(no subject)
listening to Dido's No Angel album and I liked the lyric:
"....lalala,and I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore."
I kinda feel that way sometimes even if I have people all around me. just a thought ...weird that i had that feeling (in a way) as I was making gifts (this really good cd I downloaded and burned "chillout music from SIA cafe" and a bead made of amber in zip lock baggies) for a few of my best friends. I really hope that my new/old friends are the real thing this time. But they are not really that new considering they are my neighborhood people....they have always been there; I just stopped hanging out with them while I was with him. I guess that I stopped being myself. I really enjoy giving gifts and making people smile. I love it that there are some really good people out there. It gives me hope. :) Strangely enough the people I used to be around and hang out with before my "five years of wasted life" took me back warmly almost like family. I am so jaded from being betrayed by so many of my old set of "non-friends" that I met through him that I am sometimes overly suspicious of my friends. I can't believe that I went through what I did now that I am back to my normal world. However, I did make a couple of great friends through him that I hope to be close to for the rest of my life. I am happy in many ways. I am beginning to actually feel emotions again. However all of my love is devoted to Kaleb and my family (and a very few friends). I have thought about about why I feel numb..... perhaps nothing really means anything to me except for my son.
My heart is metaphorically locked in an iron box. Kaleb is the only one with a key it seems.
Too bad. :(
I hope everyone is well.
I still miss some of the old friends who I had to break away from. I will never forget the good times and hope only the best for everyone. Goodbye.
"....lalala,and I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore."
I kinda feel that way sometimes even if I have people all around me. just a thought ...weird that i had that feeling (in a way) as I was making gifts (this really good cd I downloaded and burned "chillout music from SIA cafe" and a bead made of amber in zip lock baggies) for a few of my best friends. I really hope that my new/old friends are the real thing this time. But they are not really that new considering they are my neighborhood people....they have always been there; I just stopped hanging out with them while I was with him. I guess that I stopped being myself. I really enjoy giving gifts and making people smile. I love it that there are some really good people out there. It gives me hope. :) Strangely enough the people I used to be around and hang out with before my "five years of wasted life" took me back warmly almost like family. I am so jaded from being betrayed by so many of my old set of "non-friends" that I met through him that I am sometimes overly suspicious of my friends. I can't believe that I went through what I did now that I am back to my normal world. However, I did make a couple of great friends through him that I hope to be close to for the rest of my life. I am happy in many ways. I am beginning to actually feel emotions again. However all of my love is devoted to Kaleb and my family (and a very few friends). I have thought about about why I feel numb..... perhaps nothing really means anything to me except for my son.
My heart is metaphorically locked in an iron box. Kaleb is the only one with a key it seems.
Too bad. :(
I hope everyone is well.
I still miss some of the old friends who I had to break away from. I will never forget the good times and hope only the best for everyone. Goodbye.