this crazy little thing called love
we decided that we should give each other some space. well, i decided that i should give her some space... she said, "gimme a week." she called me 3 hours later and told me she had everything figured out. she didn't even wait till she got home from work. she wanted to go mini-putt and she wanted me to teach her how to play poker. she was very excited about it. i wasn't exactly jumping at the chance. then she said she actually forgot that we were gonna take some time apart. that's a lie. you don't forget things like that. then she said we should just see each other tonite, go mini-putt, have a ton of sex and then go on our break tomorrow.
rewind<<<<<<<<<<< yesterday morning:
i'm a foul dude. we had our "let's go on a break" talk in her apartment in the morning. then we had sex in the shower. she said she had work and had to go, so i flipped her onto the bathroom counter. she was already 10 minutes late. i said, "let's go to the bed." she wanted to be responsible -- out loud -- but girls sometimes have a hard time turning off. and i didn't care. this was possibly the last time i was seeing her. i wanted to get mine. it's a real jerk move. and i was flat out being an ass. i didn't care that she had work, i didn't care that she was late, i didn't care that the relationship was on its way out; i just wanted some. the thing is -- and y'all can argue with this all you want, but i've proved it to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt -- girls LOVE jerks. she loved the fact that i didn't care. she loved that when she said, "i have work right now!" i told her to turn over. she loved the fact that she got to throw away her responsibilities for a while -- and blame me for it. she loved the fact that this was something ppl who are "going on a break" shouldn't be doing.
fastforward >>>>>>> yesterday night:
she wanted us to go mini-putt and have tons of sex, then go on our break tomorrow. she was thinking about the morning and how great it was and just thought that we should have some fun... that's what we needed: fun. plus, she was gonna be real busy over the week so there wasn't going to be a chance to see each other anyway... that's what she had been thinking about when we agreed to go on our break (but i thought she forgot about our break. huh?). she was gonna spend a week getting a bunch of stuff she'd been putting off done -- she's finally got the schedule she wanted from work so she wasn't gonna be so all over the place -- and she figured if she got all that stuff moving, she'd prove ("PROVE"!) to me that she'd got everything sorted.
i didn't go over. i know she's not going to be busy over the week. i know her schedule. she's just super anxious about us and so it seems like any day we don't talk is an eternity of me ignoring her. so now she's gettin' worried and needy and eager and jealous and even more neurotic than before. everyone's been there and gone through that... or at least something similar. love is a terribly addictive drug -- withdrawal is a bitch. i know where she's at and it sucks. i see the neuroses i had during my various break-ups all reflected in her right now. it just made the situation worse in every case.
i don't see this getting better for us. i could be wrong, i mean, i'm no psychic and she could surprise me with something. but if things should continue the way they are, i'm almost certain that this "break" is a break-up. megan is insecure about herself in ways that she really shouldn't be. i know it sounds pretentious of me to say this but, she's an incredibly smart girl and i'm hoping that the post-breakup process will show her just how strong and beautiful a person she is. i see it. believe me i do. it's the part of her i was in love with. but it was covered up by this ugly veil of insecurities that really doesn't do her justice. maybe this "time apart" will do something to help her find the confidence she needs to just be the best version of herself. if it does, then i'm a very fortunate guy. if it doesn't, her next boyfriend is gonna have an awesome girl on his hands. i hope he appreciates it.
rewind<<<<<<<<<<< yesterday morning:
i'm a foul dude. we had our "let's go on a break" talk in her apartment in the morning. then we had sex in the shower. she said she had work and had to go, so i flipped her onto the bathroom counter. she was already 10 minutes late. i said, "let's go to the bed." she wanted to be responsible -- out loud -- but girls sometimes have a hard time turning off. and i didn't care. this was possibly the last time i was seeing her. i wanted to get mine. it's a real jerk move. and i was flat out being an ass. i didn't care that she had work, i didn't care that she was late, i didn't care that the relationship was on its way out; i just wanted some. the thing is -- and y'all can argue with this all you want, but i've proved it to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt -- girls LOVE jerks. she loved the fact that i didn't care. she loved that when she said, "i have work right now!" i told her to turn over. she loved the fact that she got to throw away her responsibilities for a while -- and blame me for it. she loved the fact that this was something ppl who are "going on a break" shouldn't be doing.
fastforward >>>>>>> yesterday night:
she wanted us to go mini-putt and have tons of sex, then go on our break tomorrow. she was thinking about the morning and how great it was and just thought that we should have some fun... that's what we needed: fun. plus, she was gonna be real busy over the week so there wasn't going to be a chance to see each other anyway... that's what she had been thinking about when we agreed to go on our break (but i thought she forgot about our break. huh?). she was gonna spend a week getting a bunch of stuff she'd been putting off done -- she's finally got the schedule she wanted from work so she wasn't gonna be so all over the place -- and she figured if she got all that stuff moving, she'd prove ("PROVE"!) to me that she'd got everything sorted.
i didn't go over. i know she's not going to be busy over the week. i know her schedule. she's just super anxious about us and so it seems like any day we don't talk is an eternity of me ignoring her. so now she's gettin' worried and needy and eager and jealous and even more neurotic than before. everyone's been there and gone through that... or at least something similar. love is a terribly addictive drug -- withdrawal is a bitch. i know where she's at and it sucks. i see the neuroses i had during my various break-ups all reflected in her right now. it just made the situation worse in every case.
i don't see this getting better for us. i could be wrong, i mean, i'm no psychic and she could surprise me with something. but if things should continue the way they are, i'm almost certain that this "break" is a break-up. megan is insecure about herself in ways that she really shouldn't be. i know it sounds pretentious of me to say this but, she's an incredibly smart girl and i'm hoping that the post-breakup process will show her just how strong and beautiful a person she is. i see it. believe me i do. it's the part of her i was in love with. but it was covered up by this ugly veil of insecurities that really doesn't do her justice. maybe this "time apart" will do something to help her find the confidence she needs to just be the best version of herself. if it does, then i'm a very fortunate guy. if it doesn't, her next boyfriend is gonna have an awesome girl on his hands. i hope he appreciates it.