penny for your thoughts
i don't take enough risks.
the reason things get all borified, well, it's all my fault.
but risks are scary. i already know what it's like on the this side, it's the other side that's questionable.
so what is the problem?
fear of the unknown? cowardice? laziness?
everywhere i look, i hear about how life is about taking chances, jumping in head first, creating your own destiny.
but then when i look other places, it claims that fate will pave the way, what is meant to be will happen, etc.
so what is a person supposed to believe? am i supposed to wait for stuff to happen to me? cause so far in life, i don't know what i've been doing. it's not a matter of fear, it's a matter of "now" being pretty okay as opposed to maybe great and amazing.
but what if i strive for great and amazing, and there is none? then all i'm left with is pretty okay, and that's kinda scary all in itself; that pretty okay (and worse) is the only option.
not that i mind pretty okay. i'm not complaining or even talking about anything in particular, just some late night philosophizing.
but what if i look back on my teen years and regret stuff? right now, of course i have regrets, but it's not like they're substantial in the grand scheme of things. of course, i am going make some hugiant mistakes in the future, the kind that will screw up my life indefinitely and alter my course forever. i don't know what they'll be, but i'm great at screwing up and will not be able to refrain from doing so. but i'm not talking about those decisions now, i'm just talking about right now.
so what to do?
it figures that i turn deep in the dead of night. serial killers probably philosophize like this. then they decide to take risks and that's when the danger starts. serial killers shouldn't have to worry about things like these, they should stay with 'pretty okay'. but i'm not a serial killer [yet] so maybe i shouldn't stay.