More randomness, cause I was bored today
A horse and a chicken are playing in a field. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farmhouse, but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives forward saving the horse from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the field again, and the chicken fell into a mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab my 'thing' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did, and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
A man walks into a recording studio with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the studio that this is a very talented octopus. He says that it can play any musical instrument in the world.
Everyone in the studio laughs at him, and obviously don't believe him. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
The guitarist walks up with his guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. The guitarist pays up his $50.
Then the sound engineer picks up a trumpet and takes it over. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The engineer pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off!"
Whee! Yep, I never promised they were good. :p