The Six Times William Tried to Tell Gabe He Loves Him (And the One Time He Succeeded. Sort of.)
Title: The Six Times William Tried to Tell Gabe He Loves Him (And the One Time He Succeeded. Sort of.)
Pairing: Gabe/William
Rating: R
Warning: alcohol use, adult themes (I guess?), language
Disclaimer: I don't own them blah blah blah
Summary: William Beckett has been in love with his best friend, Gabe Saporta, since they were eleven years old. He's tried to tell him six times, but Gabe never gets it and William is sick of it.
For Fef :)
William Beckett was a quiet kid, with long brown hair that fell in waves around his shoulders and pale skin that burned easily. On his first day of kindergarten, he played by himself instead of with the others, and merely shook his head when the teacher asked him if he wanted to play dress-up with the other kids. He sat silently in the corner, playing Lego all by himself.
On the second day of kindergarten, they went outside to play. While all the others started a game of tag, William made a beeline for the sandbox.
He was two walls and a tower into a sandcastle when someone crouched down next to him. He startled, almost knocking off the turret, and looked up. He was greeted by the sight of a boy with skin the colour of caramel and a wide grin that showed off his missing front tooth.
"Hey," he said cheerfully. "Why are you playing by yourself?"
William shrugged, tucking his hair behind his ear.
"Do you talk?"
"Yes," said William.
The boy giggled. "I'm Gabe," he said. "Can I play with you?"
William shrugged again and nodded.
By the time playtime was over, they'd built a castle with a moat and five towers.
As they climbed out of the sandbox to go back inside, William turned to Gabe and said, "My name is William."
When they went to the sandbox the next day, someone had kicked their sandcastle over. "It's okay," Gabe said. "We can build a new one."
...
"Hey, mi querido, will you marry me?" Gabe asked very seriously when they were six. They were sitting at his kitchen table eating apple slices, waiting for William's mom to come pick him up.
"Only if you give me a ring," William said. "That's how it works."
"You're right," Gabe agreed. "I'll be back in a minute."
When Gabe returned, he handed William a slightly tarnished silver ring. "There," he said triumphantly.
William looked at it and smiled. "Okay, Gabeybaby."
Gabe's mom got mad when she realized that Gabe had taken her ring. She spoke angrily to him in spanish for a minute and even used his full name ("Gabriel Eduardo Saporta!") before sending him for a time out.
William quietly left the ring on the table when his mother came to pick him up.
"Mommy," he said in the car, "what does "mi querido" mean?" He stumbled over the pronunciation, and she looked confused.
"I don't know," she said. "It sounds spanish. Did you hear Gabe say it? Maybe you should ask him."
"We're getting married," William said, and his mom just smiled.
...
When they were eleven, Gabe dragged William to a school dance. Even though almost everyone was standing against the gym walls, Gabe insisted William dance with him. William went along with it because Gabe looked so eager, and that was how they ended up slow dancing all by themselves in the middle of the gym.
He knew why people were staring at them. He didn't know why he had butterflies in the pit of his stomach.
...
He didn't figure it out until he was thirteen.He was sitting in class listening to the girl two desks over talking loudly to her friend about hot Gabe was, and it hit him. He sat back in his chair. Oh, he thought. Crap.
...
On William's fourteenth birthday, Gabe came over for a sleepover. Together they devoured a cheese pizza, watched Pirates of the Caribbean for the umpteenth time, and played video games. William's mom eventually sent them to bed, but instead of sleeping they sat on the bedroom floor and William let Gabe braid his hair.
"Why are you so obsessed with my hair?" he laughed as Gabe started on his third braid.
"It's so soft," Gabe replied wonderingly. "And long. And... and beautiful."
"You're weird."
Gabe chuckled, his fingers still running through William's hair. "I think we're both weird," he said. "I'm pretty sure this isn't what most dudes do at sleepovers."
"I think this is more what girls do."
"Girls have the right idea. Hmm... I'm already giving you a makeover... we should talk about crushes!"
William's heart leapt into his throat. "Don't be an idiot."
"I'm not! C'mon, I'll tell you if you tell me."
"Gabe...!"
Gabe poked him in the ribs. "Don't be a spoilsport. I won't laugh at you or anything, and I sure as hell won't tell anyone. Here, I'll even go first." He paused. "I think Amy Walters is totally hot."
William's shoulders slumped slightly. "Oh. Uh, yeah, I guess."
Gabe poked him again. "Your turn."
William almost panicked. In his head, he ran through several options- he could make something up, he could excuse himself and go to the washroom, he could...
"Nobody," he said.
Gabe gave an exaggerated sigh. "Come on, Bill, there's gotta be a girl you at least find attractive."
"Uh...no."
"Why not?"
William shifted uncomfortably. "I don't really...um."
Gabe let go of William's hair and wrapped his arms around him. "Hey. Is something wrong?"
He shrugged and ducked his head, hoping the subject would be dropped.
"Well, mi querido, you don't have to say if you don't want to... but you know you can tell me anything, right?"
William hesitated. He couldn't tell Gabe the whole truth, but he could tell him part of it.
"Promise you won't hate me?"
"Of course."
He took a deep breath. "I'm gay," he said.
"Oh, okay," said Gabe.
"You...you don't mind?"
Gabe laughed and gave him a squeeze. "Bilvy, you're my best friend. That's not going to change just because you like guys instead of girls."
William was so relieved he thought he might cry. But there was still a nervous knot in the pit of his stomach.
He wondered if Gabe would still feel the same way if he knew the whole truth.
...
When William came out to the rest of the school, there was very little backlash, mostly because of Gabe, who everybody liked. Gabe actually got questioned more than William did. "Why are you still friends with him?" was the most common one.
"Why wouldn't I be?" he would reply, at first seeming genuinely confused by the question, then eventually sounding defensive.
"Well, aren't you worried he'll, y'know... like you?" was usually the next question.
People weren't abashed about asking this question in front of William. Whenever this happened, Gabe would wrap a protective arm around William's shoulder and very calmly say, "No."
Maybe you should be, William would think.
The longer this went on, the more he fretted. He worried that he wasn't being fair to Gabe, that Gabe deserved to know, that Gabe would find out somehow and be angry.
One day, while they were walking home from school, he snapped.
"Hey, Gabe?" he said, stopping in his tracks. "I like you."
Gabe stopped and stared at him, looking confused. Then he smiled, stepped forward, and hugged him tightly.
William let out his breath. Maybe everything would be okay. Maybe Gabe would be cool with it.
Then Gabe spoke.
"I like you too, man, you're my best friend! What's with the sudden declarations of affection?" he laughed.
William's mouth went dry. "Oh," he managed. "Um, dunno."
Gabe released him and stepped back. "You want to go get pizza? I'll buy."
"Sure," William mumbled. He trailed after Gabe as he started to walk away, feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut.
...
When they were fifteen, William walked in on Gabe jerking off. He covered his eyes and apologized profusely. Gabe just laughed.
...
Gabe had his first official girlfriend when they were sixteen. Before then he'd had little flings that never lasted more than a few weeks, along with many, many awkward teenage fumbles (which, for some reason, he always felt the need to tell William about.
Her name was Mindy, and William had to admit she was very pretty. She had long blonde hair and big green eyes and really nice boobs, and William didn't like her at all.
It wasn't because she was Gabe's girlfriend. William could be a prick, but he wasn't that much of a prick. He did his best not to resent Gabe's partners. It wasn't their fault that William had a big, stupid crush on his best friend.
