So Much for the Afterglow (the Same Tries to Knock Sense Into Dean Remix) - R
Title: So Much for the Afterglow (The Sam Tries to Knock Sense Into Dean Remix)
Author: Tommygirl/storydivagirl
Rating: R
Pairing: Sam/Dean - I’ve finally caved and written them
Written For: the Supernatural Remix (spnremixfics), based on So Much for the Afterglow by frayen
A/N: Much love to iamtheenemy and chaneen for their help with making this readable. Love to frayen for allowing me to play with her story and to cathybites for organizing the thing. It was much fun! Feedback, as usual, is always appreciated!
So Much for the Afterglow (The Sam Tries to Knock Sense Into Dean Remix)
It was nearly two in the morning and Sam was alone. He woke up with a start, his hands instinctively reaching out for his brother, only to find that the other side of the bed was empty. Sam glanced around the room, but there was no sign of Dean.
Once again, Dean had bolted for some alone time. Once again, Sam knew that it had nothing to do with needing to be alone and more to do with this thing between them.
Sam turned on his side and stared at the door, willing Dean to come back. It wasn't that he doubted Dean would return - his brother would never leave him, not like that - but things didn't feel right when Dean wasn't there.
His brother was right about him. He was turning into a girl.
Sam couldn't help but think back on a few hours ago. He had been circling his fingers over his brother's chest and leaving a trail of sloppy kisses along his brother's throat. Dean had seemed far away and Sam had asked "Dean, what are you thinking?"
"Nothing important," was the answer Dean had offered and Sam had momentarily forgotten how to do anything aside from be with Dean.
Now it hit him like a ton of bricks. Dean was running scared and it was Sam's job to reel him back in.
There was a routine to things between Sam and Dean. They would fight and fuck and fall asleep in a tangle of legs and arms. It was never what Sam pictured for his life and he doubted Dean ever planned on things going as far as they had. It came about out of terror and loss and a sometimes-suffocating type of love, but when Dean was inside him, it was probably the most right thing in the world. Maybe it was screwed up and crazy, but what about their life wasn't?
Sam had finally come to terms with it. He wasn't normal. He never really had been and thanks to whatever his abilities were, he doubted that he would ever experience normal again. Funnily enough, it wasn't nearly as hard to give up as he thought it would be. Because there was his brother, leaning against his car with a crooked smile, and that was all it took to push away the ache in Sam's chest. Dean belonged to him and that made up for everything and then some.
Unfortunately, getting Dean to see that was damn near impossible. Dean's eyes gave him away. Sam could always tell what type of mood Dean was in with one quick look into his eyes. Normally, he would shrug it off, knowing that his brother would talk about it if he wanted, but the look of shame was the one that freaked Sam out. It was the reason for more than one fight and Sam's promises that he wasn't going anywhere without Dean seemed to fall on deaf ears. Nothing could reach Dean when he decided that he was evil and sick for taking advantage of Sam.
As though Dean could take advantage of Sam, as though he would do anything with Dean that he didn't want to do.
Sam had tried the patient route, biting his tongue and focusing on what Dean did give him, but the way his brother seemed to punish himself was getting ridiculous. It scared Sam to think that this thing between him and Dean, something that was made up of love and need and want, could end up getting his brother killed because he was so damn ashamed of himself.
"Did I wake you when I left?" Dean asked as he opened the door to find Sam laying there wide awake.
Sam sat up in the bed and rubbed his hands over his eyes. He studied his brother and said, "I woke up and you weren't here."
"There was as all-night store a few blocks away. I went to get us some food."
"At two in the morning?"
Dean shrugged out of his jacket and replied, "Not all of us want to look like one of Sally Struthers' poor kids, Sam."
"Screw you, asshole."
"Again? Boy, I knew I was damn good, but really, Sammy."
Sam rolled his eyes, stretching out on the bed, and said, "You could've told me you were leaving."
"I was only gone for fifteen minutes."
"That's not the point."
"I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."
"I know, but…" Sam paused. He tried to think about the best way to broach the topic at hand. Sam sighed, "You do this a lot lately."
"Get hungry? I'm a growing boy."
"I'm serious, Dean."
"Way too serious if you ask me," Dean replied. He sat down on the bed and patted Sam's leg. "I'd say it's because you're not getting enough sleep, but you've always been like this."
"If it's not a store or a bar or a quick walk, you scald yourself in the shower for hours." Sam paused when he noticed his brother's shoulders stiffen. He shook his head and said, "How clueless do you think I am? You think I don't notice? Every fucking time, Dean. I thought we would get past this crap if I gave you a bit more time, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. You know how I feel and where we stand, but this shit keeps happening. Really makes a guy feel good."
