That could have gone better.
Yesterday afternoon I talked with a colleague at my college. She's kind of a mentor to me, a wonderful person that has always supported me and made efforts on my behalf to promote my career. She told me a full time position would become available next year and that I should apply for it. Naturally I told her that there are a lot of people that would be considered before me. And she said that didn't matter, that I had to apply anyway, or she would get mad. So that was sweet and encouraging and just great.
Since then, I've made three inexcusably stupid mistakes that could get me fired. It's the stuff of fucking nightmares. I missed not one but two classes I was supposed to be covering because I mixed up the times, and then to top that off, I got observed this morning in one of the classes that I teach by another old friend. And I looked like a complete jackass. I fundamentally misunderstood one of the topics I was teaching, so I wasn't prepared hardly at all, then I went off in completely the WRONG direction and spent the rest of the session trying to put things back together. The honest truth is that I'D fire me over these things. I kind of want to drown myself or something just so I won't have to look any of these people in the eye again and have to try to explain why I'm an incompetent fool.
Since then, I've made three inexcusably stupid mistakes that could get me fired. It's the stuff of fucking nightmares. I missed not one but two classes I was supposed to be covering because I mixed up the times, and then to top that off, I got observed this morning in one of the classes that I teach by another old friend. And I looked like a complete jackass. I fundamentally misunderstood one of the topics I was teaching, so I wasn't prepared hardly at all, then I went off in completely the WRONG direction and spent the rest of the session trying to put things back together. The honest truth is that I'D fire me over these things. I kind of want to drown myself or something just so I won't have to look any of these people in the eye again and have to try to explain why I'm an incompetent fool.