Five To Thirty Five
PAIRING: Sakumoto
GENRE:Slice of life, romance, angst, au
Rating: R
WARNING: Major character death
SUMMARY: It should have been easy, but like everything else in Jun’s life recently, it didn't work out as he’d planned.
FIVE
“You dropped this.”
Sho had seen the book fall from the backpack of the tiny boy trudging along in front of him. Even though his mother had a tight grip on her son’s hand, she had failed to notice it slide onto the pavement.
The small boy blinked at Sho with a pair of enormous eyes. The rest of him was small, but the grateful smile he offered Sho in thanks was huge. His mother accepted the book and nudged her son.
“Say thank you, Jun.”
“T-thank you.” Jun hesitantly echoed his mother’s words as he looked at the older boy, admiring his uniform from the elementary school connected to his kindergarten, with undisguised admiration. He was very much in awe of the older children, and Sho-kun in particular. Jun’s parents often spoke of the Sakurai family who lived in the next street and the fact that their son Sho was doing so well in school. Jun hoped that one day he would be as smart and popular as the older boy.
“Just try to be more careful in future. I might not be here to save you next time,” Sho said, with the confidence of his two extra years.
Jun blushed and nodded eagerly; for some reason it was suddenly important that he didn't disappoint the older boy.
TEN
Hovering on the edge of the vacant lot Jun watched the soccer game intently, following the movement of the older boys with keen eyes. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, Jun only had eyes for one boy in particular.
Sho moved with a fluid grace as he weaved his way through the mass of flying bodies. His steps were assured as he skillfully handled the ball. Sho wasn't the largest boy involved in the impromptu match, but he still shrugged off the attacks by the older boys, ignoring the elbows in his ribs and the feet hacking at his ankles.
When Sho drilled the ball into the space designated as the goal, Jun couldn't restrain his yell of glee. Instantly all heads turned in Jun’s direction and he felt a fierce blush turn his cheeks a fiery red. Unable to meet Sho’s eyes, Jun turned away, collecting his school bag and scurrying away.
A few moments later Jun heard racing footsteps behind him, and a hand pressed down on his shoulder, making him jump.
“I'm thirsty. How about we grab a soft drink from the conbini?” Sho’s face was flushed and his hair awry, but his gaze was steady as he looked into Jun’s eyes.
Jun nodded shyly, astonished that Sho had given up his game so easily.
FIFTEEN
It should have been easy, but like everything else in Jun’s life recently, it didn't work out as he’d planned. Sauntering casually in front of Sho’s house for the last two hours had achieved nothing, apart from suspicions looks from passing housewives and angry barking from the neighbour's dog.
“Waiting for someone?”
Jun stifled a scream and jumped around to face the speaker. “Sho! I... um..” How could Jun explain his feelings? It had always been Sho who came to him in his dreams in the darkest hours of the night, and drifted through his mind when he was supposed to be studying. “I forgot that you lived here. I was just getting some fresh air.”
Sho gave Jun a knowing look, but didn't challenge him. “It’s almost midnight; won't your parents expect you at home?”
“My parents are learning to lower their expectations of me generally.”
“You look half frozen.” Sho brushed Jun’s cheek with a fingertip. “Come in and have some hot chocolate. And while I make it you can ring them and let them know where you are.”
“I'm not a lost child,” Jun pouted, crossing his arms defensively across his chest.
“I know that, but you're only fifteen, and shouldn't be wandering the streets at night.”
“And now you sound exactly like my mother.” Anger and humiliation coiled themselves together, turning Jun’s gut into a ball of anxiety. It was obvious that Sho thought of him as a baby, and an utterly helpless one too. “Don't worry about me; I'm not a child and I can look after myself.”
“I never said that you were, and I think that you're more than capable of looking after yourself,” Sho said angrily. “However, you don't seem to understand that there are people out there who would love to prey on someone like you.”
Eyes narrowing with rage, Jun took a step away from Sho. “Someone young and stupid?”
Before Jun could take another step, Sho caught hold of his sleeve, spinning him around to face him. “NO! Someone who is a little naive, and therefore doesn't even realize how attractive he is.”
