-written with mrpublicity
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Aiden wasn't sure anymore what he was supposed to feel. Maybe angry would be a good start, but he just couldn't. He couldn't be angry at Pat, despite all that Cameron had revealed. He wanted to be because that would be the easiest reaction to tap into. It was more just because he now knew what Pat had been shielding from him. Everything seemed to suddenly be in a different light that Aiden just wanted to shy away from because he couldn't face any of it without Pat. And there was the weird sudden change in things between Cameron and Izzy. Where the hell had that come from? Had Aiden just really been so distressed over Pat's condition that he hadn't been able to process anything beyond it and missed what was going on in the background, or had a load of shit really just gone down in the blink of an eye? Isabel was pregnant, and while Aiden knew it was irrational, he was envious. What he wouldn't give to be able to accidentally fall pregnant, and it seemed to be happening left, right and center, cutting deep every single time.
It didn't help at all to hear that Pat deep down really wanted a family. It had been easier to take when he thought Pat didn't want it. Easier to be blase and indifferent.
He hugged himself as a small shiver crept over his skin. He was sitting out in the ICU corridor just across from Pat's room. Cameron was in there alone with Pat, and Aiden figured the guy could use the time alone. At least from here, he could see if Pat woke up. It was unlikely, though. It was best he was asleep while he healed. Camereon had asked him if regretted taking any of this on, and his answer had been honest, but he wished he could just find some respite from the hurt. It was starting to take it's toll. Babies and families and surrogates and uteruses aside... Aiden just wanted his husband back.
Harri was waddling back from her tenth trip to the toilet in an hour. Or at least that's what it felt like. She'd love to have some parts of the pregnancy just stop. Like the endless toilet trips, bizarre cravings, and back pain. Then there were her sore breasts, and the flatulence. She'd never felt so unsexy before. It was ironic just how horny she was all the while, through. Horny and unable to act on it now that James was indisposed. She frowned, trying to work out if she'd done the right thing. She'd given James permission to fuck around on her with his ex in the hopes that he got closure, but a part of her was wondering if she hadn't just buggered up. What if there was no closure, and a realisation that James and Izzy still loved each other more than anything?
Where did that leave Harri, and her unborn son?
She saw Aiden sitting alone in the corridor and lowered herself into the chair next to him. She was wearing a stylish maternity dress, but it wasn't helping her feel any less bloated, or fat. She put one hand on her bump, and the other on Aiden's arm. "Think the staff would mind if I just hijacked a bed for myself?"
Aiden blinked a few times to drag himself back to reality. He hadn't even noticed when she sat down initially, which was saying something because she really was on the huge side. Not that he would actually verbalise the fact to her. He liked his balls where they were. "I don't know, they don't look much more comfortable than the fucked up chairs they offer. Chairs I don't think any of the staff have ever actually sat in because they would know they're torture devices. All that is missing are a bed of nails under the ass."
Harri made a face. "I think haemorroids is enough, thanks. It's like everything in my body has to be pushed out to make room for the evil spawn. I don't need nails as well. These chairs really are fucking uncomfortable. I have half a mind just to buy a couple of expensive arm chairs for both of us, and get some muscley men to bring them up. Then we can keep them after, and have them on hand." She moved her hand, taking his as she rest her head against his. "You okay, soul sister?"
Aiden shook his head a little. "No," he admitted quietly. He looked ahead at Cameron sitting at Pat's beside in the room across from them. "You know those times in life where one minute, you're pretty sure you've got a good hold on things and that you have a pretty firm footing. Things might be shit, but you know what page you're on? Then the next moment, something changes, shifts, and like dominoes, everything just comes crashing down after it and all you can do is just stand there in the pile of shit and wonder what the fuck you're supposed to do?" he asked, gesturing with his hand for emphasis. "I think that just happened."
Harri's eyebrows went up. She was looking at Aiden, her blue eyes analysing his face before she glanced into Pat's room, and tried to fill in the blanks. "Did something happen? Is it Pat?"