"For Chrissakes, you sound like a chick."
"Would you talk to me?" Off the look on Dean's face, Sam added, "Please Dean. I'm trying to figure out what's going on, what you want and…"
"I'm fine, Sam. You're making a whole lot out of nothing," Dean replied. He turned toward Sam and cupped Sam's face in his hands. He kissed him, light and quick, and said, "We're cool."
Sam's arms went around his brother's waist and he pulled Dean down on top of him. As Dean ran his tongue along Sam's throat, Sam's hands worked on getting Dean out of his clothes. When Dean let out a small gasp against Sam's throat, Sam moved his hands up to Dean's face and said, "I'm not going anywhere."
"Sam."
"I mean it. I'm where I want to be, Dean. With you."
Dean groaned and rolled off of Sam, staring at the ceiling. He let out a long, slow sigh and said, "I'm not asking you to do that, Sammy."
"I know that."
"I don't want you sticking around because you feel like you have to."
"Dean…"
"You've been saying since the beginning that you were done once we got the demon," Dean paused and turned to look at Sam. It was an appraising gaze, one that made Sam feel naked underneath it. Dean ran his fingers through Sam's hair and Sam wanted nothing more than to press himself against Dean until they both came.
But Dean was actually talking and that was more important than the twitch in Sam's cock. Sam turned on his side and said, "I was wrong."
"Sam, I won't let you give up what you want. Not for anyone, including me."
"You're such an asshole. A self-sacrificing, stupid asshole," Sam spit out. He slid out of bed and moved around to sit next to Dean. He placed his fingers on Dean's chin and lifted it until their eyes were locked on each other. Sam said, "I want you, Dean. If I didn't want to be here, do you think you could make me stay? I'm a fucking adult and can make my own decisions about what's best for me."
"I'm not what's-"
"-don't even finish that sentence," Sam replied. He ran his hand along Dean's leg and said, "And this isn't about what I want, Dean. Because I've made that perfectly fucking clear and you know. This is something else and I can't fucking help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing."
"Bullshit," Sam countered. He stared at his brother until Dean turned his gaze to the ceiling. Sam huffed, "I'm terrified here, man. I'm scared that one of these nights you're gonna do something stupid and get yourself killed and then…you're everything to me, Dean. Don't you know that by now?"
"But I shouldn't be, Sam. That's the problem," Dean replied. He pushed past Sam and walked over to the window, the neon lights outside reflecting on his skin. Dean shook his head and said, "This isn't right. I'm taking…" He cleared his throat and glanced at Sam before going on, "I'm supposed to look after you. I shouldn't be…you're my brother, Sam."
Sam couldn't help it. He could see the shame and self-hatred in Dean's eyes and the last thing he should've been doing was laughing, but it was just so fucking…them. Credit card fraud, lying to everyone…those were okay. Loving someone, even if it was his brother, that was unforgiveable. Sam ran his hand through his hair, more to keep from jumping up and throttling Dean, and said, "Maybe it's not normal, but there's nothing you can say that will convince me that what I feel about you isn't right."
"Sammy…"
Sam could see Dean was giving in, but Sam wasn't going to make the first move. This had to be Dean. Dean had to stop blaming himself for some imagined evil and realize that what he and Sam had together wasn't about that. It didn't matter anymore. Dean was his brother, but he was so much more and Sam wasn't about to give it up.
"It's you and me and it's nobody's business but our own."
"But…"
"If you don't want this because you're not…because it's not what you want," Sam gulped down the last words in order to keep his voice from cracking. He frowned and said, "If that's the case…it would be hard, but I'd deal. But to give up on something good because you suddenly care what people think? I won't let you do it."
Dean raised an eyebrow. "Let me?"
Sam smiled sheepishly and said, "I might even be able to take you."
Dean shook his head and muttered something unintelligible under his breath. Then he glanced over at Sam, his eyes shining, and he said, "I want you."
Sam's grin widened. He motioned Dean over to him and said, "Then fuck everyone else."
"That's usually my motto," Dean replied, inching closer.
Once Dean was close enough, Sam pulled him the remainder of the distance. Sam yanked him a bit harder than he planned and they both tumbled to the ground. Dean was pinned beneath Sam and Sam smiled into Dean's neck, biting down on his earlobe. He whispered, "It's a good one."
Dean lifted Sam's head up to his and said, "Yeah, it is." Dean kissed him and Sam knew that everything was going to be okay. Sure, with Dean it would always be one step forward, two steps back, but it was worth it. Because in the end, Dean was his.
