Life's a Short Trip, On a Fast Train.
...
I hate posting on LJ when I'm in a mood like this.
Makes me feel like even more of an emo kid than I figure I am anyway.
Emo mood + Live Journal = Bad.
...
Atleast Mitch can't see it...
I don't want him to know my problems... He has enough of his own.
I don't even get how I got into the mood either.
It's been going like this alot lately...
I just keep getting sad for no reason, and I'm starting back into the mindset last year.
I hate this mindset because it's so fuckign confusing...
I know I care so much about... so much, but... My mind tells me it's not worth it.
I get that empty feeling...
...
I fucking hate it when it happens.
It only goes on every few months, then one day it'll just be gone.
I don't know what happens or anything.
Just one day... poof. Gone.
I don't like posting stuff like this because I know my friends will see it, and I don't want them to know my problems.
But it helps to get it out, even if it is just typing it out on a computer for half an hour.
I mean, we can't afford for a 'Professional'. I DON'T tell my friends this shit because... Well.. I don't want to bother them with it.
No one gets why I do it though.
Bottle it up and all.
Why I try not to have to talk about it.
Hell half the time I don't even get it, really, but.
-Shrug-
It's just how I am.
Most of my problems aren't half of everyone elses.
I feel like I have no reason to be the way I am.
So I don't want to say something when other people can so easily be 'Oh, dumbfuck. I've had worse problems than that... Suck it up'
Which I really really feel like they should do about 99.99999999999999% of the time.
Because my problems aren't much, really. So I don't talk about them.
-Nod-
It's a good logic.
On a different note... This part will be all... er... hidden so anyone not wanting to see a bitchy emo whining about stupid shit can skip it. Not that I haven't been a bitchy emo this whole time anyway.
I'm a horrible person.
I know this.
I decided on it a long time ago.
I'm not a good friend, a good daughter, a good girlfriend, I'm just bad at life.
I bring everyone else down.
But the reason for it today is...
...I'm not crying...
I've been trying to...
I want to.
I want to cry for her.
I want to cry for my family who are going to miss her so much more than me.
I want to cry for how much pain she has to be in, and how I could never imagin how everyone else is feeling about this.
But I can't.
Since I got the news that she's offically not going to pull through.
I can't cry for them.
I cried when I first found out.
And felt like a dumbshit about it because of the fact I was on the phone with Tara and Sammie and plagued them with the problem.
But now I can't for some reason.
Maybe it hasn't sunk in.
But... It's not just her is the thing.
I feel the same way about my grandfather and aunt's deaths.
I couldn't cry.
It tears me apart inside... You're suposed to be sad for people so close to you leaving...
And I was sad... so deadly sad it still hurts...
But I couldn't.
...
-Sigh-
Sorry.
Ok, getting off the subject, it's something I think about to much...
And for something so stupid.
Heh.
...
I love the new Saliva c.d.
Really I do, some of the lyrics are... Just so... I don't know how to discribe it.
It's is stupid to say so many of the song's feel like me?
I know it is... But I don't care.
I lost my lj mood.
-Formats and walks away, knowing she'll regret posting this later-
...GoodNight...
I hate posting on LJ when I'm in a mood like this.
Makes me feel like even more of an emo kid than I figure I am anyway.
Emo mood + Live Journal = Bad.
...
Atleast Mitch can't see it...
I don't want him to know my problems... He has enough of his own.
I don't even get how I got into the mood either.
It's been going like this alot lately...
I just keep getting sad for no reason, and I'm starting back into the mindset last year.
I hate this mindset because it's so fuckign confusing...
I know I care so much about... so much, but... My mind tells me it's not worth it.
I get that empty feeling...
...
I fucking hate it when it happens.
It only goes on every few months, then one day it'll just be gone.
I don't know what happens or anything.
Just one day... poof. Gone.
I don't like posting stuff like this because I know my friends will see it, and I don't want them to know my problems.
But it helps to get it out, even if it is just typing it out on a computer for half an hour.
I mean, we can't afford for a 'Professional'. I DON'T tell my friends this shit because... Well.. I don't want to bother them with it.
No one gets why I do it though.
Bottle it up and all.
Why I try not to have to talk about it.
Hell half the time I don't even get it, really, but.
-Shrug-
It's just how I am.
Most of my problems aren't half of everyone elses.
I feel like I have no reason to be the way I am.
So I don't want to say something when other people can so easily be 'Oh, dumbfuck. I've had worse problems than that... Suck it up'
Which I really really feel like they should do about 99.99999999999999% of the time.
Because my problems aren't much, really. So I don't talk about them.
-Nod-
It's a good logic.
On a different note... This part will be all... er... hidden so anyone not wanting to see a bitchy emo whining about stupid shit can skip it. Not that I haven't been a bitchy emo this whole time anyway.
I'm a horrible person.
I know this.
I decided on it a long time ago.
I'm not a good friend, a good daughter, a good girlfriend, I'm just bad at life.
I bring everyone else down.
But the reason for it today is...
...I'm not crying...
I've been trying to...
I want to.
I want to cry for her.
I want to cry for my family who are going to miss her so much more than me.
I want to cry for how much pain she has to be in, and how I could never imagin how everyone else is feeling about this.
But I can't.
Since I got the news that she's offically not going to pull through.
I can't cry for them.
I cried when I first found out.
And felt like a dumbshit about it because of the fact I was on the phone with Tara and Sammie and plagued them with the problem.
But now I can't for some reason.
Maybe it hasn't sunk in.
But... It's not just her is the thing.
I feel the same way about my grandfather and aunt's deaths.
I couldn't cry.
It tears me apart inside... You're suposed to be sad for people so close to you leaving...
And I was sad... so deadly sad it still hurts...
But I couldn't.
...
-Sigh-
Sorry.
Ok, getting off the subject, it's something I think about to much...
And for something so stupid.
Heh.
...
I love the new Saliva c.d.
Really I do, some of the lyrics are... Just so... I don't know how to discribe it.
It's is stupid to say so many of the song's feel like me?
I know it is... But I don't care.
I lost my lj mood.
-Formats and walks away, knowing she'll regret posting this later-
...GoodNight...