But he still didn't like Mindy at all. He found her mean and rude and fake, and he knew Gabe was nothing to her but a pretty arm decoration. She was using him for popularity and sex and Gabe had still chosen her and so William couldn't help but resent and dislike her.
But Gabe seemed happy, so William didn't say anything about it for a long time.
They'd hit the four month mark before William could bring himself to speak up. They were lying on Gabe's bed, and Gabe was texting Mindy, and he had this huge frown on his face, and William was worried.
"Is everything okay?" he asked.
Gabe glanced up from his phone. "Hm? Oh. Yeah."
"What's going on?"
"Nothing, just... I'm taking Mindy to junior prom and she's, like, obsessed with being prom queen. And I just don't really care, you know? So I told her I wouldn't mind if she ran with someone else, but she wants me to run with her... it's not a big deal, don't worry about it."
William was hardly surprised. Gabe was popular. People would definitely vote for him. He could feel prickles of annoyance sweeping over him. This was just like Mindy. He was getting sick of it.
"Gabe," he said, "she's using you."
Gabe chuckled. "It's just prom nominations."
"No, it's not just this. All she wants from you is popularity points and sex, Gabe, she doesn't care about you."
He just shrugged. "Yeah, well, at least I'm getting laid."
William bit his lip. After a second, he said quietly, "I could treat you better."
Gabe cracked a smile. "If only I were gay," he said.
...
When William got home that day, he went through to the kitchen where his mom was cooking and said, "I'm going to get over him."
His mother glanced up from her soup and gave him a symmpathetic look. "What did he do now?"
"Nothing, mom, he's just straight."
She nodded as she put a lid on the pot and turned to him. "Well, let me know how that goes." She scrutinized him for a second and said, "You need a haircut."
"Mom, for the millionth time, no. I like my hair."
"You mean Gabe likes your hair."
"Well, that's just a bonus."
She raised her eyebrows and said, "Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes. Go do your homework."
...
Gabe and Mindy didn't end up winning the prom crowns. William had a sneaking suspicion that Gabe had asked people not to vote for them.
William went at the last minute, even though he was dateless, because Gabe insisted. Throughout the evening, Gabe kept pulling him out onto the dance floor and making him do ridiculous dances with him, even making him slowdance a couple of times. At the afterparty at Travie's house, they jumped into the pool together fully clothed and came up laughing hysterically.
William's happiness was only slightly dampened by Mindy glaring at them.
Three days later, she and Gabe broke up.
...
In the middle of that summer, while sitting in an ice cream parlour eating sundaes, Gabe had a bit of a revelation.
"Oh shit," he said, setting down his spoon and sitting back in his seat.
"What?" William asked, looking up from his ice cream in concern.
Gabe seemed a little dazed. "Oh shit," he said again. "Boys are hot."
"Oh shit," William said. He totally didn't have an internal freak-out at all.
...
William's parents agreed to let him and Gabe throw a party for his eighteenth birthday. They even decided to go out of town so the house would be empty. William was surprised, but he wasn't exactly going to question it.
Gabe showed up to help with preparations just as William's parents were about to leave. He kissed William's mother on the cheek and shook hands with William's father and took their suitcase out to the car for them.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you kids want us gone," William's mom said, winking at William.
"Mom," William groaned.
Gabe laughed and grinned at her. "No way, Mrs. B, you know I love you."
After Mr and Mrs Beckett had left, Gabe turned to William and said, "We better put away the breakable objects. Wentz is bringing alcohol."
...
Parties were always good when Gabe was involved. When Gabe, Pete and Travie were all involved, though, parties were awesome.
William had no idea how Pete had got his hands on so much alcohol, but by the time he thought to wonder about it, he was too drunk to care. He had draped himself over Pete and Patrick on the couch, laughing, and was watching people dance. "Where the hell is Gabe?" he wondered after a while.
"That," Pete slurred, "is an excellent question."
William frowned. "I think I'll tell him tonight."
Patrick looked worried. "You're drunk," he said.
"Good," said William.
He got up off the couch despite Patrick's protests and wandered off to go find Gabe.
He found him in the kitchen doing some weird purple shots with his arm slung over the shoulders of a guy William vaguely recognized from math class or something.
"Billy!" he crowed when he spotted William. "My main man! The birthday boy! How's it hanging, mi querido?"
"Gabe," said William. He frowned, momentarily forgetting what he was going to say. He brightened when he remembered. "I need to talk to you. Like. Somewhere else. Y'know? Not here. By ourselves."
Gabe shrugged and said to the guy who he was with, "Back in a minute, Rory."
William was beginning to think he wasn't drunk enough for this, because there was a nervous knot in the pit of his stomach as Gabe followed him through the party. It was pretty much empty upstairs, so that was where they went.
Gabe was wasted. He barely made it up the stairs. He had a fuzzy smile on his face when William turned to face him just outside his parents' room.
"Sup, Willy?" he laughed. "Having a good party?"
"Yeah, awesome," William told him. "Thanks, Gabeybaby."
"So why've you dragged me away from my drinking, dude? You know that's a no-no." Gabe giggled at the rhyme.
"How drunk are you?"
"I'm fucked tomorrow, is how drunk I am. And fucked tonight, too, hopefully."
William tried to ignore Gabe's last statement, and the eyebrow waggle that went with it.
"So why have you dragged me away from my drinking?" Gabe asked again. His eyebrows crinkled up. "Did I already ask you that?"
If Gabe couldn't even remember five minutes ago, there was definitely no point in telling him anything important. William knew that, vaguely, but he didn't really care.
"Gabe," he said, concentrating very hard on getting his words out properly. "There's something that I haven't told you, and I should, really, and...yeah."
"Go on then."
William was ridiculously nervous considering how unlikely it was that Gabe would even understand what he was saying. His mouth was very dry. He had to swallow twice before he could speak. It came out all in a rush. "UmGabeIkindoflikeyou..."
Gabe blinked, looking highly puzzled. "Oh. Um. Cool. Hey, Billy... can I borrow your bed?"
William's heart sank. "What for?"
Gabe leaned in conspirationally. "I'm trying to seduce Rory," he giggled.
William couldn't even bring himself to care. "Go ahead," he said dully.
Gabe beamed and headed back to the kitchen. William went back to Pete and Patrick and drank until he passed out on the couch.
...
That was the year they finished high school. Gabe and William would be going to the same university as Pete and Patrick, so they had far fewer goodbyes to say than some other people.
That summer was a blur of parties and packing and drinking and random hook-ups. William lost count off all the times he woke up sprawled in someone else's bed with a blinding headache and foggy recollections of the night before. He also lost count of the number of times he woke up next to Gabe, got excited, then realized they were both fully clothed and nothing had happened.
But it was still good. It was a good summer, and William had a good time.
The end of the summer rolled around before he knew it, and they headed off to university. They were all in the same dorm block, which was awesome, and Gabe and William were even in the same room, which seemed awesome at first.
But William quickly discovered the pitfalls. Fresher's week meant even more parties and even more drinking, and on the second night, Gabe brought a girl home and William discovered that the walls were very thin. He could hear every sound, every moan and every whimper, even with a pillow over his head.
William didn't get much sleep that night.
By the time freasher's week drew to a close, William was mostly running on coffee and adrenaline. On the final night, there was a huge, dorm-wide party. William drank until the room span and went to go find Gabe.
Gabe was shirtless with someone else's tie tied around his head. In his hand, he held a can of diet coke.
"Are you even drinking?" William asked.
"Nah," said Gabe. "I don't think I can deal with another hangover this week."
