Note To Self

[stradivari_z]

Fanfiction:
Deleted- The Sea
            - Kinderszenen
          - Somewhere

NB for deletion if mood changes: -Prelude
                                                  -Picture Outside The Frame
                                                  -Suite.
Reasons: Not good enough.
Observation: There may be none left by next week.

Sib:
Deleted -

Comments

[thewhitelily]

Phases of an artist (with particular reference to writers, but also applicable elsewhere):
Phase One: OMG, I can write, and it's, like, awesome and people comment and they actually like it and everything!
Phase Two: Hey, um, actually now I read it, some of it's not that great. I should make it better.
Phase Three: Urgh, there's too much of it, and I hate it all - I can never make it better, I might as well just delete it.
Phase Four: Nothing I write turns out enough better than what I've already deleted, and it's taking forever because I can't make it good enough. I might as well give up.
(Usually a nervous breakdown or a long break from writing or something happens here to bring about an epiphany.)
Phase Five: Hey, I actually enjoy writing. I should just write, do the best I can, concentrate on keeping on improving, and not let my perfectionist inner editor control my life and stifle my creativity.

Mentally, I'm in Phase Five. As far as my gut feel is concerned, I'm still in Phase Four, which is why I throw myself into writing challenges like NaNoWriMo and April Fools - they force me to keep going through the crippling doubts and the overwhelming fear of failure.

But I assure you, the doubts and the regrets about the quality of your own work won't go away no matter how good your work gets. It's not a sign of how bad your work is - it's a sign of how far you've come since you wrote it, and it simply comes standard for any artist who cares about their work and thus has the potential for greatness. The moment you stop noticing things in your old work that you hate now is the moment you've stopped growing as a writer in ability and discernment. It's the moment you've stagnated.

Please, please don't let yourself get stuck in phases three and four and end up with nothing to show for the blood, sweat, and tears you've already put into your work. The only reason I made it through Phase Three was that a dear friend would have been deeply hurt if I took down the deeply abysmal work that she helped me spend eighteen months slaving over. But every day I make myself glad I left it up there. It's a testament to the journey I've made as a writer since then, and I can take pride in the mistakes that are there because I know that those mistakes are ones I won't make again.

Leave it up there. It's not hurting anything to be there, it's certainly not the worst of what's up there, and I'm sure even you can recognise that it's substantially better than most of the writing around. Sure, you could probably do better now, thanks to the lessons you learned while writing it and since. But don't let yourself be ashamed of what you write, because the moment you let your inner editor gag you, you've lost the battle with creative expression. Just treat it as a learning experience, consider what you could do better next time...

... and then make the next time happen.

Sorry for ranting, but you really touched a nerve here. :)

[stradivari_z]

Meh, I've already deleted some. *points*. But Okay. I'll leave them up there. Sorry for touching a nerve. I was feeling especially inferior then. -.-

MEH THE THEME OF PIERCING THE VAULT I HATE IT THAT NO ONE WANTS TO PUBLISH MEH UNDER MEH NAME AND I HAVE TO WORK THROUGH A BLIMMIN TEACHER- he's a good teacher, mind.

:P
Thanks, Lily.