--The End--
Author: Tommygirl/storydivagirl
Rating: R
Pairing: Sam/Dean - I’ve finally caved and written them
Written For: the Supernatural Remix (spnremixfics), based on So Much for the Afterglow by frayen
A/N: Much love to iamtheenemy and chaneen for their help with making this readable. Love to frayen for allowing me to play with her story and to cathybites for organizing the thing. It was much fun! Feedback, as usual, is always appreciated!
So Much for the Afterglow (The Sam Tries to Knock Sense Into Dean Remix)
It was nearly two in the morning and Sam was alone. He woke up with a start, his hands instinctively reaching out for his brother, only to find that the other side of the bed was empty. Sam glanced around the room, but there was no sign of Dean.
Once again, Dean had bolted for some alone time. Once again, Sam knew that it had nothing to do with needing to be alone and more to do with this thing between them.
Sam turned on his side and stared at the door, willing Dean to come back. It wasn't that he doubted Dean would return - his brother would never leave him, not like that - but things didn't feel right when Dean wasn't there.
His brother was right about him. He was turning into a girl.
Sam couldn't help but think back on a few hours ago. He had been circling his fingers over his brother's chest and leaving a trail of sloppy kisses along his brother's throat. Dean had seemed far away and Sam had asked "Dean, what are you thinking?"
"Nothing important," was the answer Dean had offered and Sam had momentarily forgotten how to do anything aside from be with Dean.
Now it hit him like a ton of bricks. Dean was running scared and it was Sam's job to reel him back in.
There was a routine to things between Sam and Dean. They would fight and fuck and fall asleep in a tangle of legs and arms. It was never what Sam pictured for his life and he doubted Dean ever planned on things going as far as they had. It came about out of terror and loss and a sometimes-suffocating type of love, but when Dean was inside him, it was probably the most right thing in the world. Maybe it was screwed up and crazy, but what about their life wasn't?
Sam had finally come to terms with it. He wasn't normal. He never really had been and thanks to whatever his abilities were, he doubted that he would ever experience normal again. Funnily enough, it wasn't nearly as hard to give up as he thought it would be. Because there was his brother, leaning against his car with a crooked smile, and that was all it took to push away the ache in Sam's chest. Dean belonged to him and that made up for everything and then some.
Unfortunately, getting Dean to see that was damn near impossible. Dean's eyes gave him away. Sam could always tell what type of mood Dean was in with one quick look into his eyes. Normally, he would shrug it off, knowing that his brother would talk about it if he wanted, but the look of shame was the one that freaked Sam out. It was the reason for more than one fight and Sam's promises that he wasn't going anywhere without Dean seemed to fall on deaf ears. Nothing could reach Dean when he decided that he was evil and sick for taking advantage of Sam.
As though Dean could take advantage of Sam, as though he would do anything with Dean that he didn't want to do.
Sam had tried the patient route, biting his tongue and focusing on what Dean did give him, but the way his brother seemed to punish himself was getting ridiculous. It scared Sam to think that this thing between him and Dean, something that was made up of love and need and want, could end up getting his brother killed because he was so damn ashamed of himself.
"Did I wake you when I left?" Dean asked as he opened the door to find Sam laying there wide awake.
Sam sat up in the bed and rubbed his hands over his eyes. He studied his brother and said, "I woke up and you weren't here."
"There was as all-night store a few blocks away. I went to get us some food."
"At two in the morning?"
Dean shrugged out of his jacket and replied, "Not all of us want to look like one of Sally Struthers' poor kids, Sam."
"Screw you, asshole."
"Again? Boy, I knew I was damn good, but really, Sammy."
Sam rolled his eyes, stretching out on the bed, and said, "You could've told me you were leaving."
"I was only gone for fifteen minutes."
"That's not the point."
"I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."
"I know, but…" Sam paused. He tried to think about the best way to broach the topic at hand. Sam sighed, "You do this a lot lately."
"Get hungry? I'm a growing boy."
"I'm serious, Dean."
"Way too serious if you ask me," Dean replied. He sat down on the bed and patted Sam's leg. "I'd say it's because you're not getting enough sleep, but you've always been like this."
"If it's not a store or a bar or a quick walk, you scald yourself in the shower for hours." Sam paused when he noticed his brother's shoulders stiffen. He shook his head and said, "How clueless do you think I am? You think I don't notice? Every fucking time, Dean. I thought we would get past this crap if I gave you a bit more time, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. You know how I feel and where we stand, but this shit keeps happening. Really makes a guy feel good."
