Bloom Into You and the Change of Transition
I read the penultimate volume (number 7) of Bloom Into You last night, while lying in bed with Miriam and sharing the best parts. It's really good. One development in particular, and the writing surrounding it, was so good it made me cry. Part of that was because I feel personally connected to it as a trans person who has changed so much while my partner stood by me through all that change. I feel a little embarassed writing about it at length here, but it really meant a lot to me. So please feel free to skip on by if you're not interested in queer high-school relationship drama.
SPOILERS FOLLOW
BACKGROUND TO UNDERSTAND THE SCENE: Touko has spent her whole life trying to be a replacement for her "perfect" older sister who died in a car accident when Touko was in elementary school. She's presented a perfect façade to the world for so long that she doesn't know who she is anymore. She's scared that if someone likes her, or loves her, it's because of who she's pretending to be. She's scared that love is directed to a person as they are, and if that person changes that love might go away. She thinks she has been fooling her long-time friend Saeki with this façade. She has not: Saeki is one of two people who see through her. Saeki loves Touko anyway, but has never told her because she knew Touko would not react well. Plotful things have happened, Touko has grown as a person, and Saeki thinks this might finally be the time to talk to Touko about her feelings.
Saeki has confessed her feelings to Touko, telling her she knows exactly who she is and loves her anyway. Touko expresses fear, asking Saeki if she would still love her if Touko went through major changes in her life. Saeki concludes her response with:
"You know...love...
Doesn't mean 'I never want you to change'.
But I don't think it means 'I don't care if you change' either.
So I suppose it might mean...
'I believe that you'll always be the person I adore.'
A declaration of faith...perhaps."
That's the part that really got me. Right in my trans-girl heart.
...
Saeki has become one of my favorite characters in any yuri I've read. She's introduced maybe not quite as a villain, but as a cold person who doesn't really care about much except supporting and taking care of Touko. She's antagonistic toward Yuu, the other person who knows Touko as she really is, probably because she instinctively sees Yuu as a threat. But by this point, Yuu and Saeki both understand that Touko is really broken and want to help her grow as a person, and Touko's well-being becomes more important to Saeki than her unconfessed love for Touko.
And my heart breaks for Saeki because Touko gently declines her love, saying that she is already in love with someone else: Yuu. Saeki is crushed, and thinks about how long she's had these feelings and not said anything, and that because of her own choices, she lost the opportunity to be with Touko. But in reality, I don't think Touko could possibly have been prepared to hear Saeki's feelings if she hadn't developed in the ways she had because of her love for Yuu. [As a side note: this is yet another example of how cultural acceptance of open relationships might potentially make things better for everyone.]
It's the second time things have gone so poorly for Saeki through no fault of her own. In junior high (or the equivalent I guess), another girl asked her to go out and they spent the school year "dating" in whatever ways girls of that age do. Saeki was really attached, but they didn't see each other over the Summer. When the next semester started Saeki expected their relationship to continue, but the other girl basically said "We're both growing up. We're both girls: we have to stop pretending to date like this." She was crushed, and even transferred schools, from the all-girls one she was attending to a coed school, thinking that she had to find a boy. But she never did. The only other person she's had feelings for since was Touko.
There is a series of 3 "light novels" about Saeki. (Light novels are a Japanese format that originally arose from something like pulp magazines.) I've never bought anime/manga novel tie-ins before, but I have to know more about what happens to Saeki. I have to see her get a happy ending. I hurt for her.