William nodded, which made him stumble, which made him giggle. Gabe grinned at him and grabbed his arm, pulling him to his side and holding him up. "You okay there, mi querido?"
"M'fine," William giggled. He leaned into Gabe's side and tilted his head to look up at him. Gabe was grinning, the corners of his eyes crinkled up, and William's heart was racing in his chest.
"Gabe," he slurred. "Gabeybaby. I fucking love you."
Gabe laughed again and William's heart leapt into his throat. He stared up at him and wished he could hear what he was thinking.
"We've been over this, Bilvy," he said. "I love you too, you're my best friend. God, you're like a stray puppy, constantly seeking reassurance of my affection! You should maybe get that checked out."
William felt like he was going to throw up. "Don't feel so good," he mumbled.
At that, Gabe instantly went into protective mode. He escorted William back to their dorm, helped him strip down to his boxers (William was so out of it that it barely even registered), and tucked him into bed.
When William woke up the next morning, he had a horrible, blinding headache. It took him about half an hour to remember the events of the previous night. When he did, he staggered to the bathroom and puked.
He spent most of the morning hunched over the toiler. Gabe stayed with him the whole time, rubbing his back and holding his hair back when needed. He didn't bring up William's comment the night before even once.
...
"Do you have a New Years kiss?" Gabe teased during the last five minutes of 2009. It was their second year of university, and they were almost twenty years old.
"Nah," siad William nonchalantly, surveying the people around him. It was a slightly more chaotic party than normal, but William had been sitting on the sidelines for most of it, and Gabe had been sitting with him.
"Well, I'd kiss you, but I've got my eye on that girl over there," Gabe said, nodding towards a pretty brunette in the corner.
"Oh," said William simply. "She looks nice."
Someone called a minute to midnight. Gabe looked over at him and grinned, and his stomach flipped.
"See you in the New Year, Bill," Gabe said, standing up. He turned to walk over to the girl.
"Gabe, wait," William blurted out, grabbing his wrist.
Gabe looked back at him. "Yeah?"
William's stomach was in knots. "I, um, I love you," he said.
"Love you too, mi querido," Gabe said cheerfully, and went over to the girl.
William sat there silently through the countdown, not joining in on the shouting. When everyone else yelled, "Happy New Year!", he looked across the room. Gabe and the girl were already kissing, rather enthusiastically at that. William slumped into the sofa and thought drily that this year was off to a really fucking great start.
...
William's partying and drinking slowed down a lot in their second-last year, but Gabe's certainly didn't. The hook-ups even increased a bit. It was driving William insane.
One morning, after a particularly loud hook-up the night before, Gabe came wandering into the common area and sat down on the couch next to William.
"Hey, listen, I'm really sorry about last night," he said.
"Sure you are," William scoffed. Gabe said that every time.
"I am," Gabe insisted.
"You were sorry the last 300 times. Sorry usually means you won't do it again."
"Well, it's kind of hard to help it..."
"Then go back to their places. I'm getting sick of hearing you moaning." William tried to stop himself sounding so bitter.
"Okay, okay, sorry," Gabe mumbled. William felt a little bit bad. He made a grunting noise.
Gabe sat there a minute longer, but William didn't say anything else and finally he got up and said, "I'm going out for a sec, be back soon."
William waited until the door had closed behind him until he sank back against the pillows and let out a heavy sigh.
Gabe returned less than twenty minutes later. William didn't even look up when he came in. He only looked up when Gabe set something down on the couch next to him.
He watched him walk out of the room before turning to see what Gabe had put down. It was a small box from the bakery down the road from the dorm. He opened it to find his favourite kind of cupcake. He was torn between being a bit annoyed that Gabe thought a cupcake would make up for everything and feeling like a swooning teenager. Either way, he couldn't help but smile. He didn't notice that Gabe had returned and was leaning against the doorframe until he said, "I won't go out tonight. I mean, if you want me out of here, I will, but... what do you say to maybe just you and me? We can watch a movie..."
William's smile grew. "That... that sounds nice."
Gabe grinned at him. "Sweet! You can choose."
"Pirates of the Caribbean?"
"Sure thing," Gabe laughed.
William had a lecture at 4:30. He spent most of it planning how to confess to Gabe in a way that would make his meaning perfectly clear. He planned a whole speech. But the second he saw Gabe, he chickened out.
They got comfortable in Gabe's room, because he was the one with the TV. It didn't take long for Gabe to settle into his usual movie-watching routine of cuddling the hell out of William. He leaned his head on William's shoulder first, then wrapped his arms around him. Before too long he had pulled William into his lap and was full-on cuddling him. William couldn't help but relax into Gabe, wrapping his arms around him.
When the movie ended, William cuddled closer instead of getting up. Without the need to look at the screen anymore, he buried his face into Gabe's neck. Gabe idly ran his fingers through William's hair.
There was silence for a while and in the darkness of Gabe's room William gained some confidence. He took in a deep breath and lifted his head from Gabe's shoulder. "I, um... I need to talk to you about something, Gabe..." he said weakly.
Gabe's face immediately took on a concerned expression. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's okay... well, actually, it's... "okay" isn't exactly what it is... I mean..." he stuttered. "I've been trying to tell you..."
Suddenly, on the other side of the room, Gabe's phone started to ring. He groaned. "Sorry, man, that's my mama's ringtone. I gotta get that."
"Yeah, that's fine," William mumbled. He got off of Gabe, who rushed across the room for his phone. "Tell mama Saporta I say hi," he added.
Gabe smiled over at William and nodded before stepping out of the room and answering his phone. William groaned and flopped backwards onto the bed.
After a little while, Gabe returned. "Hey, sorry. Mama says hi. What were you saying?"
William sat up straight and gave him a fake smile. "Doesn't matter."
Gabe frowned and went to sit next to him. "Yes it does. It sounded like it mattered." He reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind William's hair. "Please, mi querido, tell me what's wrong?"
William held in a sigh. The moment had passed and there was no way he'd be able to just come out and tell him now. "Gabe, I promise, it's nothing."
Gabe gave him a searching look. "You promise?"
"Promise," William said insistently, and Gabe left it.
...
"Gabeybaby... maybe slow down with the drinking," William said worriedly as he watched Gabe down his second beer. They'd only been at Pete's latest party for about ten minutes and Gabe was already well on his way to getting smashed.
Gabe shook his head. "Nah," he said.
"Gabe," William said more insistently. "Seriously, cut it out with the drinking."
"Sorry, mom." Gabe stuck his tongue out at him.
William sighed, shaking his head. He really wasn't in the mood to stand around watching Gabe get wasted, so he wandered off.
The next time he saw Gabe, they were both sitting in a big circle on the floor because Pete was insisting on playing a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Not too long into the game, Gabe span the bottle. It landed on William.
William gulped, not looking Gabe in the eye. The last time they'd ended up in a closet together playing this game, Gabe had insisted on pretending they were having sex. He just really wasn't up for that right now.
"Gabe, I really can't be bothered with a big show this time," William said weakly as soon as the closet door was closed.
"Yeah, that's cool," Gabe said, his voice slurred. "I didn't want to do that anyway."
"Okay, good," William nodded, and got ready to stand in awkward silence for the next seven minutes.
After about a minute, Gabe started fidgeting, frowning at William. "I'm going to kiss you now," he said, before leaning in and doing just that.
William had no time to protest, not that he would have anyways. Instead he kissed Gabe back with everything he had. He soon found himself pressed up against the back wall of the closet, Gabe pressed up against him.
