(no subject)
ever just have nothing positive to say? that'd be this girl right here. every thought i have is negative and its starting to get on my nerves. it's unfuckinbelievable. i'm trying real hard to keep myself positive and happy but it's hard dammit.
and i hate that i can't express myself properly because i'm not getting how i feel through to liam. which is certainly not a positive thing. which only makes me more negative.
and i told myself i was just going to write here and not care what people think, but knowing that people read this is a problem. but not really, cuz i'm dying to get feedback on how i'm feeling, to know i'm not alone. but my thoughts aren't always kind and they are pretty much always changing. i can be utterly pissed off and then completely sad and lonely feeling. or i'll be compliant and then i'll get mad at myself, and then i'll get mad at the person making me feel compliant and then i'm apologetic. i can't understand my feelings. it's fucking rediculous.
i've got a health center appointment monday and tomorrow. we'll see, maybe i'll schedule another meeting with the wellness center so i can talk to someone. i wish i had money cuz i'd try to do a therapy and medication thing. i suppose i'll have to wait til i move to london. the date i'm looking at for the movement is June 7th. I certainly don't intend on being here for my cousins wedding as I don't particularly like her at the moment. We'll see. I know Mom wants some more time with me after graduation. We shall see.
and i hate that i can't express myself properly because i'm not getting how i feel through to liam. which is certainly not a positive thing. which only makes me more negative.
and i told myself i was just going to write here and not care what people think, but knowing that people read this is a problem. but not really, cuz i'm dying to get feedback on how i'm feeling, to know i'm not alone. but my thoughts aren't always kind and they are pretty much always changing. i can be utterly pissed off and then completely sad and lonely feeling. or i'll be compliant and then i'll get mad at myself, and then i'll get mad at the person making me feel compliant and then i'm apologetic. i can't understand my feelings. it's fucking rediculous.
i've got a health center appointment monday and tomorrow. we'll see, maybe i'll schedule another meeting with the wellness center so i can talk to someone. i wish i had money cuz i'd try to do a therapy and medication thing. i suppose i'll have to wait til i move to london. the date i'm looking at for the movement is June 7th. I certainly don't intend on being here for my cousins wedding as I don't particularly like her at the moment. We'll see. I know Mom wants some more time with me after graduation. We shall see.