Chapter # 10 - Lisa
She hadn’t been walking for too long when a creature about one-third her size with a mushroom cap for a head scrambled up beside her.
“You’re in all sorts of trouble,” it squeaked matter-of-factly.
“No kidding. Have you ever tried walking anywhere in high heels?” Pauline grimaced.
“Yeah. I don’t know about that,” the talking toadstool stared at his unshod feet for a moment before tilting his head up to look her in the eye. “You shouldn’t have come here. You’ve made Princess Peach mad.”
“Who’s Princess- oh. The giant?”
“Yes,” said the toadstool, beaming. “She ate one of my new mushrooms.”
“And, mushrooms make you grow... Taller?” Pauline asked.
“Well, usually they make you double in size, but I’ve been working to develop this new mushroom in order to facilitate Princess Peach’s struggles against Bowser. You see, mushrooms like nice, shady groves to really flourish, but I harvested this special crop along with a batch of dragon manure and, as you can see, the results were quite satisfactory.”
“Does Princess whatever-fruit-she-is know that she just ate shit-powered mushrooms?”
The toadstool’s face, pale already, drained of even more color. “Lady, we’re a G-rated game world! You can’t say the,” his voice now fell a few decibels, “You can’t say the ‘s’ word.”
Pauline sighed. If she was going to get anywhere in this world, she was going to have to play by their rules. “I’m sorry,” she said with all of the contriteness she could muster.
The toadstool nodded sagely. “It’s all right-I forgive you. I’d be pretty flustered too, if Princess Peach were mad at me.”
Pauline was at a loss as to where to proceed from here. What do you say to a talking mushroom when you’re stuck in one of your little brother’s video games? Hey! Checked out the new version of Mario World? Is it any good? I heard that the game sucks you in. No, literally.
“So, my name is Toadstool,” the mushroom stated abruptly and Pauline blinked out of her reverie. “I probably shouldn’t help you out, but I feel kind of sorry for you.”
Toadstool handed her a handful of small, red and white mushrooms. “You shouldn’t eat more than one at a time.”
Pauline looked at him blankly. “It’ll give you a stomachache,” he explained patiently.
“Oh. Well, thanks,” she answered like a socially awkward teenager giving his first class presentation.
“I should probably go head her off now,” sighed Toadstool. “She’ll be in one of her moods all week.”
And with the flick of a little wand, he popped out of existence, leaving Pauline to stare at the empty space where he’d been just a second ago.
Of all the... No. No thinking. She wasn’t going to think about how logic didn’t seem to matter in this world. She was just going to walk in the direction where she saw Princess Fruitcake toss Mario. Speaking of which, where exactly did Mario land? The sea of gently waving 256-bit grass surrounded her for miles.
...
A now normal-sized Princess Peach threw herself across her bed and gave in to the rising storm of tears. It just wasn’t fair! Why did Mario have to be such a sexist pig? The minute she started taking care of herself, he rushed off to rescue other women. She screamed into her pillow and resisted the urge to tear it in half when she saw the monogrammed initials, P & M on the corner. The pillow had been a Welcome Home gift from Mario when he’d rescued her the 3rd time.
What if... What if she’d misjudged him? No! It wasn’t possible. The situation was too obvious, too... Too...
Princess Peach was so lost in the midst of her reverie that she didn’t notice a shadowy figure step out from a corner of her room. In fact, she hardly struggled at all as a handkerchief soaked in chloroform was pushed against her nose.
The stranger deftly threw her now-limp body over a shoulder and indulged in a short, quiet snicker before tossing a note onto Peach’s bed and disappearing out a window.
“You’re in all sorts of trouble,” it squeaked matter-of-factly.
“No kidding. Have you ever tried walking anywhere in high heels?” Pauline grimaced.
“Yeah. I don’t know about that,” the talking toadstool stared at his unshod feet for a moment before tilting his head up to look her in the eye. “You shouldn’t have come here. You’ve made Princess Peach mad.”
“Who’s Princess- oh. The giant?”
“Yes,” said the toadstool, beaming. “She ate one of my new mushrooms.”
“And, mushrooms make you grow... Taller?” Pauline asked.
“Well, usually they make you double in size, but I’ve been working to develop this new mushroom in order to facilitate Princess Peach’s struggles against Bowser. You see, mushrooms like nice, shady groves to really flourish, but I harvested this special crop along with a batch of dragon manure and, as you can see, the results were quite satisfactory.”
“Does Princess whatever-fruit-she-is know that she just ate shit-powered mushrooms?”
The toadstool’s face, pale already, drained of even more color. “Lady, we’re a G-rated game world! You can’t say the,” his voice now fell a few decibels, “You can’t say the ‘s’ word.”
Pauline sighed. If she was going to get anywhere in this world, she was going to have to play by their rules. “I’m sorry,” she said with all of the contriteness she could muster.
The toadstool nodded sagely. “It’s all right-I forgive you. I’d be pretty flustered too, if Princess Peach were mad at me.”
Pauline was at a loss as to where to proceed from here. What do you say to a talking mushroom when you’re stuck in one of your little brother’s video games? Hey! Checked out the new version of Mario World? Is it any good? I heard that the game sucks you in. No, literally.
“So, my name is Toadstool,” the mushroom stated abruptly and Pauline blinked out of her reverie. “I probably shouldn’t help you out, but I feel kind of sorry for you.”
Toadstool handed her a handful of small, red and white mushrooms. “You shouldn’t eat more than one at a time.”
Pauline looked at him blankly. “It’ll give you a stomachache,” he explained patiently.
“Oh. Well, thanks,” she answered like a socially awkward teenager giving his first class presentation.
“I should probably go head her off now,” sighed Toadstool. “She’ll be in one of her moods all week.”
And with the flick of a little wand, he popped out of existence, leaving Pauline to stare at the empty space where he’d been just a second ago.
Of all the... No. No thinking. She wasn’t going to think about how logic didn’t seem to matter in this world. She was just going to walk in the direction where she saw Princess Fruitcake toss Mario. Speaking of which, where exactly did Mario land? The sea of gently waving 256-bit grass surrounded her for miles.
...
A now normal-sized Princess Peach threw herself across her bed and gave in to the rising storm of tears. It just wasn’t fair! Why did Mario have to be such a sexist pig? The minute she started taking care of herself, he rushed off to rescue other women. She screamed into her pillow and resisted the urge to tear it in half when she saw the monogrammed initials, P & M on the corner. The pillow had been a Welcome Home gift from Mario when he’d rescued her the 3rd time.
What if... What if she’d misjudged him? No! It wasn’t possible. The situation was too obvious, too... Too...
Princess Peach was so lost in the midst of her reverie that she didn’t notice a shadowy figure step out from a corner of her room. In fact, she hardly struggled at all as a handkerchief soaked in chloroform was pushed against her nose.
The stranger deftly threw her now-limp body over a shoulder and indulged in a short, quiet snicker before tossing a note onto Peach’s bed and disappearing out a window.