Word ficlets
Three more word ficlets, all for Don and Timmy.
Negative
I didn't like the neighborhood. It was too picket fence, too nuclear family, too go-to-church-on Sunday. And it was too straight. I told Timmy as much.
"How could you possibly know about the neighbors' church-going habits?" Timmy said in his Mr. Reasonable voice. "And how do you know these houses are filled with straight nuclear families? Statistics show -"
"Oh, all right." I rolled my eyes at Trevor, the real-estate agent. "We'll take it."
Timmy hugged the breath out of me. "Are you sure? Do you really like it?"
"I'm sure." It was a lie, but Timmy looked so happy I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise.
Although it needed a ton of work, the house itself was all right. It was really too big for us, but Timmy had his heart set on a two-story place with plenty of yard. Since I didn't care what kind of house we had, I pretty much left the decision up to him. I thought he'd pick a house in a neighborhood where a bunch of other gay couples lived, which would have been fine with me, but he didn't. Instead, we were buying a home in a neighborhood that probably had never seen a gay man, let alone two of them.
Trevor said he'd call us as soon as our offer was accepted. We took one last look at the downstairs, then the three of us trooped out the front door. As Trevor locked up, a woman hailed us from the house next door.
"Are you two buying the place?" she hollered from her porch.
"Yes," Timmy yelled back.
"Good." She started sweeping her front steps. "It's been empty too long."
A couple of teenagers stopped at the end of our sidewalk. "You guys moving in?" they asked in unison.
"Yes," Timmy said. "Just as soon as we can."
"You do Halloween, don't you?" The older of the two pointed at the roof. "The women who used to live here put pumpkins on the roof. You should do it, too."
They took off without waiting for a reply.
Timmy put his arm around my shoulders. "The neighbors are friendly."
"I guess." I leaned against him and pointed at the picket fence that separated our soon-to-be home from the neighbor's. "But that thing has to go."
"Done."
"And I'm not going to church on Sunday."
Timmy kissed my cheek. "The place would burst into flames."
"And I'll kiss you on the front porch whenever I feel like it."
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
We stood there, looking up at the house. "I guess it's all right," I said.
"I love it when you think positive," Timmy said.
Prize
"If you were a proper date, you'd win me a prize," Timmy said as we strolled down the midway of the Saratoga County Fair. "A teddy bear."
I gave him a sidelong glance. He was serious.
"You actually want me to win you a teddy bear? Then you'd have to walk around carrying it."
Timmy squeezed my hand. "Actually, I'd rather have a cuddly monkey, but since none of these crooks seem to have one, a teddy bear will have to do."
There were tons of games - unsuspecting saps could toss rings, shoot basketballs, throw ping-pong balls, flip giant tiddly winks - you name it.
"All right," I said. "What's your pleasure?"
He led me to a shooting gallery. "This is right up your alley."
According to the heavily tattooed carny running the game, all I had to do was shoot eight ducks and I could have my pick of the prizes. Timmy pointed to a hideous yellow bear with blue plastic eyes. "I want that one."
The carny laughed and stepped out of the way. I aimed the gun, adjusted for the crooked sight and shot the eight ducks. Timmy yelled his approval and told the carny to get him the bear.
Timmy tucked the bear under his arm and took my hand. I asked him if he wanted to put it in the car, but he said no.
"It's ugly as hell," I said. "Why did you want that one?"
He held it up in front of him. "He reminds me of you."
Hung
"He doesn't sound too impressive."
"He's plenty impressive." I drained my martini glass, silently begging him to change the subject.
"How impressive?"
I wish I'd never mentioned my chat with Dik Steele.
"Well, how impressive?" Timmy kicked my ankle. "Spill it."
I put my glass on the table. "He looked like a god. Satisfied?"
Timmy put his glass beside mine. "Does he look better than me?"
"Hell, no."
"Is he better endowed than I am?"
The room was getting hot. Or maybe it was just me. "Nope."
In a surprising display of dexterity and strength, Timmy pulled me onto his lap. He kissed me stupid, then let me up for air.
"No more looking at naked porn stars. Agreed?"