"For Chrissakes, you sound like a chick."
"Would you talk to me?" Off the look on Dean's face, Sam added, "Please Dean. I'm trying to figure out what's going on, what you want and…"
"I'm fine, Sam. You're making a whole lot out of nothing," Dean replied. He turned toward Sam and cupped Sam's face in his hands. He kissed him, light and quick, and said, "We're cool."
Sam's arms went around his brother's waist and he pulled Dean down on top of him. As Dean ran his tongue along Sam's throat, Sam's hands worked on getting Dean out of his clothes. When Dean let out a small gasp against Sam's throat, Sam moved his hands up to Dean's face and said, "I'm not going anywhere."
"Sam."
"I mean it. I'm where I want to be, Dean. With you."
Dean groaned and rolled off of Sam, staring at the ceiling. He let out a long, slow sigh and said, "I'm not asking you to do that, Sammy."
"I know that."
"I don't want you sticking around because you feel like you have to."
"Dean…"
"You've been saying since the beginning that you were done once we got the demon," Dean paused and turned to look at Sam. It was an appraising gaze, one that made Sam feel naked underneath it. Dean ran his fingers through Sam's hair and Sam wanted nothing more than to press himself against Dean until they both came.
But Dean was actually talking and that was more important than the twitch in Sam's cock. Sam turned on his side and said, "I was wrong."
"Sam, I won't let you give up what you want. Not for anyone, including me."
"You're such an asshole. A self-sacrificing, stupid asshole," Sam spit out. He slid out of bed and moved around to sit next to Dean. He placed his fingers on Dean's chin and lifted it until their eyes were locked on each other. Sam said, "I want you, Dean. If I didn't want to be here, do you think you could make me stay? I'm a fucking adult and can make my own decisions about what's best for me."
"I'm not what's-"
"-don't even finish that sentence," Sam replied. He ran his hand along Dean's leg and said, "And this isn't about what I want, Dean. Because I've made that perfectly fucking clear and you know. This is something else and I can't fucking help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing."
"Bullshit," Sam countered. He stared at his brother until Dean turned his gaze to the ceiling. Sam huffed, "I'm terrified here, man. I'm scared that one of these nights you're gonna do something stupid and get yourself killed and then…you're everything to me, Dean. Don't you know that by now?"
"But I shouldn't be, Sam. That's the problem," Dean replied. He pushed past Sam and walked over to the window, the neon lights outside reflecting on his skin. Dean shook his head and said, "This isn't right. I'm taking…" He cleared his throat and glanced at Sam before going on, "I'm supposed to look after you. I shouldn't be…you're my brother, Sam."
Sam couldn't help it. He could see the shame and self-hatred in Dean's eyes and the last thing he should've been doing was laughing, but it was just so fucking…them. Credit card fraud, lying to everyone…those were okay. Loving someone, even if it was his brother, that was unforgiveable. Sam ran his hand through his hair, more to keep from jumping up and throttling Dean, and said, "Maybe it's not normal, but there's nothing you can say that will convince me that what I feel about you isn't right."
"Sammy…"
Sam could see Dean was giving in, but Sam wasn't going to make the first move. This had to be Dean. Dean had to stop blaming himself for some imagined evil and realize that what he and Sam had together wasn't about that. It didn't matter anymore. Dean was his brother, but he was so much more and Sam wasn't about to give it up.
"It's you and me and it's nobody's business but our own."
"But…"
"If you don't want this because you're not…because it's not what you want," Sam gulped down the last words in order to keep his voice from cracking. He frowned and said, "If that's the case…it would be hard, but I'd deal. But to give up on something good because you suddenly care what people think? I won't let you do it."
Dean raised an eyebrow. "Let me?"
Sam smiled sheepishly and said, "I might even be able to take you."
Dean shook his head and muttered something unintelligible under his breath. Then he glanced over at Sam, his eyes shining, and he said, "I want you."
Sam's grin widened. He motioned Dean over to him and said, "Then fuck everyone else."
"That's usually my motto," Dean replied, inching closer.
Once Dean was close enough, Sam pulled him the remainder of the distance. Sam yanked him a bit harder than he planned and they both tumbled to the ground. Dean was pinned beneath Sam and Sam smiled into Dean's neck, biting down on his earlobe. He whispered, "It's a good one."
Dean lifted Sam's head up to his and said, "Yeah, it is." Dean kissed him and Sam knew that everything was going to be okay. Sure, with Dean it would always be one step forward, two steps back, but it was worth it. Because in the end, Dean was his.
--The End--