There Goes Another Useless Part of My Hopeless Life
Well, got fired today after doing everything wrong I possibly could for the past week. Isn't it strange how you know something is going to happen and when it will occur moch in advance to its occurance. Thats what it was like for me with my job. I knew I would get myself fired today and was even more assured of it when I got that weird, confused, hyper feeling I get every time something is going to go wrong. But, thats enough talk about my job because it doesn't bother me a bi seeing that it was completely useless and I could make more money a day on the streets than working a week. Besides that everything else has been tolerable I guess. I can't really say I've had fun but at least I wasn't disturbed lately. I am becoming slightly iritated with one thing lately, though. No matter how hard I try or what I do I still can't have fun. I'll smile and laugh occassionally and I constantly joke around, but truly I'm never happy. I think somewhere in the mess of this past year I forgot how to create such a feeling for myself. Without having an initial happiness to start from I lack any motivation I would have. That can also keep me from doing things that do make me happy. I don't know if others notice it but it is close to impossible to work out, dance, meet new people, or even wake up in the morning without any happiness. Maybe I'm just a spoiled, selfish jerk but I miss being happy and lately have been doing everything I could to regain the missing feelings. I've been completely disorganized and haven't kept in close contact with a lot of my really good friends. I hope they understand and don't think I don't like them or am mad at them. If they think I'm selfish I can understand though because theres a good chance I am but I don't want them to think I don't care about them. Hopefully this week things will be more organized and maybe by some miracle I'll even be happy for once. Well got to go clean my room and work out for the remainder of the night, so I'll write more tomorrow.
Lata-Da Playa
Lata-Da Playa