I stared at him, dazed. "What's a porn star?"
Negative
I didn't like the neighborhood. It was too picket fence, too nuclear family, too go-to-church-on Sunday. And it was too straight. I told Timmy as much.
"How could you possibly know about the neighbors' church-going habits?" Timmy said in his Mr. Reasonable voice. "And how do you know these houses are filled with straight nuclear families? Statistics show -"
"Oh, all right." I rolled my eyes at Trevor, the real-estate agent. "We'll take it."
Timmy hugged the breath out of me. "Are you sure? Do you really like it?"
"I'm sure." It was a lie, but Timmy looked so happy I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise.
Although it needed a ton of work, the house itself was all right. It was really too big for us, but Timmy had his heart set on a two-story place with plenty of yard. Since I didn't care what kind of house we had, I pretty much left the decision up to him. I thought he'd pick a house in a neighborhood where a bunch of other gay couples lived, which would have been fine with me, but he didn't. Instead, we were buying a home in a neighborhood that probably had never seen a gay man, let alone two of them.
Trevor said he'd call us as soon as our offer was accepted. We took one last look at the downstairs, then the three of us trooped out the front door. As Trevor locked up, a woman hailed us from the house next door.
"Are you two buying the place?" she hollered from her porch.
"Yes," Timmy yelled back.
"Good." She started sweeping her front steps. "It's been empty too long."
A couple of teenagers stopped at the end of our sidewalk. "You guys moving in?" they asked in unison.
"Yes," Timmy said. "Just as soon as we can."
"You do Halloween, don't you?" The older of the two pointed at the roof. "The women who used to live here put pumpkins on the roof. You should do it, too."
They took off without waiting for a reply.
Timmy put his arm around my shoulders. "The neighbors are friendly."
"I guess." I leaned against him and pointed at the picket fence that separated our soon-to-be home from the neighbor's. "But that thing has to go."
"Done."
"And I'm not going to church on Sunday."
Timmy kissed my cheek. "The place would burst into flames."
"And I'll kiss you on the front porch whenever I feel like it."
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
We stood there, looking up at the house. "I guess it's all right," I said.
"I love it when you think positive," Timmy said.
Prize
"If you were a proper date, you'd win me a prize," Timmy said as we strolled down the midway of the Saratoga County Fair. "A teddy bear."
I gave him a sidelong glance. He was serious.
"You actually want me to win you a teddy bear? Then you'd have to walk around carrying it."
Timmy squeezed my hand. "Actually, I'd rather have a cuddly monkey, but since none of these crooks seem to have one, a teddy bear will have to do."
There were tons of games - unsuspecting saps could toss rings, shoot basketballs, throw ping-pong balls, flip giant tiddly winks - you name it.
"All right," I said. "What's your pleasure?"
He led me to a shooting gallery. "This is right up your alley."
According to the heavily tattooed carny running the game, all I had to do was shoot eight ducks and I could have my pick of the prizes. Timmy pointed to a hideous yellow bear with blue plastic eyes. "I want that one."
The carny laughed and stepped out of the way. I aimed the gun, adjusted for the crooked sight and shot the eight ducks. Timmy yelled his approval and told the carny to get him the bear.
Timmy tucked the bear under his arm and took my hand. I asked him if he wanted to put it in the car, but he said no.
"It's ugly as hell," I said. "Why did you want that one?"
He held it up in front of him. "He reminds me of you."
Hung
"He doesn't sound too impressive."
"He's plenty impressive." I drained my martini glass, silently begging him to change the subject.
"How impressive?"
I wish I'd never mentioned my chat with Dik Steele.
"Well, how impressive?" Timmy kicked my ankle. "Spill it."
I put my glass on the table. "He looked like a god. Satisfied?"
Timmy put his glass beside mine. "Does he look better than me?"
"Hell, no."
"Is he better endowed than I am?"
The room was getting hot. Or maybe it was just me. "Nope."
In a surprising display of dexterity and strength, Timmy pulled me onto his lap. He kissed me stupid, then let me up for air.
"No more looking at naked porn stars. Agreed?"
I stared at him, dazed. "What's a porn star?"