I love my friends :)
Having a conversation with a friend and felt the urge to update. I was in the mall the other night, and I saw not one, but TWO people from my ‘past’ life. Now, my ‘past’ life isn’t necessarily the life I had before college, it’s simply the life I left behind in dealing with these 2 individuals. Well one in particular. But I’m going to let EVERYONE in on a little secret…
Every friendship/relationship I EVER have, I will base off of my past experiences. I DO learn from my mistakes. Never will I half-ass a friendship. I hate that more than ANYTHING else. You wanna be friends, you sure as fuck better meet me half way. No, I DON’T think I’m something special, so don’t think you are either. (note: I’m not lashing out at anyone in particular. It’s just that I’ve been through this more than once now and people need to understand my thinking process…crazy as it might be) Many of you know of my lame ass relationship with my father. If not, look back to an entry I wrote last semester. I HATED him. You know why? Cuz he never wanted to make the effort. I REFUSE to be the only one to put forth the effort. If I work that way with my FAMILY, what makes my friends any different. Friends: If any of you have any doubt that I’d give my left nut (if I had one) for you, then we need to have a serious conversation. Because if you have doubts, then I’m not doing my job as your friend. And in a conversation with my friend tonight, I brought up the fact that I’m replaceable. It’s been proven. Everyone can always find another J-Pack. But the more I think about it, the more I believe it to be untrue. I think I’m irreplaceable. And the friends I have now, The ones I cry for, And laugh for, And LIVE for…you’re ALL irreplaceable. I’m not trying to be a softy. And I know I’ve said it before, but if I lost another one of you, I would be incomplete. A total mess. I love you guys to death. And I pray that you know that. Because some people fail to see it, and that hurts. I do a VERY bad job of showing it, and I’m sorry. I can only say it’s because I haven’t had many friends in my past that I valued as much. And most of you know, especially in the guy department, I’m not very good at expressing my feelings. The happy ones at least. I don’t think I was REALLY happy until I started high school. And even then, it took a while to kick in. But, well, what’s one to do. I know who’s out there for me. I know who’s walking beside me, and I know how to leave people behind me. So, all my ‘bitches’, you know who you are (hint: If I come in your room and say, ‘bitches,’ that means you.) thanks so much for dealing with me. Putting up with my shit. Knowing all the good and bad about me. And still loving me unconditionally. Because of you meeting me half way in all aspects, I’ll never have to doubt you, or myself. And there are some who not only meet me half way, but go even further. And to those, I don’t know what you see in me, but I appreciate it. So much. And if I could find a way to thank you (besides sexual favors, obviously) then I would. So, a simple THANK YOU will have to suffice. It’s funny how when you think about how much you care for people, you get really pissed off. Idunno why. Maybe it’s because I’m finally allowing myself to get close to people without pushing them away. It hasn’t happened since the previously mentioned person (see first paragraph) and it’s kind of weird that I’m able to feel like this again after sooo long. It’s a scary feeling (maybe that’s the cause for my mood swings when I think about all of you). It’s scary, but it’s so wonderful that I can feel so damn good again. That if something goes wrong, you’ll walk through it with me, instead of walking away from me.
All the ‘I love you guys so much’ aside…
FUCK ADULT SWIM! FUCK THEM IN THE LEFT ASS CHEEK!
Dude, I screwed up my neck (yeah, AGAIN), and am now on muscle relaxers. I forced my eyes open for HOURS to watch InuYasha at 12:30…Yeah…NO! Fucking Evangelion is on. Now, according to Mike, it’s a good show. According to a LOT of people, it’s a good show. But according to Jessica, no matter how good a show it is, you took away my fucking InuYasha time. FUCK-YOU! Won’t be back on till the 4th. If you value your life, stay away.
J
*Soko kara nozoite ita jikan ga
Taishita mono wa nakutatte kagayaitetanda
Ima kono te no naka ni aru biidama kara
Mieru mono wa
sukoshi chigau kedo
Bokura no soba de chiisaku hikatteru*
Every friendship/relationship I EVER have, I will base off of my past experiences. I DO learn from my mistakes. Never will I half-ass a friendship. I hate that more than ANYTHING else. You wanna be friends, you sure as fuck better meet me half way. No, I DON’T think I’m something special, so don’t think you are either. (note: I’m not lashing out at anyone in particular. It’s just that I’ve been through this more than once now and people need to understand my thinking process…crazy as it might be) Many of you know of my lame ass relationship with my father. If not, look back to an entry I wrote last semester. I HATED him. You know why? Cuz he never wanted to make the effort. I REFUSE to be the only one to put forth the effort. If I work that way with my FAMILY, what makes my friends any different. Friends: If any of you have any doubt that I’d give my left nut (if I had one) for you, then we need to have a serious conversation. Because if you have doubts, then I’m not doing my job as your friend. And in a conversation with my friend tonight, I brought up the fact that I’m replaceable. It’s been proven. Everyone can always find another J-Pack. But the more I think about it, the more I believe it to be untrue. I think I’m irreplaceable. And the friends I have now, The ones I cry for, And laugh for, And LIVE for…you’re ALL irreplaceable. I’m not trying to be a softy. And I know I’ve said it before, but if I lost another one of you, I would be incomplete. A total mess. I love you guys to death. And I pray that you know that. Because some people fail to see it, and that hurts. I do a VERY bad job of showing it, and I’m sorry. I can only say it’s because I haven’t had many friends in my past that I valued as much. And most of you know, especially in the guy department, I’m not very good at expressing my feelings. The happy ones at least. I don’t think I was REALLY happy until I started high school. And even then, it took a while to kick in. But, well, what’s one to do. I know who’s out there for me. I know who’s walking beside me, and I know how to leave people behind me. So, all my ‘bitches’, you know who you are (hint: If I come in your room and say, ‘bitches,’ that means you.) thanks so much for dealing with me. Putting up with my shit. Knowing all the good and bad about me. And still loving me unconditionally. Because of you meeting me half way in all aspects, I’ll never have to doubt you, or myself. And there are some who not only meet me half way, but go even further. And to those, I don’t know what you see in me, but I appreciate it. So much. And if I could find a way to thank you (besides sexual favors, obviously) then I would. So, a simple THANK YOU will have to suffice. It’s funny how when you think about how much you care for people, you get really pissed off. Idunno why. Maybe it’s because I’m finally allowing myself to get close to people without pushing them away. It hasn’t happened since the previously mentioned person (see first paragraph) and it’s kind of weird that I’m able to feel like this again after sooo long. It’s a scary feeling (maybe that’s the cause for my mood swings when I think about all of you). It’s scary, but it’s so wonderful that I can feel so damn good again. That if something goes wrong, you’ll walk through it with me, instead of walking away from me.
All the ‘I love you guys so much’ aside…
FUCK ADULT SWIM! FUCK THEM IN THE LEFT ASS CHEEK!
Dude, I screwed up my neck (yeah, AGAIN), and am now on muscle relaxers. I forced my eyes open for HOURS to watch InuYasha at 12:30…Yeah…NO! Fucking Evangelion is on. Now, according to Mike, it’s a good show. According to a LOT of people, it’s a good show. But according to Jessica, no matter how good a show it is, you took away my fucking InuYasha time. FUCK-YOU! Won’t be back on till the 4th. If you value your life, stay away.
J
*Soko kara nozoite ita jikan ga
Taishita mono wa nakutatte kagayaitetanda
Ima kono te no naka ni aru biidama kara
Mieru mono wa
sukoshi chigau kedo
Bokura no soba de chiisaku hikatteru*