Those words and the expression on Sho’s face were enough to freeze Jun in place. Jun held his breath, barely daring to hope that Sho might return his feelings. The gap between them seemed insurmountable, clearly defined by the crisp high school blazer adorned with shiny buttons Sho was clad in, and the much less formal middle school uniform Jun was wearing. Although young, Jun was fully aware of the difference that two years made at this stage of life; Sho looked like a man while Jun was small, skinny and suffering from terrible acne.
“Don't just stand there and blink at me with those big eyes. Come in and do as I say,” Sho ordered.
Jun lost the power of speech as he felt Sho’s long fingers wrap firmly around his own as he tugged him to the front door and into the warm house.
TWENTY
It wasn't just the first alcohol that Jun had ever tasted which was making him dizzy. Sho’s hands were surprisingly soft against Jun’s bare skin, touching him in ways that Jun had so far only dreamed of in the middle of the night alone in his single bed.
Sho’s muscular body was heavy as he pinned Jun to the mattress, crowding close enough to steal the breath from his lungs. The weight was not unwelcome and Jun wrapped his arms around Sho’s neck, clinging tightly as their bodies moved together.
There was pain at first, and Jun almost panicked, fingernails digging into the smooth skin of Sho’s back. But then Sho kissed Jun and murmured his name as he moved slowly inside him and around him and Jun relaxed, allowing Sho to possess him for the first time.
Jun wanted to keep his eyes open so that he could imprint his moment into his memory for all time, but tears blurred his vision as he felt pressure building deep within. His hips found their own rhythm, moving of their own accord as soft mewls escaped from the back of his throat.
For Jun it was over far too soon as he flooded the small space between them with hot spurts, his body shuddering at the sudden release of pressure. Sho continued to move, increasing his pace, but remaining careful of Jun, biting softly on Jun’s lips as he filled the condom sheathing his cock. Speaking words of love and of praise, Sho carefully separated their bodies, making sure that he wasn’t resting too much weight on Jun’s tingling body.
For the first time since they began, Sho spoke, “Now you are mine.”
TWENTY FIVE
“Sho, please understand. I didn't mean to not include you.” Jun fiddled nervously with his chopsticks.
“We’ve been living together for two years, and you still haven't made our relationship clear to your family.” Sho was eerily calm as he pushed his plate away. “Are you ashamed of me?”
Jun looked up, startled by Sho’s words, “It’s not you, you're wonderful, perfect even. It’s me who should be ashamed.”
“Jun, don't be so hard on yourself.”
“But I should be. Your parents have known about us since I was fifteen years old, and meanwhile my mother keeps sending me photographs of suitable girls.”
“Are they at least pretty, or preferably rich?”
“Sho, don't joke about this. It isn't funny.”
“Oh, I beg to differ. The thought of you being with a woman is quite hilarious.”
Jun’s chair screeched across the polished floorboards and he leapt to his feet, “I'm glad that I can provide so much amusement for you. Would you like me to do a cartwheel next?”
“Jun, please, I didn't mean to hurt you.” Sho grabbed Jun around the waist from behind, burying his face in the soft hair which brushed the top of Jun’s collar. “It just makes me sad to see you so conflicted.”
Jun leant back into Sho’s embrace, allowing the strength of his lover’s arms to steady him, “It’s not that I’m ashamed. I just want to protect you. My father isn’t the most understanding of men.”
There was something in Jun’s tone which gave Sho pause for thought. He gently turned Jun to face him and spoke in a soothing tone, as if soothing a nervous animal. “Jun, did he hurt you? I need you to tell me the truth.”
“It’s not like that, he just knows how to make me feel small and useless, and like a complete and utter failure.” Jun’s breath hitched as he tried to control his rapid breathing.
“You are not any of those things, and no matter what you say, I am going with you to make sure that he doesn't make you feel like that ever again, okay?”
“Are you sure? Since my mother died, I feel as if I have nobody on my side.”
Sho cupped Jun’s cheek, brushing the ball of his thumb lightly over the tender skin just below Jun’s eye, “You have me, and you always will. We’ll go there together.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“I would do anything for you. You know that don't you?”
In the depths of Jun’s heart he knew Sho’s words to be true, and he felt his fears loosen their icy grip upon his heart.