If he tried hard enough, he could imagine that they were somewhere else and Gabe was sober. But he knew that he was in a shitty broom cupboard and Gabe was completely off his face.
When Pete knocked on the door and announced that seven minutes were up, William couldn't stop himself from whining and clinging to Gabe. Their mouths were still attached when Pete opened the door.
Pete made a startled sound and William cringed, pulling away from Gabe reluctantly. Gabe gave William a toothy grin before turning and walking away.
...
William stayed in bed for most of the next day. When he finally got up, he was immediately accosted by Gabe. "Hey, mi querido, you been hibernating or something?"
William cringed. "Something like that," he mumbled, not even able to meet Gabe's eyes.
Gabe frowned at him. "Hey, are you alright?"
"I, um, yeah. I just, um... I think I'll go back to bed."
"No, Bill, what's wrong?" Gabe stepped closer to him, his eyes searching. "Did I bring someone home? Fuck, was I loud again? I'm so sorry, I can't even remember last night..."
William slowly blinked at him. "You... you can't remember last night?"
"Bits," Gabe shrugged. "Like you telling me to slow down with my drinking. Ironic, right."
"Oh. Do... do you remember anything else?"
Gabe shrugged again. "Did Jessie Karlton do Seven Minutes in Heaven with Kerry Tayler? That's all I can remember?"
"Yeah, she did." William was a little stunned. He should have been relieved but he felt like crying.
Gabe frowned. "Oh god, did I play Pete's stupid closet game too?"
"Um...what? No," William squeaked.
Gabe frowned deeper, then his expression became apologetic. "Ohh, I am so sorry about that! Christ, I was so drunk."
"I...um...what?" William panicked slightly. "I... I don't know what you're talking about."
Gabe smiled warmly at him. "Billy, don't be shy. I vaguely remember it. Sorry about throwing myself at you like that, you must have freaked out!"
William felt sick. "I, um, yeah, a little bit." He laughed weakly. At least Gabe didn't remember how William had responded.
"Sorry about that, mi querido," Gabe chuckled, and patted William's shoulder.
William swallowed, nodded, and tried to smile.
...
Apparently, word of their cupboard exploits had spread, because at the next party Pete threw, there was a small crowd gathered around the couch where they were sitting together.
"So you guys got it on in the closet?" someone asked from behind them.
"Obviously," Gabe laughed. "It was hot."
"It really wasn't," William said, trying to get Gabe to shut up.
Gabe pouted at him. "Really? Well, then we should go back in there and I guarantee this time it will be."
William crossed his arms. "I'm not going back in there."
"Aww, why not?"
"Because-"
William was cut off by a girl sitting beside him on the arm of the sofa. "Go on, it'll be super hot."
"Yeah, mi querido!" Gabe grinned devilishly.
"But..."
"Just do it here if he's going to be stubborn," said the girl.
Gabe laughed and gave her a thumbs up. "Good idea!" He hooked his fingers under William's chin and leant in. William couldn't help but lean in and meet him halfway.
Lots of people cheered, and it didn't take William long to realize Gabe was only kissing him to get attention from the girls who had been clamouring for it, to impress them. He immediately pulled away.
Gabe whined. "Aw, Will... come back here." He made a kissy face, laughing.
"I'll take his place," said one of the girls seductivly.
"Hm, sounds good to me," Gabe smirked, and waggled his eyebrows.
William really couldn't sit there and watch Gabe do that, so without saying anything he abrubtly stood up and walked out of the room. He could hear Gabe calling after him but he just kept walking. He was trying his best not to let his emotions get the best of him, but his heart was aching. He didn't think he could do this anymore.
He could hear footsteps hurrying after him, and then Gabe calling, "Hey, mi querido, wait up!"
William turned around. "What do you want, Gabe?" he asked sharply.
Gabe stopped in his tracks. "Whoa. What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Gabe, nothing's wrong. Nothing's ever wrong, so why don't you go back to the party and back to your fucking clueless bubble?"
Gabe frowned. "Is... is it something I said?"
William groaned, turned around again, and started to walk away.
"Hey, no! William!" Gabe grabbed his wrist. "Please. What's wrong?"
William took a deep breath and ripped his arm out of Gabe's grasp. "Oh, I don't know, Gabe, maybe the fact that I've been in love with you since I was about fucking eleven and I'm finally getting sick of you being so oblivious! I'm sick of feeling like this. I want to say I'm done pining after you, I want to say I'll move on, but I've been saying that since I was sixteen. I'm now twenty-fucking-two."
There was a very long silence. Gabe stared at William, seemingly speechless. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked eventually. "If that's how you feel, why didn't you say something?"
William threw his hands in the air. "I've tried! Six times! Once when we were fourteen, remember when I told you I liked you and you said you liked me too and then we went for pizza? Yeah. Then again when we were sixteen when I told you Mindy was using you and I could treat you better and you said, "If only I were gay". Then again on my eighteenth birthday, when you'd come out as bi and slept with that Rory guy in my bed. You were too drunk to realize what I'd said. Then again at fresher's week. Then at New Year's 2012, I told you I love you, you said, "I love you too, mi querido," then you went off with some girl. I tried again not too long ago aand your mom called halfway through it."
"Oh my god," Gabe said weakly. "I... god, I'm so sorry, I... I didn't realize..."
"No shit. I know you didn't realize. You never realize, and if I hadn't just come out and said all this you never would have."
Gabe bit his lip. "I'm so sorry..."
William let out a shaky breath. "It doesn't matter, Gabe. You can go back to the party now."
Gabe hesitated. "Of course it matters."
"It really doesn't. Unless, you know, you don't want to be friends anymore."
"Don't be ridiculous..."
William shrugged. He couldn't think of anything to say. He just wanted to go curl up.
Gabe stood there awkwardly. "So, uh."
"Yeah... you can go now..."
He gulped. "Oh. Uh, okay, if that's what you want." He hugged William briefly and went back to the party.
William went back to their dorm, sat down on his bed, and cried.
Gabe came home about half an hour later. William cursed and composed himself as quickly as he could. Gabe came through and asked, rather timidly, if he could come in. William moved up on the bed so he could sit down.
"You don't have to do this... come in because you feel bad or whatever. It's fine," William said softly, looking down at his hands.
"No, William, I... it's not that."
"Well, what then?"
Gabe sighed heavily. "I'm an idiot."
"No... you're not..."
"I really, really am."
"Gabe, please just say what you came to say," William pleaded. He wanted this to be over quickly. Like ripping off a bandaid.
Unfortunately, Gabe started to ramble.
"I don't know how I didn't realize before. About you. And about me. And... I just... it's just... it's always been you, hasn't it?"
"Gabe, what are you getting at?" William's heart was in his throat.
Gabe looked down at his lap. "I... I always got mad when I'd see you with someone... wait, not mad. Jealous. And I always just figured it was because you were getting laid and I wasn't..."
"It wasn't because of that?"
Gabe took a deep breath. "No."
William's hands were shaking and his stomach was flipping. "Please just tell me."
The next words out of Gabe's mouth were, "I love you."
William had never smiled so big in his life. He hooked his fingers into Gabe's shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.
...
William stood at the kitchen counter, waiting for the kettle to boil, a huge smile still lingering from the night before. Gabe walked in from his room, yawning and stretching his arms over his head.
"Hey, mu querido," he said, walking up behind William and wrapping his arms around his waist, his head resting on William's shoulder. "Are you making tea or coffee? I could use some coffee."
William melted into Gabe like he did every time Gabe did this. But today was different. Today there was no sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Coffee," he said, turning around in Gabe's arms. "Today's your lucky day."