"No, Pat's doing okay. They said he seems to be responding to the medication. This is me being extremely good and not losing it over the fact my husband's brain is bleeding. I'm doing a pretty good job, don't you think?" Aiden murmured, stretching forward a little to ease the stiffness in his back. He looked at her, his blue eyes taking in how she looked pregnant. It still seemed so strange. He was used to her looking not pregnant, but it did suit her. She looked beautiful. "Cameron and I had a reluctant talk. I not-so-subtlely pointed out he looked like shit, then he threw the same compliment right back at me. It could have been bonding if the situation wasn't so fucked up. He told me things. A lot of things. Pat's been keeping things from me."
Harri's hair was done in a loose plait, and hung over her shoulder. She brushed her fringe out of her eyes, and glanced down at her bump. She still felt awful for her uterus becoming occupied when she'd always promised it to Aiden. And now there was even a little regret with the idea of James sleeping with Isabel. Harri had a feeling this pregnancy was mellowing for the worse. "Keeping things? What's he got to keep from you? And to be fair you both look like shit, and I don't mean that as a compliment. I think you're doing a stellar job, but you're still looking tired and stressed. Which is understandable given your husband's brain is bleeding. If you can't let it out verbally, it's going to come out somehow."
"I promise I won't start drinking," Aiden said with an attempt to joke, but it fell flat as he wet his lips and swallowed. "He's got a lot. You know the whole he doesn't want babies thing? It's false. A protective mechanism. Cameron told me Pat wants kids, has always wanted a family and kids. His family even expected Pat to be the first to become a father. He told Cameron this as recent as the hospital in Liverpool when they reunited after the fight. But he has been telling everyone he doesn't want kids to try and convince himself he doesn't. He doesn't want us to start a family and have me shouldered with the burden of nursing him when he's at his worst and raising a baby because he won't be able to help..."
He felt tears prick his eyes and a couple escaped, dripping down his cheeks but he brushed them away. "When he first got sick, he was disgusted in himself and didn't think he deserved to have what he wanted because no one would ever want him like that. And to top it all off, apparently Tara and Lachlan have offered for Tara to be a surrogate, with a donor egg, but Pat turned them down. He never even mentioned it to me."
Harri rubbed her hand against Aiden's back and leaned over to kiss his temple. "Oh, love, I'm sorry. I'm sure he was just trying to protect you in his strange way. He's clearly used to people abandoning him. People who aren't his brother, or Lachlan, and Tara. You can't really blame him for playing that particular card to his chest. When you're not used to being with someone who loves you no matter what, it's hard to adjust. You of all people should understand that. It took Pat to make you realise being in love was so bad. Even I have my issues, but I'm working through them because I want to make this work."
She sucked in a breath, and looked at Aiden. "Do you still want kids? And now you know that Pat does... do you want them more?"
Aiden rubbed his face. "Of course I do. I've always wanted them eventually, when I found a guy to settle down with. You know that. It didn't change when I met Pat, it just got stronger, but I thought he didn't want them, because he has told me from the start he didn't. But we didn't talk about it often, in the early days, he just changed the subject." He scraped his nails across his scalp to try and take the tired ache that seemed to constantly be in his head now. "Isabel's pregnant. With twins."
Harri's eyes went wide as her mouth fell open. "What?"
Aiden pressed his lips together to stop a string of random negative comments about James falling from his mouth. "Yeah. He found out just before Pat got sick. They found out yesterday that she was having twins. Or today. I lost track of time. He's worked himself up into a screwed up state thinking it's going to hurt Pat telling him because Cameron's never really wanted kids."
Harri looked away, frowning deeply. Izzy was pregnant, and James was off probably fucking her brains out. She had to wonder if he knew, and if he did, why didn't that knowledge help him realise closure had maybe already been achieved. If he was messing around while both women were pregnant, Harri could only assume she and Cameron didn't mean much to James and Isabel. "Fuck," she cursed softly. "He's being stupid if he thinks Pat could hate him for something like that. Pat would never deny his brother anything. It might still hurt, but it's hardly going to end their relationship. They're brothers. There's nothing so bad it would interfere."
