A little lost today
I'm not sure where to start. Last week ended ok I guess. Luckily after Thursday night eating episode and panic attack I was feeling better by Friday night so game was very much enjoyable. Saturday met my parents who had the kids for a walk from Graton to Forestville and back (not a short walk). It was nice since I don't really spend that much time with my parents even though they live so close. I got a chance to walk with each of them separately and chat. There was an interesting moment when my dad and I were talking and he was asking for my help with my grandfather (his father). He was saying that he was getting old and having a hard time doing things around the house (his wife has and even more difficult time) and since I lived so close to him if I could help out a bit. I didn't see my grandfather that much but he was a huge part of my life when I was younger. We talked about me going over and helping with the little things when they needed it (chaging fuses and such) and neither can really cook any more so I offered to maybe make them a lasagna or something once in a while. It was a good talk.
Needless to say it in no way prepared me for the call I got this morning from my dad saying that he was dead. I mean we were just fucking talking about him. Talk about trying to help out too little too late. I somehow feel like I failed in some way. I know there is no rational reason for thinking that but I was all set in my mind that I was going to return some of what he gave me as a kid and it was ripped away from me. I don't deal well with death. When my grandmother died (his first wife) I was mentally unstable for a while. I have my aunts death that happened on my wedding night which always makes my anniversary bittersweet. My other grandfather just passed two months ago. Emotionally I'm just all over the place at this point. Let's not even add in my normal health issues.
I really don't know any detail at this point. I assume it was his heat but don't know for sure. My dad was still trying to get a hold of my aunt and uncles when he called me. I just worked through the day so I wouldn't have to think about it. I'm sure the funeral will be relatively soon, which not sure how I feel about that. I don't like funerals and try to avoid them if possible but its kind of selfish of me to not go to his. It's amazing how you can remember thing long forgotten when someone is gone. I can remember going on a camping trip to Lassen as a kid and eating beef jerky. I can remeber his old house exactly how it was 30 years ago when my parents were on a trip to Hawaii and I got sick on peanuts. The oddest things come to mind. He taught me to fish and shoot a gun. I marveled as a kid at the mountain lion skin on the wall (I don't think he killed it himself) or the deer heads. His old VHS player that he barely knew how to work but we could watch movies on it. Another on in the Piazzo line that is gone. Julian is the last hope for the family name at this point. My uncle has no kids of his own. He will be missed.
Needless to say it in no way prepared me for the call I got this morning from my dad saying that he was dead. I mean we were just fucking talking about him. Talk about trying to help out too little too late. I somehow feel like I failed in some way. I know there is no rational reason for thinking that but I was all set in my mind that I was going to return some of what he gave me as a kid and it was ripped away from me. I don't deal well with death. When my grandmother died (his first wife) I was mentally unstable for a while. I have my aunts death that happened on my wedding night which always makes my anniversary bittersweet. My other grandfather just passed two months ago. Emotionally I'm just all over the place at this point. Let's not even add in my normal health issues.
I really don't know any detail at this point. I assume it was his heat but don't know for sure. My dad was still trying to get a hold of my aunt and uncles when he called me. I just worked through the day so I wouldn't have to think about it. I'm sure the funeral will be relatively soon, which not sure how I feel about that. I don't like funerals and try to avoid them if possible but its kind of selfish of me to not go to his. It's amazing how you can remember thing long forgotten when someone is gone. I can remember going on a camping trip to Lassen as a kid and eating beef jerky. I can remeber his old house exactly how it was 30 years ago when my parents were on a trip to Hawaii and I got sick on peanuts. The oddest things come to mind. He taught me to fish and shoot a gun. I marveled as a kid at the mountain lion skin on the wall (I don't think he killed it himself) or the deer heads. His old VHS player that he barely knew how to work but we could watch movies on it. Another on in the Piazzo line that is gone. Julian is the last hope for the family name at this point. My uncle has no kids of his own. He will be missed.