Emotional Dysregulation
My emotions have been yoyoing a lot lately, sometimes by the hour. On the downswings, lying down in a dark place and removing stimulation helps, so I've been trying to do that instead of doomscrolling on my computer, or freezing in place because I don't have capacity to make decisions about what I should do next. It's not very fun. Talking with Miriam about it last night gave me some insights, as talking with her often does.
I have more positive things in my life than I've had in a long time. In-person events, in-person friends, and confidence to reach out and look for community and connections are really all pretty new. That's a lot of disruption, and disruption is stressful, even when it's good. And there's some big bad stuff too that doesn't help. The US. My living situation and the clutter.
I regularly have moments when I feel really great in ways I haven't regularly felt in years, and that gives me a lot of hope. I very much believe that things are better now, and will keep getting better. But I need to incorporate all this change and find a new baseline.
Anyway, I sent in another job application: public services librarian in London. Which would be a crappy commute, but for a job that pays decently and gives me library experience for my resume, we'll move further from Hamilton and Toronto, even though I really really don't want to.