Gabe smiled broadly at him and pressed a simple kiss to his lips. "Yeah," he said. "I think it is."
Pairing: Gabe/William
Rating: R
Warning: alcohol use, adult themes (I guess?), language
Disclaimer: I don't own them blah blah blah
Summary: William Beckett has been in love with his best friend, Gabe Saporta, since they were eleven years old. He's tried to tell him six times, but Gabe never gets it and William is sick of it.
For Fef :)
William Beckett was a quiet kid, with long brown hair that fell in waves around his shoulders and pale skin that burned easily. On his first day of kindergarten, he played by himself instead of with the others, and merely shook his head when the teacher asked him if he wanted to play dress-up with the other kids. He sat silently in the corner, playing Lego all by himself.
On the second day of kindergarten, they went outside to play. While all the others started a game of tag, William made a beeline for the sandbox.
He was two walls and a tower into a sandcastle when someone crouched down next to him. He startled, almost knocking off the turret, and looked up. He was greeted by the sight of a boy with skin the colour of caramel and a wide grin that showed off his missing front tooth.
"Hey," he said cheerfully. "Why are you playing by yourself?"
William shrugged, tucking his hair behind his ear.
"Do you talk?"
"Yes," said William.
The boy giggled. "I'm Gabe," he said. "Can I play with you?"
William shrugged again and nodded.
By the time playtime was over, they'd built a castle with a moat and five towers.
As they climbed out of the sandbox to go back inside, William turned to Gabe and said, "My name is William."
When they went to the sandbox the next day, someone had kicked their sandcastle over. "It's okay," Gabe said. "We can build a new one."
...
"Hey, mi querido, will you marry me?" Gabe asked very seriously when they were six. They were sitting at his kitchen table eating apple slices, waiting for William's mom to come pick him up.
"Only if you give me a ring," William said. "That's how it works."
"You're right," Gabe agreed. "I'll be back in a minute."
When Gabe returned, he handed William a slightly tarnished silver ring. "There," he said triumphantly.
William looked at it and smiled. "Okay, Gabeybaby."
Gabe's mom got mad when she realized that Gabe had taken her ring. She spoke angrily to him in spanish for a minute and even used his full name ("Gabriel Eduardo Saporta!") before sending him for a time out.
William quietly left the ring on the table when his mother came to pick him up.
"Mommy," he said in the car, "what does "mi querido" mean?" He stumbled over the pronunciation, and she looked confused.
"I don't know," she said. "It sounds spanish. Did you hear Gabe say it? Maybe you should ask him."
"We're getting married," William said, and his mom just smiled.
...
When they were eleven, Gabe dragged William to a school dance. Even though almost everyone was standing against the gym walls, Gabe insisted William dance with him. William went along with it because Gabe looked so eager, and that was how they ended up slow dancing all by themselves in the middle of the gym.
He knew why people were staring at them. He didn't know why he had butterflies in the pit of his stomach.
...
He didn't figure it out until he was thirteen.He was sitting in class listening to the girl two desks over talking loudly to her friend about hot Gabe was, and it hit him. He sat back in his chair. Oh, he thought. Crap.
...
On William's fourteenth birthday, Gabe came over for a sleepover. Together they devoured a cheese pizza, watched Pirates of the Caribbean for the umpteenth time, and played video games. William's mom eventually sent them to bed, but instead of sleeping they sat on the bedroom floor and William let Gabe braid his hair.
"Why are you so obsessed with my hair?" he laughed as Gabe started on his third braid.
"It's so soft," Gabe replied wonderingly. "And long. And... and beautiful."
"You're weird."
Gabe chuckled, his fingers still running through William's hair. "I think we're both weird," he said. "I'm pretty sure this isn't what most dudes do at sleepovers."
"I think this is more what girls do."
"Girls have the right idea. Hmm... I'm already giving you a makeover... we should talk about crushes!"
William's heart leapt into his throat. "Don't be an idiot."
"I'm not! C'mon, I'll tell you if you tell me."
"Gabe...!"
Gabe poked him in the ribs. "Don't be a spoilsport. I won't laugh at you or anything, and I sure as hell won't tell anyone. Here, I'll even go first." He paused. "I think Amy Walters is totally hot."
William's shoulders slumped slightly. "Oh. Uh, yeah, I guess."
Gabe poked him again. "Your turn."
William almost panicked. In his head, he ran through several options- he could make something up, he could excuse himself and go to the washroom, he could...
"Nobody," he said.
Gabe gave an exaggerated sigh. "Come on, Bill, there's gotta be a girl you at least find attractive."
"Uh...no."
"Why not?"
William shifted uncomfortably. "I don't really...um."
Gabe let go of William's hair and wrapped his arms around him. "Hey. Is something wrong?"
He shrugged and ducked his head, hoping the subject would be dropped.
"Well, mi querido, you don't have to say if you don't want to... but you know you can tell me anything, right?"
William hesitated. He couldn't tell Gabe the whole truth, but he could tell him part of it.
"Promise you won't hate me?"
"Of course."
He took a deep breath. "I'm gay," he said.
"Oh, okay," said Gabe.
"You...you don't mind?"
Gabe laughed and gave him a squeeze. "Bilvy, you're my best friend. That's not going to change just because you like guys instead of girls."
William was so relieved he thought he might cry. But there was still a nervous knot in the pit of his stomach.
He wondered if Gabe would still feel the same way if he knew the whole truth.
...
When William came out to the rest of the school, there was very little backlash, mostly because of Gabe, who everybody liked. Gabe actually got questioned more than William did. "Why are you still friends with him?" was the most common one.
"Why wouldn't I be?" he would reply, at first seeming genuinely confused by the question, then eventually sounding defensive.
"Well, aren't you worried he'll, y'know... like you?" was usually the next question.
People weren't abashed about asking this question in front of William. Whenever this happened, Gabe would wrap a protective arm around William's shoulder and very calmly say, "No."
Maybe you should be, William would think.
The longer this went on, the more he fretted. He worried that he wasn't being fair to Gabe, that Gabe deserved to know, that Gabe would find out somehow and be angry.
One day, while they were walking home from school, he snapped.
"Hey, Gabe?" he said, stopping in his tracks. "I like you."
Gabe stopped and stared at him, looking confused. Then he smiled, stepped forward, and hugged him tightly.
William let out his breath. Maybe everything would be okay. Maybe Gabe would be cool with it.
Then Gabe spoke.
"I like you too, man, you're my best friend! What's with the sudden declarations of affection?" he laughed.
William's mouth went dry. "Oh," he managed. "Um, dunno."
Gabe released him and stepped back. "You want to go get pizza? I'll buy."
"Sure," William mumbled. He trailed after Gabe as he started to walk away, feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut.
...
When they were fifteen, William walked in on Gabe jerking off. He covered his eyes and apologized profusely. Gabe just laughed.
...
Gabe had his first official girlfriend when they were sixteen. Before then he'd had little flings that never lasted more than a few weeks, along with many, many awkward teenage fumbles (which, for some reason, he always felt the need to tell William about.
Her name was Mindy, and William had to admit she was very pretty. She had long blonde hair and big green eyes and really nice boobs, and William didn't like her at all.
It wasn't because she was Gabe's girlfriend. William could be a prick, but he wasn't that much of a prick. He did his best not to resent Gabe's partners. It wasn't their fault that William had a big, stupid crush on his best friend.
But he still didn't like Mindy at all. He found her mean and rude and fake, and he knew Gabe was nothing to her but a pretty arm decoration. She was using him for popularity and sex and Gabe had still chosen her and so William couldn't help but resent and dislike her.
