Seeking Companionship
And I wrote an update for my seeking companionship filter!
I haven't said too much here, in part because I was kind of a mess since the election and wasn't doing a lot of seeking. But my head's been a bit more together and I am not going to let anxiety take any more of my life away than I have to. I've done enough of that!
So I'm still kind of chatting with the person who was giving me egg vibes, but I'm not convinced that she/they will actually want to ever meet up in person. Which is fine. If they do, it would be fun!
I've played Satisfactory a few times with the girl in Peterborough, and am talking about more factory building this weekend. I think we might be factory friends if nothing else, and that's great! It's wonderful having people into the same weird games I love.
I kind of dropped the ball with the woman here in town who's post about looking for hookups I responded to a while back. Having thought about it, part of it has been anxiety about, like, not really having a script to follow in a few ways. I've never done hookups, so that's one new thing. She also hasn't expressed strong preferences about she's into, which puts me in a position of expressing things I want to someone without knowing what kind of reception to expect, and...that's kind of new for me 😅 But I messaged her again after something over a week.
Here's the most exciting part though. I made a post on Fet in a T4T group I joined recently, kind of expecting that, like my other intro posts on other groups, it wouldn't get much response.
This girl in London (ON) responded and she is *so cool*. She's a grad student who is researching local adaptations of Marxist thought and iconography. That sounds really fascinating, since so many political thinkers are anchored in a particular Western social/political/cultural world view (as all humans are). How do people with very different underlying assumptions integrate that kind of thing? She's coming at it from a history perspective, and I could easily have chosen to be a historian at one point in my academic career, and she thinks human geography is fascinating and, as a historian, really appreciates librarians and archivists too, and I think we have so much we could connect over. We also have pretty similar politics, which is a big thing.
She likes long communications in text. She's early in her transition and not very experienced with a lot of things, and to some extent and in some ways, that's true of me too? We're both looking for experiences we haven't been able to have before, and I think maybe we can find some of them together. She is young and searching and I feel a lot of responsibility to not fuck anything up for her if I connect with her, but I am very intrigued by her for several reasons. Looking at her activity on FL, I see she's quite new there, but she's also busy trying to make other connections, finding munches to go to, making friends, maybe finding other play partners, and that's awesome! I am just so damn proud of and happy for trans folks who figure out who they are and start living the way they want to. You go get it girl!!
We're talking about meeting up in person in London this weekend to see how things flow in person. I'm pretty damn excited. And I am now sort of micro-analyzing the way I communicate with her. She said she likes long messages, but are mine *too* long? Does the fact that her most recent response was short mean I'm being too much? I have fears of being too much for people, and while I'm not actively looking for a girlfriend instead of a friend and play partner...I also think she's really nifty. I have some tummy butterflies.