THIRTY
Jun tugged the collar of his coat closer around his neck, shivering as the icy wind snuck in around the tightly wrapped edges of his scarf. The sky was filled with scudding steely grey clouds and the cries of seabirds struggling to fly in the face of the gale. Sho was marching ahead, arms swinging in an exaggerated motion as his shoulder bag bumped against his hip.
After finally noticing that Jun was lagging behind, feet dragging unenthusiastically across the damp sand, Sho spun around to face Jun, jogging backwards and grinning, “Walk faster and you’ll soon be warm.”
“I don't think I’ll ever be warm again,” Jun muttered through gritted teeth.
“Take my hand, that will warm you a little,” Sho offered.
“We’re too old to be holding hands in public.”
“There's no such thing as being too old for romance, and thirty is definitely not old.”
Jun sighed and rolled his eyes, but clung to Sho’s hand anyway.
“This beach is my favourite place in the world. I could spend eternity here.” Sho waved his arm in the direction of the choppy sea.
“Eternity is a very long time. Just imagine how much sunscreen you’d need,” Jun quipped, cheered by Sho’s obvious love for this place.
“Even eternity isn't long enough to allow me to love you as you as much as I would like.” Sho tugged Jun into his arms, kissing his cold lips as Jun melted into his embrace.
THIRTY FIVE
The breeze was strong, but Jun was filled with warmth as he sat in the weak winter sunshine and unpacked the picnic basket. He knew that he had, as always, packed too much, but he couldn’t resist filling the basket with all of Sho’s favourite treats.
Jun smiled as he arranged the food on a bright red cloth and poured two glasses of beer. A bee buzzed around the food, as if curious to see what was on offer. “Don’t you have enough of that back at the hive?” Jun asked as the shooed it away from a plate of tiny honey cakes.
Since it was a special day, he wanted everything to be perfect and Jun’s luck seemed to be holding. The sea was calm and glittered in the sun and the sky was a brilliant shade of blue. The beach was deserted apart from an elderly couple strolling with hands entwined, heads close together as they walked. They only had eyes for each other, seemingly oblivious to everything outside of their little bubble of love.
“Sho, do you remember the first time you brought me here and I said I was too old to hold your hand?” A gentle smile illuminated Jun’s face as he remembered that afternoon.
A lone seagull landed nearby, bustling over and tilting its head as it surveyed the picnic as if calculating its chances of scoring a meal. Jun shook his head and glared at the bird until it backed away, picking its way across the dunes until it reached the margin of the sea.
“Now I can see why you chose this place.” Jun took a deep appreciative breath of the tangy air, and raised his glass of beer in salute. “I feel as if the sea could take me to infinity and back.”
There really was far too much food, but Jun had a taste of everything. Cheesecake had never really been his thing, but to Sho it was as necessary as breathing. This one was particularly fine, and Jun hummed in appreciation as he spooned it into his mouth, licking the remnants from the back of the spoon.
Gradually the sun slipped lower in the sky diffusing everything with a vibrant red glow and Jun knew that it was time. He carefully repacked the basket with the remnants of the food, leaving only the small lacquered box which sat next to the second untouched glass of beer.
Jun picked up the box and hugged it to his chest, running his hands over the smooth surface, made warm by the hours of sunshine. It was suddenly hard to breathe and Jun’s hands trembled as he hesitated over the next step. The lid was hard to open, or perhaps Jun’s hands had lost their strength.
“You’ve always been stubborn,” Jun grumbled as the lid finally popped open. “Not that I am complaining. I personally find it cute, no matter how much it annoys other people.”
The beach was completely deserted apart from the seagull, as Jun picked his way across the sand. As he walked his steps slowed, feet dragging across the damp sand, until he was ankle deep in the water. Jun’s breath hitched as the icy waves lapped across his ankles and he closed his eyes momentarily to steady himself.
Jun’s heart was pounding, but his hand was steady as he tilted the box, allowing the breeze to catch hold of the contents. The wind lifted the ashes and carried them a little way over the sea, before gently depositing them on the surface of the water.