But Gabe seemed happy, so William didn't say anything about it for a long time.
They'd hit the four month mark before William could bring himself to speak up. They were lying on Gabe's bed, and Gabe was texting Mindy, and he had this huge frown on his face, and William was worried.
"Is everything okay?" he asked.
Gabe glanced up from his phone. "Hm? Oh. Yeah."
"What's going on?"
"Nothing, just... I'm taking Mindy to junior prom and she's, like, obsessed with being prom queen. And I just don't really care, you know? So I told her I wouldn't mind if she ran with someone else, but she wants me to run with her... it's not a big deal, don't worry about it."
William was hardly surprised. Gabe was popular. People would definitely vote for him. He could feel prickles of annoyance sweeping over him. This was just like Mindy. He was getting sick of it.
"Gabe," he said, "she's using you."
Gabe chuckled. "It's just prom nominations."
"No, it's not just this. All she wants from you is popularity points and sex, Gabe, she doesn't care about you."
He just shrugged. "Yeah, well, at least I'm getting laid."
William bit his lip. After a second, he said quietly, "I could treat you better."
Gabe cracked a smile. "If only I were gay," he said.
...
When William got home that day, he went through to the kitchen where his mom was cooking and said, "I'm going to get over him."
His mother glanced up from her soup and gave him a symmpathetic look. "What did he do now?"
"Nothing, mom, he's just straight."
She nodded as she put a lid on the pot and turned to him. "Well, let me know how that goes." She scrutinized him for a second and said, "You need a haircut."
"Mom, for the millionth time, no. I like my hair."
"You mean Gabe likes your hair."
"Well, that's just a bonus."
She raised her eyebrows and said, "Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes. Go do your homework."
...
Gabe and Mindy didn't end up winning the prom crowns. William had a sneaking suspicion that Gabe had asked people not to vote for them.
William went at the last minute, even though he was dateless, because Gabe insisted. Throughout the evening, Gabe kept pulling him out onto the dance floor and making him do ridiculous dances with him, even making him slowdance a couple of times. At the afterparty at Travie's house, they jumped into the pool together fully clothed and came up laughing hysterically.
William's happiness was only slightly dampened by Mindy glaring at them.
Three days later, she and Gabe broke up.
...
In the middle of that summer, while sitting in an ice cream parlour eating sundaes, Gabe had a bit of a revelation.
"Oh shit," he said, setting down his spoon and sitting back in his seat.
"What?" William asked, looking up from his ice cream in concern.
Gabe seemed a little dazed. "Oh shit," he said again. "Boys are hot."
"Oh shit," William said. He totally didn't have an internal freak-out at all.
...
William's parents agreed to let him and Gabe throw a party for his eighteenth birthday. They even decided to go out of town so the house would be empty. William was surprised, but he wasn't exactly going to question it.
Gabe showed up to help with preparations just as William's parents were about to leave. He kissed William's mother on the cheek and shook hands with William's father and took their suitcase out to the car for them.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you kids want us gone," William's mom said, winking at William.
"Mom," William groaned.
Gabe laughed and grinned at her. "No way, Mrs. B, you know I love you."
After Mr and Mrs Beckett had left, Gabe turned to William and said, "We better put away the breakable objects. Wentz is bringing alcohol."
...
Parties were always good when Gabe was involved. When Gabe, Pete and Travie were all involved, though, parties were awesome.
William had no idea how Pete had got his hands on so much alcohol, but by the time he thought to wonder about it, he was too drunk to care. He had draped himself over Pete and Patrick on the couch, laughing, and was watching people dance. "Where the hell is Gabe?" he wondered after a while.
"That," Pete slurred, "is an excellent question."
William frowned. "I think I'll tell him tonight."
Patrick looked worried. "You're drunk," he said.
"Good," said William.
He got up off the couch despite Patrick's protests and wandered off to go find Gabe.
He found him in the kitchen doing some weird purple shots with his arm slung over the shoulders of a guy William vaguely recognized from math class or something.
"Billy!" he crowed when he spotted William. "My main man! The birthday boy! How's it hanging, mi querido?"
"Gabe," said William. He frowned, momentarily forgetting what he was going to say. He brightened when he remembered. "I need to talk to you. Like. Somewhere else. Y'know? Not here. By ourselves."
Gabe shrugged and said to the guy who he was with, "Back in a minute, Rory."
William was beginning to think he wasn't drunk enough for this, because there was a nervous knot in the pit of his stomach as Gabe followed him through the party. It was pretty much empty upstairs, so that was where they went.
Gabe was wasted. He barely made it up the stairs. He had a fuzzy smile on his face when William turned to face him just outside his parents' room.
"Sup, Willy?" he laughed. "Having a good party?"
"Yeah, awesome," William told him. "Thanks, Gabeybaby."
"So why've you dragged me away from my drinking, dude? You know that's a no-no." Gabe giggled at the rhyme.
"How drunk are you?"
"I'm fucked tomorrow, is how drunk I am. And fucked tonight, too, hopefully."
William tried to ignore Gabe's last statement, and the eyebrow waggle that went with it.
"So why have you dragged me away from my drinking?" Gabe asked again. His eyebrows crinkled up. "Did I already ask you that?"
If Gabe couldn't even remember five minutes ago, there was definitely no point in telling him anything important. William knew that, vaguely, but he didn't really care.
"Gabe," he said, concentrating very hard on getting his words out properly. "There's something that I haven't told you, and I should, really, and...yeah."
"Go on then."
William was ridiculously nervous considering how unlikely it was that Gabe would even understand what he was saying. His mouth was very dry. He had to swallow twice before he could speak. It came out all in a rush. "UmGabeIkindoflikeyou..."
Gabe blinked, looking highly puzzled. "Oh. Um. Cool. Hey, Billy... can I borrow your bed?"
William's heart sank. "What for?"
Gabe leaned in conspirationally. "I'm trying to seduce Rory," he giggled.
William couldn't even bring himself to care. "Go ahead," he said dully.
Gabe beamed and headed back to the kitchen. William went back to Pete and Patrick and drank until he passed out on the couch.
...
That was the year they finished high school. Gabe and William would be going to the same university as Pete and Patrick, so they had far fewer goodbyes to say than some other people.
That summer was a blur of parties and packing and drinking and random hook-ups. William lost count off all the times he woke up sprawled in someone else's bed with a blinding headache and foggy recollections of the night before. He also lost count of the number of times he woke up next to Gabe, got excited, then realized they were both fully clothed and nothing had happened.
But it was still good. It was a good summer, and William had a good time.
The end of the summer rolled around before he knew it, and they headed off to university. They were all in the same dorm block, which was awesome, and Gabe and William were even in the same room, which seemed awesome at first.
But William quickly discovered the pitfalls. Fresher's week meant even more parties and even more drinking, and on the second night, Gabe brought a girl home and William discovered that the walls were very thin. He could hear every sound, every moan and every whimper, even with a pillow over his head.
William didn't get much sleep that night.
By the time freasher's week drew to a close, William was mostly running on coffee and adrenaline. On the final night, there was a huge, dorm-wide party. William drank until the room span and went to go find Gabe.
Gabe was shirtless with someone else's tie tied around his head. In his hand, he held a can of diet coke.
"Are you even drinking?" William asked.
"Nah," said Gabe. "I don't think I can deal with another hangover this week."
William nodded, which made him stumble, which made him giggle. Gabe grinned at him and grabbed his arm, pulling him to his side and holding him up. "You okay there, mi querido?"