"Except he doesn't know if the kids are his. She's cheating on him," Aiden told her, his eyes narrowing slightly as he watched Harri's face closely for her reaction. "He's taken too many blows. He's homesick. He wants to go home."
Harri's jaw tightened. "She's technically not cheating when we both gave permission." Harri took a long moment to meet Aiden's gaze. "But I don't blame him for wanting to go home. I don't know what I've done."
Aiden's face fell into a frown. "What the fuck? Yes, it fucking is cheating! They didn't have to say yes! I knew it was him. I'm going to kill the fucking bastard! No offense, but he's hurting Cameron, and that means he's hurting my husband by default. That's before my brain even processes the fact he's fucking hurting you and my godson. I am going to kill him painfully. I put it off until now because you loved him and he was supposed to be a great guy, all things considered but fuck this! Fuck this fucking to hell! The least they could have fucking done was wait until Pat was out of hospital! I-" He stopped, his face turning just that little bit more red as he growled. "They fucking did it under my roof!"
She let Aiden vent, almost watching it with pleasure. He was saying everything she wanted to say, but felt like she couldn't. She was still waiting for James to call her up, and tell her it was over. Tell her he was leaving her to be a single mum because he'd rather raise Isabel's babies than hers. She couldn't believe Izzy was pregnant. It was like a slap to the face. Nothing could be Harri's, Izzy had to have what she had, and then do it better. Not just one baby, but twins. Not just Cameron, but James. "I hate her," Harri said quietly. "I never fucking trusted her, and now I know why. He was actually angry at first. Angry that I'd consider 'renting' him out to her. I was trying to do the right fucking thing. If they kept dancing around each other I was going to hit them both. It's not an easy thing to watch. Now I've just gone and put a fucking nail in the coffin, haven't I?"
Aiden was wringing his hands together, fingers automatically seeking out his wedding ring for some sort of grounding. He was furious, but this wasn't the time or place to explode about it. In the whole medical thing, he was glad they let Pat put his own ring back on after the procedures were complete. Strange now that after the summer and the sun, they both had tanlines when they took the rings off. Even that was comforting. "Who does that?" he asked with a disbelieving shake of his head. "They could have waited. Neither of them were going and fucking shrivel up and die if they didn't fuck each other immediately. Though I really wish they would right now. She was fucking around on my best friend in my home when my husband is unconscious in the ICU. She was fucking around on her boyfriend under his identical twin's roof while his identical twin is unconscious in the ICU. If that fucking bastard was here right now, I would kill him. If I even begin to say all the reasons I want to kill him, I will have to hit something or scream, and I can't risk them throwing me out of here."
Harri straightened, her face becoming expressionless as she sat there. She was angry, she was pissed off. It just wasn't going to serve to express it to anyone but James. She also had no one to blame but herself. She'd told him he could. She hadn't told him when because that was the part that had made him angry. And now it had happened. "If he has decided to go back to her... can I stay with you and Pat for a little while?"
Aiden nodded slowly and then looked at her, taking her hand. "Cameron's going to be there. How do you feel about that?" he asked and looked over at the twins in the room. "Fuck this. Fuck it to hell. What have they done? Seriously, what have they done? I'm not saying you or me or whatever has done anything, but Pat and Cameron were innocent bystanders and it's just all blown up. I hate them both. The fucking bastards. They've ruined everything."
Harri arched an eyebrow slightly. "I feel fine about it, why wouldn't I? It's more a matter of whether he's going to mind me being there. I am carrying devil spawn now." Harri let out a controlled breath, and smoothed her hand over her bump. It was still her child, not just James'. She loved her unborn son. She wasn't sure she could bring herself to regret the pregnancy, even if it did come at the cost of a fight with Aiden. "The timing leaves something to be desired, but it was probably always going to happen. It was a ticking time bomb we all tried to ignore, and failed. I hate that Cameron and Pat have been affected. I don't think it's fair."
