Welcome to my house, please stay forever!

[reallyquiteevil]

Oh, what a busy week it has been, but finally everything is prepared for the 666th annual Evil Overlords Conference. I am, of course, the keynote speaker, but I do plan to attend and supervise the evil meeting of minds that shall occur proceeding my seminal speech

Comments

[waitingfortom]

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOUSE?!

[reallyquiteevil]

Isn't it lovely! I think the view from the -- oh, but you don't really have a view from in there, do you? I made certain of that. Oh well!

[waitingfortom]

But this was supposed to be the breakfast patio, not some sort of--

OW!

HELLO?! WHAT!

No, you'll have to provide your own pom-poms for "Evil Evil Evil (hurrah!)" But the Orange Organ Soda is complementary. Yeah, bye.

[reallyquiteevil]

I think I'll enjoy it much better in its current form. Have fun! Ta ta.

[waitingfortom]

But it was for the orphans to have a place to--

HEY! WHERE ARE THE TOILETS?! DON'T TELL ME YOU DIDN'T LEAVE US ACCESS TO THEM!

[potter_mouth]

MAN, WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING SEX WITH THE YOUNGER VERSION OF HIM WHEN HE WON'T EVEN TELL YOU WHERE THE TOILET IS? OH WELL, IT WAS YOUR VIRGINITY.

[waitingfortom]

Shut up, Harry! Why should Tom and Voldemort care what the other does with his life?! I'm not having sex with VOLDEMORT, so why should Voldemort give a damn?

[potter_mouth]

ACTUALLY, YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH VOLDEHELLO? NO, IT'S IN WALES. NO, I CAN'T TELL YOU. AAAGH, NO, I'M SIRIUS, I LITERALLY CANNOT PRONOUNCE IT. I CAN TRANSFER YOU TO A WELSH OPERATOR. OR AN IRISH ONE. I'M NOT SURE HOW THAT WOULD HELP BUT YOU COULD HAVE A LAUGH LISTENING TO HIM TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT.

[waitingfortom]

I'm having sex and plenty of it with Tom--orrow's scheduled Death Eater panels, you say? Well, there's the "Death Eaters' Diabolical Laughter and Bit of a Singsong Society Meeting." Yes, you do have to be a Death Eater to attend that. You'll want to see Mr. Keynote Speaker if you want to join up.

[potter_mouth]

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED BUT TOM IS WHAT. FUCK YOU! AAAAAAAAGH, FINE. 'BLOOD POPS, ACID POPS, AND POP POP FOR EVILDOERS' IS IN THE ATTIC. HEY, DOES THIS THING HAVE CALL WAITING?

[waitingfortom]

I don't know! I can't get it far enough away from my face to see what other buttons are on it! Anyway, regardless of what YOU think about Tom essentially being Voldemort, I'm not shagging the noseless evil Overlord. And--

HELLO, DO I HAVE TO HELP YOU? "American Country Music versus Polka: An Evil Case Study" is in the Grand Gory Ballroom on Wednesday, 2:34 pm.

... Do ANY of these callers read the damn information packets?

[potter_mouth]

YOU ARE TOO SHAGGING THE NOSELESS EVIL OVERLORD. HE'S JUST NOT NOSELESS YET. ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS: GIVE IT TIME. HE WILL BE. AND ALL WE NEED, OF COURSE, IS TWO NOSELESS GITS WHO WHAT? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT? YES, I DO NEED TO HAVE ONE. YES I DO! SEE, I'M HAVING ONE WITH YOU NOW! THIS IS TOO AN ARGUMENT! WELL THEN WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU CALL IT? NO, YOU'RE WRONG. IT'S AN ARGUMENT. IF THIS WERE A MONTY PYTHON SKETCH I'D HAVE TO CHARGE YOU LIKE £5 FOR THIS, YOU KNOW. NO, I WON'T TELL YOU WHERE IT IS. WHY? WHY? BECAUSE I'M GIVING YOU A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE, GIT. ANYWAY, YOU KNOW YOU'RE A DUDE TRYING TO GO TO THE DEATH EATERS' SEWING CIRCLE MEETING, RIGHT?

[waitingfortom]

He's NOT a git and he's NOT going to turn into a who? Draco Malfoy? Who is this, his mum? No, we don't have a missing persons report on file. He probably wandered off to a different booth to get away from you. Then go look for him, but I can't look for him from inside a OH MY BRAIN MY EYES WHY WHY LOOK I'LL FILE A REPORT ALL RIGHT?! But consider where you're at, because he could have been ABDUCTED from you, you know! Not that I imagine anyone would WANT to abduct him...