"M'fine," William giggled. He leaned into Gabe's side and tilted his head to look up at him. Gabe was grinning, the corners of his eyes crinkled up, and William's heart was racing in his chest.
"Gabe," he slurred. "Gabeybaby. I fucking love you."
Gabe laughed again and William's heart leapt into his throat. He stared up at him and wished he could hear what he was thinking.
"We've been over this, Bilvy," he said. "I love you too, you're my best friend. God, you're like a stray puppy, constantly seeking reassurance of my affection! You should maybe get that checked out."
William felt like he was going to throw up. "Don't feel so good," he mumbled.
At that, Gabe instantly went into protective mode. He escorted William back to their dorm, helped him strip down to his boxers (William was so out of it that it barely even registered), and tucked him into bed.
When William woke up the next morning, he had a horrible, blinding headache. It took him about half an hour to remember the events of the previous night. When he did, he staggered to the bathroom and puked.
He spent most of the morning hunched over the toiler. Gabe stayed with him the whole time, rubbing his back and holding his hair back when needed. He didn't bring up William's comment the night before even once.
...
"Do you have a New Years kiss?" Gabe teased during the last five minutes of 2009. It was their second year of university, and they were almost twenty years old.
"Nah," siad William nonchalantly, surveying the people around him. It was a slightly more chaotic party than normal, but William had been sitting on the sidelines for most of it, and Gabe had been sitting with him.
"Well, I'd kiss you, but I've got my eye on that girl over there," Gabe said, nodding towards a pretty brunette in the corner.
"Oh," said William simply. "She looks nice."
Someone called a minute to midnight. Gabe looked over at him and grinned, and his stomach flipped.
"See you in the New Year, Bill," Gabe said, standing up. He turned to walk over to the girl.
"Gabe, wait," William blurted out, grabbing his wrist.
Gabe looked back at him. "Yeah?"
William's stomach was in knots. "I, um, I love you," he said.
"Love you too, mi querido," Gabe said cheerfully, and went over to the girl.
William sat there silently through the countdown, not joining in on the shouting. When everyone else yelled, "Happy New Year!", he looked across the room. Gabe and the girl were already kissing, rather enthusiastically at that. William slumped into the sofa and thought drily that this year was off to a really fucking great start.
...
William's partying and drinking slowed down a lot in their second-last year, but Gabe's certainly didn't. The hook-ups even increased a bit. It was driving William insane.
One morning, after a particularly loud hook-up the night before, Gabe came wandering into the common area and sat down on the couch next to William.
"Hey, listen, I'm really sorry about last night," he said.
"Sure you are," William scoffed. Gabe said that every time.
"I am," Gabe insisted.
"You were sorry the last 300 times. Sorry usually means you won't do it again."
"Well, it's kind of hard to help it..."
"Then go back to their places. I'm getting sick of hearing you moaning." William tried to stop himself sounding so bitter.
"Okay, okay, sorry," Gabe mumbled. William felt a little bit bad. He made a grunting noise.
Gabe sat there a minute longer, but William didn't say anything else and finally he got up and said, "I'm going out for a sec, be back soon."
William waited until the door had closed behind him until he sank back against the pillows and let out a heavy sigh.
Gabe returned less than twenty minutes later. William didn't even look up when he came in. He only looked up when Gabe set something down on the couch next to him.
He watched him walk out of the room before turning to see what Gabe had put down. It was a small box from the bakery down the road from the dorm. He opened it to find his favourite kind of cupcake. He was torn between being a bit annoyed that Gabe thought a cupcake would make up for everything and feeling like a swooning teenager. Either way, he couldn't help but smile. He didn't notice that Gabe had returned and was leaning against the doorframe until he said, "I won't go out tonight. I mean, if you want me out of here, I will, but... what do you say to maybe just you and me? We can watch a movie..."
William's smile grew. "That... that sounds nice."
Gabe grinned at him. "Sweet! You can choose."
"Pirates of the Caribbean?"
"Sure thing," Gabe laughed.
William had a lecture at 4:30. He spent most of it planning how to confess to Gabe in a way that would make his meaning perfectly clear. He planned a whole speech. But the second he saw Gabe, he chickened out.
They got comfortable in Gabe's room, because he was the one with the TV. It didn't take long for Gabe to settle into his usual movie-watching routine of cuddling the hell out of William. He leaned his head on William's shoulder first, then wrapped his arms around him. Before too long he had pulled William into his lap and was full-on cuddling him. William couldn't help but relax into Gabe, wrapping his arms around him.
When the movie ended, William cuddled closer instead of getting up. Without the need to look at the screen anymore, he buried his face into Gabe's neck. Gabe idly ran his fingers through William's hair.
There was silence for a while and in the darkness of Gabe's room William gained some confidence. He took in a deep breath and lifted his head from Gabe's shoulder. "I, um... I need to talk to you about something, Gabe..." he said weakly.
Gabe's face immediately took on a concerned expression. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's okay... well, actually, it's... "okay" isn't exactly what it is... I mean..." he stuttered. "I've been trying to tell you..."
Suddenly, on the other side of the room, Gabe's phone started to ring. He groaned. "Sorry, man, that's my mama's ringtone. I gotta get that."
"Yeah, that's fine," William mumbled. He got off of Gabe, who rushed across the room for his phone. "Tell mama Saporta I say hi," he added.
Gabe smiled over at William and nodded before stepping out of the room and answering his phone. William groaned and flopped backwards onto the bed.
After a little while, Gabe returned. "Hey, sorry. Mama says hi. What were you saying?"
William sat up straight and gave him a fake smile. "Doesn't matter."
Gabe frowned and went to sit next to him. "Yes it does. It sounded like it mattered." He reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind William's hair. "Please, mi querido, tell me what's wrong?"
William held in a sigh. The moment had passed and there was no way he'd be able to just come out and tell him now. "Gabe, I promise, it's nothing."
Gabe gave him a searching look. "You promise?"
"Promise," William said insistently, and Gabe left it.
...
"Gabeybaby... maybe slow down with the drinking," William said worriedly as he watched Gabe down his second beer. They'd only been at Pete's latest party for about ten minutes and Gabe was already well on his way to getting smashed.
Gabe shook his head. "Nah," he said.
"Gabe," William said more insistently. "Seriously, cut it out with the drinking."
"Sorry, mom." Gabe stuck his tongue out at him.
William sighed, shaking his head. He really wasn't in the mood to stand around watching Gabe get wasted, so he wandered off.
The next time he saw Gabe, they were both sitting in a big circle on the floor because Pete was insisting on playing a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Not too long into the game, Gabe span the bottle. It landed on William.
William gulped, not looking Gabe in the eye. The last time they'd ended up in a closet together playing this game, Gabe had insisted on pretending they were having sex. He just really wasn't up for that right now.
"Gabe, I really can't be bothered with a big show this time," William said weakly as soon as the closet door was closed.
"Yeah, that's cool," Gabe said, his voice slurred. "I didn't want to do that anyway."
"Okay, good," William nodded, and got ready to stand in awkward silence for the next seven minutes.
After about a minute, Gabe started fidgeting, frowning at William. "I'm going to kiss you now," he said, before leaning in and doing just that.
William had no time to protest, not that he would have anyways. Instead he kissed Gabe back with everything he had. He soon found himself pressed up against the back wall of the closet, Gabe pressed up against him.
If he tried hard enough, he could imagine that they were somewhere else and Gabe was sober. But he knew that he was in a shitty broom cupboard and Gabe was completely off his face.