“Sho, the first time we made love you told me that I was yours, but I fell in love with you when I was five years old and you returned my book, so technically you were mine for much longer. I don't understand why our time was cut short, but we made the best of the time we had, didn't we? I hate you for making me promise not to cry today, and for making me promise to not spend the rest of my life mourning for you, as much as I love you for wanting me to be continue living after you left. Our life together was one of love and understanding and you made me so very happy, even when you drove me crazy. I know that we agreed that I would do this a year ago, but then I wouldn't have been able to keep those two final promises, and I couldn't bear for you to get mad at me.”
Jun paused, watching as the last remnants of his love wafted into the air and away from him forever. He had to fight down the irrational urge to pluck back the motes and hold them to his heart for one last time.
“I’m so sorry Sho, but I don't think I can keep my promises. How can I ever love someone else when I have spent my entire life loving only you?” Jun’s eyes burned as he blinked rapidly, trying desperately to hold back his tears. “If you could just show me a sign that you heard any of this, and that I'm not making a fool of myself standing here talking to you, I might be able to cope, you know?”
Behind Jun there was a rustling noise and a moment later the seagull walked calmly up to him, pausing as he drew level. The bird's beak was full of cheesecake, which it ate with evident satisfaction, its throat bulging as it greedily swallowed the piece whole. Cocking its head to one side and gazing at Jun with dark beady eyes, it screeched and ruffled its feathers before lifting its tail and depositing a large blob of crap on the sand. It bobbed its head in Jun’s direction and ran a few steps before lifting effortlessly into the air, circling lazily over Jun’s head before heading out over the blood red sea.
Jun stood transfixed as he watched it until it was no more than a tiny dot merging into the darkening sky. He wiped his eyes and began to laugh, quietly at first, but soon he was folded in half, clutching his aching sides. “Thanks Sho. I got the message, and I love you too, even though the poop part may have been one step too far.”
Jun’s feet were no longer dragging as he picked up the picnic basket and made his way back to the car with a spring in his step and peace in his heart.
As the colour faded from the sky, to be replaced by an all-encompassing darkness, the waves gradually crept up the beach and obliterated Jun’s footprints. Tiny particles of black and grey drifted away on the current, travelling with the tide, to eventually be consumed by the eternal ocean.
GENRE:Slice of life, romance, angst, au
Rating: R
WARNING: Major character death
SUMMARY: It should have been easy, but like everything else in Jun’s life recently, it didn't work out as he’d planned.
FIVE
“You dropped this.”
Sho had seen the book fall from the backpack of the tiny boy trudging along in front of him. Even though his mother had a tight grip on her son’s hand, she had failed to notice it slide onto the pavement.
The small boy blinked at Sho with a pair of enormous eyes. The rest of him was small, but the grateful smile he offered Sho in thanks was huge. His mother accepted the book and nudged her son.
“Say thank you, Jun.”
“T-thank you.” Jun hesitantly echoed his mother’s words as he looked at the older boy, admiring his uniform from the elementary school connected to his kindergarten, with undisguised admiration. He was very much in awe of the older children, and Sho-kun in particular. Jun’s parents often spoke of the Sakurai family who lived in the next street and the fact that their son Sho was doing so well in school. Jun hoped that one day he would be as smart and popular as the older boy.
“Just try to be more careful in future. I might not be here to save you next time,” Sho said, with the confidence of his two extra years.
Jun blushed and nodded eagerly; for some reason it was suddenly important that he didn't disappoint the older boy.
TEN
Hovering on the edge of the vacant lot Jun watched the soccer game intently, following the movement of the older boys with keen eyes. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, Jun only had eyes for one boy in particular.
Sho moved with a fluid grace as he weaved his way through the mass of flying bodies. His steps were assured as he skillfully handled the ball. Sho wasn't the largest boy involved in the impromptu match, but he still shrugged off the attacks by the older boys, ignoring the elbows in his ribs and the feet hacking at his ankles.
When Sho drilled the ball into the space designated as the goal, Jun couldn't restrain his yell of glee. Instantly all heads turned in Jun’s direction and he felt a fierce blush turn his cheeks a fiery red. Unable to meet Sho’s eyes, Jun turned away, collecting his school bag and scurrying away.
A few moments later Jun heard racing footsteps behind him, and a hand pressed down on his shoulder, making him jump.
