Hiywan's Story, Part 1

[stormwreath]

Having written an essay, numerous drabbles and various bits of commentary recently about the First Slayer, I've realised she's going to continue to haunt me unless I exorcise her spirit by writing a full-length fiction about her. So this is the first chapter.

Unlike the previous longer fic I wrote - Intrusion - which was pretty much complete before

Comments

[petzipellepingo]

This reminds me very powerfully of the scene in Salem's Lot when the young boy revisits his friend Mark and asks him to open the window and let him in. The chilling mixture of longing and bloodlust that seems to still inhabit the newly turned.
The only tiny criticism I would have would be the use of the term "meanie" which seems very modern and not something our ancient ancestors would use.
Good job! I'm looking forward to more.

[stormwreath]

Glad you liked it; though I have to say I've not seen Salem's Lot. But 'chilling' is definitely the emotion I was trying for.

I did hesitate over the language I used in the direct speech to make it sound appropriate to the genre - for example, I changed 'OK' in my original draft to 'all right' in the final version. But when it came to Biftu's speech I was trying above all to make her sound like a little girl, and a high-flown vocabulary didn't really suit her. Besides, she's not really speaking English; this is obviously just a translation. :) But point taken.

[frenchani]

I became Death, living only in the bodies of my daughters, my sisters, my fellow-victims, sharing their lives.

I couldn't help thinking of Buffy's relationship with Dawn there...

The Nightwalker Clan vs The Five Trees Clan, now that's a good idea ! :- )

[stormwreath]

I was trying to imagine how the First Slayer would think of all the other Slayers that came after her, and "daughters, sisters, fellow-victims" seemed to sum it up. In 'Restless' and 'Get It Done' she's angry with Buffy for doing things wrongly, letting down the Slayer tradition. The irony I want to convey with this story is that when she was a human herself, the First Slayer was a lot more like Buffy than she'd admit - but then she was trapped, corrupted, worn down by the Shadow Men's spell and millennia of being chained to the Slayer Spirit, of becoming its voice in the dreams of its victims.

The fact that the Ethiopian name 'Biftu' means 'Dawn' was just a happy coincidence when I was looking for a name for Hiywan's sister. :)

[snowpuppies]

I love the narration at the beginning - the idea that Chosen not only freed the current potentials, but also granted that freedom to the Slayers past - well, that's just beautiful.

Also, I love how Hiywan's destiny is foreshadowed here, in her grandmother's words.

[stormwreath]

Thank you!

I was thinking of the first Slayer being chained to the Earth - in symbolic, not just literal terms - and how every Slayer since then dreams of all her predecessors; how they were all bound to service and duty, all through the millennia, until Buffy freed them. I was also inspired by the line in the draft shooting script that the Scythe contained "the memories and heritage" of all the past Slayers - I started to play with the idea of what if that were true, and it was by releasing that life-force that Willow was able to cast her spell? That's really a different story to this one (literally, as in "I might write it one day"), but it lay behind my introduction.

There's a lot of foreshadowing in this story. :-)

[stormwreath]

:-) Thank you!

[deird1]

Wow. This is excellent.

(I've been meaning to read this for a while...)