"No," Aiden said firmly with a shake of his head. "You're carrying your son, and my godson. Pat's godson. Cameron's not an unreasonable guy. He tried to do the right thing, but probably, like you, hoped they would be bigger people and not do it. I don't know. I'm not even going to begin to understand their situation because I want to spit on them. I can't bring myself to care, it's so fucked up. But whatever it is, they could have just been fucking honest and not strung everyone on. They can go get fucked. We'll pick up the pieces. Whatever it takes. The only problem is, love, he probably won't just walk away from the kid. It's his son too."
"He probably won't, but that doesn't mean I have to stay in that apartment." She couldn't even bring herself to say 'our' apartment. She was already dividing things up in her head, and working out how she was going to get her things out without needing to deal with James more than necessary. "We're not going to be the first couple to raise our child seperately. I have no wish in playing house if he's going to be living with her."
Aiden closed his eyes tiredly with a small nod of agreement. "Then go back to your own. You only moved out because of him. You haven't sold up yet. I'd offer to came stay with you, but I don't know how much rehab Pat is going to need after all this. You can stay with us as long as you need. Maybe we can help each other through the shit?" he murmured.
"That's why I want to stay with you. I need to regather myself before I go back to living alone, and considering life as a single mother." Harri took Aiden's hand. "I'll help you with Pat. You won't have to do it alone."
Aiden offered her a slight smile, but it didn't quite gather it's usual momentum. "I wish I could say it'll be easy, but it won't. I'll probably suck, but at least we'll be together. We kind of lost that lately," he admitted. "I know it's just been because of everything going on."
Harri gave a nod. "Of course. And if anything, I do want us back. Soul sisters forever, and all that. I love you, Aiden."
Aiden rested his head against hers, closing his eyes again. He would be extremely grateful if all the shit wanted to stop, any time soon, would be really nice. Unfortunately, he suspected it was only just beginning. "I love you too."
Words: 3128 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc verse
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won't be afraid
No I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
'Stand By Me' - John Lennon
Co-written with mrpublicity
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Aiden wasn't sure anymore what he was supposed to feel. Maybe angry would be a good start, but he just couldn't. He couldn't be angry at Pat, despite all that Cameron had revealed. He wanted to be because that would be the easiest reaction to tap into. It was more just because he now knew what Pat had been shielding from him. Everything seemed to suddenly be in a different light that Aiden just wanted to shy away from because he couldn't face any of it without Pat. And there was the weird sudden change in things between Cameron and Izzy. Where the hell had that come from? Had Aiden just really been so distressed over Pat's condition that he hadn't been able to process anything beyond it and missed what was going on in the background, or had a load of shit really just gone down in the blink of an eye? Isabel was pregnant, and while Aiden knew it was irrational, he was envious. What he wouldn't give to be able to accidentally fall pregnant, and it seemed to be happening left, right and center, cutting deep every single time.
It didn't help at all to hear that Pat deep down really wanted a family. It had been easier to take when he thought Pat didn't want it. Easier to be blase and indifferent.
He hugged himself as a small shiver crept over his skin. He was sitting out in the ICU corridor just across from Pat's room. Cameron was in there alone with Pat, and Aiden figured the guy could use the time alone. At least from here, he could see if Pat woke up. It was unlikely, though. It was best he was asleep while he healed. Camereon had asked him if regretted taking any of this on, and his answer had been honest, but he wished he could just find some respite from the hurt. It was starting to take it's toll. Babies and families and surrogates and uteruses aside... Aiden just wanted his husband back.
Harri was waddling back from her tenth trip to the toilet in an hour. Or at least that's what it felt like. She'd love to have some parts of the pregnancy just stop. Like the endless toilet trips, bizarre cravings, and back pain. Then there were her sore breasts, and the flatulence. She'd never felt so unsexy before. It was ironic just how horny she was all the while, through. Horny and unable to act on it now that James was indisposed. She frowned, trying to work out if she'd done the right thing. She'd given James permission to fuck around on her with his ex in the hopes that he got closure, but a part of her was wondering if she hadn't just buggered up. What if there was no closure, and a realisation that James and Izzy still loved each other more than anything?