“I'm thirsty. How about we grab a soft drink from the conbini?” Sho’s face was flushed and his hair awry, but his gaze was steady as he looked into Jun’s eyes.
Jun nodded shyly, astonished that Sho had given up his game so easily.
FIFTEEN
It should have been easy, but like everything else in Jun’s life recently, it didn't work out as he’d planned. Sauntering casually in front of Sho’s house for the last two hours had achieved nothing, apart from suspicions looks from passing housewives and angry barking from the neighbour's dog.
“Waiting for someone?”
Jun stifled a scream and jumped around to face the speaker. “Sho! I... um..” How could Jun explain his feelings? It had always been Sho who came to him in his dreams in the darkest hours of the night, and drifted through his mind when he was supposed to be studying. “I forgot that you lived here. I was just getting some fresh air.”
Sho gave Jun a knowing look, but didn't challenge him. “It’s almost midnight; won't your parents expect you at home?”
“My parents are learning to lower their expectations of me generally.”
“You look half frozen.” Sho brushed Jun’s cheek with a fingertip. “Come in and have some hot chocolate. And while I make it you can ring them and let them know where you are.”
“I'm not a lost child,” Jun pouted, crossing his arms defensively across his chest.
“I know that, but you're only fifteen, and shouldn't be wandering the streets at night.”
“And now you sound exactly like my mother.” Anger and humiliation coiled themselves together, turning Jun’s gut into a ball of anxiety. It was obvious that Sho thought of him as a baby, and an utterly helpless one too. “Don't worry about me; I'm not a child and I can look after myself.”
“I never said that you were, and I think that you're more than capable of looking after yourself,” Sho said angrily. “However, you don't seem to understand that there are people out there who would love to prey on someone like you.”
Eyes narrowing with rage, Jun took a step away from Sho. “Someone young and stupid?”
Before Jun could take another step, Sho caught hold of his sleeve, spinning him around to face him. “NO! Someone who is a little naive, and therefore doesn't even realize how attractive he is.”
Those words and the expression on Sho’s face were enough to freeze Jun in place. Jun held his breath, barely daring to hope that Sho might return his feelings. The gap between them seemed insurmountable, clearly defined by the crisp high school blazer adorned with shiny buttons Sho was clad in, and the much less formal middle school uniform Jun was wearing. Although young, Jun was fully aware of the difference that two years made at this stage of life; Sho looked like a man while Jun was small, skinny and suffering from terrible acne.
“Don't just stand there and blink at me with those big eyes. Come in and do as I say,” Sho ordered.
Jun lost the power of speech as he felt Sho’s long fingers wrap firmly around his own as he tugged him to the front door and into the warm house.
TWENTY
It wasn't just the first alcohol that Jun had ever tasted which was making him dizzy. Sho’s hands were surprisingly soft against Jun’s bare skin, touching him in ways that Jun had so far only dreamed of in the middle of the night alone in his single bed.
Sho’s muscular body was heavy as he pinned Jun to the mattress, crowding close enough to steal the breath from his lungs. The weight was not unwelcome and Jun wrapped his arms around Sho’s neck, clinging tightly as their bodies moved together.
There was pain at first, and Jun almost panicked, fingernails digging into the smooth skin of Sho’s back. But then Sho kissed Jun and murmured his name as he moved slowly inside him and around him and Jun relaxed, allowing Sho to possess him for the first time.
Jun wanted to keep his eyes open so that he could imprint his moment into his memory for all time, but tears blurred his vision as he felt pressure building deep within. His hips found their own rhythm, moving of their own accord as soft mewls escaped from the back of his throat.
For Jun it was over far too soon as he flooded the small space between them with hot spurts, his body shuddering at the sudden release of pressure. Sho continued to move, increasing his pace, but remaining careful of Jun, biting softly on Jun’s lips as he filled the condom sheathing his cock. Speaking words of love and of praise, Sho carefully separated their bodies, making sure that he wasn’t resting too much weight on Jun’s tingling body.
For the first time since they began, Sho spoke, “Now you are mine.”
TWENTY FIVE
“Sho, please understand. I didn't mean to not include you.” Jun fiddled nervously with his chopsticks.