When Pete knocked on the door and announced that seven minutes were up, William couldn't stop himself from whining and clinging to Gabe. Their mouths were still attached when Pete opened the door.
Pete made a startled sound and William cringed, pulling away from Gabe reluctantly. Gabe gave William a toothy grin before turning and walking away.
...
William stayed in bed for most of the next day. When he finally got up, he was immediately accosted by Gabe. "Hey, mi querido, you been hibernating or something?"
William cringed. "Something like that," he mumbled, not even able to meet Gabe's eyes.
Gabe frowned at him. "Hey, are you alright?"
"I, um, yeah. I just, um... I think I'll go back to bed."
"No, Bill, what's wrong?" Gabe stepped closer to him, his eyes searching. "Did I bring someone home? Fuck, was I loud again? I'm so sorry, I can't even remember last night..."
William slowly blinked at him. "You... you can't remember last night?"
"Bits," Gabe shrugged. "Like you telling me to slow down with my drinking. Ironic, right."
"Oh. Do... do you remember anything else?"
Gabe shrugged again. "Did Jessie Karlton do Seven Minutes in Heaven with Kerry Tayler? That's all I can remember?"
"Yeah, she did." William was a little stunned. He should have been relieved but he felt like crying.
Gabe frowned. "Oh god, did I play Pete's stupid closet game too?"
"Um...what? No," William squeaked.
Gabe frowned deeper, then his expression became apologetic. "Ohh, I am so sorry about that! Christ, I was so drunk."
"I...um...what?" William panicked slightly. "I... I don't know what you're talking about."
Gabe smiled warmly at him. "Billy, don't be shy. I vaguely remember it. Sorry about throwing myself at you like that, you must have freaked out!"
William felt sick. "I, um, yeah, a little bit." He laughed weakly. At least Gabe didn't remember how William had responded.
"Sorry about that, mi querido," Gabe chuckled, and patted William's shoulder.
William swallowed, nodded, and tried to smile.
...
Apparently, word of their cupboard exploits had spread, because at the next party Pete threw, there was a small crowd gathered around the couch where they were sitting together.
"So you guys got it on in the closet?" someone asked from behind them.
"Obviously," Gabe laughed. "It was hot."
"It really wasn't," William said, trying to get Gabe to shut up.
Gabe pouted at him. "Really? Well, then we should go back in there and I guarantee this time it will be."
William crossed his arms. "I'm not going back in there."
"Aww, why not?"
"Because-"
William was cut off by a girl sitting beside him on the arm of the sofa. "Go on, it'll be super hot."
"Yeah, mi querido!" Gabe grinned devilishly.
"But..."
"Just do it here if he's going to be stubborn," said the girl.
Gabe laughed and gave her a thumbs up. "Good idea!" He hooked his fingers under William's chin and leant in. William couldn't help but lean in and meet him halfway.
Lots of people cheered, and it didn't take William long to realize Gabe was only kissing him to get attention from the girls who had been clamouring for it, to impress them. He immediately pulled away.
Gabe whined. "Aw, Will... come back here." He made a kissy face, laughing.
"I'll take his place," said one of the girls seductivly.
"Hm, sounds good to me," Gabe smirked, and waggled his eyebrows.
William really couldn't sit there and watch Gabe do that, so without saying anything he abrubtly stood up and walked out of the room. He could hear Gabe calling after him but he just kept walking. He was trying his best not to let his emotions get the best of him, but his heart was aching. He didn't think he could do this anymore.
He could hear footsteps hurrying after him, and then Gabe calling, "Hey, mi querido, wait up!"
William turned around. "What do you want, Gabe?" he asked sharply.
Gabe stopped in his tracks. "Whoa. What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Gabe, nothing's wrong. Nothing's ever wrong, so why don't you go back to the party and back to your fucking clueless bubble?"
Gabe frowned. "Is... is it something I said?"
William groaned, turned around again, and started to walk away.
"Hey, no! William!" Gabe grabbed his wrist. "Please. What's wrong?"
William took a deep breath and ripped his arm out of Gabe's grasp. "Oh, I don't know, Gabe, maybe the fact that I've been in love with you since I was about fucking eleven and I'm finally getting sick of you being so oblivious! I'm sick of feeling like this. I want to say I'm done pining after you, I want to say I'll move on, but I've been saying that since I was sixteen. I'm now twenty-fucking-two."
There was a very long silence. Gabe stared at William, seemingly speechless. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked eventually. "If that's how you feel, why didn't you say something?"
William threw his hands in the air. "I've tried! Six times! Once when we were fourteen, remember when I told you I liked you and you said you liked me too and then we went for pizza? Yeah. Then again when we were sixteen when I told you Mindy was using you and I could treat you better and you said, "If only I were gay". Then again on my eighteenth birthday, when you'd come out as bi and slept with that Rory guy in my bed. You were too drunk to realize what I'd said. Then again at fresher's week. Then at New Year's 2012, I told you I love you, you said, "I love you too, mi querido," then you went off with some girl. I tried again not too long ago aand your mom called halfway through it."
"Oh my god," Gabe said weakly. "I... god, I'm so sorry, I... I didn't realize..."
"No shit. I know you didn't realize. You never realize, and if I hadn't just come out and said all this you never would have."
Gabe bit his lip. "I'm so sorry..."
William let out a shaky breath. "It doesn't matter, Gabe. You can go back to the party now."
Gabe hesitated. "Of course it matters."
"It really doesn't. Unless, you know, you don't want to be friends anymore."
"Don't be ridiculous..."
William shrugged. He couldn't think of anything to say. He just wanted to go curl up.
Gabe stood there awkwardly. "So, uh."
"Yeah... you can go now..."
He gulped. "Oh. Uh, okay, if that's what you want." He hugged William briefly and went back to the party.
William went back to their dorm, sat down on his bed, and cried.
Gabe came home about half an hour later. William cursed and composed himself as quickly as he could. Gabe came through and asked, rather timidly, if he could come in. William moved up on the bed so he could sit down.
"You don't have to do this... come in because you feel bad or whatever. It's fine," William said softly, looking down at his hands.
"No, William, I... it's not that."
"Well, what then?"
Gabe sighed heavily. "I'm an idiot."
"No... you're not..."
"I really, really am."
"Gabe, please just say what you came to say," William pleaded. He wanted this to be over quickly. Like ripping off a bandaid.
Unfortunately, Gabe started to ramble.
"I don't know how I didn't realize before. About you. And about me. And... I just... it's just... it's always been you, hasn't it?"
"Gabe, what are you getting at?" William's heart was in his throat.
Gabe looked down at his lap. "I... I always got mad when I'd see you with someone... wait, not mad. Jealous. And I always just figured it was because you were getting laid and I wasn't..."
"It wasn't because of that?"
Gabe took a deep breath. "No."
William's hands were shaking and his stomach was flipping. "Please just tell me."
The next words out of Gabe's mouth were, "I love you."
William had never smiled so big in his life. He hooked his fingers into Gabe's shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.
...
William stood at the kitchen counter, waiting for the kettle to boil, a huge smile still lingering from the night before. Gabe walked in from his room, yawning and stretching his arms over his head.
"Hey, mu querido," he said, walking up behind William and wrapping his arms around his waist, his head resting on William's shoulder. "Are you making tea or coffee? I could use some coffee."
William melted into Gabe like he did every time Gabe did this. But today was different. Today there was no sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Coffee," he said, turning around in Gabe's arms. "Today's your lucky day."
Gabe smiled broadly at him and pressed a simple kiss to his lips. "Yeah," he said. "I think it is."