Where did that leave Harri, and her unborn son?
She saw Aiden sitting alone in the corridor and lowered herself into the chair next to him. She was wearing a stylish maternity dress, but it wasn't helping her feel any less bloated, or fat. She put one hand on her bump, and the other on Aiden's arm. "Think the staff would mind if I just hijacked a bed for myself?"
Aiden blinked a few times to drag himself back to reality. He hadn't even noticed when she sat down initially, which was saying something because she really was on the huge side. Not that he would actually verbalise the fact to her. He liked his balls where they were. "I don't know, they don't look much more comfortable than the fucked up chairs they offer. Chairs I don't think any of the staff have ever actually sat in because they would know they're torture devices. All that is missing are a bed of nails under the ass."
Harri made a face. "I think haemorroids is enough, thanks. It's like everything in my body has to be pushed out to make room for the evil spawn. I don't need nails as well. These chairs really are fucking uncomfortable. I have half a mind just to buy a couple of expensive arm chairs for both of us, and get some muscley men to bring them up. Then we can keep them after, and have them on hand." She moved her hand, taking his as she rest her head against his. "You okay, soul sister?"
Aiden shook his head a little. "No," he admitted quietly. He looked ahead at Cameron sitting at Pat's beside in the room across from them. "You know those times in life where one minute, you're pretty sure you've got a good hold on things and that you have a pretty firm footing. Things might be shit, but you know what page you're on? Then the next moment, something changes, shifts, and like dominoes, everything just comes crashing down after it and all you can do is just stand there in the pile of shit and wonder what the fuck you're supposed to do?" he asked, gesturing with his hand for emphasis. "I think that just happened."
Harri's eyebrows went up. She was looking at Aiden, her blue eyes analysing his face before she glanced into Pat's room, and tried to fill in the blanks. "Did something happen? Is it Pat?"
"No, Pat's doing okay. They said he seems to be responding to the medication. This is me being extremely good and not losing it over the fact my husband's brain is bleeding. I'm doing a pretty good job, don't you think?" Aiden murmured, stretching forward a little to ease the stiffness in his back. He looked at her, his blue eyes taking in how she looked pregnant. It still seemed so strange. He was used to her looking not pregnant, but it did suit her. She looked beautiful. "Cameron and I had a reluctant talk. I not-so-subtlely pointed out he looked like shit, then he threw the same compliment right back at me. It could have been bonding if the situation wasn't so fucked up. He told me things. A lot of things. Pat's been keeping things from me."
Harri's hair was done in a loose plait, and hung over her shoulder. She brushed her fringe out of her eyes, and glanced down at her bump. She still felt awful for her uterus becoming occupied when she'd always promised it to Aiden. And now there was even a little regret with the idea of James sleeping with Isabel. Harri had a feeling this pregnancy was mellowing for the worse. "Keeping things? What's he got to keep from you? And to be fair you both look like shit, and I don't mean that as a compliment. I think you're doing a stellar job, but you're still looking tired and stressed. Which is understandable given your husband's brain is bleeding. If you can't let it out verbally, it's going to come out somehow."
"I promise I won't start drinking," Aiden said with an attempt to joke, but it fell flat as he wet his lips and swallowed. "He's got a lot. You know the whole he doesn't want babies thing? It's false. A protective mechanism. Cameron told me Pat wants kids, has always wanted a family and kids. His family even expected Pat to be the first to become a father. He told Cameron this as recent as the hospital in Liverpool when they reunited after the fight. But he has been telling everyone he doesn't want kids to try and convince himself he doesn't. He doesn't want us to start a family and have me shouldered with the burden of nursing him when he's at his worst and raising a baby because he won't be able to help..."
