Concerned..
I know I just posted, but I did not wish to add this to my last post, they do not go together at all. So, a few Friday's ago I went out with my goon squad and had a great night overall, unfortunately I made a mistake of falling and ended up hurting myself pretty bad.
I'm feeling all sorts of things. These weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I wish I did not get hurt..Well, let me describe what happened. I got out of the car, tripped, hit my face on a display like this. Well, its not that layout but it is the exact type of stone I hit my face on.
It hurt a lot. I remember when it happened I paused for a moment, then just bursted out into tears. It was like everything hit me. I was so emotional. I was crying from the pain, from destroying the night of fun we had, and feeling so guilty. My friend brought me inside, my other friend helped me clean up; there was blood everywhere. It was one of the worst feelings I had ever...felt.
Til' now, it has happened about 3 weeks ago. I tried to return to work but, I could barely get through the day. I still have trouble with my speech, temporary memory, emotions, patience, focusing. I fractured part of my skull, like my forehead, and I fractured my nose as well, according to what my doc called to say. I have had days where I have not gotten out of bed because I feel so horrible. I had what I call two meltdowns bc I just felt lost, like no doctor would believe how I felt in fear of losing my job. I did suffer a concussion, and this is where the symptoms are stemming from. I have moments where I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, feeling anxious, loosing my thoughts during conversation. Depression, has been my biggest challenge. It's hard when people enjoy your company bc you're funny or so, and then you become this ball of sadness...people don't want to be around others like that especially when they know you as a happy person. So, I've felt the need to isolate myself but, I cannot do that all the time bc...I guess its called caring..people come looking for you..to help you out..I try to appreciate it...but it gets difficult.
Also, I can't drive much, since I get distracted..I get fatigued frequently..etc..so I drive to my friends house, she takes me to my appointments when she can, helps me with the plethora of paperwork I have to fill out.
I'm annoyed..I did acquire a psychologist to speak with since, I burden my friend a lot. She has helped me as well. My insomnia has gotten out of control, so sometimes where I feel so vulnerable and helpless happens overnight where, I cannot speak to anyone. It's sad..that I have done this to myself. Worse that I told my mom, and she continues to ask who did this to me, and I have to constantly tell her...I did this...to myself. It brings back all of the anger I felt that night, and that I...hurt myself.
I'm still trying to find ways to build myself up, and try to feel like I have a sense of worth but..it's tough. I didn't think something like this would happen to me. But, I guess I deserved it. I have a problem. I don't like to be happy, bc when everything goes right, there is always something that happens to me, that makes it go wrong, and usually, it is what I do to myself.
I'm feeling all sorts of things. These weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I wish I did not get hurt..Well, let me describe what happened. I got out of the car, tripped, hit my face on a display like this. Well, its not that layout but it is the exact type of stone I hit my face on.
It hurt a lot. I remember when it happened I paused for a moment, then just bursted out into tears. It was like everything hit me. I was so emotional. I was crying from the pain, from destroying the night of fun we had, and feeling so guilty. My friend brought me inside, my other friend helped me clean up; there was blood everywhere. It was one of the worst feelings I had ever...felt.
Til' now, it has happened about 3 weeks ago. I tried to return to work but, I could barely get through the day. I still have trouble with my speech, temporary memory, emotions, patience, focusing. I fractured part of my skull, like my forehead, and I fractured my nose as well, according to what my doc called to say. I have had days where I have not gotten out of bed because I feel so horrible. I had what I call two meltdowns bc I just felt lost, like no doctor would believe how I felt in fear of losing my job. I did suffer a concussion, and this is where the symptoms are stemming from. I have moments where I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, feeling anxious, loosing my thoughts during conversation. Depression, has been my biggest challenge. It's hard when people enjoy your company bc you're funny or so, and then you become this ball of sadness...people don't want to be around others like that especially when they know you as a happy person. So, I've felt the need to isolate myself but, I cannot do that all the time bc...I guess its called caring..people come looking for you..to help you out..I try to appreciate it...but it gets difficult.
Also, I can't drive much, since I get distracted..I get fatigued frequently..etc..so I drive to my friends house, she takes me to my appointments when she can, helps me with the plethora of paperwork I have to fill out.
I'm annoyed..I did acquire a psychologist to speak with since, I burden my friend a lot. She has helped me as well. My insomnia has gotten out of control, so sometimes where I feel so vulnerable and helpless happens overnight where, I cannot speak to anyone. It's sad..that I have done this to myself. Worse that I told my mom, and she continues to ask who did this to me, and I have to constantly tell her...I did this...to myself. It brings back all of the anger I felt that night, and that I...hurt myself.
I'm still trying to find ways to build myself up, and try to feel like I have a sense of worth but..it's tough. I didn't think something like this would happen to me. But, I guess I deserved it. I have a problem. I don't like to be happy, bc when everything goes right, there is always something that happens to me, that makes it go wrong, and usually, it is what I do to myself.