Anti-racism, Facebook, Social Confusion
Something I wrote on Facebook, after an incident that led to me unfriending someone over racism.
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Maybe this is a sort of AITA (Am I the Asshole) post. Maybe it's just an expression of confusion and anxiety and sadness.
Today, a thing happened that, though different in details, is the same in shape and form as other things that have happened in the past. There's a pattern.
In an otherwise-justified angry rant, someone invoked the stereotype that people in Nigeria live in huts and share their space with livestock.
This is a racist stereotype.
Isn't it? Am I wrong about that? Because this evening, I keep questioning myself about this, repeatedly and at length. I question whether I am wrong because when that stereotype was invoked, no one else said anything about it. Even though I'm sure many of the people reading the conversation truly care about issues of social justice like racism, no others in the over 1000 potential readers seemed to notice or feel the need to say anything. (ETA: I'm told that one other person did follow up on what I said and agreed with me, and that makes me feel a little more confident in what I did.)
I tried to gently point out the problem. Maybe I'm not good at being gentle. Or maybe I was too vague at first and too direct later. I don't know. But I said I was specifically objecting to the stereotype of Nigerians living in huts that they share with livestock, and the person who wrote the original rant said that they were being intentionally insulting with that phrase and did not rewrite their comment or acknowledge the problem.
It was terrifying to say anything in the first place. I'm terrified of conflict, and of taking up social space, and of criticizing other people. And when the person did not acknowledge the point, I felt like there was nothing else I could do. Nothing else I was brave enough to do, or that would be effective. And to let it go feels akin to saying that, if someone is angry enough, racism just gets a pass.
So I unfriended them.
We all have racist ideas in ourselves. I certainly do, having been enculturated as a white individual in the sea of racism that is the United States. That's part of what makes it so important for me, as a person of privilege, to be aware of and call attention to racism when other people of privilege are engaging in it. This is our responsibility.
This is my understanding of what anti-racism is meant to be.
But things like this leave me questioning myself and my understanding of social interactions, and even of racism. Am I wrong? I have such a hard time believing someone else is wrong and I am right that it's easy for me to start thinking I must be in the wrong. I must be making something out of nothing.
It's really hard for me to call out instances of discrimination. I feel torn between my fear of causing distress and anger vs. my belief that it is my responsibility to point these things out when I see them. I've been alternately anxious and angry and sad this evening. I cried a little. I talked to Miriam. I took Ella to the dog park to relax, but I kept thinking about this even as we walked around the field and Ella chased and played with new doggy friends. I want to know what the right thing to do is.
I'm looking for people to tell me that pointing out what appears to me to be racism is the right thing. Or that it's the wrong thing and I shouldn't trust myself to tell when I'm seeing something racist. I'd like to know that if I am doing the right thing, people support me, even though it feels so isolating and confusing sometimes.
I'd like to understand why, if I am doing the right thing, I am the only person doing that thing among so many other people who also care about social justice.
I know I have readers who may have seen this interaction. I don't mean to call anyone out. I mean, I don't even know if calling people out is the right thing to do. I just wish there was someone or someones to talk to about this who understand the whole situation and could tell me what they think is the right thing to do. If you fit that description and are up to talking about it, maybe we could talk in messenger to avoid discussing it in public if you want?