He felt tears prick his eyes and a couple escaped, dripping down his cheeks but he brushed them away. "When he first got sick, he was disgusted in himself and didn't think he deserved to have what he wanted because no one would ever want him like that. And to top it all off, apparently Tara and Lachlan have offered for Tara to be a surrogate, with a donor egg, but Pat turned them down. He never even mentioned it to me."
Harri rubbed her hand against Aiden's back and leaned over to kiss his temple. "Oh, love, I'm sorry. I'm sure he was just trying to protect you in his strange way. He's clearly used to people abandoning him. People who aren't his brother, or Lachlan, and Tara. You can't really blame him for playing that particular card to his chest. When you're not used to being with someone who loves you no matter what, it's hard to adjust. You of all people should understand that. It took Pat to make you realise being in love was so bad. Even I have my issues, but I'm working through them because I want to make this work."
She sucked in a breath, and looked at Aiden. "Do you still want kids? And now you know that Pat does... do you want them more?"
Aiden rubbed his face. "Of course I do. I've always wanted them eventually, when I found a guy to settle down with. You know that. It didn't change when I met Pat, it just got stronger, but I thought he didn't want them, because he has told me from the start he didn't. But we didn't talk about it often, in the early days, he just changed the subject." He scraped his nails across his scalp to try and take the tired ache that seemed to constantly be in his head now. "Isabel's pregnant. With twins."
Harri's eyes went wide as her mouth fell open. "What?"
Aiden pressed his lips together to stop a string of random negative comments about James falling from his mouth. "Yeah. He found out just before Pat got sick. They found out yesterday that she was having twins. Or today. I lost track of time. He's worked himself up into a screwed up state thinking it's going to hurt Pat telling him because Cameron's never really wanted kids."
Harri looked away, frowning deeply. Izzy was pregnant, and James was off probably fucking her brains out. She had to wonder if he knew, and if he did, why didn't that knowledge help him realise closure had maybe already been achieved. If he was messing around while both women were pregnant, Harri could only assume she and Cameron didn't mean much to James and Isabel. "Fuck," she cursed softly. "He's being stupid if he thinks Pat could hate him for something like that. Pat would never deny his brother anything. It might still hurt, but it's hardly going to end their relationship. They're brothers. There's nothing so bad it would interfere."
"Except he doesn't know if the kids are his. She's cheating on him," Aiden told her, his eyes narrowing slightly as he watched Harri's face closely for her reaction. "He's taken too many blows. He's homesick. He wants to go home."
Harri's jaw tightened. "She's technically not cheating when we both gave permission." Harri took a long moment to meet Aiden's gaze. "But I don't blame him for wanting to go home. I don't know what I've done."
Aiden's face fell into a frown. "What the fuck? Yes, it fucking is cheating! They didn't have to say yes! I knew it was him. I'm going to kill the fucking bastard! No offense, but he's hurting Cameron, and that means he's hurting my husband by default. That's before my brain even processes the fact he's fucking hurting you and my godson. I am going to kill him painfully. I put it off until now because you loved him and he was supposed to be a great guy, all things considered but fuck this! Fuck this fucking to hell! The least they could have fucking done was wait until Pat was out of hospital! I-" He stopped, his face turning just that little bit more red as he growled. "They fucking did it under my roof!"
She let Aiden vent, almost watching it with pleasure. He was saying everything she wanted to say, but felt like she couldn't. She was still waiting for James to call her up, and tell her it was over. Tell her he was leaving her to be a single mum because he'd rather raise Isabel's babies than hers. She couldn't believe Izzy was pregnant. It was like a slap to the face. Nothing could be Harri's, Izzy had to have what she had, and then do it better. Not just one baby, but twins. Not just Cameron, but James. "I hate her," Harri said quietly. "I never fucking trusted her, and now I know why. He was actually angry at first. Angry that I'd consider 'renting' him out to her. I was trying to do the right fucking thing. If they kept dancing around each other I was going to hit them both. It's not an easy thing to watch. Now I've just gone and put a fucking nail in the coffin, haven't I?"