“We’ve been living together for two years, and you still haven't made our relationship clear to your family.” Sho was eerily calm as he pushed his plate away. “Are you ashamed of me?”
Jun looked up, startled by Sho’s words, “It’s not you, you're wonderful, perfect even. It’s me who should be ashamed.”
“Jun, don't be so hard on yourself.”
“But I should be. Your parents have known about us since I was fifteen years old, and meanwhile my mother keeps sending me photographs of suitable girls.”
“Are they at least pretty, or preferably rich?”
“Sho, don't joke about this. It isn't funny.”
“Oh, I beg to differ. The thought of you being with a woman is quite hilarious.”
Jun’s chair screeched across the polished floorboards and he leapt to his feet, “I'm glad that I can provide so much amusement for you. Would you like me to do a cartwheel next?”
“Jun, please, I didn't mean to hurt you.” Sho grabbed Jun around the waist from behind, burying his face in the soft hair which brushed the top of Jun’s collar. “It just makes me sad to see you so conflicted.”
Jun leant back into Sho’s embrace, allowing the strength of his lover’s arms to steady him, “It’s not that I’m ashamed. I just want to protect you. My father isn’t the most understanding of men.”
There was something in Jun’s tone which gave Sho pause for thought. He gently turned Jun to face him and spoke in a soothing tone, as if soothing a nervous animal. “Jun, did he hurt you? I need you to tell me the truth.”
“It’s not like that, he just knows how to make me feel small and useless, and like a complete and utter failure.” Jun’s breath hitched as he tried to control his rapid breathing.
“You are not any of those things, and no matter what you say, I am going with you to make sure that he doesn't make you feel like that ever again, okay?”
“Are you sure? Since my mother died, I feel as if I have nobody on my side.”
Sho cupped Jun’s cheek, brushing the ball of his thumb lightly over the tender skin just below Jun’s eye, “You have me, and you always will. We’ll go there together.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“I would do anything for you. You know that don't you?”
In the depths of Jun’s heart he knew Sho’s words to be true, and he felt his fears loosen their icy grip upon his heart.
THIRTY
Jun tugged the collar of his coat closer around his neck, shivering as the icy wind snuck in around the tightly wrapped edges of his scarf. The sky was filled with scudding steely grey clouds and the cries of seabirds struggling to fly in the face of the gale. Sho was marching ahead, arms swinging in an exaggerated motion as his shoulder bag bumped against his hip.
After finally noticing that Jun was lagging behind, feet dragging unenthusiastically across the damp sand, Sho spun around to face Jun, jogging backwards and grinning, “Walk faster and you’ll soon be warm.”
“I don't think I’ll ever be warm again,” Jun muttered through gritted teeth.
“Take my hand, that will warm you a little,” Sho offered.
“We’re too old to be holding hands in public.”
“There's no such thing as being too old for romance, and thirty is definitely not old.”
Jun sighed and rolled his eyes, but clung to Sho’s hand anyway.
“This beach is my favourite place in the world. I could spend eternity here.” Sho waved his arm in the direction of the choppy sea.
“Eternity is a very long time. Just imagine how much sunscreen you’d need,” Jun quipped, cheered by Sho’s obvious love for this place.
“Even eternity isn't long enough to allow me to love you as you as much as I would like.” Sho tugged Jun into his arms, kissing his cold lips as Jun melted into his embrace.
THIRTY FIVE
The breeze was strong, but Jun was filled with warmth as he sat in the weak winter sunshine and unpacked the picnic basket. He knew that he had, as always, packed too much, but he couldn’t resist filling the basket with all of Sho’s favourite treats.
Jun smiled as he arranged the food on a bright red cloth and poured two glasses of beer. A bee buzzed around the food, as if curious to see what was on offer. “Don’t you have enough of that back at the hive?” Jun asked as the shooed it away from a plate of tiny honey cakes.
Since it was a special day, he wanted everything to be perfect and Jun’s luck seemed to be holding. The sea was calm and glittered in the sun and the sky was a brilliant shade of blue. The beach was deserted apart from an elderly couple strolling with hands entwined, heads close together as they walked. They only had eyes for each other, seemingly oblivious to everything outside of their little bubble of love.
