The price of everything and the value of nothing
Jesus H. Christ it's been a while since I posted anything on here. Maybe it's because I really had nothing to say.
Anyways, I'm usually pretty introverted when it comes to my feelings. I never really let people know the true me. That's just the kinda guy I am. But you know what? I think I like that. The strange thing is, I don't think I can ever change. I can even think about when I was a child, and how confused I was about why I never told people anything about my true feelings. Perhaps growing up with a single mom and not knowing what it's like to raised with a father, parted to some of this. I don't know, maybe I'm just being ridiculous. But I just can't seem to ignore the fact that I view my life in third person. It's almost like there are two "Ben"s living in this universe. One is putting on a facade to try to blend in with society. The other Ben is watching it's counterpart, making sure that it doesn't do anything stupid.
You see how complex I am?
I mean, I guess you could argue that people have all had that moment of what's right and wrong. The whole angel and devil on each shoulder thing....yeah. But I think what I have is on a more serious level. It's really a matter of me not being comfortable who I am. I question everything I do, with almost a hundred percent of uncertainty. I hate how I look, dress, feel, think, and pretty much every other human attribute. What's wrong with me? Am I finally losing it? I question my sanity every day, I know that's not normal but o well, it's how I can cope with myself.
Well I've done enough venting here. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a guitar lesson to attend to...
Anyways, I'm usually pretty introverted when it comes to my feelings. I never really let people know the true me. That's just the kinda guy I am. But you know what? I think I like that. The strange thing is, I don't think I can ever change. I can even think about when I was a child, and how confused I was about why I never told people anything about my true feelings. Perhaps growing up with a single mom and not knowing what it's like to raised with a father, parted to some of this. I don't know, maybe I'm just being ridiculous. But I just can't seem to ignore the fact that I view my life in third person. It's almost like there are two "Ben"s living in this universe. One is putting on a facade to try to blend in with society. The other Ben is watching it's counterpart, making sure that it doesn't do anything stupid.
You see how complex I am?
I mean, I guess you could argue that people have all had that moment of what's right and wrong. The whole angel and devil on each shoulder thing....yeah. But I think what I have is on a more serious level. It's really a matter of me not being comfortable who I am. I question everything I do, with almost a hundred percent of uncertainty. I hate how I look, dress, feel, think, and pretty much every other human attribute. What's wrong with me? Am I finally losing it? I question my sanity every day, I know that's not normal but o well, it's how I can cope with myself.
Well I've done enough venting here. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a guitar lesson to attend to...