Aiden was wringing his hands together, fingers automatically seeking out his wedding ring for some sort of grounding. He was furious, but this wasn't the time or place to explode about it. In the whole medical thing, he was glad they let Pat put his own ring back on after the procedures were complete. Strange now that after the summer and the sun, they both had tanlines when they took the rings off. Even that was comforting. "Who does that?" he asked with a disbelieving shake of his head. "They could have waited. Neither of them were going and fucking shrivel up and die if they didn't fuck each other immediately. Though I really wish they would right now. She was fucking around on my best friend in my home when my husband is unconscious in the ICU. She was fucking around on her boyfriend under his identical twin's roof while his identical twin is unconscious in the ICU. If that fucking bastard was here right now, I would kill him. If I even begin to say all the reasons I want to kill him, I will have to hit something or scream, and I can't risk them throwing me out of here."
Harri straightened, her face becoming expressionless as she sat there. She was angry, she was pissed off. It just wasn't going to serve to express it to anyone but James. She also had no one to blame but herself. She'd told him he could. She hadn't told him when because that was the part that had made him angry. And now it had happened. "If he has decided to go back to her... can I stay with you and Pat for a little while?"
Aiden nodded slowly and then looked at her, taking her hand. "Cameron's going to be there. How do you feel about that?" he asked and looked over at the twins in the room. "Fuck this. Fuck it to hell. What have they done? Seriously, what have they done? I'm not saying you or me or whatever has done anything, but Pat and Cameron were innocent bystanders and it's just all blown up. I hate them both. The fucking bastards. They've ruined everything."
Harri arched an eyebrow slightly. "I feel fine about it, why wouldn't I? It's more a matter of whether he's going to mind me being there. I am carrying devil spawn now." Harri let out a controlled breath, and smoothed her hand over her bump. It was still her child, not just James'. She loved her unborn son. She wasn't sure she could bring herself to regret the pregnancy, even if it did come at the cost of a fight with Aiden. "The timing leaves something to be desired, but it was probably always going to happen. It was a ticking time bomb we all tried to ignore, and failed. I hate that Cameron and Pat have been affected. I don't think it's fair."
"No," Aiden said firmly with a shake of his head. "You're carrying your son, and my godson. Pat's godson. Cameron's not an unreasonable guy. He tried to do the right thing, but probably, like you, hoped they would be bigger people and not do it. I don't know. I'm not even going to begin to understand their situation because I want to spit on them. I can't bring myself to care, it's so fucked up. But whatever it is, they could have just been fucking honest and not strung everyone on. They can go get fucked. We'll pick up the pieces. Whatever it takes. The only problem is, love, he probably won't just walk away from the kid. It's his son too."
"He probably won't, but that doesn't mean I have to stay in that apartment." She couldn't even bring herself to say 'our' apartment. She was already dividing things up in her head, and working out how she was going to get her things out without needing to deal with James more than necessary. "We're not going to be the first couple to raise our child seperately. I have no wish in playing house if he's going to be living with her."
Aiden closed his eyes tiredly with a small nod of agreement. "Then go back to your own. You only moved out because of him. You haven't sold up yet. I'd offer to came stay with you, but I don't know how much rehab Pat is going to need after all this. You can stay with us as long as you need. Maybe we can help each other through the shit?" he murmured.
"That's why I want to stay with you. I need to regather myself before I go back to living alone, and considering life as a single mother." Harri took Aiden's hand. "I'll help you with Pat. You won't have to do it alone."
Aiden offered her a slight smile, but it didn't quite gather it's usual momentum. "I wish I could say it'll be easy, but it won't. I'll probably suck, but at least we'll be together. We kind of lost that lately," he admitted. "I know it's just been because of everything going on."
Harri gave a nod. "Of course. And if anything, I do want us back. Soul sisters forever, and all that. I love you, Aiden."
Aiden rested his head against hers, closing his eyes again. He would be extremely grateful if all the shit wanted to stop, any time soon, would be really nice. Unfortunately, he suspected it was only just beginning. "I love you too."
Words: 3128 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc verse