“Sho, do you remember the first time you brought me here and I said I was too old to hold your hand?” A gentle smile illuminated Jun’s face as he remembered that afternoon.
A lone seagull landed nearby, bustling over and tilting its head as it surveyed the picnic as if calculating its chances of scoring a meal. Jun shook his head and glared at the bird until it backed away, picking its way across the dunes until it reached the margin of the sea.
“Now I can see why you chose this place.” Jun took a deep appreciative breath of the tangy air, and raised his glass of beer in salute. “I feel as if the sea could take me to infinity and back.”
There really was far too much food, but Jun had a taste of everything. Cheesecake had never really been his thing, but to Sho it was as necessary as breathing. This one was particularly fine, and Jun hummed in appreciation as he spooned it into his mouth, licking the remnants from the back of the spoon.
Gradually the sun slipped lower in the sky diffusing everything with a vibrant red glow and Jun knew that it was time. He carefully repacked the basket with the remnants of the food, leaving only the small lacquered box which sat next to the second untouched glass of beer.
Jun picked up the box and hugged it to his chest, running his hands over the smooth surface, made warm by the hours of sunshine. It was suddenly hard to breathe and Jun’s hands trembled as he hesitated over the next step. The lid was hard to open, or perhaps Jun’s hands had lost their strength.
“You’ve always been stubborn,” Jun grumbled as the lid finally popped open. “Not that I am complaining. I personally find it cute, no matter how much it annoys other people.”
The beach was completely deserted apart from the seagull, as Jun picked his way across the sand. As he walked his steps slowed, feet dragging across the damp sand, until he was ankle deep in the water. Jun’s breath hitched as the icy waves lapped across his ankles and he closed his eyes momentarily to steady himself.
Jun’s heart was pounding, but his hand was steady as he tilted the box, allowing the breeze to catch hold of the contents. The wind lifted the ashes and carried them a little way over the sea, before gently depositing them on the surface of the water.
“Sho, the first time we made love you told me that I was yours, but I fell in love with you when I was five years old and you returned my book, so technically you were mine for much longer. I don't understand why our time was cut short, but we made the best of the time we had, didn't we? I hate you for making me promise not to cry today, and for making me promise to not spend the rest of my life mourning for you, as much as I love you for wanting me to be continue living after you left. Our life together was one of love and understanding and you made me so very happy, even when you drove me crazy. I know that we agreed that I would do this a year ago, but then I wouldn't have been able to keep those two final promises, and I couldn't bear for you to get mad at me.”
Jun paused, watching as the last remnants of his love wafted into the air and away from him forever. He had to fight down the irrational urge to pluck back the motes and hold them to his heart for one last time.
“I’m so sorry Sho, but I don't think I can keep my promises. How can I ever love someone else when I have spent my entire life loving only you?” Jun’s eyes burned as he blinked rapidly, trying desperately to hold back his tears. “If you could just show me a sign that you heard any of this, and that I'm not making a fool of myself standing here talking to you, I might be able to cope, you know?”
Behind Jun there was a rustling noise and a moment later the seagull walked calmly up to him, pausing as he drew level. The bird's beak was full of cheesecake, which it ate with evident satisfaction, its throat bulging as it greedily swallowed the piece whole. Cocking its head to one side and gazing at Jun with dark beady eyes, it screeched and ruffled its feathers before lifting its tail and depositing a large blob of crap on the sand. It bobbed its head in Jun’s direction and ran a few steps before lifting effortlessly into the air, circling lazily over Jun’s head before heading out over the blood red sea.
Jun stood transfixed as he watched it until it was no more than a tiny dot merging into the darkening sky. He wiped his eyes and began to laugh, quietly at first, but soon he was folded in half, clutching his aching sides. “Thanks Sho. I got the message, and I love you too, even though the poop part may have been one step too far.”
Jun’s feet were no longer dragging as he picked up the picnic basket and made his way back to the car with a spring in his step and peace in his heart.
As the colour faded from the sky, to be replaced by an all-encompassing darkness, the waves gradually crept up the beach and obliterated Jun’s footprints. Tiny particles of black and grey drifted away on the current, travelling with the tide, to eventually be consumed by the eternal ocean.