Depressed....
So... here's your update... No Halloween... No hanging out with Alli... nothing... Im so depressed... Alli and I were going to go out tonight... but she went over to a friends instead... Thats cool... I just wish I had been informed earlier... I really was looking forward to tonight... it was going to be the highlight of my week... but now... Man.. Im not mad at her... maybe I should be? But now im really depressed and pissed off at myself... I dont know... sometimes I feel like Im a giant loser... Im not tough, I almost never can make the first move... I know she's busy... but as lame as it sounds she means everything to me... and now Im not even sure if Im just a bother to her... (like an exaggerated form of the good angel on your shoulder... no drinking... where are you going? why wasnt I told... like im her father or something) Even now... this long whiney update... I sound like a total douche... How can anyone love you if you bash yourself whenever something doesnt work out for you... Im trying my best to be a boyfriend... but maybe im not good enough? What good is love if it turns out im destined to lose it... I just wish I knew...